At long last folks, I'm finally giving you the third chapter, enjoy! Please read and review! Thanks!
During the next few days Heero kept his distance despite having wanted to tell Duo about his date with Relena. He had ended up catching Trowa, (who was at that time rather conveniently in town with the circus) and telling him. He felt a little guilty for not telling his best friend, but he was having a really hard time thinking of Duo without seeing a mental image of him in those ridiculous underwear…Inevitably however, he was destined to have to meet up with him sooner or later and it came in the form of Hilde inviting Relena and he to dinner that Sunday. He wanted to decline but Relena seemed excited so he would try his best to suffer through it he told himself.
He picked up Relena at the designated time and they made small talk during the short drive to the Maxwell residence, attention only slightly diverted by their own individual thoughts about their last encounter with their friends. Soon they were at the front door and being welcomed in by a thankfully completely dressed Duo. Heero still couldn't look him in the eye, and Duo was blushing lightly again remembering the other night. Things were rather awkward until about three quarters of the way through the meal when the spiked wine started to take effect. It seemed Heero and Duo were drinking a tad bit more than they should have been and since things were so uptight the women thought it necessary to loosen things up a bit. Hilde however, did not imbibe much. She had no idea what other secrets she might tell if she did. Relena simply didn't drink much period. By the end of the meal the men were quite relaxed and toddled into the living room to finish off their drinks and chat while the women cleaned up.
"Do you think it was a good idea to let them get drunk?" Relena asked worriedly.
"Of course, they'll be fine. You will have to drive Heero home however." Hilde laughed.
"He might not let me you know."
"Don't worry about it. We're women, we can handle anything!" Hilde made an "Atlas" pose and Relena grinned and rolled her eyes.
"Oh, I brought that bottle Heero gave me" she remembered, "want to see it?"
"Sure!"
"I'll go get it, be right back!" Relena dashed out of the house and returned promptly with the bottle in hand.
"That IS pretty!" Hilde exclaimed.
"I know. Now, aren't you jealous?" She teased.
Hilde rolled her eyes and Relena laughed.
"Let's see how the men are doing." Hilde motioned for Relena to follow. Upon entering the living room they saw both men sitting on the couch and chair just staring at their drinks in silence.
"Well I guess we can leave them alone." Relena grinned. "They don't seem to need us." Hilde agreed, Relena set the bottle down on the coffee table and they left the room. Not long after they had left, an inebriated Duo grabbed up the wine bottle, uncorked it and poured some into Heero's glass and then his. Heero began to drink his and Duo decided his vision was going kind of funny because the wine bottle didn't look right, so he just poured in a very small portion. Maybe he'd had too much to drink…'better make this the last one' he thought and carefully set the bottle down and downed the drink in one gulp.
"Damn!" Coughing hard, Heero was now completely sober. "That was horrible!"
"You said it!" Duo did the same, his eyes watering a little with the awful taste.
"What was that?" He asked looking down at the table. He was horrified to see the bottle that he had prompted Heero to get for Relena sitting opened on the table next to the wine bottle.
"You didn't." Heero moaned.
"I think I did." Duo winced.
"I am going to kill you; slowly and painfully." Heero threatened with a menacing look on his face and walked slowly towards his friend intending to do him serious bodily harm.
Back in the kitchen Relena and Hilde heard the men talking and decided they'd better find out what was going on. In their wildest dreams they would never have been prepared for what they were about to witness.
Heero sped up and leaped into the air to tackle Duo and down they went. Heero felt funny as he flew through the air, much lighter and a bit confused. 'Must be the alcohol' he thought. Well at least he'd be landing on Duo, so it wouldn't exactly hurt and besides cats always land on their feet right? 'Wait a minute…cats? Where did that come from?' He landed lightly on his feet…on Duo's chest. He stared down at the buttons on the shirt below him. They were awful close. Suddenly screams blasted his sensitive eardrums and he hissed, switching back his ears and jumped off Duo's chest to run under the couch.
Duo stared in horror at his chest where moments ago a medium sized brown/black cat had been crouching. He heard screams and realized they were coming from him. He closed his mouth and sat up just staring at the couch in a daze.
Hilde and Relena stood in the doorway shocked beyond comprehension, unable to make a sound.
Suddenly Duo felt rather dry and a little crinkly. Man, he sure could use someone to scratch his binding. Binding! What the…! He felt a little top heavy as he tried to look down at himself and ended up falling flat on his front cover.
Hilde began make inarticulate sounds and Relena was just dumbfounded still unable to make any sound at all much less move. It was all too much to take in at once.
They stood there for several moments until Hilde grabbed Relena's arm and shook her, recovering enough to form words.
"Relena wake up! We have to do something! My husband is a book!"
"Well, my boyfriend is a cat." Relena said in a dull monotone. She began to come around. "My boyfriend is a CAT!" She nearly screamed.
"I know! I know. We have to do something."
"But what?" Relena argued. "We don't know what happened."
"Look! Your bottle, the top is off! It's been opened!"
Relena followed Hilde's finger and sure enough, the bottled had been opened.
"You mean they drank from that bottle?" Relena moaned. "How stupid!"
"They were drunk remember?"
"Oh no! I was the one to leave it there…." Relena cried. "It's all my fault!"
"Forget whose fault it is for now, we have to figure out what to do."
"I hate to interrupt your little powwow" came a muffled voice "but could someone lend me a hand here?"
"Duo…Is that you?" Hilde ran over to the thick book laying face down on the carpet and picked it up gingerly by the sides. She held it in her hands in front of herself and looked at it. She couldn't believe it. Relena walked over to stare over her shoulder. The book had a distinctly chestnut color and the slight indentation and shape of a very familiar face. Spindly arms stuck out impossibly from the sides and skinny little legs dangled from the bottom of it.
"Hey, quit staring!" The face in the cover said. "I don't have any clothes on and if I blush any harder I might catch fire!"
"Oh my…" Hilde blinked. "It IS you…"
"Yes it's me, Duo Maxwell your intrepid husband. I'm just a little…flatter, that's all."
"I need to find Heero." Relena was having a hard time coping with the whole situation and if Duo was really a book then her poor Heero was a cat and probably was a little wild if she knew him. She hoped she could catch him. She had the presence of mind to close up the bottle and put it out of reach along with the wine bottle before moving the coffee table to get on her hands and knees to look under the couch. It was so dark under there she couldn't see a thing.
"Hilde, do you have a flashlight?"
"Uh…sure, hold on." Hilde stared at the book in her hands a second longer then set it/him down and retrieved the item.
"Thanks." Relena shined it under the couch and saw the flash of cobalt blue eyes and knew instantly that it was Heero and that he was one hundred percent feline. She made a small sound and swallowed hard.
"Heero…Heero can you hear me?" She tried not to shine the light in his eyes, because she knew cats hated that. "Come here, you don't want to stay under there it's nasty, all dusty and dank."
"Hey!" Objected Hilde.
"Sorry." She looked back under the couch. He still hadn't moved. 'What was she going to do? How was she going to get him out from under the couch?'
"Hilde, have we got any tuna?"
"What?"
"Tuna!" Duo/book repeated. "It might lure him out."
"Oh…I'll be right back." Soon she was back with a bit of tuna on a small dish. She handed it to Relena who accepted it without saying anything and set it a few inches from the couch. She then climbed onto the couch directly behind where the tuna was and waited. One minute went by, then two. Five minutes passed before they saw a black nose sticking out from under the couch and soon a head and body followed and proceeded to creep up on the dish and begin to delicately nibble at the tuna. Relena moved ever-so-slowly and reached down and grabbed him by the nape of his neck and followed that up quickly by latching onto his hind legs. He let out a yowl and fought as hard as he could but was hindered by the paralyzing affects of the hold on the skin of the back of his neck. Relena held on tight and let him fight her until he slowly began to relax and then finally quit moving altogether. She sat back on the couch and set him next to her, still holding him tightly.
"Wow," Duo/book exclaimed. "Heero makes one heck of a scrappy cat."
The relaxed cat she was holding tensed up again and she heard Heero/cat's voice say: "and you make one ugly book. Where's a paper shredder when you need one?"
"Heero?" Relena looked down at him.
"Relena…you can let go of me now. I'm ok." She frowned then slowly released him. "Besides I want the rest of that tuna."
Relena almost smiled as he hopped down from the couch and cleaned the plate in record time. She took a good look at him as he ate. He was a shorthaired cat, but he had a little extra hair on his head that looked almost like his hair when he was human. It was, however, his eyes that betrayed who he was. They were even more striking as the eyes of a cat then they had been on him in his natural form. Relena almost sighed when he looked up at her from his finished snack.
"Well what a fine mess we find ourselves in." Duo/book said with a sour tone of voice.
"Indeed" agreed Heero/cat, "thanks to YOU."
"Oh go hack up a hairball. How was I supposed to know it was cursed? You didn't exactly tell me I had grabbed the wrong bottle you know!"
"I was DRUNK ok? Now, I'm gonna use you for a scratching post if you don't shut up and help us figure out how to reverse this thing!" Heero/cat threatened.
"Whatever."
"Hey, Duo, you're a book right? So maybe you have a clue to what's going on here! "Exclaimed Hilde. She picked him up and laid him on the coffee table and was about to open his cover when he screeched: "don't even think about it! You're not gonna open me up and read me like a…." His voice trailed off.
"Like a book?" Hilde asked grinning.
"Eh…exactly" Duo/book replied weakly.
"Yes I am." And she did just that. She opened to the title page and spluttered and clapped her hand over her mouth and slammed the cover shut.
"Ouch!" Duo/book cried, "don't do that, that hurt!"
"Well?" Heero/cat and Relena were looking at her expectantly.
"He…he…the title…" Hilde took a deep breath. "The Love Encyclopedia."
"What!" Relena yelled. Heero/cat moaned as if in pain.
"Oh no. Ooooh nooo…"
"What's wrong?" Relena asked trying not to laugh.
Heero/cat told them what had happened in the flea market and what they each had said. "I didn't believe him before, but now I guess I have to. He really IS a love encyclopedia now." He snorted a little, and found that he couldn't keep his mirth in control and soon they were all laughing like there was no tomorrow.
After they had recovered sufficiently to think sentient thoughts again Duo/book began razzing Heero/cat about all the things he knew now.
"Yeah, well I'd like to see you try and use all those steamy little tidbits you've suddenly gained."
Duo/book looked blank for a second, then what Heero/cat had said sunk in like a rock sinking in a pond. The look on his face was priceless. He'd just realized what he could…and COULDN'T do. Hilde looked like she was going to explode with laughter and a little consternation. It couldn't get any worse so they'd just deal with it as it came until they figured out what to do about it…right? Right. She wished she felt a little more confident about it.
