[A/N: Bold is in Japanese, just so you know! X3]
Homecoming
Some things you can take for granted. Like the tide or the coming of spring.
Raph throwing a punch the first thing he did when he saw Leo's face is another thing.
Leo could have stopped it, but he let his hand stay on his dufflebag. He knew his brother would be angry. Better to just let him vent. The next thing that happened was that Mikey squeezed himself out and grabbed Leo by the shoulders, trying to figure out if he still had all his teeth intact. When Leo smiled at him, the youngest brother threw his arms around the oldest, squishing the air from his lungs.
Raphael growled and stomped his way up the stairs, but not before Leo could greet him back.
"I missed you too, bro!"
The only reply was the slam of a door. Leo sighed and smiled, turning his eyes to Donnie as the last of his brothers came out to the door. After the two of them had hugged him to the point of breaking him in two, they let him in to greet his father.
Splinter was pleased with what he saw. The eyes of his oldest where bright and clear, his smile gentle and sincere. The last bit of worry he had had for his decision disappeared. The trip had done his son good. He was healed.
"I should go talk to him…"
Leo nodded towards the stairs and Splinter nodded back, but Leo didn't follow his brother at once. First, he went into the bathroom to get something, and, equipment in hand, he ventured up the stairs to face the wrath of the almighty Raphael. Before knocking he could hear Mikey placing bets for a fight. He smiled and knocked.
"GO TO HELL!"
Smiling bigger he turned the doorknob and entered.
"Are you deaf, damn it, or did grandpa beat you stupid?"
"Neither. I just want to talk to you."
"I don't want to hear it! And what the hell is that?"
Leo closed the door and looked down at the towel and scissors in his hand.
"Your hair looks like a three year old cut it in the dark with a blunt knife. Sit down. I'll fix it."
"Shut the hell up! Just get out of here damn it!"
Raph lashed out at him, but this time his hand was caught by Leonardo's and suddenly the longhaired boy found himself on his knees with his back to Leo and his arm twisted up on his back.
"What the…?"
"Are you going to be still and let me talk now?"
Raphael grunted and pushed his body up against Leo's, banging him into the door and getting his arm free. The air left Leo's lungs for the second time in five minutes. Raph stepped back in the messy room, stopping by the window frame and glaring at his returned brother.
"You got some nerve, oh fearless leader, to just abandon us like that! Do you have any idea what kind of shit you caused, huh?"
"I got Donnie's letters…"
"But you didn't have the courtesy to ANSWER a single one of them, did ya?"
Leo looked down, took a deep breath, and met his brother's eyes again.
"Sit down. I'll tell you what happened."
"I DON'T CARE! I HATE YOU! YOU JUST TOOK OFF AS THINGS GOT HARD, YOU JUST LEFT US! YOU THINK I'LL FORGIVE YA? QUIT DREAMING!"
"I'm not asking for your forgiveness Raph! I just want you to listen to me! It was hard for me, too, but I couldn't stay here! It hurt too much!"
He could see the vein on Raph's forehead pop. He growled and marched over, slamming his fist into the door by Leo's head.
"'Even if I am hurt, you guys will be there to catch me right? You'll have my back, won't you?'"
Leo looked at him questioningly for a second before he remembered the day he had said those words. That day when he had received Raphael's blessing. That day when his brother had promised to back him up, should he fall. He looked down.
"Couldn't even trust us with that could ya? We would have done anything to help you, but that wasn't good enough for ya! God damn it, Leo! We're a team! Ain't that what you kept telling us? That we should stick together? And what do you do? You LEAVE the first chance you get!"
Leo let his head fall forward, leaning against his surprised brother's shoulder. Look at that, Raph had grown. He was taller then Leo now. Not much, but still.
"I'm sorry. I should have trusted you. I won't ask for your forgiveness, but please, Raph, I want to talk to you. I missed you…"
Raphael wanted to scream. He was still mad and he wanted to beat someone up. But Leo was like tall grass in the wind. He wouldn't fight back, and Raph could feel himself calming down every passing second. He had missed his brother. He WAS happy to have him home. Somewhere during these past months, Raph had already forgiven his brother, even if he didn't know it himself.
Leo could hear his brother gulp. A big hand dug itself into his hair and an arm was wrapped around his neck.
"Damn it, Leo… Don't leave us like that again. We…!"
Raphael bit his lip. Admitting it to himself had been hard enough. Saying it out loud was almost to much. Almost.
"I need you."
"Eh?"
"You heard me. Don't make me repeat it."
Leo could feel Raph's blush against his own cheek as he hugged him back. Seemed like he had grown in more ways then one.
Finally, Raph pushed him off and turned away, muttering about stupid brothers and sentimental crap. Leo sat down on the bed and waved for him to come closer. With a last heavy sigh Raph grabbed a comb from the mess on his desk and sat down on the floor with his back against Leonardo's legs.
"You're taking this a lot better then I thought you would."
"Oh really…?"
"Yeah, I thought you'd hit me a whole lot more before you calmed down."
The towel was placed over Raphael's shoulders and he held up the comb to his brother.
"Guess I'm not as angry at you as I was a year ago."
He could feel the soft tugs as his brother started straightening out his dark hair. Leo had cut his brothers' hair since first grade. He had gotten quite good at it.
"I was gone for a long time, huh…?"
"Yeah, too long!"
"Sorry…"
Raph sighed again and turned his head slightly so Leo could gather all the hair together. If felt weird, suddenly having him back, but he was not as angry anymore. The house didn't seem so strange anymore, either. Maybe he should return Mrs. M's key.
"You've gotten stronger. Not much better but stronger."
Not even that high-and-mighty tone could piss him off.
"I've got a girlfriend who does one-armed push-ups. Can't really fall behind can I?"
Leo laughed and tossed the comb back onto the desk.
"Guess not! Glad you finally worked that out."
"You knew?"
"Of course I knew. I knew before either of you did."
Raph cursed under his breath as Leo picked up the scissors. Then he tilted his head backwards so he could look his brother in the eye.
"And you? How are you dealing with your girl-problems?"
Leo met the hard gaze of his brother. Then he looked down and smiled a bit.
"I'll be fine."
Raphael sat up again. If Leo would have lied he would have been mad, but he had said "will be" not "am", so he relaxed. Leo was still hurt, but he would be fine with them now. He was home.
"So… How was Japan?"
"Anything in particular you want to know?"
"Any hot chicks?"
"RAPH!"
"She's ok with it! I let her watch Johnny Depp movies!"
"Good grief…"
"Just start talking, Charlie Brown!"
The first weeks had been hell. Summers in Japan were so hot, it knocked the wind right out of him. He had no idea how Usagi made it through both going to school and then kendo afterward. Must be habit.
Leo himself didn't move much unless he was asked to. The Ancient One was on his back way too often and that, in addition to the intense heat, made Leo snap at every little thing.
Strangely enough, Usagi never yelled back. He just stood there, arms loosely crossed over his chest, and waited for the warm air to abandon the American's lungs. When Leo finally stopped, panting and even sweatier than before, Usagi would smile and ask if he wanted to come over for some watermelon, cold drinks, or anything at all.
The word Leo defined Usagi with was patient. Even when angry, all he would do was growl and glare. He never raised his voice in an argument. He was truly a samurai.
Suppose he had gotten a LOT of practice before Leonardo came though. The main reason for Usagi's few and well controlled fits was Gennosuke. The big guy was not only a pick-pocket, but he was also a gang-member and a notorious gambler. Finally, Leo had to ask Usagi why he bothered.
"He's my friend. Do I need more reason?"
Leo's Japanese was still a bit rusty, so most conversations where still in English.
"I'm sorry. I just don't see how the two of you get along…"
Usagi smiled and looked over at Gen, who was busy ordering a big pile of snacks from the poor convenience-store clerk.
"He might not look it, but he is a good and loyal friend. It's true, the first time we met he got me into a lot of trouble I could have lived without, but he was given the chance to abandon me the thought never crossed his mind. Deep down inside…"
He looked as the big boy stuffed his face with a bag of chips on his way over.
"…DEEP down inside, he is a good person. Just like you, Leonardo-san."
Leo looked up at him. He had not been acting like a good person these past few weeks. He was surprised Usagi had put up with him for this long.
"Even though you scream and curse and lash out every chance you get, I know that you are a good person and an amazing friend."
"How do you know that…?"
Usagi smiled and made room for Gen to sit down on the bench beside them.
"Because when you stop screaming and fighting, you look so sad. You are not a violent person by nature; you are hurt."
Leo didn't know what to say, so he pulled up his knees and leaned his forehead against them.
"What's up with the foreigner?" Gen asked rudely, his mouth full of junk food.
"I don't know, but I think he's getting better. Are you planning on sharing those?"
"You could have said something sooner, I would have bought for you, too."
"Restraint is an alien word for you, isn't it my friend?"
"He he! Ya know it, ponytail!"
Yes, very deep down. But it was there, and that's all that matterd to Usagi right now.
One day, Leonardo couldn't take it anymore. The whole day his grandfather had been on him about everything he did wrong. His kata was sloppy, the rice was undercooked, he didn't clean the tatami fast OR well enough, he was late and he was lazy, and the Ancient One knew just whose fault all this was.
"How did Splinter-san raise you?"
"JUST SHUT UP!"
He threw the book he had been sent to fetch right out the paper sliding-door, leaving a big hole. Right then, he didn't care.
"Just stop talking about him like that! You have no idea! You have no idea what he's been through! You have no idea how hard he worked to raise us, to help us grow up to be good people! You have no idea how hard he had had to work to keep us fed and clothed and happy! You have no idea how much we love him, or how much we owe him! So just stop! I don't want to hear it! Why do you keep picking on him?"
The Ancient One smiled, not that cooky grin that reminded him of Raph in a bad mood, but that soft sweet one, just like Splinter's.
"Because I so enjoy the way you defend him so valiantly. Makes me happy that I let him take you. Splinter made a good father, just like my son hoped."
That sucked all the anger out of Leo's chest. The raging flame in him was snuffed out. All the power in his legs disappeared and he sank down, first to his knees before he collapsed altogether on his back, arms over his face. He was tired. Tired of being angry, tired of being sad. He missed his home and his family and the only thing that had kept him going was spite for the old man in front of him. Now, he couldn't be mad at him anymore, not after those words. It was too hot. Even the tears running down his temples were warm.
He heard the rustle of cloth and a soft thud as his grandfather sat down beside him. He didn't look up, and the Ancient One didn't move. For a long time, they just stayed like that, until the air seemed to clear up and the chill of night started to creep in through the hole in the door.
"Leonardo? Would you like to go see your parents graves?"
He wiped his face with his t-shirt and sat up, nodding.
"Yeah. That would be nice."
It was an old graveyard with tall shinto gravestones. The most modest ones were the ones up on a small hill in the shade of a crooked plum-tree. It had already bloomed, and the ground was covered with small yellow petals that were fading to brown in the grass.
Leo sat down and wiped some of them off the stones. He recognized the kanji for his parents' names, the smooth lines looking odd on the hard stone. He sighed and crossed his legs, leaning his elbows on his thighs. His grandfather had left him at the torii, the big red gate, pointing out the place he was looking for. Leo hadn't asked him to join. They both knew some things are easier to do alone.
He took a deep breath. He was not about to sit in a graveyard in the middle of the night, talking to inanimate objects, but he could see why some would find it reassuring. Graveyards are, after all, not made for the dead, but for the ones still alive. A place to connect with and remember the people already lost.
Only, he didn't remember his biological parents. He had been too small, too young. All he knew were their faces. He didn't recall the sound of their voices or the touch of their hands. The only insight he had to them was what Splinter and Usagi's family had told him.
Still, they were the people to whom he owed his very existence, and he would pay them respect.
So, he placed his hands on his knees and sat up straight. Leo was not the praying type, so he did the next best thing. It had been a long time since he had meditated properly.
The focus he had been lacking over the past weeks was back, and with it came clarity. He had made a mistake, and he needed to get over that.
It proved harder then he had thought. There was still anger and disappointment in him, he was still the same person he had been the last month, only more tired. He was still angry and he was still to blame.
Blame? For what?
For what happened! I should have realized she was lying!
And how could you have known? Are you a mind reader?
No, but even then, I shouldn't have let them get hurt! I should have protected them!
Are they not as strong as you? Do they need you to protect them all the time? You were hurt as well, does that mean that THEY failed to protect YOU?
No! Of course not! I'm the eldest! I'm supposed to protect THEM!
You are the oldest by two minutes, it does not count for that much.
I'm still the oldest.
You are as stubborn as your mother, did you know that?
"No… I didn't know that."
He could feel the presence behind him, strong and tranquil, like an old tree.
You are. It's a trait you shouldn't use against yourself. It does you no good.
Leo fisted his hands. He had no tears left but it felt like they were coming back.
Who are you mad at?
"Myself. I'm angry at myself."
Why?
"Because… I failed them. I failed them but they don't even blame me!"
And why don't they blame you?
"Because… They don't think it's my fault…"
Then who is blaming you?
He sighed and looked up at the starry sky. There was no moon tonight, and it was dark. But the stars were bright. The light stung his eyes.
"I'm blaming myself."
Could you have stopped it? Could you have done anything? Can you even change what has happened?
"No…"
Then, you need to forgive yourself. If you don't, your anger and self-hatred will grow until it consumes you. Then you will become just like the man who caused all this. Is that what you want?
"No…! That's not what I want!"
Then forgive yourself. It was not your fault, and nobody thinks it is. Do you understand?
"Hai… I understand."
Good. Now calm down. You have raged enough. It is time to breathe again.
Leo opened his eyes only to find himself lying down in the grass, the morning sun starting to peek over the horizon. He sat up and tried to make sense of where he was and what had happened. He didn't believe in ghosts, but even though he was covered in morning dew, he wasn't cold at all. It felt like he was still asleep.
"LEONARDO-SAN!"
Hearing the familiar voice he stood up (a bit unsteadily) and waved. Usagi found him instantly and came up the hill, dressed in his school-uniform with his shinai over his shoulder.
"Have you been here all night? Your grandfather is worried."
"Hai… I had a lot to think about."
Usagi raised an eyebrow when Leo actually began speaking Japanese (actually a bit better than he had managed yesterday,) but then he smiled again. For someone who had spent the night outside in a graveyard, he looked a lot better.
"Are you feeling better? You look calmer."
"Yes, a lot better. Thank you, Usagi."
They both knew he was thanking him for a lot more then a polite question, but since they both knew, there was little need to point it out. Instead, Leo followed Usagi to the train and promised to meet him again when he got back. Then, he went home to change. He still had to fix that hole in the door.
He didn't tell his grandfather about the dream (if it had been a dream. All his logic said so but there where some things that just didn't fit into that explanation), but he didn't really have to. The old man had taken him there for a purpose and that purpose had been fulfilled. The Ancient One didn't care much how it was done. That was Leonardo's business.
He did tell Usagi while sitting on the wall between the houses and leaning against his back. He told him everything. Starting with Splinter's story, moving on to his own childhood, then about the first time he saw Karai, and how he couldn't stop looking at her. Then he told him about the day outside the detention-room, the two weeks that followed, and how they ended.
Usagi didn't say much, he only asked short questions here and there about certain details and to help with some more complicated words. When Leo was done, they sat in silence, looking up at the bright sky.
"Hey, Usagi?"
"Hm? Nani?"
"Do you have someone you like?"
His friend sighed and sank down a bit, placing his feet on the thick wall.
"Yeah, I do."
"Who is she?"
"Doesn't matter. She's dating my cousin."
"Oh…"
Leo couldn't really find anything to say. He could ask more, of course, but somehow he didn't feel like forcing it out. Usagi had waited for him; he could wait for Usagi.
"Want to spar a bit before dinner?"
"Only if you stick to one shinai! I can't keep up when you use two…!"
Raph actually handled himself quite well these days. He didn't even growl when Leo hugged Coral for over five minutes. The two of them didn't even say hello. They merely closed the space in between them and didn't move for a long time. It was the first time they actually met since that night almost a year ago. They didn't need words right now, they needed to know that the other was alright. They were the ones who had been hurt the deepest Finally, they broke apart, contented.
"How's your arm?"
"How's your back?"
A smile and that was all.
"You got a haircut, babe! Did Leo do it for you?"
"You still remember me? I thought you forgot I was here…"
"Oh please...!"
Coral just sat down in his lap so that poor Raph almost disappeared in the couch.
"It would take years of therapy to forget you and I don't have that kind of money."
Two arms wrapped themselves around her with a bitter (and muffled) "I love you too".
As proud as he was over the fact that his brother could utter such words with such ease, (and in his presence, too!) Leo didn't say anything. He only turned the sound back up on the television and grabbed himself a carton of food from the bag the girl had brought. It was back to the same old Saturdays, and he was to happy to make fun of Raph again.
Finally, life was getting back to normal in the Hamato house.
[A/N: Next chapter will be up in a minute, and if you praice me enough, I might be abled to keep up this weekly update-thing!]
