I know this is a short one, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!
Alex rolls back onto her side and doesn't say anything else. I know instinctively that she won't want to be touched right now, that she won't want me to ask her anything, that she won't want me to try to take care of her. So I start to get up. "I'm going across the street to get some coffee," I tell her. "We ran out last night."
"No!" Her emphatic, slightly panicked protest surprises me. Then, in a calmer voice, she whispers, "Stay with me. Please."
Obediently, I lower myself back onto the bed, knowing again that that she won't want me to ask her why. Well, I suppose she wouldn't mind my asking; she just wouldn't answer, so it would be pointless.
She rolls back onto her side, facing away from me. Impulsively, I reach out and start to rub her back. She flinches and I pull my hand away as if it's been burned. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she says quietly, leaning back toward me. Tentatively, I go back to rubbing gentle circles into her back. Her tense muscles relax and she leans into the touch.
We've gone through this dance so many times before and we both know all the steps, but that doesn't make it any easier. So I do all I can, comforting her with my presence and with my gentle touches, even though I know it's not enough.
We lie together in bed for I don't know how long, then we're both startled by a knock on my apartment door. Alex immediately stars to tremble. I soothe her as best I can, planting a kiss on her cheek, promising that it isn't him, even though in actuality I'm not sure. I grab my service weapon, make sure it's loaded, then tell Alex to stay put. Which is unnecessary, because she's shaking so hard that she probably couldn't move even if she wanted to.
Stepping out into the hallway, I call, "Who's there?"
"It's me." Elliot.
I unlock the door and let him in.
Glancing at the gun in my hands, Elliot quirks an eyebrow. "Were you going to shoot me, Liv?"
Feeling slightly sheepish, I set the weapon on the kitchen table. "You can never be too careful. So, what's up?"
He shrugs. "Just wanted to see how you were doing."
I raise an eyebrow. "Really."
Elliot sighs. "And to tell you we're giving you a protective detail."
I'm all set to protest, but then I think the better of it and bite back my indignation, realizing this is the right thing. Maybe not for me, but for Alex. Much as I like to think I can protect her – as much as I know I can – it's better if I don't have to. So I just nod my understanding and my concurrence, then surprise myself by adding, "Get her sister one too."
Elliot seems surprised at my lack of complaint, but he's wise enough not to comment. Instead he says, "We will. So how's Alex holding up?"
"Fine," I say curtly, feeling a bit possessive although I know it's irrational. But Elliot is just waiting expectantly, so I add, "If you want the intimate details of our sex life, you're not getting any."
He laughs. "I didn't, but okay."
Blushing, I say, "Thanks for stopping by, El."
"We're going to find the bastard, Liv," he promises. "We will."
It's what I've been telling Alex all morning, but even now, I don't believe it.
Elliot leaves and I lock the door behind him before padding back to the bedroom. Alex is still trembling and I wrap my arms around her like a protective skin. "It's okay," I murmur. "It was just Elliot."
She nods, still clinging to me. "What did he want?"
"He got us a protective detail. And one for your sister. Just in case."
I'm all set for Alex to argue, but she doesn't. I guess she's really spooked, because my fiercely independent Alex would never accept police protection otherwise.
Alex just sighs and rests her head on my shoulder, her beautiful blue eyes vacant. She's staring off into the distance, focusing on something only she can see. All I can do now is hold her, creating the illusion of safety, as if I can protect her from her demons, both internal and external.
If only I could.
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