Plan I

Inspiration: The Wizard of Oz

Basic Procedure: Buy smallish house in the middle of Kansas farmlands. Mansion, even if repaired, is too large. Wait for tornado season. Stay in house. When tornado hits, don't go into storm cellar. Once house gets picked up, call for Clark's help so he is forced to Oz as well. Try to negotiate non-sparkly slippers in black or purple. If bright red is the only option, make Clark wear them. Epic journey to Emerald City. Epic journey to Evil Witch's house; bring water. Return to Emerald City. Return to Kansas. Secure friendship.

Status: Failure

Reason for Failure: Tornado did not pick up house. Tornado did rip the roof off and knock me around. Was saved by Clark regardless. Clark was pissed at lack of adequate tornado safety.

Additional Notes: Clark still worried about my physical well-being. Probably a positive sign. Oz might not exist. Alternatively, retry with a Cairn Terrier.