Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight
BPOV
"Relax Bella", my mom insisted, "Everything will be fine."
We were on our way to Edward's place and I was getting pretty nervous. I hadn't slept all night and I hadn't eaten breakfast. What if today went bad? What if he had no intention at all to catch up calculus? But mom was right. I needed to calm myself down. Rosalie would be there as well and mom was only a call away.
Edward opened the door and I was speechless. He was wearing a green shirt making his green eyes even more mesmerizing when he smiled at me and invited me in. My mom was watching us from her car and I waved her goodbye.
"Hi," I smiled feeling embarrassed for blushing.
Where was Rosalie? Why wasn't she here to answer the door?
"I need to see Rosalie before we start. I have a question about some theory she explained yesterday."
"Rosalie will be back at 4 PM. You can ask her then? Do you need a drink before we get started?"
I suddenly felt uncomfortable.
"Is Carlisle home?"
Please say yes, Edward.
"No, he had an emergency surgery today."
Suddenly I panicked, my fingers searching for my cellphone in my bag.
"I need to call my mom," I whispered, "She needs to pick me up a.s.a.p."
Where the hell was my freaking cellphone?
Edward took a step towards me and I felt this throbbing pain in my head.
"Bella? Did I do something wrong?"
I kept my eyes on the floor, my fingers still searching inside my bag.
"I shouldn't be alone with a boy and certainly not in his own house," I tried to explain.
"I won't hurt you Bella," he promised.
"Still…"
Those are just words, Edward. How can I trust you?
Why can't I say my thoughts out loud? It would be easier.
"Is it your mom?" he asked, "Aren't you allowed to be alone with a boy?"
"I… No… I don't…" I faltered.
"Bella, please look up. I need to see your eyes."
Suddenly my fingers found the can of pepper spray my father had given me a few months ago.
"Please?" Edward begged.
What kind of person was I? Edward was so sweet right now and all I could think about was attacking him with pepper spray. I looked up and stared into his comforting green eyes.
"I won't hurt you Bella. Believe me. If you want to leave, fine. But you need some help with calculus and I can help you. Your mother won't know you were alone here with me. By the time she picks you up, Rosalie will be back."
Edward was right, I know he was. But I was still too afraid to let my guard down.
"Can we study here in the living room?" I asked.
"Of course we can. I'll go and get my books and a notebook for you. Please take a seat. You need a drink?"
I shook my head and waited for Edward to return. I took a seat in the smallest couch, hoping Edward would take the large one. Although I wanted to create this distance between us, I could feel an attraction, a magnetic pull towards him. I liked him a lot. He was charming, good-looking, nice… I knew there was no way on earth he would like me as well. And I was absolutely sure there was no way he could handle my dark past. And I surely wasn't able to trust anyone with those stories.
EPOV
When I got back downstairs, Bella and I reviewed the derivatives by solving problems we had received in class the past few weeks. I still wondered though why Bella kept this distance between us.
At noon I heard what sounded like a growl coming from Bella's stomach.
"Aha, you're hungry," I mentioned.
She nodded.
"I can make us some scrambled eggs with bacon and toast."
"I would love that," she replied, following me to the kitchen.
"So you're a good cook?" she asked while I was baking four sticks of crunchy bacon.
I turned to her and smiled. "A heritage from my father. He's the best cook ever. But you now, I can cook lots of things, not just eggs." I tried to brag a bit.
She was watching me with intrigued eyes and I almost drowned into them. I tried to focus on the pan, noticing my eggs were slightly burned.
"Can I help you set the table?" she asked.
It was the first time her voice seemed relaxed. She had a very nice voice pitch, like she was singing instead of talking.
I showed her in what drawer everything lay to set the table.
"You're indeed a good cook," she complimented after tasting the eggs.
"Thanks."
"So what college are you attending next fall?" she asked.
Her question surprised me, but I was glad the awkwardness between us was fading away.
"I don't know yet. I got accepted into three colleges but I'm waiting for a scholarship."
"What kind of scholarship?"
"Football."
"Oh, you don't seem the football type."
"What does that mean? I'm too skinny?"
She laughed out loud, heaven to my ears.
"No, I never figured you a macho."
"Oh," I smiled, "I'm not. But I'm very athletic, a heritage of my mother. I used to be a macho though, when my mother was still alive."
After a few minutes of silence, Bella spoke again. "May I ask how she died?"
"She died six months ago," I explained, "But I'm not ready to discuss it yet."
She looked at me with sadness in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Bella," I whispered ashamed, tears ready to escape from my eyes.
At that moment she did something I hadn't expect at all. She reached for my hand.
"I understand," she said, stroking my hand with that extreme sadness in her eyes I had seen a few times before. I knew right there and then she did understand and had felt the same kind of pain before as well.
I took her hand in mine and felt her pulse quickening. Her hands were soft, small and fitted perfectly into mine. I looked up at her and our eyes met. Suddenly I had this intense feeling about us. I knew I had never felt this before. It was like she was looking right into my soul.
Unfortunately she released my hand and continued her lunch.
"Why did you change after your mother died?" she asked.
"I realized, with the death of my mother, that life was short and that I was ruining mine by being such a jerk. Besides, my dad and Rosalie needed me. I'm leaving to college in ten months and I'd rather spend time with them than hanging around in a stupid mall or than flirting around with every girl I meet."
She looked surprised. "Didn't you lose a lot of friends because of such a choice?"
"No, I lost a lot of acquaintances, but my best friend understood. He stood by me then and he still does."
"Your best friend, is he the guy sitting next to you in calculus?"
I nodded. "His name is Emmett."
"He's definitely a macho. Were you like him before?"
"I guess I was, yes. I was not as popular though. He can have every girl he wants, even outside school."
"I can't see why. The way he acts is revolting."
"You're the first girl disliking Emmett."
I was surprised. Even Rose was addicted to him. Fortunately Emmett knew touching Rosalie meant his death sentence.
"He's really not that good-looking," she explained, "He's ordinary. There is nothing special about him. Besides, there's nothing exciting about a guy screwing around every girl in town."
I smiled, definitely agreeing.
"Ok, let's take a look at the next chapter, limits of functions." I said, putting our dishes in the dishwasher.
This time, Bella took a seat next to me in the big couch.
Three hours later we decided we had studied enough for one day. Bella told me she was tired and her brain was crammed with too much information.
"It's ok," I assured her, "I'm tired as well. I had expected it to be less difficult."
"If it's too difficult, I can ask Mr. Tanner to teach me himself or to assign someone else."
Her eyes turned sad again and she kept staring at her feet.
"Teaching you is easy Bella. But concentrating on calculus when you're near is extremely difficult."
Had I said that out loud? Oh my god, what's wrong with me?
Bella looked up at me and I saw a blush on her cheeks and a very gentle smile settling on her face. I took her fragile hand in mine and caressed it tenderly. What I would have done to touch her face or to kiss her, right there and then. But I felt she didn't want me to, still extremely shy holding my hand. I couldn't help but notice the fear in her eyes was still present.
"Do you have plans for tonight?" I asked her.
"I will be studying English Literature."
"It's Saturday evening. Don't you go out?"
"I don't, no."
"Would you like to join me and Rosalie to the movies? You can stay and eat dinner here. Or you can go home and then we'll pick you up?"
Stop the rattling Edward.
She didn't answer for a while and I hoped she would say yes. I wanted to see her again. I wanted to smell her strawberry scent and touch her. Her presence had marked me so much, I was afraid she would vanish into thin air and I would lose her forever.
Bella stood up, took her cellphone out of her bag and left the room. She came back a few minutes later and took her seat again in the couch, this time even closer to me than before. I could feel her arm resting against mine.
"Ok, I'm coming with you. But you're sure Rosalie is coming too?"
I nodded.
"And you won't bring me home alone?"
"I promise Bella."
"I have one condition though," she said next.
"Anything."
I regretted my response immediately. What if she asked me not to touch her anymore or not to flirt with her? I couldn't promise her that.
"No violent movie, please?" she asked.
"Agreed," I smiled at her.
She suddenly stared into my eyes and her lips curled into a smile. I suddenly felt warm, my pulse quickening. I wanted to compliment her beautiful eyes when Rosalie entered the living room.
"Hey Bella, I hurried home." Rosalie came up to Bella and gave her a hug.
A wave of jealousy hit me because I wanted to hug Bella as well.
"Hey Rosalie," she responded, "I still have questions about English Literature."
Bella's shoulders seemed to relax completely now that Rose was home.
Rosalie took a seat in the stool in front of us. She stared at us and smiled.
"How did calculus go?"
"Perfect," Bella answered, "Your brother is a great teacher."
"I bet he is," Rosalie said smiling.
"I convinced Bella to join us to the movies later on."
"Superb. I was planning to ask her myself. I invited Alice over as well."
Rosalie jumped out of her seat and dragged Bella out of the couch.
"Let's head upstairs."
Bella followed Rosalie up the stairs to the study.
A few minutes later I went upstairs as well but instead of going to my room, I halted at the door of the study realizing it was open and I could eavesdrop again.
Rosalie was explaining some story about Hamlet, so I decided to move on.
Just as I did, I heard something about me.
"Do you like my brother, Bella?" Rosalie asked her.
Bella scraped her voice. "He's a good teacher, yes."
"Of course he is, but I mean, do you really like him?"
"I do, I guess," Bella sighed, "He's really sweet."
Rosalie screamed out loud and I wanted to do the same, with all the butterflies in my stomach.
"Shhtt…" Bella whispered and for a minute there was silence.
"He probably doesn't like me though, Bella said, "He's a senior and I'm a sophomore."
Hearing her say such nonsense, I felt the desire to enter the study and kiss her, just to prove her wrong.
"Believe me Bella, he likes you," Rosalie replied.
"You think so?"
"I know so. He's my brother. I see the way he looks at you."
"He's just being sweet. Besides, he probably had thousands of girlfriends in the past?"
Thousands was a bit exaggerated, I thought to myself. It's true though I had screwed around with lots of girls, but twenty was a more accurate number.
"He had a few," Rosalie admitted, "But he never looked at them the way he looks at you. I can assure you that."
"I don't know. He's way older than me and he's definitely more experienced. If he has any interest at all, it'll be to screw around. I don't think at his age he wants something serious."
The sadness in her voice made me burst into the study. Rosalie looked up at me and Bella was blushing. I tried to stare into her eyes, but she kept them locked on the floor.
"I… I was… My…" I stuttered, ashamed of my action. I took a book I didn't need at all and left the study again. Not even a minute later a burst of laughter and giggling came from the study.
