Elliot drops us off at my apartment before going back to the precinct himself. "I'll see you guys tomorrow," he says gently.

"Are you okay?" I ask Alex again as I climb out of the car.

She nods mutely and follows me up to my apartment.

I let us in then go straight to the kitchen. I need a pick-me-up right now, and a cup of coffee is just the thing. "Want some coffee?" I call to Alex, who's making herself comfortable on my couch.

"Tea?" she asks.

I roll my eyes. "What makes you think I have any tea in this house, princess?"

"Of course not. What was I thinking?" jokes Alex.

I giggle nervously, but it feels good to be laughing again. Maybe she isn't in as bad a shape as I originally thought.

Or maybe that's just wishful thinking.

I finish with my coffee and pour it into a mug. Carrying it into the living room, I set it on the coffee table and curl up beside Alex. Her trembling has mostly abated, which is a relief, but only slightly.

I wrap my arms around her shoulders and she flinches at the unexpected touch, which makes me feel immediately guilty. "Hey, sweetie, it's okay," I murmur, planting a chaste kiss on her cheek.

She lets out a shaky breath. "Yeah, I know. I'm fine. Sorry, Liv."

I press another kiss to her temple. "I love you, Alex."

She gives me a wan smile. "I love you, too."

And suddenly, my world is back to perfect.


The perfect world lasts until midnight, when we fall asleep in each other's arms after ordering in Chinese food and watching The Devil Wears Prada for the millionth time. Alex has pretty much the entire thing memorized, and recites the lines along with the characters just because she knows it drives me crazy. It's almost as if things are back to normal.

But almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.


I wake up around three in the morning to a sharp kick in my stomach. I can't breathe for a moment and wonder where I am, but then I remember – I'm in my bed with Alex by my side. Alex . . . I turn to face her and see that she's thrashing around, kicking and tossing and turning, mumbling incoherently. I can tell she's having a nightmare and gently take her by the shoulders, trying to wake her. "Alex. Alex."

She starts awake and backs away from me, her eyes wide with fright. Whimpering, she curls up at the edge of the bed and closes her eyes.

"Hey, Alex, it's just me," I soothe her. "It's okay. It's Liv. You're safe."

Then she's fully awake and realizes where she is, because she sighs and murmurs, "I'm sorry I woke you, Olivia."

"It's okay," I assure her, waving my hand dismissively. "I love you, Alex, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you."

She smiles faintly, giving me a kiss before rolling onto her side, facing away from me.

It breaks my heart. "Is there anything I can do, Alex?"

She doesn't say anything for a long time and I start to think that she's fallen asleep. Then she says in a tiny voice, "Hold me?"

She sounds so small and vulnerable that my heart shatters into tiny pieces. She wants me to hold her, and so I do.

Then I hear a sniffle. To my surprise, silent tears are streaking down Alex's cheeks and making little puddles on my sheets. "It's okay," I whisper, rubbing her back in comforting circles. "It's okay, Alex. I'm here. I'm right here."

"I know," she whimpers, her voice hoarse with tears. "I'm sorry."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her hesitantly, fully prepared for her to say no.

But she doesn't. She sighs and doesn't say anything for a long time. Finally, she says softly, "He had my sister. He was – hurting her. He told me – he told me that he didn't really want her, he wanted me, but he would take what he could get. He said – I won't repeat what he said; it was obscene. So what could I do? I went. He let her go but then he – he locked me up and he – he raped me. He raped me. Now. I thought –" She stifles a sob. "I thought I was stronger than that. I thought he couldn't hurt me anymore."

Again, I feel the overwhelming urge to kill him for what he did to my Alex. But all I can do right now is hold her, and I do. "You did what you thought was right, Alex. You were protecting your sister, and that doesn't make you weak. It makes you brave. It wasn't your fault. You got through it. You survived. And you're okay."

This time, she doesn't even snap at me for talking to her like a victim, and I realize a second too late that that's what I'm doing. She just sighs and rests her head on my shoulder. "I know," she whispers. "I am." She looks up at me, then manages a small smile. "Now."

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