a/n - sorry again for taking so long to update. This nasty bronchitis has done a number on my house. Hopefully we will all kick it soon, though and I can update more regularly.
Sadly, all of these character belong to SM
Chapter 12
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I couldn't figure out what the beeping sound in my ear was. It seemed awfully bright to be as late as it was... and what was that annoying sound. As I slowly came to the realization that I wasn't at home and it was late afternoon, not the middle of the night, all of the events of the past few days started coming back to me. I rolled over to the awful realization that my mother was gone. She and I would never have the chance to fix things between us. That thought caused me to feel pain in my chest like I haven't felt in a long time. I always assumed that she and I would one day discuss what happened and then move on. It never occurred to me that it might be too late.
Ignoring the beeping sound for a few minutes, I got up to wash my face. I looked in the mirror and was shocked at what I saw. I was pale and sickly looking. The past few days just came crashing down on me, and I collapsed in tears onto the bathroom floor.
I'm not sure how long I sat there, crying and staring at the walls, but the beeping of my phone seemed to be getting louder and louder. Eventually, spent from crying, I searched for my phone to find out who the messages were from. The first message was from Charlie asking me to please call him so that he didn't have to call the Phoenix PD looking for me. The next message was from Rosalie, and it said essentially the same thing...only not quite so nicely. I took care of both of their messages by sending a text saying that I was in my hotel and didn't plan on leaving tonight. I apologized for not calling them sooner, but I explained that I fell asleep without meaning to. I knew they would both understand that.
The next message was a text from Edward. Just as I was registering the message, "be there shortly," I heard a knock on the door. Knowing that I looked like death, I asked him (I was presuming it was Edward) to wait a minute. I tried to wash the splotchiness off of my face, but I only managed to make my eyes look even more red and puffy. "Fuck it," I said to myself as I flung the door open. He stood there, motionlessly and stared at me. Before I could say a word, I was wrapped in his arms and the door was closing behind us. Edward managed to get us to the bed without my knowledge. I sat in his lap and cried myself out. He never said a word.
By the time I was finished crying, it was completely dark outside. I got up to look out the window, and Edward startled me by speaking for the first time.
He spoke very quietly, "I'm guessing you haven't eaten all day. Let's order some food."
"Thanks. That would be great. How did you know which room to come to?"
Edward actually smirked. "Bella, I have ways of finding these things out. I haven't gotten a room for myself yet, I wanted to come check on you first, but I will go to the desk as soon as I order your food."
Panicked, I yelled, "No! I mean... I don't mind if you stay here with me. But we have way too many things to talk about for you to think that anything might happen." The joys of having two beds.
Edward actually laughed at this. "Bella, I know you are hurt, upset, and tired. As much as I enjoy having my hands on you, I think I can keep them to myself."
I felt the familiar fluttering in my lower belly when he talked about having his hands on me, and I could have kicked myself. What the hell is wrong with you Bella?
I told Edward of the weird encounter with Phil at the airport. He was glad that I refused to ride back to the hotel with Phil, and he asked me if he could come with me to meet Phil in the morning. I didn't think that was necessary, and I said as much, so we agreed that Edward would wait for me in the lobby while I met with Phil.
"What do you think he needs to speak with you about?"
"The only thing I can think of is Mom's life insurance, since he mentioned that over the phone. Honestly, I don't care."
"Don't make hasty decisions, Bella. Do you know exactly what happened to your mother?"
It occurred to me at that moment that I hadn't even asked Phil what happened. "He said she was in an accident. I guess I just figured it was a car accident." Feeling awful for not even knowing the events that caused my mother's death, I started panicking again. "Oh my God, Edward. My mother is dead and I am too selfish to have even asked what happened. What is wrong with me?" By this point I was off the bed and trying to find my phone. Edward's hand covered mine. He pulled me back to the bed and told me what he had learned.
"Bella, I did some research when Alice told me. It was a car accident. According to the police reports, your mother was driving too fast and wrapped her car around a telephone poll. The police suspect that alcohol was probably involved, but they are waiting on the medical exam to come back."
I ingested this information. The mother that I had known would have never gotten behind the wheel of a car drunk. She never would have put her life or someone else's life in danger. It occurred to me that Renee was not the person she once was. I wondered how someone could change so drastically.
The knock on the door ended our conversation. The guy from room service brought in our tray. He took one look at me, and hurriedly left the room. I guess the wrinkled clothes, splotchy face and crazy bed hair were enough to make him run away. I said as much to Edward, and he laughed at me.
"You're beautiful even under the worst of conditions. Maybe he was afraid to look at you for too long because he was afraid I would kick his ass."
"Cute!"
"I think so, yes"
Only Edward would know to order me fries to go with my steak. I ate them both hungrily. I passed on the wine and opted for a Coke instead. Edward laughed at me and told me that in so many ways, I still acted like a teenager. I told him that it was best that way. It made me good at my job, and I was - most of the time- a fun mother.
"I bet you've done a great job with your kids. Alice says that they are very sweet and well behaved."
"They are well behaved for little monsters maybe. I think Alice might be stretching it a bit. She always does tend to see the positive and ignore the negatives."
"Yes, but I can see how you would be harder on yourself than necessary. I'll make my own judgment when I meet them myself."
That startled me a bit. "Edward, please don't take this the wrong way... I can't let you become a part of their lives."
Edward didn't miss a beat. "Why is that B?"
"The loss of their dad was extraordinarily difficult on both of them. I am not going to parade men in and our of their lives. It is something that I just can't bend on."
"But you have male friends that are in their lives, like Embry... and Jasper will be a big part of their lives soon too. How would I be any different?"
"My kids, especially Seth, are extremely observant. I am pretty sure that within an hour him being around you and I, he would figure out that it is different than my relationship with any other man."
"Well, at least I can say that I'm glad you see me differently than other men. Does this mean you don't want me around at all. My sister will be living in your basement, you know."
"I've thought of that, and I think it will be okay as long as we keep our boundaries. Of course I wouldn't tell you not to visit Alice. When the kids are there, though, that's who you visit... Alice. Not me. I realize you will be around my kids, but it's a bit different."
"Bella, let's have this conversation again at another time. There are so many things that you and I need to say to each other, but I don't think this is the right time or place. I am here strictly to make sure that you are okay. I want to take care of you. You look like you could use a hot shower. Now, am I going to have to put you in, or are you going to make it there all by yourself? I would certainly enjoy helping you get all cleaned up."
Stupid, stupid Bella. Why does the thought of Edward touching you turn you into mush??? "I think I can handle it. Thanks though."
"That's too bad. I'm pretty sure you would have enjoyed my shower moves."
Mmmmm, shower moves. The shower at my house... what fun we had. STOP IT BELLA!
The hot water from the shower felt amazing. I could have stayed in there for hours just letting the pounding water ease the tension in my body. Edward knocked on the door after I had been in there for a while. He said he was just checking to make sure I was okay. I got out, wrapped the big fluffy towel around me and quickly realized that I had forgotten to bring my pajamas in with me. Damn! I knew how difficult it was going to be to not give in to Edward's advances when I walked out in a towel. Something told me that Edward wasn't going to make it easy on me either.
I took my time combing my hair and putting lotion on. I brushed my teeth then walked out into the room. Edward had put my pajama pants and a tank top on the bed for me. He didn't even look my way when I walked to the bed to get them. I dug through my bag quickly for some underwear and went back into the bathroom to get dressed. This time when I came out, he had pulled the covers down on my bed, and he was laying on his bed watching television.
I could feel him watching me, but he didn't say anything. I just climbed into my bed and thanked him.
"No problem, beautiful. You just get some rest."
Edward turned off the television and the lights. He went into the bathroom and I heard the shower. As I lay there trying to fall asleep, all of the thoughts that I had been pushing down for the past few days kept popping into my head. I thought about the fact that my kids were without me for an indefinite period of time. It occurred to me that I didn't even think to bring them to the memorial service for their grandmother. Does that make me a bad mother? Am I being overprotective, or was Renee just not that much a part of my life any more?
The thought of Renee made me realize that I had no idea what was happening. I didn't know when the funeral was, I didn't know exactly what happened, I knew virtually nothing. I had kept my kids away, and I hadn't let Phil talk to me when he tried. Maybe he was right, maybe I was being a petulant little shit. I wondered how differently I would be acting if it were Charlie that had died. That thought made my chest constrict. I couldn't even think about that right now.
I started to drift off as Edward came out of the shower. He smelled like soap and aftershave. I wanted to say something to him, but I couldn't get the energy to speak. I was in that semi-dream world, where nothing seems real. My mind started drifting again, only this time it was to Jacob.
I had been working on some schoolwork in my bed when I finally looked at the clock. It was 11:30 at night, and I still hadn't heard from him. That wasn't particularly unusual for Jacob. He often went out with friends after work or track practice, but he did usually call me first. Seth and Leah had been in bed for a while, and I had lost track of time.
I called his cell phone first and got no answer. I left a message for him to call me. After about thirty minutes, I called again. Staying out until midnight on a school night just wasn't cool. This time my message was a little more snippy. "It would be nice to know where my husband is. Your kids would like to see their daddy."
Trying to go to sleep while angry just isn't a good idea. I lay there tossing and turning and staring at the clock. It was 1:15 when I heard a knock at the door. Figuring Jake couldn't find his keys, I took my time going to answer it. I was quite shocked when I saw two police officers at my door. Charlie was pulling up behind them on the driveway.
I knew...
Charlie explained to the officers that I was his daughter and that he had gotten a call from the Port Angeles Chief about Jake. He told the men that he would take over. The officers actually looked relieved as they got back into their car. I stood in the doorway and watched them maneuver around Charlie's car as they left. Charlie was telling me about Jake's accident, but I wasn't really listening. I was too focused on whether or not the young police officer was going to be able to get out of my driveway without messing up the grass. I knew Jake would be pissed if there were tire imprints left in his perfectly manicured lawn.
The police officer managed to get out of the driveway, and I turned to look at Charlie. I hadn't even realized that I was crying until he wiped the tears from my face. All I could think about was my poor babies. They were sleeping upstairs soundly, not knowing that their entire world was about to come crashing down on them. I had tried so hard to keep things going with Jake, so they would have a father that was around, and it didn't matter anymore.
I couldn't comprehend everything that Charlie was telling me. It was like I was in a fog. I didn't understand where Jake could have been going that would have put him at that particular intersection. From what I did understand, a semi ran a red light and hit him on the driver's side of his truck. He was killed on impact, and three other people were hurt as a result of his truck spinning into them. I didn't believe Charlie, though, because the road he was on wasn't anywhere near our house or his school. It took me several weeks to figure out where he had been.
Seth came down the stairs to find me snuggled up with my dad on the couch. Being the perceptive little five year old that he was, he instantly knew that something was wrong.
"Grandpa what are you doing here so early? Why is Mommy crying? Where's Daddy?"
I could barely speak. "Seth, there's been an accident."
I could still hear those sobs in my head when I allowed myself to think about how much it hurt my little boy to lose his Daddy. Just the thought of it caused me so much pain that I started crying all over again. Edward must have heard my sniffles, because I felt his weight on the side of my bed. He was rubbing small circles in my back and telling me that everything was going to be alright. I so wanted to believe him.
I grabbed his hand and pulled him down onto the bed with me. I rolled over so that we were facing, and I buried my head in his chest. At this point, I didn't even know why I was crying, I just knew that I needed to. He held me like that for quite some time. All the time rubbing circles on my back or rubbing up and down my arms. The room was dark, but there was enough of a glow from the street lights and the moon for us to see each other.I looked up at him to say thank you, but I could see pain in his eyes. He had given me so much comfort without even realizing it.
Before I knew what I was doing, I began rubbing his cheek and I kissed him. It was a very light, very gentle kiss that seemed to go on for hours. Our lips would lightly touch and then one of us would pull away. Tongues were barely darting out to touch. There was an urgency to it, but it was almost as urgent to keep it light. I traced small kisses up and down his jaw line to his ears. His arousal became very obvious to me. I trailed my fingers down his arm and was headed in that direction when he stopped me. He entwined his fingers with mine and said, "Sleep my sweet Bella."
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