Doof: Eat. *Holds spoon in front of panda*
Peter: No.
Doof: Eat.
Peter: No.
Doof: Eat.
Peter: N- *gags as spoon is shoved in mouth*
Doof: Swallow.
Peter: *shakes head*
Doof: Swallow.
Peter: *shakes head*
Doof: Swallow.
Peter: *Gulp*
Doof: Good. Now we just have to do that again in an hour.
Ferb: All that just for him to take his medicine?
Perry: You should see him when he needs his shots.
Disclaimer: Conker's Bad Fur day is owned by somebody... Rango is owned by someone... the evil Super Paper Mario crew is owned by... Nintendo I think.
Olimar
I woke to someone poking me in the back.
"Hey. Wake up." I pull myself from the Engine, and wince as a bit of drool comes off too.
"Wha-?" I ask, rubbing my eyes through the helmet.
"Yeah, Ruby told me to get you. Said it was time for breakfast." Conker said, looking at me strangely.
"What?" I ask.
"Where's your tail?" He asked.
"Don't have one." I reply.
"Am I the only one here with a tail?" He shouted. He walked back to the front of the Dolphin, mumbling to himself. "Not even the dead guy has a tail." Then a little lightbulb went off in my head. I rushed inside, passing Conker, who went spinning comically.
"Sorry Conk!" I yell. I pulled myself quickly into the ship, where there was a small discussion going.
"But then wouldn't that be called Iceland? And why the name Finland? Is it a person's name?" Smiles continued.
"Your guess is as good as mine." Ruby replied. Kai opened his mouth to talk, but I interrupted.
"I've got it!" I yell.
"What? About Finland?" Smiles asked.
"No! All of the ship parts are here, right?" The other three nod. "Well, we just walk this thing around and pick them all up!" The other three seemed to consider this.
"Brilliant!" Smiles yelled.
"That just might work." Kai replied. He fazed through the wall. The ship shook slightly as the creature outside came to life. It pounded down the side of the tree. Conker came in, scowling.
"What'd I miss?"
Zanzulus
Worked all night. But here I was. In charge of an army of incredulously powerful creatures, each better than the last. Each hideous, and strange. Each with strength of their own. Each completely under my control.
"Let's see... which one looks the most fun?" I ask myself. I look over the small amount of creature's in front of me. My eyes rest on one creature. A smile forms on my lips. Yes. That one can guard the testing ground, and the Nova Blaster. Those to the UV Lamp. Those to the Pilot's Seat... Let's see those idiots on foot get through those.
Ruby Gloom
"I'm so glad we aren't going on foot." Olimar said, smiling. "Wait wait! There's the Onions! Let's store them in here too!"
"Alright... hold on." The bottom opened up, and the only thing holding the Dolphin in place was several long pieces of flesh. Olimar whistled loudly, and the onions flew up, into the huge, dead Beady Long Legs. A small white pikmin immediately slid down. It ran into the Dolphin as fast as its small legs could take it. A smile spread across my face as I heard Smiles gasp in pain.
"Careful! Careful! My legs! Ow! It's good to see you too Mini." Smiles yelled. I walked back inside.
"We'll be arriving at the first Ship Part soon." Olimar said, smiling. He swiveled in the chair, and winced. "I hope its the Pilot Seat." He glanced out of a make-shift periscope that Smiles made last night. He frowned. "That does not look good." Smiles took it and looked in.
"Oh, big deal. It's the Chronos Reactor." He glanced at Olimar. Olimar pushed it slightly to the right. Smiles looked in and his smile faded. "Oh. Yes... that's going to be a problem."
"As long as it doesn't squeal and lay eggs, I'll be fine." I reply.
"You should rethink that." Smiles said, and stepped back. I looked in and gasped. There was a horrible turbulence of green smoke and brown-grey objects. Corpse Long Legs slammed at it, but it slithered to the side, easily dodging it. Olimar frowned, and then tried again... and again... and again.
"I think we need a more... hands on approach." Conker said, glancing through the periscope.
"Get down there with that thing?" Smiles asked.
"YES!" We yelled in response.
"I hate this." He muttered, but gestured for Mini to wait on the ship. He grabbed the chair he had from last night. "I'm coming too."
"I may not be a psychiatrist, a doctor, or anybody with a PhD in their possession, but I think you need to stay off your bruised and bloody legs." Conker said, narrowing his eyes.
"Fine. Then I'll stay here." He sat himself down angrily. Mini pat him on the head.
"...Judging by that thing, I think you should stay here too Conker." Olimar said, trying to keep the squirrel in the ship.
"What are you talking about?" Conker snarled angrily.
"That thing is made of poison and... who knows what else?" Olimar said. He sat Conker down, in a seat next to Smiles.
"Can you say unfair?" He asked no one in paticular.
"No fair!" Smiles and Mini yelled, and they laughed. Well, I think Mini said no fair. The three of us each grabbed a leg of the white onion.
"Just this one please." Olimar yelled. The white onion slowly floated groundward, where the green, swirling thing suddenly stopped swirling. We landed on the ground, and its eyes, two giant, shining sphere, as big as the onion each, opened. The swirling creature expanded expenentionally. And it was now a huge, green snake. A snake made of pure smoke. Coils passed by, head intertwining between coils. It finally stopped, the head just a foot from our helmets.
"Quit fogging my helmet!" I yell, tossing the pikmin that Olimar just got out at its face. Instead of sticking, it just bounced off. Confused, I try again. With the same results. All of a sudden, the green suddenly stopped. Revealing brown. And the glowing eyes faded away, replaced by many small red ones.
Smiles
"Oh great lord above. It's covered in Doodlebugs." I mumble.
"*snicker* Doodlebugs. Who names anything a Doodlebug. I mean, really?" Conker laughed next to me. There was a lou burst, sounding sort of like a burp. I glance worredly down. The Doodlebug's external wings had lifted, and a large purple cloud was expelled.
"Those things fart poison." I reply. Conker's eyes widened.
"They WHAT?!" He asked. He glanced worredly back down towards the ground. "That thing is like a walking cloud of smoke and death!"
"Smoky Death..." I mused. I turned to Olimar's book that he titled in messy Sharpie "Creatures of the Distant Planet" I flipped slowly past Shearking, The Chimera, Puffion, and finally reached a blank page and sketched the giant serpent, a mask of Doodlebugs.
Ruby Gloom
"Okay... this is going to be a little hard." I mutter to myself.
"Check check. Double check. Check one, check two. Are their enough checks?" Smiles voice came from by my ear.
"WAAH!" Olimar and I yell at the same time.
"Hi. Now, what you are facing is probably all of those Smoky Proggs that we failed to kill in the Distant Spring, though I think it still would have taken too long to wrestle them all out of whatever hiding place they were in. Anyway, you need to get rid of the Doodlebugs."
"Easier said then done." Olimar replied. "They're invincible."
"Throw pikmin on its back. They'll scuttle somewhere after you hit them three times." Smiles informed. But that things was still going to be very powerful.
Rattlesnake Jake
Oooooh, my head. I try to reach up my tail to rub it... But I can't. In fact, I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't even tell if I was looking at a high bush, or a low tree. I saw movement. I try to turn my head, but I can't. As it turns out, I don't need to. Whatever it was scuttled into view. It was gross for sure. Spider-like legs, jaws, and way too many eyes. It suddenly turned, snarling in my direction. Despite being a fully trained Grim Reaper, I shuddered. Well, I would have. I felt my mind begin to go blank.
"Night night." I heard Zanzulus cackle. And then everything went dark.
Ruby Gloom
"Well... that was surprisingly easy." Olimar said besides me. The doodlebugs scurried underground, revealing the giant cloud of green. The two eyes glowing red, angry. It roared. It was as if thousands of creatures were dying inside of it. I grab pikmin and begin throwing. The creature shreiks in fear and pain as they begin to attack its face. It shook them off, and judging from the little circle over its head, it was down to half health. It snarled angrily. I grabbed another pikmin, and began throwing. The creature snarled, and something snapped. A loud tearing, like that of cloth was heard.
"Ruuuuuby. You're ooooon the wrong sssside." It hissed. I shuddered, seeing more Doodlebugs begin to crawl out of the smoke, right where it's mouth was. The green smoke disappeared, replaced by the exoskeleton of the bugs.
"Creepy. Not only can it talk, but it knows you're name." Olimar whispered. I stared into the shiny red eyes. It blinked twice. It's eyes softened to a bright blue.
"Ooor... just maybe..." It was silent once more. It slowly reached over, picked up the Chronos Reactor and placed it in front of the two of us. "I am the one on the wrong ssssside. It is not in my nature to take orderssss." The creature turned from Ruby, and slowly slithered off. It stopped in front of the tree line. "But... maybe... when the time comesssss." It resumed slithering, wilting the trees even further as it left.
"Huh? Well, if only all bosses were that easy." Smiles voice came from the mike.
"Then we'd have had all of my parts days ago." Olimar replied.
"So wait... he just left?" Conker's voice came from the mike. "How come none of the bad guys I faced would do that?"
"Because you've never faced a giant bunch of toxic substances." Smiles said.
"And the Great Mighty Poo isn't?" Conker asked.
"...Touche. Either way, I'm beaming you and the ship part up." Smiles said, and a light fell on the two of us and the ship part. I suddenly felt as if someone was tryng to take my stomach, and was lifted into the air quickly. I tumble along the floor, and Conker and Smiles helps me to my feet.
"Nice landing." Conker joked.
"I've been drawing in this book..." Smiles said, holding up a book of amazing drawings. Wogblax, Waterwraith, Smoky Death, Great Mighty Poo. They were all there. "I've made two copies." He continued, pulling an even bigger book from... seemingly, behind his skinny back. "This is all of the allies and enemies that I have personally met... and haven't."
"Huh? What does that mean?" I ask. He gestures to Conker.
"Conk here has a wide variety of extremely scary, powerful, and bad mouthed enemies." He replied.
"I just told him what they looked like! He's amazing!" Conker laughed.
"Would you look at these? Bulldog Shark... Vampire Squirrels... G.M.P... A Grim Reaper named Gregg. Look." He said, showing a very small calaca, clutching a scythe way too large for him. I snatch the book and look the scythe over. For the most part, the scythe was completely identical to Misery's. A scythe...
"How'd you meet him!" I yell, getting in Conker's face. He backed up a few feet, shooken up.
"Well... I sort of just died." Conker explained.
"I don't think that's a road we want to travel." Smiles said slowly. His eyes suddenly widened. "Wait... why are you so intent on a Grim Reaper?" His eyes suddenly narrowed. "I know that look!"
"What?" I ask.
"He reminds me of the guy you like, doesn't he!" A smile spreads across his face.
"N-n-n-no." I stammer convincingly. "Why... would you think that?" I smile really big, to emphasis the point.
"Tell me. What's he like?" Smiles asked, staring at me intently, as the ship started swaying as the Corpse Long Legs began to walk again.
"I have no clue what you're talking about." I reply. He folds his arms and arches an eyebrow. "Fine!" I yell. "His name is Skull Boy. And he's sweet and inventive... and his eyes are so deep..."
"Wow, you sounds like ya got it bad." Smiles smirked.
"And like you haven't talked the same about Adyson?" Olimar smirked across from him. Smiles face erupted in a blush.
"W-We're not talking 'bout that right now." He blushed.
"We don't have time for this." Kai snarled. "Either way, I believe we have arrived at the next ship part. Hell below." He whispered. The periscope came down. Olimar looked in it.
"That is the Zirconium Rotor." He said slowly. "And that looks like a very grotesque bread bug." Smiles took it and looked in. He frowned.
"That looks like Empress Bulblax." He muttered. "If her father was a breadbug." I took a look. I giggled lightly when he gave me the periscope. It looked like a large peice of french bread with eyes. It tryed stomping around, but it couldn't move far. Its large behind denied it that. And every once on a while, what looked like a loaf of bread popped out of the back end. It slowly slithered along the ground, biting at anything that got near them.
"Stomp her!" Olimar yelled. Kai complained loudly, but did as he was told. A foot came up, stomped the creature, and went up with a comical sproing! The creature seemed slightly pestered... but besides that nothing seemed wrong with it.
"You know..." Smiles said slowly. "Since she hasn't eaten it... I think we can just grab it." We all stared at him.
"Zanzulus was not thinking this through, was he?" Kai whispered to himself. The ship part was sucked in with no fuss from the creature.
"I think Empress Breadblax. What'cha think?" Smiles asked. He held up his book. Once again, there was a wonderful similarity to the creature outside.
"I think we need to find the next Ship part." Olimar replied. "Kai! Get us out of here!"
"Roger Captain." Kai replied dryly. The Corpse Long Legs started up once more, stomping as quickly as it could towards the next nearest ship part. Olimar brought up a screen to show everyone the map. The nearest ship part appeared to be in a wide, shallow hole.
"This was made recently." Olimar said, gesturing to the hole. "And judging by the parts sticking out here and here and here, it was also made hurredly."
"So, we're facing what?" Smiles asked.
"I was hoping you could tell me." Olimar replied dryly. "You've mentioned that there is also creatures from the seond game. Besides the ones we just fought, what is left?" Smiles scratched his chin thoughtfully.
"Burrowing Snagrets." He said slowly, holding up one finger. "A cannon beetle... Puffstool... Giant Breadbug... Waterwraith... Toady Bloyster... Smoky Progg... Beady Long Legs... Empress Bulblax... I think what is left is those Segmented Crawbsters, Pileated Snagret, Grand Emporer Bulblax, Titan Dweevil, Raging Long Legs, and Man-at-Legs."
"Well, if all of those are this easy then I will be very happy." Olimar said smiling.
"I hate to ruin the moment, but that's six creatures. There's five Ship parts." Conker pointed out.
"And chances are they're pumped up versions, like the last two we faced." Smiles agreed.
"So we're facing fusions?" Olimar asked.
"Not necessarily." Kai replied, floating in.
"What do you mean?" I ask. I tried my best to follow the conversation that followed... but I don't think anyone but Smiles understood.
"Well, Zanzulus has gotten a hold of something that allows DNA recombination. Called a Vat. These were used by Dr. Vanpier, father of Akuma, to make illegal monster experimentations. I recognize the handywork. Chances are, what we are facing is so much worse than the ones you fought before. One brain. One set of instructions. And they will fight to the last breath. And knowing Zanzulus, they are paired up in a way that there is no way you can defeat them. In his mind. Smoky Death seems smart enough to make his own decisions, and Empress Breadblax was probably made to be an almost invincible creature. But Zanzulus doesn't think things through. He instead decides to plagurize. Every single one of his plans have been tried before. In fact... I think that this here was done by Alexander Feier, in 6,549 B.C.E. Used the indigenous creatures of another planet to scare away the humans in Asia, onto a frozen sea... I think Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandma says they ended up in America. And Great Grandma from my wife's side of course."
"What?" I ask. The last bit was the only thing I understood. "You're married?"
"I am 497 years old." He replied. I felt that if he had arms, he'd be crossing them.
"Alright. So, we have what? A vampire and a ghost?" Olimar asked.
"A ghost-zombie-calaca-mummy-vampire." Kai replied.
"A what?" Smiles asked.
"Well, after facing down Zanzulus, and killing him accidently once, and on purpose five times after that, he seems to gain them as he comes back to life. Again and again and again." The shocked silence was deafening. But not as deafening as what happened next. The entire ship shook, before tipping, and I hit the wall hard. I saw Smiles land next to me, chair down. Mini landed on his chest. Conker landed on the yellow Analog Computer, causing sparks to spit out angrily, and the top to dent in, and glass shattered outwards. A small red puddle formed from his back. Olimar fell next, hitting the helmet, which cracked loudly. He gasped, and his skin started turning a pale yellow. His eyes bugged wide.
"Conker! Olimar!" A scream escaped my throat.
This was going to be the second to last chapter but... it became too long. So, this is part 1 instead. Sort of like Where's Perry? Anyway, dramati ending coming up fast. And a song that I made myself! Thanks again AnimationNut for reading through the preview.
