Joy's Unhappiness

Chapter 12

xxxxx Joy's POV xxxxx

Okay, so here I am, in front of our castle. Well, not directly. The guards would grow suspicious of me if I stood there looking at it, but not going in.

I have never felt so hesitant to go in my own home before. How could I possibly go in without attracting attention to myself?

Back when my identity as Cat-skin was revealed, very few people were in the room so it was rather unlikely that they would recognise me as Joy. But still, most of the servants knew Cat-skin at one point so it would be difficult to move around the castle without questions being asked...

Should I be worried about the attackers? If they had managed to get me that time... what could have happened? I pulled my cloak closer to my body. Nothing good for sure.

Besides, Deofia won't make the same mistake twice.

Yeah... Exactly what I should be afraid of. They won't overlook a girl in a cloak made of rare animal furs again. Since the last girl turned out to be their princess...

With that happy thought in mind, I sucked in a breath. I'll have to just go in. At least going as Cat-skin doesn't cause a bigger commotion than going as Joy. Not nearly as much.

I saw a horse and cart of game that belonged to a particularly happy hunter. He was whistling merrily as if the kingdom's troubles were none of his own. He didn't notice me hop inside the cart as he rode his horse towards the castle.

The cart really reeked of dead, decaying animals. It was almost overbearing. I withstood it although the smell would probably still linger on me for weeks afterwards.

I had never truly thought about how much the animals suffered for the sake of this cloak. Some of them were even on the brink of extinction... One moment they were strolling along minding their own businesses and then the next second, they're on the ground not moving.

I was suddenly riddled with regret and put my hands together, muttering my apologies, knowing it will not nearly be enough.

I did not normally have a fondness for animals. To be honest I had never really interacted with them much, just watching the hunting dogs from afar. If I did like them, I would have never issued that request for this cloak.

But Mother adored them. Birds would actually fly to her fingers when she held them out. Squirrels, rabbits and even the usually ferocious dogs loved to sit on her lap to be stroked.

And me? The small animals ran away (birds flew away of course) from me as soon as I came close and I stayed away from the dogs, because I thought they were scary.

Well, if you look at those big teeth and claws...

Yeah, so I never liked animals very much. But it's not like I detest them either.

Maybe I was thinking that Father would not be able to kill all these animals that Mother loved so much.

He did it anyway. I remember that he shot his most faithful and favourite dog first...

To what extent has he been corrupted?

While I had been wondering this, the cart stopped moving signalling for me to leave before I got discovered.

As I ran through the corridors people stared at me in surprise (if they didn't cover their nose in disgust first). They seemed to have recognised me but I rushed past them before they could say anything to me.

Seeing as it was my goal to confront Father today, you might think I should be heading towards him first. But there was no way that they would let a mere servant see him when nobody ever sees him anymore. To get permission, I must let my return be known first.

And I knew just the man to talk to.

I opened the door to Clarence's study room in the library but the said man wasn't there. Where could he be?

It is to be expected though. Why on earth would he be leisurely reading when the kingdom was in a time of distress? Ugh, I hadn't thought this through...

Perhaps he is at a meeting? Huh? A meeting... Oh, Darwin was supposed to be here for a meeting wasn't he? I wonder if he's had it yet?

If not...

An idea popped up in my head. It wasn't a genius one. It was simple and straight-forward but only that much was necessary. Well, I wasn't the thinking type anyhow.

I would surely be recognised like this (especially by Darwin...) so I'll have to change first.

Let's see the state of my bedroom...

I had time so I walked at my normal pace, keeping my head down.

"Cat-skin?"

I looked over at who had spoken my other name. She was a friendly, young maid who worked around the castle and got to know everybody well, including my alter ego. She came running to me as I responded to being called.

"So it's you after all! I haven't seen you in a long time! Where did you go? You went missing after the princess was found... Oh, did I just say princess? I meant the queen of course."

Erk, that made me sound more suspicious even though she didn't mean it. "Um... I was doing favours for the... queen."

"Really?" I nodded. I know it sounded unlikely but I was trying to cover for myself in a flurry. Oh well, I could always back it up when I 'return'.

"What kind of favours?" She was always eager for information. And I'm going give her as least as possible.

"That is confidential information..."

"Goodness, you can be such a mystery Cat-skin! But if Her Majesty says so then I can't argue. Ah, could it have something to do with why you smell so bad?" she smiled at me innocently.

I blushed, embarrassed. I still smelt like dead animals. It reminded me that I needed to put on perfume when I get back to my room...

Her voice sounded energetic, but that was just a façade she put up because she had dark circles around her eyes. She wasn't the only one who was stressed, many others who I had passed seemed no different. Were this the effects of my actions?

"Well, it was nice talking to you but I have errands to do. See you later!" She waved goodbye.

I waved back shyly and continued on my way as well. It was too bad that I was hoping I will never have to be Cat-skin again...

Meeting that servant only powered my resolve more. Father, I will no longer be scared of you!

Well, there's also Darwin...

What would he do if he finds out one day that I am his friend Cat-skin who said goodbye without a proper explanation for it? Would he be angry at me for lying for so long? Would he...

… Would he hate me?

I knew it was cruel of me to do it in such a way and I knew that Darwin values his friends very much.

But I, selfishly, didn't want to lie to him anymore. It hurts me just as much as it hurts him. So I chose the cowardly way, by disappearing from his life.

It was for the best... Never again shall I mention Cat-skin.

xxxxx Darwin's POV xxxxx

To the others I may have appeared to be prepared and regal but on the inside I was cracking with nervousness.

I mean, this is my very first time participating in an official meeting in a foreign kingdom. This would probably be considered my debut into the world of royalty. In a way, Joy's ball was my debut but that did not go so well...

More and more seats were filled by people of many statuses. Elders, knight leaders, mayors, chief servants... There were quite a lot of people actually. I guess there were that many people who cared about Joy.

As more and more people entered the room, I couldn't help but notice the empty seats at the end of the table. They were decorated with gold and had red cushions, obviously reserved for the king and queen. Neither of them are able to attend today... I wonder how long these seats have been empty...

Everyone settled down and an elder cleared his throat to begin the meeting. "As I am sure you have all noticed, Prince Darwin of Fairadore has come here today. Let us hear his point of view and get a little closer to the truth."

I thought he was about to ask questions pertaining to my relationship to Joy, but he crossed his arms and remained silent as if waiting for something. Was I supposed to say something?

"...But the young lady over there will have to leave first."

Huh?

I noticed a girl standing awkwardly by the table, not part of the meeting but seemingly stuck there for some reason. She didn't look like a noble, with a tattered cotton dress and a large floppy hat. Strange to wear a hat indoors. She stood out so much, it's a wonder why I didn't notice her earlier.

The elder frowned at the girl. "This is a private meeting. Leave at once."

The mysterious girl had an odd happy smile on her face. "Oh, you wouldn't want me to leave, Harvey."

He seemed to be angry at her for calling his name so informally, but his expression changed to shock when she removed her hat.

She pulled off the hair tie and the unforgettable golden locks came spilling out. The tired but familiar blue eyes glimmered in light amusement at the flabbergasted faces that came from everybody in the room.

A sheepish smile appeared on her face. "I'm back."

The room could not remain silent. There were outbursts of 'your majesty' or accidental 'your highness'. Countless questions were bombarded at her. However, the people seemed to have brightened up upon seeing their queen alive and... well.

I was one of the surprised ones of course (everyone was) but I didn't say anything.

I was far too overwhelmed with relief.

Joy went over to her seat looking dignified and totally calm with the situation, even with her current attire. Unlike me, she seems to be very experienced with so many people fussing over her.

She raised a hand to silence the room again. Nobody could possibly keep calm though.

She started to explain herself. "I am sure what happened to me that day has stirred up so many things. No doubt, you all have questions to ask me and I will answer them in due time."

"First, I should clarify on what happened. The truth about that morning is just as it looks like. There were intruders in my room."

There were gasps of horror, but I don't think anyone was actually too surprised. I didn't take a look at her room but I heard it was a mess when they found it. A mess that Joy would never make.

"However, they did not manage to reach me, as I ran away before they had a chance to. This entire time, I have been staying low to make sure they wouldn't find me but now I sensed it was the appropriate time to come back. So my disappearance was of no fault of Prince Darwin."

"I am sorry for worrying you all."

I think she was being purposely vague in her explanation but she had her head lowered, truly regretting what she did. That's what matters I guess.

Upon hearing no response to her apology she began trembling nervously. She appeared to be the most collected person out of us all, but it took her a lot of courage to come out of hiding huh?

I wanted to reassure her that no one is angry at her for what she did but I didn't think I had the right to do that. Here she was, a queen confronting her subjects who love her so much and I – a random prince put in here just because we interacted once at a ball...

The elder, Harvey, broke the silence. "Raise your head."

She slowly did so. Her face looked tense, like she was holding back her tears. "I am prepared for my punishment no matter what it may be."

At that moment, the serious and professional atmosphere in the room disintegrated.

Different kinds of people began talking all at once.

"There will be absolutely no punishment for you!"

"You were scared and there's nothing wrong with being careful!"

"We're just glad to see you safe!"

Joy didn't seem to expect this reaction from these people. I don't blame her for thinking that though, they were being so stiff before and then suddenly it became personal to them.

She giggled, all signs of stress flew away and she reverted back to the cheerful girl who I had fallen for.

"I'm back!" she chirped.

"Welcome home!"

xxxxxxxxxx

The meeting came to an end, with the decision made that Joy would be the sole ruler of the kingdom since her father was certainly not in the right state to lead...

I was glad to have meeting end. Throughout the meeting I hadn't said a word, knowing it wasn't in my place to do so. My purpose of being there was gone after Joy revealed herself. I was an outsider and... it felt really off just sitting there.

People left the conference room really quickly, presumably itching to spread the news of their queen's return.

I stayed, feeling like I needed to have a word with Joy. I looked at the remaining people cautiously. The last thing we would want is more misleading rumours spreading. Thankfully, nobody seemed to be interested.

I approached her when she was left alone.

"Hey Joy." I called.

She welcomed me with a smile. "Darwin! It's been a while! Sorry for troubling you with all this. It's my fault."

"No, it's fine. Moreover, are you feeling alright? It must have been a tough time for you..."

Her eyes widened a fraction. She seemed to consider her answer. "...I think so. At least... I'm feeling much better than I did a few months ago..."

A few months ago... "I really am sorry about your... circumstances." I wanted to be careful about my wording. "You have gone through a lot and I would like to everything in my power to help you out! You don't deserve this suffering..."

I truly did want to assist her in some way. From the moment I met her, I had the urge to protect her. That feeling has not changed. I didn't want to see her sad anymore...

Joy clasped her hands with mine. "Aw, thank you so much Darwin! I appreciate it!" she gushed. "But you don't have to do anything. You aren't actually involved in it and I pretty much brought on myself..."

How? What could she have possibly done to receive this unfortunate fate?

Before I could ask her this, an elder who remained in the room blurted out: "Joy! I'm sorry to interrupt but I couldn't keep this to myself any longer! There is something you must know!"

She let go of my hands. Sensing the urgency in his voice, she became serious. "What is it Mr Clarence?"

"Your father... He has been sick ever since you were gone... He is dying soon..."

The King? I knew he was a strong man when I saw him, but I suppose it was difficult for him as well, with his wife dying and his daughter hating his guts... Although... I wasn't sure about the latter.

Did Joy still care about him?

She did not emit a sound but she paled several shades lighter than her normal skin tone. For a second, her legs turned to jelly but she was up and bolting out the room soon afterwards.

I ran after her on instinct, however I stopped myself when she came inside a room. It appeared to be the King's chambers.

What am I doing? Like she said, I have nothing to do with this. I can't go between them...

But it looks like that Joy shouldn't be alone. I wasn't worried that her father would attack her – he was too weak to do that. Even so, if things were going to go the way I think it's going to go... then Joy would need the company...

This is a private matter though... Only Joy and her Father need to be involved in this...

I leaned against the wall next to the door, with conflicted thoughts circling around my head like a whirlpool.

The elder from before, who Joy called Clarence, came up to me. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"... I'm not sure..." I mumbled, loud enough for him to hear.

"Hm..." He didn't say anything more.

A sharp, anguished cry broke through the silence. I straightened up in alarm and reached for the door handle. But I stopped myself just as I touched it.

"What's holding yourself back, boy?" Clarence inquired.

I didn't think much of his casual attitude but I answered his question anyway. I don't know why but I guess I wanted to voice my own thoughts to someone. "I-I don't have any right to go in... Just what am I to her?"

Clarence took over the place of my hand on the door handle and opened it. "Does it matter? You love Joy don't you? That is enough right to comfort her."

The old man pushed me through the door with surprising strength. Or maybe I was just too weak to resist him. Still, I stumbled inside the room and the door was shut behind me.

Joy was in front of the bed with her back to me. Her sobs were very much audible although her head was buried in the sheets.

Well there was no backing out now.

xxxxx A moment earlier xxxxx

xxxxx Joy's POV xxxxx

No, no, no!

The sight of Father's face pale and pained underneath his bed sheets, took away all of my previous determination.

"Father!" I rushed to his side.

For the past year, he has caused me grief, fear and the loss of all hope. He has been a useless imbecile, too stupid to see what was going on around him and I should hate him.

All of my problems would solved if he were to be gone.

But... He is my only family left... He is my beloved father who I have missed terribly since he disappeared the day Mother left the world...

He had his eyes closed and for one scary moment, I thought I was too late. But his ragged breathing, that I was too hasty to notice before, reassured me that he was not dead.

Yet...

Oh God, this looks too familiar. I... I can't let another family member die in front of me again!

I grasped his hands tightly but not enough to hurt him. "No, Father! I'm sorry! What I said that time was too harsh! I'm sorry! Please! Don't go!"

His eyes opened and looked at me wearily. "J-Joy?" his voice coughed out, sounding dry and unused for a long time.

"Don't speak! You'll hurt yourself more!" I looked around desperately for some water. He hasn't been eating or drinking anything has he?!

No! There is no water in sight! Could I make in time back from the kitchen?

Father seemed to catch on to what I was thinking. "Stay Joy. I beg of you. There is something I need to tell you."

I blinked at him confused. He is being gentle... Has he... Can I hope?

"O-okay." I agreed.

He pulled his hand out of my grip which I let him do. His hand slowly reached for my head. I could have flinched away but my intuition tells me not to. Tells me that it is safe. And I decide to trust it.

His hand pats my head affectionately reminding me of my younger days, before I made him stop it because I started thinking it was embarrassing. He often did this to show that he was proud of me.

I looked at him in the eyes to see that his eyes are kind and wise. Not wild and insane like the last time.

Father smiles sadly at me and says: "I should be the one who is sorry. I've done so many unforgivable things to you and it's only for the best that I die."

I started to protest but Father continued on, forcing me to be quiet.

"You were correct, I was a fool. My head was covered in a heavy fog, doing things that I shouldn't have done. I needed to face reality... to finally understand that your mother really is gone."

"Therefore, I want to correct my mistakes and make things right. Take a look at what is at my desk, Joy."

I hesitantly went over to his desk and picked up the paper sitting on top of it. My eyes widened when I realised what it was.

The top read:

Divorce Form

Concerning the following:

Father had signed his name on it and an empty space was left below. The rest of the details were already filled out.

"I figured you would want a clean divorce, rather than me just dying." he explained. "Now all you have to do is sign your name... So you can be happy again."

He coughed several times after saying that, almost leaving no room to breathe. He left blood on his bedsheets...

"...I-it looks like my time is up." he choked.

I stared at the paper blankly. This should solve all my problems right? But this isn't my current concern. Not at all. I put the paper back on the desk and went back to my father's side.

"Father! Why?! Why can't you live on?! After you've finally come back... Why..." I whimpered. Tears streamed down my cheeks like two rivers.

He looked at me once more. It was a relishing expression, as if he was looking at me for the last time...

"You know why we named you 'Joy'?" he asked.

I nodded, remembering Mother's message from Arryn. "You and Mother wanted me to be happy."

"That's right. We wanted you to be happy. But you have always made us the most happiest parents in the world. Promise me you'll stay cheerful. Bring joy to others just as you have to us."

He smiled at me, not showing one bit of pain or regret.

"Do me one last favour and send me off with a smile."

I must have looked a sight. With a wet and filthy face, scraggier and paler than I usually was. Try as I might, I couldn't get the earlier smell completely off me, even with perfume. I don't think it would be the prettiest.

My lips turned upwards as if unsure how to give a smile. But with a little more urging and some courage, I managed to give Father a real smile.

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief. He breathed in and out slowly and deeply. "At last... I can join you Clarisse..."

His breathing stopped.

I kept up my smile, taking up a lot of effort to do so.

I mustn't cry... Need to be strong... For Father's sake, I must be strong...

Think of the positives... I don't need to be a married woman anymore... I'll be free to love anyone I wish to... I can officially take over the kingdom and fix things to the way it's supposed to be... And Father is finally with Mother... He's happy...

Where does that leave me? Both of my most beloved people are gone...

Forever...

I'll never be able to see them again...

"NOOOOOOO!"

My agonizing scream didn't sound like my own. It sounded too ghastly...

I broke down right there and then.

A/N: The saddest and longest chapter I have ever written...

I personally can't hate King Herald. He loved his wife so much to the point of pretending that his daughter was the same person. Still, I didn't create this story with a villain in mind and I don't consider King Herald as a true villain. He's not an evil person with plans to actually hurt anyone.

I could go on in a longer rant but I don't think you guys would be very interested...

This isn't the ending though! There is still the epilogue! Hopefully it would be finished quickly. It is quite short after all.