'We've not pulled any pranks in a while,' Tonks noted as the bell rang to signal the end of Herbology.
'Yeah, it's been ages since my last detention,' Charlie sighed, putting his school bag over his shoulder.
'Any ideas guys?' Tonks ventured, clearly not having any herself.
They all drew blanks on the walk up to the Great Hall for lunch. As the mouth-watering aroma of the Hall reached them Buck had an idea.
'Food fight,' he murmured.
'What?' They all stopped at the entrance to the Great Hall.
'Out of the way midgets!' A massive Slytherin seventh year growled as he barged through them.
'A food fight,' Buck repeated to the gang, now huddled in the corner of the Entrance Hall. Charlie checked their reactions: Buck was thrilled at having an idea, Don was nodding his head, Annie looked thoughtful, and Tonks' eyes were full of mischief.
'Not now though,' Annie urged, 'wait until dinner time.'
And so they did. It was all worked out by the time they re-entered the Great Hall that evening.
First, Tonks would initiate the food fight by targeting a Slytherin who would be sure to react. From her seat at the Hufflepuff table she had a clear shot at a six-foot something Slytherin built like a troll and with the brains to match.
Quietly, Tonks would charm her spoon to make it like elastic, using a very simple charm that Annie had learned in Charms club and since taught to Tonks in two hours. Tonks would test the spoon before carefully loading a spoonful of peas onto her weapon.
Students chattered away around the hall as Tonks took aim at her oblivious target.
Charlie held his breath as he watched Tonks fire the tiny green missiles at the Slytherin's face. He was shovelling a mountain of potatoes into his wide open mouth.
'AAARGH!' he roared as the peas splattered all over his face. The hall fell silent as the titan stood up and yelled. 'WHO DID THAT?'
A couple of Gryffindor first years, including Buck's brother Connor, laughed at the sight of the Slytherin with large green spots all over his face where the peas had burst.
Tonks was just getting ready to aim a secondary barrage of vegetables when, unfortunately for the first years, the Slytherin took their sniggers as an admission of guilt and launched his plate of chicken, mashed potatoes and runner beans at them.
Considering that he was the opposite side of the Hall, he had a very good range. The first years squealed as they slid off their bench and hid from the plate as it smashed into where they had just been sitting.
The hall was silent with shock as the golden plate clattered to the floor. Mashed potato slid from the bench to the floor and the first years cautiously peeked over the bench from underneath the Gryffindor table.
Even the staff at the High Table were stunned into silence.
Tonks took her opportunity and yelled, as loud as she could.
'FOOD FIGHT!' And all hell broke loose.
Golden crockery flew through the air of the Great Hall, tumbling beneath the cloudy ceiling and splattering students of all ages with their contents.
Students of every house launched spoonfuls of vegetables at anyone they could before realising that handfuls were much more efficient.
Prefects up and down the House tables tried in vain to settle their House mates.
The Head Boy, Andrew Woods, attempted to disarm some of the older students who were using serving charms to bat large amounts of food across the Hall in the fashion of Muggle Tennis. He himself took a plate of gateaux to the face and gave up on attempting to restrain anyone.
Up at the staff table Professor McGonagall was shooting purple firecrackers into the air in the hope that it would distract the food fighters. None of the staff wanted to enter the fray lest they become targets themselves and end up head to toe in sticky toffee pudding.
For the first time, Charlie noticed that Professor Dumbledore was absent from the meal.
Charlie and Buck grinned at each other before launching a volley of Yorkshire Puddings across the hall. Charlie grabbed a chicken wing from a plate before Fergus sent them flying towards the Ravenclaw table. To Charlie's surprise, Gwenog Jones was actively participating in the food fight, despite her position as team captain and prefect.
'TAKE THAT SPINKS!' She yelled, hurling a dish of mashed potatoes at the Hufflepuff captain, Phil Spinks.
'I thought they were going out,' Reg shrugged, bowling a scrambled egg over the Hufflepuff table to the Ravenclaw table. Unfortunately for the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, they were getting most of the hits because the Slytherins were aiming for the Gryffindors but falling short onto the Hufflepuffs, and the Gryffindors were doing the same but hitting the Ravenclaws.
Charlie was distracted from replying to Reg as Tonks had just launched some carrot cake at him and accurately targeted the side of his face. Her mischievous grin and a wiggle of her eyebrows was all Charlie needed to launch a new torrent of buttered beans and pineapple cubes at his pink-haired friend.
By that point the teachers at the staff table had had enough.
'SILENCE!' Professor Snape roared. The tinkling of crockery dropping to the floor was the only sound in the hall. Every eye was turned to the black-robed and fuming potions master. Snape swooped down to student level and headed menacingly over to the Hufflepuff table, stopping in front of Tonks.
'Nymphadora Tonks.' He hissed his voice audible to every ear in the massive room. Professor McGonagall looked on apprehensively.
Charlie's brain seemed to have stopped working. He could see that Tonks was in for some serious trouble and that Snape's dislike for Tonks was escalating into all out hatred. Charlie could only think about one thing, and that was helping Tonks.
'What are you doing?' Buck demanded. Charlie's hand was edging towards the large plate of trifle. He had a clear aim at the back of Snape's greasy head.
The trifle was heavy in Charlie's hand, but he held it steady. Snape was glaring at Tonks, with that look that always felt as though he was reading your mind.
'Don't do it.' Buck hissed again.
Charlie's hand went back, loaded with trifle.
'Your funeral.'
The trifle tumbled through the air, splashes of custard spiralled out from the dish, until it landed with an unexpected thwump on the back of Snape's head.
The hall gave a collective gasp. It wasn't just Charlie who had taken aim at the unpopular potions master, but also Scabior, a dark-haired Slytherin boy, had nailed Snape with a fistful of fruitcake.
'You three,' Snape's voice was cold. His eyes were dark and dangerous as he slowly pointed at Tonks, Charlie, and Scabior. 'Come.'
That was all Snape said before stalking out of the Hall, trifle and fruitcake mixed in his black hair.
Buck looked despairingly at Charlie as the latter carefully stepped away from the Gryffindor table and headed to the Grand Staircase. Charlie carefully avoided puddles of beverages and puddings, thinking how embarrassing it would be to slip and fall at that moment.
Almost on cue, Tonks stumbled and fell on a slick of crème brûlée. Charlie quickly doubled back to help her up amongst the giggles that had broken out in the tense Hall.
'I'm okay!' Tonks told her spectators, with a wave. 'I'm okay!'
'Not after Snape gets through with us we aren't,' Charlie reminded her gravely.
Scabior was already at the doors of the Hall when Charlie and Tonks joined him. Snape was waiting impatiently on the first floor landing.
'When you're quite done making a fool of yourself Nymphadora.'
Tonks' hair flushed.
'Easy,' Charlie warned. 'Don't give him any more reason to feed us to a chimera.'
Tonks merely glowered in Snape's direction. Scabior quietly made his way up to Snape with Charlie and Tonks.
They followed Snape along the first floor corridor until they came to a dead end, marked only by an extremely ugly gargoyle.
'Cauldron cakes,' Snape told the gargoyle and it quickly sprung aside. The wall behind it split in two revealing a moving spiral staircase. Snape, Scabior, Charlie and Tonks stepped onto the staircase as it ascended. The gargoyle hopped back into place as the wall closed once more. The four silent passengers rode the staircase in circles, higher and higher, until they reached a polished oak door with a brass knocker in the shape of a griffon.
'Dumbledore's office,' Charlie breathed as Snape took the griffon knocker in hand and knocked on the door.
Charlie wasn't sure what was louder, as he stood, waiting for Dumbledore to answer the door, the brass knocker or his own heartbeat.
The oak door silently opened and Snape stalked through it, followed by the three apprehensive troublemakers. Snape still had bits of trifle in his hair.
'Ah, Severus,' Albus Dumbledore smiled from behind his desk. Charlie swallowed hard, gazing around the circular office. There were stacks of books upon shelves and delicate silver instruments puffing out smoke on a nearby table.
'Why don't you four pull up a seat?' Dumbledore waved his wand and four squashy purple armchairs appeared out of nowhere.
'I prefer to stand,' Snape said haltingly.
'Very well Severus, though while you stand Miss Tonks, Mr Weasley and Mr Scabior may be seated.' Charlie filed around the front of the desk between Tonks and Scabior, settling into one of the armchairs. It really was exceptionally comfortable. 'What was it you wanted to talk to me about?' Dumbledore asked Snape.
'Well, Headmaster, considering that you missed dinner this evening,' Snape began.
'Ah yes,' Dumbledore interrupted, 'I decided that it would be best to leave dinner for this evening as I would rather not stain my new robes. They're silk you know.' Dumbledore showed them all the new turquoise silk robes that he was wearing.
'Very nice Professor,' Tonks complimented. Charlie glanced at her and she shrugged.
Snape, meanwhile, was spluttering. 'Y-you knew that this would happen? You knew that these students,' Snape put as much venom as possible into that one word, 'would start a food fight?'
'A food fight?' Dumbledore beamed with surprise. 'Of course not Severus, I just had a feeling. Besides, it looks like you had a lot of fun without me there.'
'A lot of-' Snape took a deep disbelieving breath. 'Headmaster, these three students have not only taken part in, and perhaps initiated, a mass rebellion of the school, but have also assaulted a teacher!'
'I see Severus,' Dumbledore looked over the tops of his half-moon glasses. 'What would you suggest I do with these perpetrators?'
Before Snape could suggest what Charlie was sure would be a foolproof way to make Charlie's life a misery, Professor McGonagall entered the office.
'I have set the students the task of beginning to clean the Great Hall. Professor Flitwick and Professor Sprout are taking charge of the effort.'
'Excellent Minerva,' Dumbledore smiled, 'do take a seat. Severus, you were saying?'
'Headmaster, I personally feel that expulsion would be the most suitable punishment for such a flouting of the school rules.'
Dumbledore cut in over Charlie, Tonks, Scabior and Professor McGonagall's objections.
'You cannot expel them Severus.' Dumbledore settled.
'As I assumed, so I suggest that Miss Tonks be attached to Mr Filch for six months to assist with cleaning duties, without magic, and also suspension from the duelling club.'
Tonks' jaw dropped, 'six months with Filch!'
'Mister Filch,' Dumbledore reminded her pleasantly.
'And suspension from the duelling club.' Snape reiterated, enjoying Tonks' outrage.
'Three months.' Charlie couldn't believe it. Tonks was attempting to barter detentions with Snape.
'Six months.' Snape repeated.
'Four months.'
'Seven.'
'Four and a half.'
'Eight.'
'That's enough!' Professor McGonagall cut in. Dumbledore, meanwhile, was amusedly watching the deliberation. 'Nymphadora, six months cleaning duty with Mr Filch.'
Tonks slumped back in her chair.
'Just as arrogant and insolent as her cousin.' Snape sneered. Uh-oh, Charlie thought as Tonks' hair flared red and she sprung to her feet, ready to take on the potions master.
'NYMPHADORA TONKS SIT DOWN OR IT WILL BE EIGHT MONTHS!' Professor McGonagall ordered.
Tonks sat down, fuming.
'So Miss Tonks here has her detention sorted out, what about Mr Scabior and Mr Weasley?' Professor Dumbledore asked.
Snape, jaw clenched in anger, managed to speak. 'Mr Scabior, for assaulting his Head of House, shall serve three months detention with Mr Filch, and three months with me.'
Charlie shot a glance over to the Slytherin sat beside him. Scabior looked unaffected by it all.
'And Mr Weasley?'
'Suspension from the Gryffindor Quidditch team.' Snape answered immediately.
'Nonsense,' McGonagall insisted. 'It was obvious to everyone in that hall that Mr Weasley was simply helping a friend in trouble, as misguided an action as it was, there is no reason for his position on the house Quidditch team to be affected. Perhaps assisting Hagrid with his ground-keeping work?'
'Absolutely not. Weasley seems to enjoy spending time with Hagrid outdoors.' Snape argued.
'Then detention with me. I'm sure I can find things for Weasley to do around the school, maybe helping out other teachers around the school.' McGonagall suggested.
Charlie tried not to look hopeful. That sounded like a good deal, at least.
Snape seemingly couldn't come up with a better solution so he nodded his head curtly. 'For six months. The same punishment period as Miss Tonks.'
'There we are then,' Dumbledore clapped his hands together. 'Mr Weasley will be a general dogsbody for Minerva for six months, Miss Tonks will help Mr Filch for six months, and Mr Scabior will help both Mr Filch and Severus here for three months each. I shall also be writing to your parents.' Dumbledore looked seriously at Charlie and the other two. 'Is everyone happy with that?'
No one said anything. Charlie was sure that Tonks still wanted to complain though.
'If that is all.' Snape excused himself.
'Oh, Severus,' Dumbledore called just as Snape was reaching for the door. 'Could you bring me up some of the fruitcake? I heard it was scrumptious.'
Charlie could have sworn that Dumbledore had winked at him as Snape, sallow cheeks flushing pink, stormed out of the office, crumbs of fruitcake and trifle still in his hair.
'Minerva, if you could escort these students back down to the Great Hall to help out with the cleaning effort,' the Headmaster smiled.
Professor McGonagall did so, but not before taking fifty house points each from the three students.
'You can count yourselves extremely lucky for this.' She warned them, releasing them back to their house tables.
Once the Great Hall was reasonably cleaned (which didn't take long with over a hundred students helping) they were all dismissed back to their dormitories.
'Hey, Charlie,' Tonks caught up with him before he reached the Grand Staircase, 'I was thinking about what McGonagall said about you throwing the trifle at Snape to get me out of trouble and I have to ask, why did you do it?'
Charlie hesitated. He'd had time while cleaning and ignoring Buck's teasing to think about his actions, and he was still none the wiser.
He shrugged, 'Well I couldn't let you have all the fun in detention, could I?'
Tonks had to laugh, 'See you tomorrow Charlie.' She waved, heading down the staircase to the Hufflepuff dorm.
