This whole letting go of Tori thing was just as hard as I had imagined it would be. I wound up just leaving my phone off and at home when I would go out. It made it less tempting to answer to phone calls and messages that way.
Beck was right when he said that Tori would be the first to try to break the silence between us. It didn't happen right away. There was a mutual quiet between us for a little over a week before my phone started buzzing with messages from her asking if we could talk.
She was relentless, I'll give her that much. It had been about a month and a half since our last argument, and a little over a month of that time did she spend trying to get my attention. I guess she didn't realize that she always had it, she just had to treat it right. On more occasions than one did I find myself slipping and nearly caving in to her calling.
And then came the day that I did.
I was sitting in Sikowitz's class when the final bell had rung. Class had started and Tori hadn't arrived yet. I looked around and saw that Andre was absent as well.
"Jade." Sikowitz called to me from the front of the room.
"What?" I grumbled, my eyes never leaving the chipped nail polish on my fingernails.
"Tori's not here." He stated.
"Mazel tov?"
"Where is she?" He asked me, clearly anticipating for me to have the answer.
"Last I checked, I wasn't the song bird's keeper." I said coldly.
"So you say. But if she's not here, it's usually because of something you did. Go find her." He instructed.
"What? That's not even-"
"Go!" Sikowitz ordered, cutting me off from trying to defend myself. I groaned loudly as I got to my feet and stomped out of the room and down the hall. As I approached the corner, I heard a familiar voice talking.
"So you're telling me that you have been sleeping with Jade West? Our Jade West? The girl that sent you flowers that could have put you in the hospital?"
Was he talking to Vega? Sure as shit, as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I heard her voice answer his question.
"They weren't the kind that I'm allergic to." Vega said defensively.
"What? Trina said they were bush daisies though."
"They were. But not the species that I'm allergic to." Vega explained.
"Now, how do you know that?" Andre asked, and I could hear the disbelief in his voice.
"My face would have blown up the second those flowers got near me. Plus, I might have called the flower shop where she got them from. The florist said that an angry girl ordered them and had the lady assure her that New England asters are not the same as African Bush Daisies. Now do you know any other angry girl that would do something like that?" Tori asked and I could almost hear the smile in her voice.
"Wow." Andre said.
"She's not the only one who does her research." Vega said smugly. I found myself smiling. Well, at least she knew I hadn't really been trying to kill her.
"So then you decided that it would be a good idea for you to start sleeping with her because...?" Andre trailed off, clearly not understanding her logic.
Welcome to the club, Andre. Welcome to the club.
I heard Vega sigh, and I leaned slightly forward to make sure I could hear what she was going to say.
"I thought it would be the best way to find out what I was feeling for her." Vega said quietly.
"Okay, now I'm confused."
"One night. That's all it was supposed to be. We were drunk at my house and I thought it would be a good idea to kiss her. I hadn't expected her to kiss back, and then when she did, I definitely didn't think she'd be okay with doing everything that we did. And the next morning, I thought that would be the end of it. We never talked about it. But I wanted more. I wanted her again and again. I thought it was just sex, you know? We started hanging out and talking more and I realized that things were getting sticky."
"So what'd you do?" Andre asked patiently.
"I told her I couldn't date her." Vega answered, and her voice sounded sad if I wasn't mistaken.
"Tori, you-"
"I know, Andre. Trust me, I know." Vega said, cutting off whatever he was about to reveal about her, "Things just got so complicated. I never thought she'd actually fall for me."
"If that's the whole story, that doesn't explain much." Andre said.
"We stopped sleeping together for a while. And I thought that was the end of it, but I went on that date and she was all I could think about. So I went over there afterwards and we drank a bottle of wine and then one thing is leading to the next and..." She trailed off and I wanted so desperately to see what her facial expression was while she talked about this. She sounded like she was in pain.
"Something happened that night, am I right?" Andre asked.
"I told her I loved her." Vega said with a sigh.
"Drunkenly?"
"I remembered saying it, if that's what you're asking. And I lied to her when she confronted me about it. I didn't know what to do. I froze up." She said, her voice sounding frantic.
"You meant it though, right?"
"Of course I did. I love her, Andre." I could hear the sadness pulling at her voice.
Oh my God. Aside from being furious that she had the audacity to lie to me, she meant it. She seriously meant what she said. This wasn't her playing a game with me where I couldn't really tell whether or not she was being serious. She was here talking to Andre, thinking that they're alone, and telling him everything about what had been going on between the two of us.
"Okay, Tori, help me out here because I'm not exactly understanding what the problem is. You like her. She likes you. It doesn't get much simpler than that."
"I'm just so scared."
"Of what?"
"Hurting her. She doesn't let people in very easily. She was crushed when her and Beck broke up, regardless of whether or not she'd admit it. I don't want to be the reason she shuts everyone out again."
"Jade's a big girl, Tori. All that you're doing right now is hurting both of you. She's already clearly made her decision that she wants to be with you." Andre said confidently.
"If she even feels that way anymore. She hasn't talked to me in almost two months." Tori said sadly.
"Well, that's something you gotta fix. You have to show her that you mean what you say this time around. She'll come around." Andre said. I decided that now was my best time to make my entrance, so I quietly backed up a few paces before stomping loudly around the corner.
"Vega, Andre. What the hell are you guys doing?" I barked, silently enjoying how her face flushed when she saw me as she casted Andre a nervous look.
"We were just...uh..." Vega stammered.
"I was having grandma issues." Andre said, trying to seem casual about it.
I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, well when the bell rings, usually that means it's time to go to class. Sikowitz wants you back in the room." We stood there in silence and I looked at them with irritation, "Now!"
Andre hurried past me, leaving Tori behind. I looked at her with disdain as I turned back around and made my way back to the classroom. This would be the first test. If she really meant everything she had said to Andre, something could had to come out of this encounter.
"Jade." She called to me. I turned slowly to look at her, hoping that I didn't look as excited as I felt.
"What?"
"Do you think we could...If you're free that is...I would just really like to talk to you after school today." She asked me as she bit down on her lip.
I thought for a moment about whether or not I was ready to hear her side of the story. Well, the parts that I hadn't heard her tell Andre at least.
"Yeah. Sure. We can go back to my place." I finally said blandly. Tori let out a sigh of relief and looked at me with appreciation.
"That sounds great." She said, giving me one last smile before entering the classroom. I followed her after taking a moment to compose myself. I had an array of emotions whirling around inside my head at that moment. I had just heard her admit to being in love with me. But she had lied to me. So many times had that girl lied to me, all because she was afraid of hurting me.
Well, we definitely had a lot to talk about when the time came, which it did quickly, thank God. The rest of the day moved smoothly and soon I found myself standing at my locker, staring blankly into it as I thought about what could happen.
"Hey, you ready?" I heard Vega ask me tentatively.
"Ready as I'll ever be." I said quietly as I closed my locker and followed her out of the school and to my car.
When we were safe and sound in the solace of my bedroom, I finally allowed myself to look at her for more than a brief moment. She was nervous. I could tell by the way she was wringing her hands as she idly moved around my room, her eyes falling on all of my trinkets, but never once on me.
"For someone who wanted to talk, you sure aren't saying much." I said as I looked at her from my place on my bed.
"I just...I want to make sure I say the right thing and that I say everything that I need to." Vega said after she took another moment of thought.
"Okay." I said simply. Another silent five minutes passed, consisting of me sitting and her fidgeting. Finally, she spoke again.
"I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry for the things that I said the last time we spoke. I'm sorry for lying to you. I...I remembered telling you that I love you that night. And I meant it. I still do. But I'm not sorry for kissing you that first night. Or any time after that. You were right. I'm scared. I don't want to give you another reason to not trust people. I don't want to hurt you. And I don't want to be hurt either. You have that power, Jade. You have the ability to tear out my heart."
"Who's to say you don't have that same power over me?" I asked, unable to remain silent any longer.
"I know I do. And that's terrifying." She shook her head, "What's scarier is the thought of using that power."
"Which neither of us would do." I tried to reason with her.
"Not willingly at least." Vega added.
"That's the point of falling in love. You run the risk of getting hurt. I don't regret dating Beck. I don't regret loving him. And I don't regret losing him either. It's life, Tori. It did nothing but make me a better person, no matter how badly it hurt. What hurt you that you're so scared to feel it again?"
She let out a short laugh through her nose as she shook her head again and looked at the ground, "My mom's cheating on my dad. She has been for a while." Vega kept her eyes away from mine as I felt my jaw fall. Shit, that was heavy. "It's awful how obvious it is, and yet my dad's so hopelessly in love with her that he doesn't see it. Or he just refuses to. I just...I don't want something like that to happen to me."
"Tori..."
"That's what love does to you, Jade. It blinds you. It falters all of your senses. You don't see things that you would have because your mind is all muddled with this fantastical image of the other person that you've created in your mind. And when you finally see what was right in front of you that whole time, you're crushed. Your whole world comes crashing down around you and you're left in the rubble of what you thought you knew."
Tears were spilling out of her eyes at this point as she paced back and forth, her hands flailing as she spoke. I got out of bed quickly and crossed the room to her, wrapping my arms around her despite the fight she was putting up to get away from me. After a few seconds of struggling, she gave up and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist. I could feel her body wracked with sobs as she buried her face in the crook of my neck.
"That wouldn't happen with us, Tori. You have to trust me." I whispered into her ear as I stroked her hair. Her weeping was less violent now as she slumped into me. I slowly moved us back to my bed and watched her as she crawled under the covers, exhausted by the emotions coursing through her veins. I moved in next to her and pulled her back to me.
"You knew those weren't African Bush Daisies. You knew that all along." I said as I slowly traced invisible circles on her lower back.
I felt her lips pull into a smile as she placed an innocent kiss on my collarbone, "You heard us talking, huh?"
"Yeah." I said as I let out a breath, pressing my lips to her forehead.
"You didn't give up on me." She stated.
"Nope." I said, popping the end of the word with my mouth.
"Why not?"
I let out a sigh, "I knew you lied to me the morning after you told me you loved me. I just couldn't let you go after that."
"I'm...not easy to be with, Jade." She said quietly as she buried her face in my hair.
I chuckled, "Good. I'm not either."
"Do you really think this will work?" She asked as she finally lifted her head to look at me.
"I'd like to believe so, but I don't know for sure." I replied, watching her face fall slightly as she registered what I was saying, "All I know is that I'm happy when I'm with you. Are you happy, Tori?"
A small smirk was playing on her lips as she nodded, her eyes lighting up when she heard what I said, "I am." She said before placing a sensual kiss on my lips. When we pulled away, she nuzzled her head back on my shoulder, and soon my eyes were slowly drooping, sleep claiming me for its own as Tori's breath bathed the skin of my throat.
My eyes snapped open when I felt a chill and the bed dipping. I opened my eyes and propped myself up, watching as Tori sat on the opposite side and stretched out her back.
"Where are you going?" I asked before clearing my throat and wiping away the remaining sleep from my eyes.
"I was gonna get going." Tori said sheepishly, and I could tell she was embarrassed. I, on the other hand, was panicking that she was having second thoughts about what we had talked about. She must have seen the alarm in my eyes because she was instantly back by my side. "It isn't that, I promise. I just wasn't sure what to do when I woke up. I didn't know how long you'd want me here. It's already seven."
"So stay." I whispered as I reached out and held her wrist, "Please?"
I watched as the worry on her face dissipate as a smile broke free before she leaned in and kissed me again, "I'd love to. Are you sure?"
"Positive." I said with my hand on the back of her neck, "Come here." I whispered as I pulled her back in for another kiss, this time deepening it the moment I got the chance. I heard her groan as she pushed me back down on the bed and hovered over me. Her lips quickly moved from my mouth to my throat as she slid her hands up my tank top. She pulled it off with utter ease as she reattached her mouth to my neck. My fingers made their way into her hair as my body acted on its own volition; my hips moved up to gain more contact with her body as my legs tangled with hers.
She took her time doting on my skin with soft lips as she undressed me. My breathing was labored as I tried to retain some sort of stream of consciousness, but it was really a futile attempt considering what she was doing to me.
"You're beautiful." She whispered into my ear. I let out a throaty laugh as she nipped at my ear, her fingers eliciting a moan from me moments later.
Soon her clothes joined mine on the floor as our bodies moved together in a dance we knew too well, though this time the music was different. I felt elated as her lips skimmed over the most sensitive areas on my body, quivering as she found that vulnerable spot on the curve of my hip.
What seemed like hours later, exhaustion threatened to push us into the arms of another deep sleep. I pulled Tori close to me as my hand ghosted down her side and she shivered into me.
"Would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow, Tori?" I whispered. Despite everything that had happened today, from the beginning of the school day to mere moments before, a very strong part of me was afraid that come morning, she would change her mind again and I would be left with a handful of a shattered heart.
She lifted her head up lazily as she looked at me through tired eyes, "I would love to, Jade. I really would."
I ducked my head down and kissed her with a wide grin on my face. She resumed her previous position, tugging the comforter up to her chin and wrapping her arm around my bare waist.
I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to continue this. Might be a good place to end. I might do one more chapter about their first date. *Shrugs*
