Updating this again. And since zombies happen to be dead, I just feel like I have to put this:

R.I.P. to my mom's friend. May 13, 1959 – November 6, 2012

Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Age.

"Zombie land?" Ellie reiterated, shocked. "So that means you're a…"

"Zombie?" Diego finished for her. "Yeah."

"And you're not gonna suck our brains out? Awesome! Then we can perform zombie experiments, right Eddie?"

"You said it!"

The possums both grinned, but their expressions soon changed to pure fear, as the zombie tiger threatened, "Anyone who touches me DIES."

Crash and Eddie cowered behind Ellie and Peaches.

"Eh?! But didn't Shira touch ya all over already?!" Granny shouted.

Shira mentally slapped her forehead at Granny's extreme ability to make everything sound wrong.

"She tackled me full-force to the ground. It's not like I was expecting that."

"But all ya did was flirt with her! An' ya almost kissed too! You're lucky I stopped ya!"

Shira had realized that the others must be finding this banter quite…odd and implying, so she butted in. "Okay, you two, shut up now, " she spoke up, then turned to Diego. "Now, can you sniff out Manny and Sid?"

"I can, and I would…but Sid's scent makes my eyes burn…" This remark caused many annoyed glares to be shot in his direction, which he promptly ignored. "And besides, don't you guys want to rest up for the day?"

He sighed impatiently when he noticed that he was receiving blank stares. "It's nighttime now."

"I guess you can only know that if you're a zombie," Ellie commented, looking up at the unchanging grey sky.

Diego nodded. "It's kinda like that whole issue with colorblindness."

Shira shrugged. "Then I guess we'll have to camp out here for the night."

"Hey Sid, mind making a fire?" Eddie called out, but soon realized his mistake. "Oh, right…"

Crash laughed. "Idiot!"

Eddie glared daggers at him. "Shut up!"

"Don't tell me to shut up!"

"Well I just did!"

Crash slapped Eddie, causing Eddie to slap him back. This is resulted in another one of their infamous slap fights.

"Do they…always do this or somethin'?" Diego asked, staring at the possums' supreme idiocy.

"At least twice a day," Louis responded. "Trust me, as their niece's best friend, I've had a lot of experience with those two."


"Okay, I think my mind's finally starting to clear from that gooey stuff," Sid said, rubbing his head.

"Good, 'cause I think I'll never be able to live it down. You said some pretty embarrassing things back there, and let's just say that I saw a few guys laughing at us."

Sid stared at his friend in horror. "W-What did I say?"

"Stuff along the lines of, 'My mom used to like to scrub my tree branch with my butt and possum dung," Manny informed flatly.

Sid blinked. "That is so not true! She didn't use possum dung; she used Uncle Fungus's fleas!"

"…"

"Uh, Manny?"

"…I don't want to hear anymore about your crazy uncle. Let's just hurry up and find them, 'cause I am not putting up with all of your disgusting truths."

"Find who?"

Sid jumped at the new voice, and although Manny remained still, he was internally equally surprised. Another mammoth suddenly appeared out of nowhere. His physical condition was no better than the other strangers walking away, having missing patches of fur and chipped tusks. On top of that, he was missing an eye and had many scars running through his body.

He noticed Sid's shock at his sudden entrance into the conversation, and grew frantic. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" he apologized profusely. "I didn't mean to scare you! Ugh, I'm such a moron! Moron…" He shook his head while mentally reprimanding himself.

"Uh, it's cool," Manny said at last after some hesitation. "Don't back your brains out over it."

"Ugh, I'm sorry, I freak out over the simplest things. I've been like that since I was a kid; I was always so socially awkward. My name's Howie, by the way," he added, doing his best to be civil.

Sid, having recovered, replied, "I'm Sid, and this is Manny. So don't you have any friends?"

"No," Howie shook his head sadly. "I'm younger than I look, and there aren't many people my age down here. The only one who actually talks to me is my uncle Dee-Dee."

"Uncle Dee-Dee?" Manny and Sid questioned in unison, exchanging looks with one another.

Howie looked down, embarrassed. "That's not his real name or anything. It's just a nickname I gave him as we grew close," he muttered.

Sid nodded. "I totally get that. My uncle Fungus's real name is actually Frank, but since he never bathed before in his life, he earned the nickname Fun-"

"Sid," Manny spoke in a warning tone. "Just be quiet." He turned toward the other mammoth. "Before I forget to ask, where are we?"

"You won't believe me if I tell you," Howie said skeptically, having already caught on that the other two had no clue of their whereabouts.

"It'll still be an answer. Just spit it out, and I'll decide whether to believe you or not."


"GET BACK HERE, YOU MISCREANTS!"

Crash and Eddie snickered, as they scurried away from the angry tiger. "Miscreants?! Bahaha!"

It hadn't taken long for the two of them to stop fighting and realize that Diego was oblivious to their pranking reputations, making him the perfect victim. They had whipped out their spitball shooters and shot him when he wasn't facing them (right in the rear too), and let's just say that the zombie did not take this too kindly.

The rest of the group had lay down and fallen asleep, though all of them (other than Granny, who was unsurprisingly a heavy sleeper) had been startled awake by Diego's yell.

"I have yet to meet one person who you guys haven't pranked before," Ellie said exasperatedly.


Sid fainted, whilst Manny stared. "So let me get this straight… We're stuck in some kind of Zombie-topia?"

Howie nodded. "I know it's pretty unbelievable, but I'm honestly telling the truth."

"Never said I thought you were lying. I guess it's safe to believe you, since you don't seem like the insane type."

Sid sat up, suddenly awake again and started panicking. "WE'RE GONNA DIE HERE!"

"No, we're not," Manny said, a determined look crossing his face. "We're going to find the herd and get back to the island, no matter what." Then he asked Howie, "Can you zombies track down the alive?"

"I'm a mammoth. A dead mammoth, but still a mammoth," said Howie. "Mammoths can't track. But Uncle Dee-Dee can."

"And I suppose this 'Uncle Dee-Dee' isn't a mammoth then?" Manny guessed, raising an eyebrow.

"Well… No. So we're not related by blood or anything…"

"What kind of animal is he?"

"A saber. He's not like the typical saber though. He won't sink his teeth into you or anything like that."

"Do you think he'd like to play Ring-Around-A-Rosie?" Sid asked excitedly. Manny wasn't even going to question it.

"Uh, no. His personality is the polar opposite of yours, as a matter of fact. He's sarcastic, hot-tempered, and doesn't trust easily. But once you penetrate that tough shell of his, he really is a fun guy to be around."

Manny shrugged. "If you say so. Do you know where he is now?"

"Uh, no," Howie grinned sheepishly. "But I could ask around. He's pretty well-known around her because of his death."

"What makes the way he died so special?" Sid asked curiously.

"He sacrificed his life to save a pair of herbivores from his pack." Howie snickered. "His conscience is much bigger that you'd think at first."

Manny's eyes widened. He could remember it clearly…

The group of sabers growled at him, though he successfully fended them off. However, the pack leader had somehow snuck up to him, and prepared to lunge. The mammoth turned around just in time to see another saber take the blow for him, and fall into the snow, with blood from his shoulder seeping into the white snow…

Manny looked over at Sid, who didn't seem fazed at all, and was carrying on a friendly conversation with Howie.

He shook himself out of his daze. "Come on, you two. We have something we need to do here."

"Fine, Mr. Killjoy," Sid pouted.

Howie couldn't help but laugh.

Before I forget, I want to clear this up: This is set in an AU (alternate universe), where Diego died in the first movie. So everyone except for Manny and Sid have no idea of his existence.

I'm pretty sure all of you caught on, but there are going to be a lot of Diego quote references from the movie.

And screw what I said about Manny and Sid being comic relief, 'cause I changed my mind. I only thought up this idea about Howie a week ago, and…yeah.

Please review!