Every Time I Try to Hate You…


I wind up following them to an abandoned warehouse near the shadier side of Edge. And I find an observation room on the upper floors where dirty windows allow me to watch them without being noticed if I stay back far enough while they begin to question the girl. I have no idea what any of this is about though. But I can guess that it's probably business-related due to the fact that those two don't seem to have a private life other than the company of the other.

"Where's yer boyfriend?" Reno asks as he pushes the girl to the floor, and she cries out before she scampers to try to get away. But Rude grabs her and holds her still with an iron hold that he's notoriously known for.

"I'm not with him anymore."

The woman's voice is shaky, almost tear-driven like she thinks this might be the last thing she'll ever experience, and Reno chuckles with that dark sound of his and unhitches his EMR from his belt.

"Don't lie ta me, Hun… It ain't gonna feel good if ya do."

"Shit," she stammers before she nervously laughs at him and shakily claims as she struggles in Rude's grip.

"Oh… you mean Koerin."

"'Course I mean Koerin," he retorts as he lowers his head and peers up at her like a deranged maniac. Then he hits the switch that shoots obvious sparks out of the end, causing her to jump like she knows it's a warning that will turn into a reality if she doesn't start playing by his rules.

"I'd answer him if I were you," Rude suggests as he tightens his grip and keeps his expression solid and solemn while trying to stop her from squirming away. But he's a second too slow and she manages to get a good kick at Reno's jaw before the redhead has a chance to slug her across the head for it.

Then he mutters out, "Cure," for his jaw and rubs at it while sneering at her.

After that, he spits on the floor and hits her with a charge that makes her go limp for a second.

"I've had a really bad day," he tells her while she shakes her head to regain herself and rubs her cheek on her shoulder, "I've been shot at, drugged, strangled, and nearly drowned in a fucking septic tank!"

Then he accusingly looks at his partner and wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve while vindictively hissing, "An where the fuck were you?"

"Doing what you told me to do."

He lets out a snort then and holds the EMR in front of the girl so she can watch him turn the dial up.

"I'm not in a good mood, Hun. So I suggest ya STOP FUCKING PLAYING WITH ME!"

"Gaia, Reno," she blurts out as her makeup starts to run down her cheeks, "If I tell you, he'll kill me!"

"Heh. What the fuck makes ya think I won't?"

"Reno," Rude starts in a calm voice as he pulls the woman closer, "The little lady's scared."

"No shit."

Then the man chillingly smiles at Reno in a way that the girl can see through the corner of her eye before he states, "Maybe we should treat her with a little kindness. You know, to help her relax."

"What the fuck'r you two gonna do?" she suddenly asks as she starts to struggle more violently and I unconsciously reach for my gun with a sudden feeling that I might need to use it as I fight the nagging sense that I'm only looking for an excuse to shoot the redhead for reasons that have no substance.

"Maybe a little somethin that'll make ya wanna cooperate," Reno answers before he adjusts his pants and takes a step closer, "That is of course, little sweet pea, unless ya wanna spare yerself the unnecessary humiliation an jus tell us where the fuck Koerin is."

Despite the torn thoughts I have at this moment, I can't help but aim my gun at Reno. But just as I'm ready to pull the trigger with little care over the consequences, a chilling whisper from behind me catches my attention.

It's close to my ear and too familiar in its hollow tone, and it tells me to, "Put the gun down, Vince," and then a familiar pale hand is placed on top of mine with a light pressure and pushes my arm down as if he knows he has more control over me than I want to give to him.

I can feel his breath, warm and steady by my ear, and for some reason it's making me dizzy as that familiar scent of his airy cologne and lavender fills my senses. All I can do is slightly turn my head to see a face that the devil couldn't have worn better.

"You followed me," I realize without hesitating to point it out as he nods and perversely smiles at me.

"I figured a man who believes in penance would appreciate the irony."

Then he pulls me back and I let him do it, almost like he owns me before he pulls two wrapped chocolates out of his pocket and offers me one, and I suddenly wonder if he could possibly be any more twisted since he's acting like we're somewhere other than where we are and that there's nothing of concern happening nearby. And like always, as if he knows my thoughts, he smiles again and almost chuckles before he sits us both down and shrugs at my refusal to take it.

"They won't," he whispers as he sits behind me and wraps his arms around me like he's holding me instead of restraining me. Then he puts the chocolate in his mouth and rests his chin on my shoulder.

"Are you sure you don't want one? They're very high quality… Very good"

"I don't doubt that," I say, and I don't really know for sure, but I think the disbelief I'm struggling with right now might very well be showing.

"You amuse me, Vince."

"Vincent."

"Mm," he mumbles like he doesn't really care, "There's something about you that makes me feel light inside… at times…."

After that, he points to a gap in the floor that's covered by a heavily scratched sheet of mako-pressed glass which allows me to see everything that's going on without having to use the window above.

"Like me, they're trained to find the weakest point," he quietly states, "But also like me, they won't go that extra mile that requires it. They'll get creative if they have to."

"You mean they'll kill her."

"Only if it's required."

"You say it like there's nothing wrong with it."

"You used to be one of us, Vince."

"Vincent."

"Vince," he replies again and then he opens the second chocolate and looks at me like it's my last chance to take it. When I shake my head, he indifferently shrugs and pops it into his mouth before taking a moment to savour it. Then he shrugs his left shoulder as if to state that it's my loss.

"You used to do the exact same thing."

"That still doesn't make it right."

All he does after that is tighten his grip and sigh before he distantly states, "I really don't want to have to kill you."

Then he turns his head and studies my profile like he isn't really capable of feeling anything, and I decide to ignore him and continue watching Reno and Rude work at getting the girl to tell them where her boyfriend is instead.

"Stubbern," Reno states while Rude nods and Reno smacks her on the cheek.

Then he runs his fingers over the only materia slot he has in his EMR and looks at his partner with a flirtatious glint before girlishly batting his eyes at him.

Rude only nods as if it's some kind of code and states in a weighted tone, "Just make sure you don't get me."

"Head's clearin up," the redhead mutters to set his partner's mind at ease before he rubs at his eyes with his forefinger and thumb while the girl starts to struggle again and chantingly demands, "What? What? What'r you gonna do?" causing Reno to shake his head as if it's causing him a headache.

"SHUT UP!"

"I love watching them work," Tseng sighs as he rests his chin on my shoulder again and stares through the gap with an almost nostalgic looking grin.

And I'm not sure if it's just me, but I can't help but notice that it's Reno he's staring at as the redhead mutters out, "Confu," to confuse her enough to make her think he's on her side. Then he stomps on the girls foot when she refuses to open her eyes and look at him, probably because she knows the spell also has a tendency to sporadically act like a love spell.

"Look at me, Darlin," he croons as he gently cups her chin and turns her head toward him while he purrs, "Got some questions fer ya, Luv."

"Why don't you just ask him if he's up to it," I suddenly growl, surprising myself from the bitter undertone in my voice before I push Tseng away from me and get up to leave, causing him to follow and act like he's confused about my sudden need to get the hell away from him.

"What are you talking about?" he innocently asks, even though I doubt he is as he trails behind me while I leave the building with an unexplainable agitation and we wind up near the end of the alleyway that leads to nothing but country.

"Vince?"

"Quit calling me that."

"Vincent," he suddenly says as if he's capable of respecting me and grabs onto my cloak to stop me before I suddenly counter on him and wrap my gauntlet around his throat. He doesn't fight back though, even when I push him roughly into the wall behind him. In fact, the only thing he does is try to dig his fingers underneath my grip to offer him some kind of relief as he stares up at me like he hates me.

Then, just to simply add more fuel to the fire, his PHS rings and he pulls it out of his pocket while still keeping his eyes locked to me.

"I have to answer it," he chokes out and quirks his brow before I suddenly realize that he's asking me to loosen my grip.

When I do, he takes a moment to double over and cough, mostly to clear his throat out before he answers it with his back to me and I recognize the voice I can hear on the other end.

I don't really know why. But for one reason or another, I can't help but suddenly want to rip the phone out of his hand and beat him with it while keeping Reno on the other end so he can listen.

Best if I don't though, because I can't really come up with a good enough reason to justify the action. It's probably best if I just walk away—do as he told me to do in the first place and leave. It's not like either of us owe each other anything and being around him stirs something in me that I'm beginning to think is unhealthy.

He follows me though, and he continues to talk on the phone as he half-walks and half-runs to keep up with my quickening steps while chattering away to his precious little redhead like he's looking for any excuse to stay on the line for as long as he can just so he can hear his voice. Though I know that's not what he's really doing. They're only talking business and I'm in serious need of getting my head checked for even entertaining the insanely driven thoughts that are going through my head.

"What is the matter with you?" Tseng finally asks, immediately after he closes his phone and continues to follow me out into the middle of nowhere because he's unable to take the hint that I'm trying to get away from him.

"Why did you follow me?" I suddenly ask as if I'm avoiding his question and the answer he gave me earlier suddenly isn't good enough. Plus, there's something I want to hear him say but I'm not exactly sure what it is or even if I really want to hear it.

"To make sure that you actually left."

That wasn't it though.

That was so far from what I wanted to hear that I immediately stop and turn on my heel, unexpectedly, causing him to walk right into me before I push him back and he trips over a twig.

Leader of the Turks, I sarcastically think as he pathetically stares up at me. No wonder they're fighting among themselves. Then I sneer at him with little effect since my cloak is covering the lower half of my face and he can't see it anyway.

"Who's the disgrace now?" I say as I lower myself to one knee so I can hover over him as he sits in a filthy mud-puddle covered in rotting leaves and sludge. Then I snort at him and rest my armoured forearm over my raised knee, and unnecessarily point out, "Your suit's dirty," for no reason other than to needle at him.

"Were you always like this?" he smugly asks while quirking his brow at me and looking at me like he thinks I'm acting like a savage. He's about to drive me mad by his detached behaviour when all he does is hold his hands out like he's touched something below his standards and doesn't know what to wipe them on.

Then the arrogant little scamp leans forward so our faces are closer together. And he maliciously purrs while he stares at me with those bitter and hard eyes and wipes his hands off on the part of my cloak that's closest to him as if to state that he thinks that's all its good for when he narrows his eyes, "Or is this the result of all that experimentation done on you?"

For a moment, all I can think about doing is ripping those miserable orbs of charcoal out of their sockets for stooping so low. But in an attempt not to do that, I wind up backhanding him with my bare hand and then standing before I kick the dirt that he reminds me of into his face.

"I think you're doing a good job of making sure I leave this time, Tseng."

"Then why are you still here?"

"Why are you following me?"

Maybe we're both sick with some kind of virus or something similar, because it suddenly dawns on me that I'm not the only one acting strange or doing strange things I can find no explanation for. And at what point, the two of us wind up standing face to face so that we can push and yell at each other is completely beyond me.

I don't even think either of us know what we're yelling about, or even why, before we both suddenly stop. Then Tseng clumsily grabs at the back of his neck with wide and angry eyes while accusingly staring directly into mine to tell me that I'm the reason things aren't going according to his plans.

"This. Is why. I can't. Stand you, Vince!" he suddenly yells as he pulls out a dart that's been lodged into his neck and throws it at me while I pull two of them out of my own and confusingly stare at them.

"This is my fault?" I half-yell and half-ask before I throw both of mine at him while neglecting to even care about where they came from.

"Everything. Is your fault!"

"That's not possible," I tell him as I tiredly point at him with my gauntlet and wipe at the spittle running from the corner of my mouth with my other hand, not really thinking about why I'm not the only one questioning where they came from.

"Prove it, then…" he slurs before we both fall to our knees and stubbornly try to keep ourselves from whatever's in store for us from something we don't really seem to care that much about.

"You're such… n'arrogant… bastard…"

"Don't call me that…" he mutters before he tries to crawl somewhere, maybe in a circle, and mutters, "Been called that all my life…"

But I just need to push it a little further since I'm on a role right now and about to pass out. In fact, I'm probably about to meet my maker. So there's no need to worry about the consequences of pissing the little Turk off as I ask with a heavy slur "Arrogant… or bastard?"

"Animal…"


"So… What's with the ex-Turk-gone-Avalanche pet, Tseng? You taking in strays now? He hardly seems your type."

"Conductin exsperimnen… difffrenz betwhee-n ffailed'nm successful praw-jhecks of Ho-jo's passst."

"Shit. You're such a smartass, Tseng. So is this one a success or a failure?"

"N-nnee… d to… to think… Gimme'a… sss…. s-second…."

"Take your time."

"F- Failure."

"Lovely, Tseng. I can't imagine why you don't have any friends."


"We can do this all day."

"You know me… I love a man with stamina."

"Hm. I must say I'm a little worried about your friend though, he seems to be having a bit of trouble waking up."

"That's strange… That rarely happens when I continuously inject sedatives and all sorts of other drugs into a person."

"Aren't you afraid the amount might kill him?"

"I can only hope."


I feel like I'm in a dream. Fragments come and go, and every now and then I hear Tseng and another man whose voice seems to be getting angrier each time, reverberating, talking. But unlike dreams, the pain I'm in couldn't be more real as I half-open my eyes and realize that Tseng and I are tied, back-to-back, and hanging from a rope.

I'm not sure if he's conscious or not and I can't clearly make out what the pinkish liquid is that's pooled below us either since my eyes are blurred from whatever drugs I've been injected with. But I have a discomforting feeling that it came from me while the throbbing seems to be dulling the rest of my senses.

"Are you awake?" Tseng finally asks in a hushed tone as he moves slightly and I mumble my answer with a numb mouth as my head falls back and I close my eyes again to alleviate the dizziness.

"Good," he says before he squirms again and tells me what's going on, "They got creative and decided to use you… and… well…"

For a moment, he hesitates, almost like he doesn't really want to go into details before he figures the next thing he says should cover it all and be a good enough explanation, and unfortunately, he's right.

"They were trying to get me to talk… You probably don't remember because of the drugs… They know about your limits and were concerned about allowing you to become too focussed or too conscious …"

Then he starts to move in a way that starts us swinging.

"We don't have a lot of time before they come back," he tells me before he slams us into a column and I let out an agonizing growl without meaning to from the shooting pain that suddenly pulsates from the impact.

"What are you doing?"

"Did that hurt?"

"Yes."

"Good," he says, and then he continues to swing us so he can pick up more momentum, "Just think, Vince… If you weren't a jealous and obsessive half-wit, we wouldn't be in this situation."

"Are you mad?" I ask before I wonder why I ask since no one ever admits to being insane anyway.

"Yes. I'm very mad… I'm mad at you, Vince…" he answers before I painfully growl again from another slam and feel something boiling within me that I don't want to wake up.

"I don't know why you think you're in love with me… You'd be better off with someone more like yourself… I understand that Gold Saucer is opening up again, perhaps their circus would be a good place for you to start."

"I do not think I'm in love with you."

"Mm. Besides that, I have no intention to die today."

"Tseng…" I lowly growl while clenching my teeth so hard that it hurts and trying to fight the growing explosion in my veins, along with the anger that he's setting fire to as I cringe at the thought of being slammed into another column.

"You need to stop."

"No."

He sounds dark when he says that, and the third time he slams me into a column is all it takes for me to lose control over Chaos' will. Normally, I can hold it off for a while, though it's an exhausting effort. But I'm under the impression that the drugs they've been pumping me with and whatever they've done to me has already brought me to a point beyond that exhaustion.

And the moment it happens, Tseng falls to the floor as a demonic howl claims the hollow space about us and the ropes break from the force of something that doesn't like to be held back. And immediately, all of my wounds are speedily and accurately healed and my head clears enough to let me know that it does me no good when I'm like this. I have absolutely no control anyway as Chaos' attention snaps quickly to the Turk crawling on the floor as if he thinks he's going somewhere before he's pounced upon and forcefully turned onto his back.

Nothing intimidates this inhuman minion of the devil though, and even more disturbingly, Chaos seems to react to him like a pack-hound to an alpha male.

"The enemies are that way, you idiot," he hisses as he carries a fire in his eyes and points at the door that suddenly bursts open, like Chaos should have been on top of that.

And the next thing I know, my inner demon is playing right into the hands of my external demon's will, and I realize that the bastard set Chaos off on purpose so he could use it to his advantage. And that's exactly how it plays out for him as I try with all of my will to pull the demon back in while my body continues to rapidly repair itself beyond the need and after every strike while it remains under the control of something I never wanted inside of me to begin with.

Wherever Tseng goes after that is beyond me. But I hear gunfire in the other room, which suggests that's exactly where he's gone while Chaos continues to tear up everything in its path and I can only wait until it no longer feels threatened before it ends. And as I wait it out, all I can do to pass the time is think about how much I really hate Tseng right now, even though I'm starting to get concerned since there's suddenly nothing but silence in the other room and I haven't seen him come back out.

Of course, the darker side of me simply tells me that there's an exit in there somewhere and that he probably left and figured I could take care of myself, even though I doubt he would have been concerned over whether I can take care of myself or not.

And as for Chaos' point of view on Tseng, I guess he didn't see him as much of a threat because he's suddenly calmed down and I'm suddenly back to normal and running through the sparsely lit corridors of dank and crumbling concrete in whatever kind of building we're in. All the while, my gun is ready and I'm telling myself that the bastard-son had better be alive so I can kill him myself.

I know I'm lying to myself though, and I almost sink when I find him. But it's not because he's in trouble and it's not because of his torn clothes that are stained with his and Kjata knows who else's blood. It's not even because I disapprove of the fact that he caught himself a rodent and is literally carving information out of him while he practically lies on top of the man from exhaustion and digs a small blade under one of the man's ribs with a crazed look on his face.

No, I think what bothers me the most is what he says when the man screams after his rib is jacked up.

"I know you want to talk to me," Tseng hisses, almost spitting from the vehement tone in his voice as he jacks it up a little more and confides as the man screams again, "Because I know exactly how this feels."

"Kjata… Tseng…" I mutter, whether he can hear me or not is unimportant while I turn my head down and put my gun back in its holster.

I knew he was right when he said his world would destroy me. He might have even been right when he said he'd drag me down. I just never realized that he was talking from experience until he soullessly admitted it to his victim.

But instead of walking away, I find myself kneeling beside him and gently placing my hands on his shoulders so I can try to coax him away from this madness, and maybe even save him from it as well.