A/N Sadly, all of these characters belong to SM.

So as I go back and re-read, I'm realizing that I truly do need a beta. Maybe they would have caught some of the big mistakes that I've made. All I can say is that I'm sorry. I'll try to proof better.

Reviews are awesome!

Chapter 10

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EPOV

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Sitting with Bella in a Jacuzzi was not exactly how I had planned to have this conversation with her. I had to hand it to her, though, she teared up for a brief moment, but she was not about to let me see her really cry. I had been thinking through this conversation in my head for many years. Every time I tried to figure out how to say that I took off because I knew I was unable to have children, I realized how incredibly stupid I had been.

"Bella, do you remember when you were in the hospital after your ovary ruptured?"

She was looking at me with those big chocolate eyes, and I could see that she knew where this conversation was headed. Bella could always read me, which is why I had to stay away. I would never have been able to let her live her life if I had stayed close.

"Edward, what are you trying to tell me?" Bella spoke quietly like she didn't want to ask, but she wanted to make me tell her that I fucked everything up.

She had pulled away from me and was sitting at the far end of the hot tub covering herself with her hands. I could see fear and anger. Bella was also not very good at hiding her emotions from me. I continued, "Shortly after I was adopted, my parents took me to get a regular check up. They noticed that I wasn't properly developed in, um, some areas. I was diagnosed with a disorder called Cryptorchism. Without going into too many details, I can tell you that it causes male infertility. I never told you about it because I didn't think it would matter - besides, it isn't something that I love to talk about."

When Bella looked at me this time, I saw nothing but anger. "Edward, are you telling me that you took off without any explanation because you can't have children? You actually didn't think I was smart enough or strong enough to deal with something like that?"

"It's not like that Bella. I don't know if you remember, but we had a conversation when you were in the hospital, and you made it very clear that you wanted "our" children. Up until that point, I just figured we would figure out a way to have kids and it would be okay - that evening, it was pretty clear to me that you wouldn't be happy with alternative methods."

Bella had laid her head back on the back of the tub. She stayed still for so long that I thought she had fallen asleep. I was getting ready to get out and carry her to the bed when she looked up at me. Tears were flowing down her face as she said, "Are you fucking kidding me? You thought so little of our relationship and of me that you would put our entire future together on the line based on a conversation that we had when I was on drugs. I don't even remember that conversations, yet it completely changed my life." She was rambling by this time, "Edward, I don't even know what to say to you. Who the hell do you think you are? What kind of pompous ass makes life altering decisions for people without even consulting them about it?"

She started to stand up and reach for a towel. I was afraid she was going to slip, so I grabbed her arm.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She jerked her arm out of my hand and did almost fall. She stepped out of the tub, righting herself on the wall and wrapping the towel around her so that it looked like she was protecting her stomach from a hit.

"Bella, I-"

"Edward, there is nothing you can say that will make this okay. I thought that I could do a casual relationship with you… You know - great sex and stuff, but I can't. I can't do this Edward." Her voice got much louder then. "Do you have any idea of the torture that I have put myself through for the past fifteen years? I have wondered what I could have done to make you stop loving me. I have wondered if you ever really loved me in the first place. I have felt completely empty - like a part of me was missing. I have wondered what Jessica had that I didn't. And then there is the Jessica thing. How could you marry someone that you didn't love? Did it not matter to you that you hurt her? Oh my God, Edward, there is so much wrong with this, that I can't even begin to comprehend what you're telling me."

Bella was crying so hard by this point that she was almost unable to speak. She sat on the side of the bed and sobbed. I wrapped a towel around my waist and went to her. I hesitantly put my arm on her shoulder only to be pushed away. She got up from the bed and began to get dressed. She went to the chair by the door and started digging around in her purse. It took me a few minutes to realize that she had pulled out her cell phone and was calling someone. Before I could ask her what she was doing, she was speaking.

"Rose, I need you to come get me from the Lodge." Her voice had dropped noticeably and it was obvious that she was trying not to cry into the phone.

Panicked, I took the phone away from her and spoke to her friend. "Bella's upset with me right now, but I think she should stay so we can discuss things." I wasn't expecting the response I got from her friend.

"I don't give a God-damn what you think would be best. Put Bella on the phone right now. I don't know what you have said to her, but I will kill you if I have to."

Bella had a murderous look in her eyes as she told Rosalie that she would meet her in the lobby. She shut her phone and looked at me. " I don't know who you think you are," she said very quietly. "But I am not seventeen years old, and I will not let you decide what is best for me again. Do you understand me? I am an adult. I have two children. I have made my choices with the information that I had." She was almost hissing by this point. "I am telling you now that you coming back to this area does not change any of that. If it means that you need to run away from me again, you go right ahead. If you ever take the phone out of my hand and try to tell someone else what I should do, I will shove it up your ass."

And with that, she walked out and slammed the door behind her.

I didn't chase her. I knew it would only make her madder. This wasn't exactly what I expected when I told Bella that I left for her own good, but as she said, I didn't know this Bella anymore. My feet were itching to leave. She had made herself perfectly clear. I knew that leaving would not settle anything though, and it was time to face my mistakes.

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BPOV

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I probably should have noticed all the people that were looking at me sitting in the lobby of the lounge. I'm sure they were all wondering why I was sitting there, soaking wet, and crying, but thankfully, nobody tried to talk to me. Rosalie got to the Lodge in record time. She ran in dressed in her pajama pants and a UW sweatshirt. It was then that I realized it was 2:00 in the morning.

"I'm so sorry that I called you so late. I didn't even-"

"Shut up Bella, let's go."

I had barely gotten in the Jeep before she was squealing out of the parking lot. "What the hell did he say to you Bella? Should I go back and kill him?"

I was tired and didn't feel much like talking anymore. "Will you stay with me tonight? We can talk about this in the morning."

"Of course I will baby. That's the only way that I can keep myself from going back there and ripping that guy's throat out."

I leaned over and put my head on her shoulder. She patted my leg in between shifting gears. I replayed the conversation in my head trying to make sense of it. Did he really think so little of me? Was I really so dependent on him that he thought he had to make my decisions for me.

I had never been more happy to see my house as I was that night. A sense of peace settled over me as the Jeep pulled up next to my garage. We got out and went into the house silently. The blinking light on the phone signaling that I had messages caught my attention first. My inner battle of whether or not to listen to the messages was short lived. As soon as it occurred to me that it could be Charlie, I grabbed the phone to retrieve the message. Expecting to hear Edward's voice, I was shocked when Phil's voice came on the line.

"Isabella, this is Phil. Your mother has been in an accident, and I need to speak with you. I don't have your cell phone number with me. Please call me back as soon as you get this message."

Then another…

"Isabella, I know that you may or may not want to hear from your mother, but I think you should call me back."

And another…

"Isabella, you are behaving like the petulant little shit you are. I need to speak with you. Your mother is seriously wounded and you can't even have the courtesy of calling back!"

I couldn't think straight. I guess that's one of the side effects of too much to drink, too little food, and very little sleep. I watched Rosalie go to the bar and pull out a bottle of something. I'm pretty sure that I told her that I would just have water. I dialed the number that Phil had left only to hear it ring several times then click over to voice mail. I left a message letting Phil know that I had been out this evening and I wasn't avoiding his phone call. Carrying the phone with me to my room, I changed into my comfy pajama pants and a tank top. I brushed my wet hair and pulled it into a loose bun on the top of my head. It was then that I looked at myself in the mirror. Gone was the confident woman that left the house this evening. I looked like a scared little girl. Hell, I felt like a scared little girl.

The phone rang, and I picked it up immediately assuming it was Phil calling me back. It wasn't.

"Bella, I-"

"Edward, I can't talk to you right now. I have too many things to think about and I need you to leave me alone for a while."

"Bella, I just wanted to make sure that you had gotten home alright. I will leave you alone for a while, but I will not just fade into the woodwork."

"Goodnight Edward." and with that, I hung up the phone.

Comfortably numb, I walked back into the kitchen and began digging through Rosalie's purse. I found the pack of cigarettes that she always kept for emergencies and headed out onto the back porch. She followed, knowing the routine. Since the time when we were in college that I had gone home to see Edward and came back completely devastated, we had shared our heartbreaks over a pack of cigarettes. It was her indication that I was ready to spill.

I told her about the evening and about running into Lauren again (I always thought it was a little fun to talk about Lauren in front of Rose because she was the only person that I knew who could take Lauren out in the bitchiness department). I told her about the conversation with Edward and his reasons for leaving. By the time I had shared everything, we were almost through half the pack of cigarettes and she had almost finished a bottle of wine. Completely spent, I just stared at her running through the conversations and events of the day again and again in my head.

The psychologist in her couldn't resist. "Bella, tell me what exactly you're upset about."

I told her that I was upset that he had made the choices for me. That he hadn't trusted our relationship enough to think we could fight through it. I was upset because I had spent years thinking that I wasn't good enough for him or that he loved someone more than me.

Rosalie was the only person that I knew that loved children more than I did. She had even begun seeing an adoption lawyer since she wasn't married, and didn't see that in her immediate future. So when she asked me if I would have done things differently knowing then what I know now, it stopped me in my tracks. If Edward hadn't left, I wouldn't have married Jacob and had my sweet babies. That thought alone gave me so many different things to think about. Rose was right, I should be grateful for what I have, but that didn't change the fact that Edward had made my decisions for me. That's something I couldn't tolerate. I needed to think without her input, so I changed the subject.

As we were talking about this guy she met at her last medical conference, the phone rang. I had completely forgotten about the messages from Phil until I saw his number on the caller ID. I answered the phone preparing to be yelled out by him or my mother.

"I guess you think you are entitled to your mother's life insurance policy." That's how he informed me that my mother was dead.