Choose
A/N: Hope everyone had a good holiday and breaks and whatnot. And thanks for the reviews! I hope you like the next chapter. I would just like to make a special thanks to two people who are helping me clear up some personal question to help me give a better perspective and understanding of the Ben/Michael/Hunter relationship questions. I know I haven't used Hunter too much, cause I'm still trying to figure him out, but still. Thanks to them for helping me! ^.^
~SL
Chapter Six
"How fucking drunk are you?" Justin asked, finally finding the bar and taking the keys from Brian. Walking around at night trying to find this place had been hell.
"Don't get an attitude, Sonny Boy," Brian warned, pushing himself off the wall he slumped against. "My fucking business how much I fucking drink."
"Well, at least you called me," the blond sighed, letting Brian lean on him as they walked to the car.
Brian stumbled, throwing Justin off balance for a minute before they righted themselves. "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"That it's better you didn't call Michael when you're this fucking drunk," Justin clarified, angry. "You think he wants to have to pick you up when you're fall down drunk when he's falling apart?"
"Sunshine, Mikey's fine," the taller man assured, a slur in his voice. "He's great! Good ole Benny Boy is gonna pick him right back up!"
"Oh yeah, I'm sure," the blond said scathingly, rolling his eyes. They found the car and Brian leaned against it as Justin unlocked the car. "He's thinking about leaving this weekend."
Brian fumbled with the door handle, opening the door with a bit of work and tumbling into the car. He relaxed into the leather seat and shut his eyes, only to have them shoot open when Justin slammed his door shut.
"Watch it!" Brian snapped, sitting up in his seat. That little moment of peace to actually enjoy his inebriated state of minded ended abruptly.
"Maybe you didn't hear me," the blond said calmly, starting the car as he ignored Brian's annoyance. "But I said that Michael is thinking of leaving this weekend."
"Do I look like I control his life?" Brian told Justin pointedly. "I know you all fucking think I do, but I don't. Mikey's a big boy with kids and husband and he can make his own choices."
"He thinks you hate him."
"Are you a goddamn mind reader now?"
Justin sighed. "He was crying when he left. He knows he was wrong."
"Oh, so now I'm magically supposed to forgive him?" Brian asked. "Cause he's run off all weepy back to his hubby?"
"You're an asshole, Brian," Justin stated, pulling the car on the road and heading towards Brian's place.
"Where're we goin'?" the older man asked, looking out the window.
"I'm taking you home."
"Wanna go to Mikey's."
"No," Justin said, slightly amused that Brian was saying one thing, but doing another.
"But I want to!" Brian exclaimed, making Justin jump behind the wheel. "Take me there."
"He doesn't need-"
"He does need me," Brian said, voice solid and sober. Justin glanced over to see Brian watching him intently. It reminded him of a petulant child that was dead set in one idea and wouldn't budge on it.
Justin smiled. "I was going to say he didn't need to see you falling all over yourself."
"What did I say?" Brian asked, looking perplexed.
"Never mind, Brian."
"I said don't worry about it," Michael insisted for what seemed like the millionth time as Brian insisted on apologizing over the phone. It was rare, but not unheard of these days. A few months had passed and they had worked out a rhythm to their… meetings.
Brian would get home by six on a good day, maybe seven if he was running late. Michael would close shop by five, get home to set up some semblance of taking care of dinner or laundry or taking care of Hunter with school work which left him enough time to slip out before Ben's return around seven or eight (although it was slowly extending as he worked more and more on his next book) with a note saying he had just gone out.
"But, Mikey, tonight was going to be-" Brian stopped himself. He wouldn't be able to get away from work tonight and it was actually six month to the day that Brian had accidentally started thinking of him and Michael being… together. But Michael didn't need to know that.
"What?" Michael asked, turning the dial on the washing machine as the load of whites thumped softly.
"Nothing, never mind," Brian said, clearing his throat. "Wanna go to Babylon tomorrow night? We can do Woody's beforehand. It's another strip for charity thing."
Michael tried to laugh it off, ignoring the nagging that ate at him. He had started avoiding nights out with the guys, especially if Brian was going to be there. Not that he wanted to cut them out of his life, but he wanted to keep everything between him and Brian locked up tight, nothing could get back to Ben. Emmett wouldn't be able to help himself from spreading it around and Ted had that oblivious way of stumbling onto information and passing it on. From there, it would only be a matter of time until his mother found out and came flying at him.
At least that's what Michael conjured up.
"You think they would've learned after the last time they did that stunt," he said jokingly.
Brian chuckled on the other end. "Well, I did promise not to bribe any of the strippers this time."
"And I'm pretty sure the heat is off us gays these days," Michael added, tucking the phone between his ear and shoulder to start awkwardly folding clothes.
"So?"
"I don't know, Brian," Michael sighed. "I've just been… a little worn out lately."
Brian made a self appreciating noise on the other end of the phone that made Michael blush. "Stop it, not that. Between Ben, Hunter, the house, work AND you… I'm just a little tired for any more extracurricular activities. I'm finally getting caught up on what looks like a week's worth of laundry."
"There are two other people in that house, can't they help keep it in shape?" Brian asked, borderline demanded to know, as if he would've done the laundry for Michael if he had been living in that house with him.
"Ben's working on the book, Brian. You know that. And Hunter's being a teenager, got a girlfriend and everything. His attentions are otherwise occupied," Michael laughed, completely understanding what it was like to be a kid and bogged down with chores when all you wanted to do was go out.
Brian sighed into the phone. "Well, besides playing wife, will you be too busy to make it to the diner tomorrow?"
"Yeah," he replied casually, folding a t-shirt. "I'm thinking of doing breakfast at home to… I dunno, even out the time spent between?"
"Mikey?"
"Yeah, Brian?" He was busy neatly stacking clothes.
"If you just… y'know, maybe we shouldn't even be doing this," Brian said gruffly.
Michael froze on the other end. "What are you talking about?"
"Will I ever get to fucking see you outside of bed?"
"Am I talking to Brian Kinney?"
"Low blow, Michael," Brian muttered. "I thought we were best friends."
"Well, I didn't want to tell you… but I'm returning my 'BFF' necklace," Michael laughed, gathering the folded clothes in his arms to put them away in Hunter's room.
"No, Michael, I mean I thought we were still best friends."
Michael paused at the bottom of the stairs. "Always, Brian. You know that."
"And that this wasn't weird anymore."
"I didn't think it was," he agreed cautiously. In fact, it almost seemed natural, he added to himself.
Brian sighed. "Then I ask again: Will I ever get to see you outside of bed?"
Michael didn't know the answer to that. He hadn't planned on any of this, he still had Ben and Hunter to deal with here and things were… functioning. Brian wasn't a relationship type, but Michael had lost place of the one relationship Brian had always needed.
"We can do lunch," he answered after thinking about it. He really did need to spend more time at home. "I can come by the office with something from the diner. Can that fill the best friend quota?"
Brian muttered a few indistinguishable things over the line before speaking clearly. "If it's all you can spare for me-"
"Listen," Michael said, cutting Brian off. He didn't have time to handle this as nicely as he normally would. "I'm sorry you're feeling a little left out, but I'm still working out the kinks to this whole thing. If you want, you can pick me up a fucking copy of 'How To Cheat On Your Husband', but at least I'm trying." What the hell was he saying?
"When are you going to tell him?"
"Tell who what?" he asked, annoyed as he finally started up the stairs.
Brian's grip tightened around the phone. "Ben."
Dead silence filled the space between their phones as Michael made his way to the top of the stairs. Tell Ben? Why? What purpose would that serve? He was positive Brian would be tired of him soon, resigned himself to that fact. He couldn't stand going out to the bars or clubs because the idea of Brian going into the backroom, especially while he would be there… after what they were doing… it would kill him.
"Brian, I have to go."
"Mikey, that's not an answer."
"I'm hanging up now," Michael said, awkwardly maneuvering the phone from between the cradle of his head and shoulder, ending the call. He stared at the phone before heading into Hunter's room, setting the clothes on the bed and joining them, unnerved.
What the hell did Brian want from him?
Justin had gotten Brian to the Loft with minimal arguing at that point. When they arrived, he was actually breathing quietly in the passenger seat, head dropped on his shoulder, eyes shut. Justin parked and shut the car off, debating on leaving him for a while, but he was expected at Babylon with Ted and Emmett in a few hours. It was better to get Brian up and settled before he left.
"Wakey, wakey!" Justin announced loudly in the small confines of the car, making Brian groan and try to curl up on his side in the seat. It didn't work.
Rolling his eyes, Justin got out and opened Brian's door, nearly having him tumble out onto the street from leaning on it. He sat up sluggishly and looked around.
"This isn't Mikey's house," he complained.
"Gold star," the blond said, helping him out of the car and onto his feet. "We're at your place."
"I didn't wanna go here!" Brian shouted, pushing Justin away. The blond was able to stay on his feet, but Brian wound up on his ass next to the car. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, peeking up at Justin over his knees.
It reminded Justin of Gus. God, they could be twins from the last memory Justin had of the child and Brian huddled right now.
"Get up, Brian," Justin said, offering him his hand.
"I wanna go to Mikey's," the older man said stubbornly.
"You're going to bed."
"I wanna go to Mikey's!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Get off the ground, Brian. Right. Now," the younger man demanded, actually stomping one foot on the asphalt.
"You can't make me," Brian taunted. "I'm not leaving until I go to Mikey's."
"That…" Justin paused, unable to help the smile crossing his face. "That didn't make any sense. Get up. You're drunk, you need to get to bed."
"I need Mikey," Brian muttered miserably, dipping his head so his forehead rested on his knees, hiding his eyes.
Giving up, Justin took a seat against the car next to Brian. "Have you told him that?"
"Shouldn't have to."
"Then how is he supposed to know?"
"Hey, dude?" Hunter asked, nudging Michael after a minute of staring at him splayed out on the bed. "Y'dead?"
Michael had heard the front door open and shut, but hadn't been able to move. His mind was too bogged down with the stress of how to handle the situation. For the most part, Ben and Hunter were self sufficient, Michael was just here to tend house and keep a daily routine in order. Clear away the clutter so they had nothing to worry about, not that he minded. Ben had to work and he didn't want Hunter being stuck in the same teenage ruts he had been. His workload wasn't so heavy that he couldn't handle it.
But Brian? Brian had always needed him. His time, attention, love. Most of him, and his life, had been tied to Brian and he had happily gone along, enjoying it. But the added stress of Brian's wants and needs on top of his responsibilities… it felt like he was tearing in two. That was one part of his life and this was another. It felt like he was living in the past and present all at once, if he had gotten Brian a few years earlier.
"I guess you're dead," Hunter sighed, shoving some of the clothes over on the bed to sit down. "What will I tell Ben? You don't think I'd become his new bed warmer, do you? I dunno how much Katie would like that."
"Shut up," Michael said, giggling. "If she's like any other female I've met, she'd love it."
"The only other woman you know that's straight is your mom."
"And does she, or does she not, love gays?"
Hunter thought about it. "Okay, yeah." Silence fell over them. "Any particular reason you're countin' the cracks on my ceiling?"
"What do you think of Brian?" Michael asked, honestly curious.
"I'd fuck 'im!" Hunter replied enthusiastically, grinning as he held two thumbs up.
Michael rolled his eyes. "Not the answer I was looking for."
"Well, I dunno. What should I say? He's a great guy? Hot, rich, probably the best fuck ever?" Hunter listed absently, shrugging. "I don't know him. I think he's an awesome dude for helping with that case, but other than that, what do I know?"
"Probably more than me," Michael sighed.
"What's goin' on?"
"Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head over," the older man grunted as he sat up on the bed. "Staying home for dinner tonight?"
"I was thinkin' about goin' to a movie with Katie, but…" Hunter looked closely at Michael. "I think you might need some company."
"Company? Ben'll be home tonight, too," Michael told Hunter, confused. Company?
"Dude, he's so fixated on the fuckin' book, he's not even here. Figure you might want someone to actually talk to at dinner, but if you'd rather not. Whatever. I can go out."
"Can we get pizza?"
Hunter's face lit up. "And some movies with explosions?"
"C'mon, kid," Michael said, getting off the bed. "We've got some fun to set up."
Hunter cheered and bounced off the bed after Michael and they raced down the stairs. Michael couldn't leave this behind. What would Hunter do if he left? Ben was too busy to spend enough time with him to keep up on his life, let alone splurge on a pizza and movie night. If it was just himself, Michael realized, he probably would've walked out the door as soon as Brian mentioned telling Ben. But Hunter meant Brian had to give up most of his life, that he would be walking into a huge commitment that he probably didn't think he signed up for, because Michael wouldn't just leave him behind.
Maybe though… No. Michael couldn't even think to bring it up.
"Ben?" Michael asked, rubbing his eyes. The hours had passed in a blur for him. He had gone home, discussed an urge to leave this very weekend with Ben, showered for what felt like an eternity and collapsed in bed. The said two and the other side of the bed was empty. He wandered downstairs for a drink and a snack to find Ben at the table, scribbling away.
"Yeah, baby?" Ben didn't even look up.
"It's two in the morning."
"Yeah, baby."
"I'm getting a snack and going back to bed."
"Okay, baby."
"Penguins have invaded Canada, it was all over the news," Michael announced.
"Alright, babe."
"They acquired nuclear weapons and they're advancing on America as we speak."
Ben didn't even miss a beat, pen still scratching away. "That's good, baby."
"I'm cheating on you."
"I dunno what to do, Sunshine," Brian sighed into the phone. Cynthia came into the office with a coffee in one hand and a stack of contracts in the other. She set them on the desk and Brian mouthed 'thanks' before she left again.
"Well, what the fuck do you expect me to do about it?" Justin wanted to know. "I'm not a mind reader."
"You're just so polite these days. Whoever taught you your manners?" Brian asked, mocking a pleasant tone of voice. "I take it you want to know what's going on."
"It would help me help you, yes."
"Smartass. We've still been… together," Brian said, trying to find the right words. It had started out great, actually. Probably the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was like a slap to the face just how good their friendship had been, and how much better it was with the sex. It was like… it was like sprinkles on top of ice cream, making something that was already good just a little bit better.
"How long?" Justin questioned. He was busy working on his next painting, setting down the paintbrush in a tin can he kept around.
Brian paused to think. He could give the young man the day, week and month, but was that excessive? It seemed like it. Justin might just start laughing at him. He didn't need that right now.
"Eight, maybe nine months," Brian said. It was actually a week before their tenth month. "It was great until a few months back."
On the other end there was a clatter of noise, Justin accidently knocked over the can that held his brushes. Cursing, he picked them up as he asked Brian in a rushed voice what happened.
"He just… stopped going out," he explained, flipping through the contracts. Looks like they were signing a few new models. "First it was the bar and clubs and then it was breakfast in the mornings at the diner. Says he's 'too tired'. Am I really that stressful?"
Justin laughed on the other end. "Brian Kinney stressful? Ah, you must be mistaken."
"Sunshine, don't push me today," Brian nearly pleaded, exasperated. He tapped his pen against the desktop, irritated before he started signing off on the contracts one by one. "So maybe I'm a handful, but I don't want the only time I spend with Michael to be in bed."
There was a long pause from the other end of the line. "No way."
Brian sat up straighter, setting the pen down. "What?"
"I can't fucking believe it."
"Can't believe what?" Brian snapped.
"You're in love," Justin told Brian in a hushed voice, almost in awe. "Brian Kinney is in fucking love."
Ben chuckled, finally looking up at his husband. "Alright, I get the hint. I'll get to bed in a bit, baby."
"If I was serious, what would you do?" Michael asked, staring Ben down.
The larger man pushed his glasses up his nose, having slipped from looking down at the pad, and let the pen and paper fall to the wayside as he turned in his seat to face Michael. This… wasn't right. Ben knew it. He knew it from the way Michael looked, how his arms were crossed and his eyes were looking at him calmly, curiously.
For once, Ben didn't have an answer. He was only able to stare, reflexively twirling the silver band on his left hand.
"Well? Ben, if I was cheating on you for real, what would you do?"
"What could I do?" Ben asked, voice breaking. "I thought I had tried to… make this work, Michael. I was trying to be here more and make time for us-"
"As it's two in the fucking morning and guess where you are?" Michael questioned sarcastically. "That's why I didn't want you to bring the book on the weekend, Ben! There's only so much I can ignore until I'm fed up! I'm here with Hunter, I'm taking care of the house, I'm working… if you noticed, I pretty much stopping going out. But you? Work late, take on extra classes, work on your book twenty-four fucking seven! I take care of dinner and laundry and lunch and my own business. I don't get any fucking help around here and yet…" Michael paused, deciding whether or not to be honest "Yet, I find the time to have an honest, open relationship with another man that's completely fulfilling. So why, with your obviously shorter list of things to accomplish in a day, can't you find the time to do that with me?"
"Do I…," Ben took off his glasses to rub at his tired eyes, hiding the moisture that had welled up in them. "Do I even have to ask wh-"
"Brian."
"That doesn't help me, Sunshine!" Brian blurted out, not denying it any, just wanted to know how… how to fix it. "Stop laughing your ass off and… fuck it, shouldn't trust a kid with this crap."
Justin was catching his breath on the other end, gasping as he wiped at his eyes. "I'm sorry, Brian. I'm jus'… Oh, man. I can't believe it. Hoo boy! In love."
"Ignoring that, what should I fucking do?"
"Still getting laid?" Justin asked, taking a seat somewhere on the other end. Brian heard a chair creak.
Brian sipped the coffee, trying not to be annoyed. "Yeah. That's the problem. It's all we're doing."
"You've got the best of both worlds, Brian. Ben takes care of Michael and his marital wants, you get him in bed. How is that not a perfect solution for you?"
Brian drummed his fingers impatiently on the stack of contracts. "That right, Sunshine?"
Justin snorted. "Unless you're willing to admit that you want Michael, only Michael and no one else can have him. If you want to promise him marriage, a house and a future to go on. He'd probably want you to stop tricking. Have you?"
"If I have?"
"Holy shit! You've got it bad," the blond said in a slightly amused tone.
"Sonny Boy, I've got a meeting in ten minutes," Brian sighed, leaning forward on the desk, free hand rubbing at his temple. "So, can you stop being amazed for five seconds and tell me something useful?"
"You could always tell Ben yourself," Justin replied, stretching his back out with a slight groan. "That'll kill the marriage, but Michael would hate you."
"Bottom line?"
"You're stuck as 'the other woman' so to speak, Kinney. Can't have your cake and eat it too in this situation."
Brian let himself slump over the contracts, resting his forehead on his forearm. "Thanks, Sunshine. I gotta go."
"I'm here if you need me."
Brian had allowed Justin to get him up to his Loft and in bed, helping him remove his shoes, but not much else. The older man had waited until he heard the heavy door shut before getting up and undressing himself. He was pretty sure he didn't want Justin's help anyways. Mikey would've tucked him in right. Mikey would've helped him out of his clothes and tucked him in and crawled into bed next to him. What was Justin? Little punk was just fed up that Brian was eating into his time. He glanced at the clock as he tossed the soft button down shirt to the floor. Damn, it was late. Arguing with Justin had eaten up most of his night, but he felt relatively sober, not exactly better.
He'd rather be fall down drunk again.
His body felt worn down, achy, as he stripped down to nothing. Brian sat back down on the bed, elbows resting on his knees, contemplating the situation. He could make it right. Well, he wasn't sure how, but he had an idea that he could. He wanted control back in the situation, in his hands. Michael had it for far too long, in his opinion. Usually he didn't mind when his best friend had the reins, but he was fucking done being pulled along. He decided that much.
Brian made his way to the shower, he could smell the alcohol on him at this point. It would help his body relax. He flipped on the lights taking in the bathroom. It was modern, up to date and clean. The large shower fit Brian's needs, something to show off, something to use if he was tired of the bed. He wished for a tub at the moment, opening the glass door to turn the water on. He was too weary to stand comfortably for once.
Would Michael prefer a tub to a shower? He wondered about it, stepping under the spray of hot water. A big one. Which would mean a huge bathroom and it would have to be connected to their bedroom. Brian ran a hand through his hair, pushing back the wet strands, shaking his head slightly. Could he get a bed bigger than the one he had now? Sure, he liked sharing it with Michael, but it was a mental thing. He needed his space in bed, even if they would wind up wrapped in each other. Brian needed to feel like he could stretch out. He could probably get one custom done.
Jenny and Gus needed play space. There would have to be a furnished basement or something. And a big backyard, Brian decided remembering how Gus was throwing the ball in the park one day when Lindsey and Mel were deciding on moving. Shit, he would have to learn about sports, wouldn't he? Nah, not for a few years anyway. Separate rooms for them, because as cute as it was thinking their kids might be best friends (okay, so bunk beds had crossed Brian's mind) Jenny was going to need her own space. She was still little and needed a nursery type setting. Changing bed, diapers and all.
That left Hunter. The thought was a touchy one for many reasons. Mostly he and the kid had never seen eye to eye. It took time for Brian to adjust to him, because it was just one more changing thing in Michael's life. One more thing away from Brian's life. The uncomfortable flaunting of himself at Brian… well, that went without saying, but the kid thought he was straight (didn't Michael say he had a girlfriend?) so it wasn't like he was going to be snuck up on in the middle of the night.
On a side note, Brian thought scrubbing shampoo in his hair; they would need locks on their bedroom doors. He wasn't one to gamble.
But what about Ben? Wouldn't the kid rather be with the man that took him in, in the first place? Michael would be brokenhearted to have Hunter choose Ben over him. He couldn't blame the kid, though. He was old enough to make a choice and with school decisions coming up, Ben seemed like a better choice to help him with that. Brian wouldn't be so bad to live with though, would he? Hell, he'd done the college shit before. He could help. What the hell did the kid want to do? Ben probably wanted him in some big name place fighting the good fight for whatever cause he was on.
College wasn't about that. It was about finding it all out. Your place, where you're going and what you like to do. What could Hunter see himself doing? It didn't matter now because he had time to figure it out then. Ben probably had the kid's life mapped out for him.
Brian tipped his head back to rinse out his hair, leaning forward, palms flat on the glass. He needed Hunter on their side. Thinking about it from a standpoint that benefited himself (which was always a good one to see from), if he sort of… 'won' Hunter over on where he would stay, that would make Michael happy. Showing the effort, putting in the time he'd wasted.
Oh, fuck. He really had wasted all this time, just expecting Michael to pick up and come with him. Who the hell was he to ask that of Michael? He wanted his best friend happy, taking away some of the best parts of his current life wasn't going to do that. Maybe another time, different events, but none of those applied now and right now was what mattered.
"I'm a fucking idiot," Brian groaned.
"Mikey, we're going out tonight," Brian said when Michael showed up at his door. He was in dark blue jeans and black muscle tank, chosen with care. He looked good, but not his standard 'I'm out and I'm going to find you' look.
Michael wasn't expecting it. "We had this discussion a week ago, Brian. I'm stretched a bit to the seams here. Can't we just spend a few hours together?"
"Why can't they be spent out?" Brian countered, crossing his arms and arching an eyebrow. He still hadn't let Michael enter the Loft.
"Because it won't be just 'a few hours' Brian, you know that," Michael said, smiling. "You'll want a few drinks, then you'll want to dance and then a few more drinks and maybe something a little extra on the floor and then you'll-"
Michael cut himself off, shutting his eyes briefly to collect himself. "If this is what you want to do tonight," the shorter man said, opening his eyes to look up at Brian again. "Then I should get home. Ben thought he actually might be home at a decent hour for once."
"Skipping out on hubby for me?" Brian asked, leaning in the doorway. "Why, Michael, I'm shocked."
"Don't be an asshole about this."
"About what?" the taller man asked, looking down at his friend. "The fact that we never go out anymore?"
Michael snickered. "You sound like we're a married couple."
"Yeah, well, you've got The Professor for that, don't you?" Brian said bitterly. "I don't know if we should… keep doing this, Michael."
"Missing the tricks, huh?" Michael blurted out, face shocked at what he said. They never talked about it.
Brian frowned. "Actually, I was going to call it 'missing my best friend' but if you want to be a trick, fine." He stepped casually aside from the door, one hand extending to let offer him in. "This is where you step in and say 'Nice place'."
Michael didn't budge, looking down at the floor. Brian snapped out and grabbed him by the wrist, dragging him over the threshold. "C'mon, Mikey. Play along."
"Nice place," the smaller man mumbled.
Brian pushed him gently forward and turned around, Michael heard the door close behind him. "I know. Don't steal anything."
Michael felt sick to his stomach. He hadn't been thinking and this was going a little too far. He heard the soft clicks of Brian setting the security system. Brian knew this act like the back of his hand, crossing over to the kitchen and opening the fridge, taking out a bottle of water for himself.
"Want anything?" he offered, fridge door open.
Michael shook his head.
Brian chuckled, opening the water bottle and raising it to his lips. He paused, watching his best friend shifting uncomfortably on his feet. No, no. This wasn't his best friend. Michael wanted to be like everyone else. So insistent he was missing his tricks. How to grind it in a little more?
"Y'know," Brian said smoothly, leaning against the breakfast bar in the kitchen. "You remind me of a trick I had here years ago. Standing there like that, I mean."
Michael finally lifted his head and looked at Brian. The water bottle crinkled in his grasp as he took long swallows from it.
"Yeah. A little punk standing there, wide eyed just like you. Like I would eat him alive," Brian said, setting the bottle down. He felt it then, the easy transition into what he was known for; a sexual predator.
It was an interesting thing to watch from Michael's end. He'd seen it happen a million times at this point in his life but never directed at him. The careless way Brian stood up straighter, as if shrugging off an invisible weight, the real world. This was his domain. His place. His life. This is who he was and who the fuck was anyone to say otherwise? How he easily let his eyes roam over Michael, openly staring, wanting. The effortless way he kept his distance, but felt like he was closing in on the smaller man.
Michael felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't look away. He didn't want to know how far Brian was going to take his new game.
The taller man seemed to shrug, looking away for a minute in a casual manner. As if saying 'why the fuck are you even here?' "Cute little bottom, just like you, too," Brian told Michael, and the shorter man saw a ghost of a smile tug at the corners of Brian's lips. "Didn't know a damn thing. I took his virginity."
The dark haired man was going to lose it, Brian could tell. He gave the other man about… five more minutes of this until he cracked.
"But I don't think I have to worry about that with you, do I?" he asked, actually flashing a smile. It was gone as soon as it showed up. "Are you just going to stand there all night? Don't tell me I have to hold your hand, too."
Michael muttered an apology, taking off his jacket and then looked clueless as to where he should put it.
"Drop it," Brian demanded, Michael did. He looked startled at the material fell to a heap at his feet and Brian smiled, but felt a nagging feeling that this was just too wrong.
"I could do it to you, y'know?" the taller man asked, breaking character. His posture took on an imperceptible change, a softening of sorts. "I could make you reenact the whole fucking night, Michael. Do you want that?"
Two mugs of coffee sat before each man as the avoided eye contact at the table. Michael wrapped his hands around the hot ceramic as Ben let his fingers circle around the rim of his mug. The silence was deafening. Michael could actually hear the clock ticking in the kitchen. He had said his piece and calmed down enough to realize that he couldn't just shove it all in Ben's face and leave, although the thought was so tempting. He didn't have it in him. Ben had tried. Given part of his life for Michael. That did mean something.
Ben sighed. "How long?"
"About a year, if I had to guess," Michael admitted softly, hands tight around the mug. "I didn't think… It wasn't supposed to be a… thing."
"Affair," Ben corrected. "That's what it is, Michael."
Michael nodded. He deserved that.
"How did it happen?"
"Remember the shirt?" Michael asked. Ben nodded as he shifted uncomfortably. "That night. We… were drunk. Shitfaced, honestly. We went to a club, dancing until all hours. I don't even know what we were on that night. Something just… happened. I tried, Ben. Just know that I wasn't looking for it. We got back to his place and he just…"
Ben shook his head, sipping his coffee. This was more painful to hear than the times he had imagined it in his head. "You wanted it."
"I needed something!" Michael snapped, eyes wide. He slumped back into his seat, muttering his apologies. "You were just… Shit, Ben. We were fighting all the time over everything and he was just letting me have some fun-"
"Obviously," Ben snorted sarcastically.
Michael glared at his husband. "That wasn't part of the plan for either of us. Just a best friend night out, Ben. I was gonna spend the night at his place so we could cool off and… I don't fucking know!"
"Finally got what you wanted," Ben shrugged, sipping his coffee.
The smaller man slapped his hand down on the table. "What is it with everyone thinking I just wanted a fuck?"
Ben, startled, set the cup back down. "Are you telling me you haven't been 'just fucking' Brian this whole time? What has it been Michael? You said it yourself! You don't go out anymore. You are here most of the time. Unless you haven't been opening your store for the past goddamn year, what else have you been doing with Brian?"
"I-" Michael paused. This now officially looked as bad as it sounded. What were he and Brian doing if not just using each other, really? He had pushed Brian out of the rest of his life, confining him to bed. Michael kept a neat line between what they were and what he wanted from Brian, but that wasn't everything he had wanted from his best friend.
Michael took in a deep breath, shutting his eyes as he leaned back heavily in his chair. "It sounds bad. I know it sounds exactly like that, but what else could I do? I had my family and life with you and you never wanted him as part of that. I needed… balance. If I had more with Brian than with you, you had every reason to be angry and keep pushing me. And I didn't want to see… I couldn't if he went… to the backroom. So I gave up…" Michael sniffled quietly. "I gave up the best fucking part of my life with Brian to… Oh fuck."
Michael let his face fall into his hands, crying quietly. Ben wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. It always broke his heart to find Michael upset, but was he supposed to care under these circumstances? Goddamnit, there should be a fucking rule book on this shit. Ben patted Michael shoulder awkwardly, but it wasn't the comfort he needed right now.
"I needed," Michael hiccupped. "I still needed my best friend and I lost him. No one, Ben" Michael looked at his husband with stubborn, watery eyes. "No one can replace that for me. Not even you."
"Was it worth it, Michael?" Ben asked. He had to know. "Was it worth it losing your best friend and your family?"
"I don't see how I've lost them completely," Michael retorted, wiping at his eyes. "This right here, I think is over. That's fine. Brian and I might take some work, and if he hasn't completely come to hate me, we can smooth everything over. I have hope in that."
"What about Hunter?" sighed Ben. "The adoption papers, Michael. What about that?"
"You should answer him, dude," Hunter said from the stairs where he had situated himself on the bottom two as Michael let the silence go on.
Michael's eyes went wide as Ben stood up to go and lean over the rail and look down at Hunter. "Pal, you've got school in the morning."
"And I doubt they'll be a test on what the fuck is goin' on with my life," Hunter snapped, looking down between his knees. "Why don't you just fuckin' tell me where I'm gonna go already?"
"Hunter," Michael said, joining Ben at the stairs, but kneeling down in front of Hunter, getting him to look directly at Michael. "Hunter you are not going anywhere. We just need to get some things situated, but you are not. Going. Anywhere."
"Michael," Ben sighed, hating that he was probably getting riled up to some stunt like up and leaving the Pitts to hide Hunter. "Don't worry him with it. When we have a decision, then we'll let him know, okay?"
"Fuck you, man," Hunter spat, looking up at Ben. "Don't leave me out of this. It's still my goddamn life!"
"Listen, you need to calm down," Ben said sternly. "And get to bed. Whatever's happening now, you still have school in the morning, pal."
"Ben, enough," Michael commanded, holding a hand up. "I think Hunter's allowed a day off after what's going on."
"I know it doesn't seem like it to you, but school is important," Ben told Michael, irritated. "We can't let him off for every little thing!"
"You call this 'little'?" Michael asked, standing up to face his husband. "His life was wrecked once, what do you think we're doing to it now? Taking him for a fucking picnic?"
"Don't get dramatic," the larger man said with an eye roll.
Hunter sniffled quietly, trying to hold it back. "Can I go hang out at the store tomorrow?"
Michael looked at Hunter, and moved him over to sit next to him on the stairs, putting an arm around his shoulders. Hunter leaned into it. "Yeah. It'll be fine. You can give me a hand, hell, we'll go out for lunch. Whatever you want."
"Michael!" Ben snapped. "Are you serious? You're just going to give him whatever he wants?"
"Ben, just shut the hell up for once and let me do this," Michael sighed, stroking Hunter's long hair while his son tried not to cry. "As far as the paperwork, let me call Mel and see if she can help speed it up. Actually, it's been a call coming for a longtime, kid. I'm sorry."
Hunter shook his head. He didn't care. He just didn't want to wind up where he used to be.
"Well, it would make things easier," Ben commented, thinking about the situation. "But then what?"
Michael shut his eyes, trying to keep himself in check. "I don't know. I don't have all the answers. All I know is that Hunter comes first. I'll take the couch tonight, we'll work this out in the morning and the details can come later, alright? Hunter's old enough to decide for himself where he wants to go and once I get my own place, he can make the choice."
"He should stay with the most-"
"Don't. Fucking. Finish. That. Sentence!" Michael exclaimed, holding on tighter to Hunter. "Yeah, what I've done is shit, but don't you dare take it out on my parenting skills or whatever the hell you were going to say. That's a low blow, even for you."
Ben gripped the railing tightly in his hands, lips drawn into a thin line. "Fine. Do whatever the hell you want. You already have been anyway. I'm going to bed."
"About goddamn time," Michael griped. To think, if Ben had just gone to bed with him… would they be doing all of this right now? Michael pulled Hunter to his feet and let Ben storm up the stairs. Hunter still hadn't let go of Michael.
"I'm stayin' with you," Hunter muttered under his breath.
Michael shook his head. "Don't say that until this is settled. He has every right to be pissed off, Hunter."
"What about Brian?"
"Shit, how much did you hear?" Michael asked, groaning. He did not need this right now.
"Doesn't really matter right now, does it?" It really wasn't much of a question.
Michael hugged Hunter closer to him, realizing they hadn't let go of each other since the stairs. "I don't know. I really hurt him today, kid. If he even looks at me again, it'll be a miracle. I just want my best friend back more than anything else."
"Michael, will you fucking say something?" Brian asked, holding the shorter man close to him.
Michael was clutching at the material of his shirt on the back, latched on really. He wouldn't let go. Brian nearly let him fall to the floor when he felt his knees give out. He saw a flash of something odd across Michael's face just the moment before. Anger? Guilt? He wasn't sure, but now Michael was just holding onto his best friend like his life depended on it.
"I'm sorry," Brian said and felt Michael's arms hold on tighter. "It was too far. You pissed me off, but that… I'm sorry." It wasn't enough, really, but it was all Brian could give.
"S'okay," Michael mumbled into his chest. "I'm sorry, too. I won't bring it up 'nymore."
Brian rubbed Michael's back, shaking his head. "I just wish I knew what to do for you, Mikey. This can't be it, can it?"
Michael looked up at Brian with a blank expression. "What?"
"I don't… want to lose us, Mikey."
"I'm still here."
"But this is… I don't know how to put it," Brian sighed. "You're the writer, come up with the words."
Michael snorted, ducking his face back into Brian's chest. "After all those big, grand speeches you make when you get on your soap box, you don't know what to say?"
The taller man rolled his tongue against his cheek, a movement he made when thinking carefully. "Well, let's call those well rehearsed impassioned speeches."
"You're awful. Those really get in some people's faces, Brian."
"Do I give a shit about other people?"
"You're impossible," Michael sighed, looking up at Brian, resting his chin on the taller man's broad chest. "Either way, I'm still here. I'm never going anywhere."
"Promise?" Brian asked, unable to help himself. The situation really was starting to worry him.
Michael smiled. "Yeah, always."
"So why're you still here?" Hunter asked, leaning his cheek on the dark hair of the shorter man.
"Because I need to sleep sometime for work tomorrow?" Michael said, confused. "Where else would I be?"
"At Brian's."
"Oh, no. No. What happened today was… it's a long story," Michael sighed, using his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. Goddamn it, he was still tired but that was hidden under the rush he had just been through over the last few hours. "Thanks for the advice, kid, but something like this is better left for… at least a Godly hour of the day."
"You really gonna sleep tonight?" the young man asked, pulling away from Michael.
Michael felt weary, but awake. "It's a fifty-fifty shot. You?"
"Doubt it."
"Hungry?"
"Do you have to ask?"
"I can't do this anymore," Brian sighed into the phone, fingers impatiently tapping on his desk.
"What? Interrupt my day?" Justin asked, laughing.
"Oh yes, Sunshine, it's all about you."
"You're kinda ungrateful considering I'm supposed to be working right now."
"Oh, bite me, twat. After all I did and you're calling me ungrateful? Besides, all you do is splash around some pretty colors on shit and call it art," Brian snorted, opening his laptop.
"Yep. But I get paid to do it." Justin just enjoyed it all the more. "Oh, to be you and toil away in an office day and night. Well, I think I'll stick with my 'pretty colors'."
"Did I really teach you to be that much of an asshole?" Brian asked in an off-handed manner. He was debating on looking up his used to be favorite frequented chat room.
"And that awesome thing I can do with my tongue. Whatcha doin'?"
"Debating on an early lunch."
"Ah, I sense Michael in your future then."
"Mm, no," Brian replied, smiling just slightly. "I was thinking takeout. Y'know, change it up."
"If this innuendo means what I think it does, I say don't," the blond advised warily. After all this crap, Brian was going to give up?
Brian sat back in his chair, staring at his open web browser. "Why? Didn't I just say I couldn't do this anymore?"
These talks with Justin on slow days were becoming more commonplace with Brian. There was a certain familiarity he craved as a person, and while it was hard to picture Justin as no more than some annoying kid that wouldn't leave him alone, over the phone was different. The young man was slowly taking on responsibilities he normally would've left with Michael. The idea nearly kept him from calling, but he had thought today would be the day he'd get things back to normal, so what could one more call hurt?
Justin 'tsk-ed' on the other end in Brian's ear. "This doesn't sound like the man I was talking to last week. What happened?"
"I'm losing him," Brian shrugged, trying his hardest not to let it eat at him. To not want more.
"I know he's short, but if you put like… a bell around his neck or something, you'd probably be able to find him more often."
"You're frustrating."
"You love me."
"Besides! You two are the same height," Brian argued, ignoring the comment.
"Yeah, tell that to my growth spurt," the blond retorted.
"Anywhere that actually matters?" Brian teased.
"Well, not rea- Oh, real mature, Brian."
Brian snickered, rocking his chair back and forth. Still funny. "Yeah, well, some things are funny no matter how old you are."
"If you act like a five year old, I guess that would be everything," Justin sighed. Brian could hear the eye roll.
Brian pleasantly blew a raspberry into his phone and laughed.
"Am I helping you here, or what? Seriously, I should charge you for these sessions."
"Well, Dr. Taylor, I've been having these dreams lately…"
"Asshole. If this is going nowhere, then just stay in your office, get a random fuck and call it a day."
"When you say it like that… it sounds so…"
"What? Like you?" Justin asked.
"Well, what should I do then? I can't stand this shit anymore. I want to go out, have fun. But it's like goddamn clockwork. I come here, get home, wait for Mikey, a few hours of… well, whatever he's up for and then I feel bad going out alone," Brian sighed.
"Where're the guys?"
"They ask about Michael too much. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I keep trying to get him to go with us or I used to go when I figure Ted and Emmett aren't hanging around."
"Why, exactly, can't you keep going out?"
"It's not the same!" Brian insisted. "The hell am I supposed to do all night with those two without Michael?"
"Uh, drink, play pool, grab a hot guy by his belt and-"
"Weren't you just stopping me from doing that?"
"Sorry, feels like I've been locked up in here for years," Justin apologized, sighing. "Maybe it'll work itself out."
"As long as he's got The Professor, I doubt it," Brian pointed out, trying to keep that feeling of misery out of his voice. "This is why I didn't want to do this in my life. Ever. Don't fuck your friends, Sunshine. You lose them."
"You make it sound like he's dead."
"My best friend is gone," Brian shrugged. "It's about the same thing in my life. I just can't believe that he would…"
"What? Pick sex with you over you?" Justin asked, looking over some takeout menus in his studio. Mentioning lunch made him hungry. Had he eaten breakfast today? Or anything in the last week? Christ, he had to get out of here.
"Yeah," Brian sighed on the other end, defeat sneaking into his voice. There was something indescribable that he felt he needed to say, building up in his chest. He didn't have the words. "I don't know."
"Don't give up just yet," the blond said, setting down the menus. "I've got an idea."
"I can see the light bulb going off now," Brian retorted dryly.
"What are you doing next month?"
"Working. I can't make it out to New York, Sunshine, so forget it."
"Nah. What if I made a visit home?"
At five in the morning, the diner was still getting a steady trickle. Not having the urge to try and cook, Michael suggested it. Forgoing a change of clothes by creeping upstairs and sneaking into his bedroom, he decided the flannel pajama bottoms and white muscle tank were enough in the cool morning. Hunter decided to stick with the same idea in sweat pants and an old t-shirt. They debated on bikes, but decided that a nice long walk would give them time to clear their heads, talk and stay away from the house longer.
The crowd was a little toned down in the morning, most people had their clothes on, but the working crowd was on their way in. Early birds, mostly. The real crowd wouldn't pick up until six. Thankfully, Debbie wasn't in and the place was really devoid of anyone they could spot immediately. They were seated at the counter, both a little tired, hunched over their menus in silence. They hadn't had much to say on the walk their besides random comments as they passed, school talk… anything to avoid the obvious elephant in the room.
"You two look like shit."
Michael snapped his head up finding Justin leaning on the counter next to him, a tall brunette taking a seat away from Michael.
"Yeah, well… it's a long story," Michael sighed, washing a hand over his face. "What're you doing up this early?"
"Haven't gone to bed yet," the blond grinned.
The other man at the counter grumbled something in disgruntled agreement. "Oh, get over it. I'm hungry," Justin said, rolling his eyes. "Mike, this is… uh-"
"Tim," the taller man said in passing. "Mornin'."
"Morning," Michael replied, shaking his head. "You're a piece of work, Boy Wonder."
"No nicknames in front of the trick," Justin implored, almost whining. "I'm not a kid anymore."
Michael smiled and pinched his cheek. "You'll always be our little Sunshine."
"Man, if you ever do that to me when I'm his age," Hunter said warningly, setting the menu down.
"Oh, shit, look who it is!" Justin exclaimed, leaning over Michael to ruffle Hunter's hair. Michael mouthed a question to Tim asking what Justin was on. The other man shrugged, finding it easier to stare at the blond's ass than pay attention to what he had been taking on the dance floor that night. "The little homo that was! How ya doin'?"
Hunter batted Justin's hands away. "Better if you'd fuckin' stop molestin' me!"
"What a mouth! Mike, what're teachin' the kid?" Justin ask, straightening.
"Nothing, obviously. What's this 'homo that was' crap, Justin?" It was exceedingly rude.
Justin laughed, finally taking a seat between Tim and Michael. "Ah, just somethin' Brian started saying awhile back. It was funny."
"Yeah, well, I'd yell at Brian, but he probably wouldn't talk to me right now," Michael yawned, rubbing his eyes. Damn, he needed a bed right now.
"Oh, he's passed out now," Justin said conversationally, nodding. "Blind drunk and passed the fuck out."
"Wonderful," Michael groaned, cradling his head on folded arms as the waiter came up behind the counter. They gave their orders down the line and sat in relatively comfortable silence. Michael was close to nodding off on the counter.
"Y'still fuckin' Brian?" Hunter asked out of the blue, looking over at Justin, who stared right back, mouth open.
"I, uh… no. I'm doin'-" the blond waved a hand toward the guy next to him.
"Tim," he supplied in a bored manner, a hand creeping up Justin's thigh.
"Good," Hunter said flatly, eyeing Tim up quickly. It wasn't anyone he remembered.
"Why? Still tryin' to get him?" Justin asked, leaning toward Tim making an obvious display of roaming hands.
Hunter shook his head. "Nah. Just wonderin'."
Justin was practically in Tim's lap at this point and Tim figured he had a shot at dragging Justin out the door… or at least into the bathroom. When the blond realized something and nearly fell off the other man's lap.
"Oh shit, Mike," Justin gasped, leaning towards him in an exaggerated fashion across the counter. "Why aren't you home?"
"Boy Wonder?" Michael's voice was muffled as he still laid his head in his arms.
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"Always have, always will," Brian said, holding Michael close in the shower.
He didn't want to think about where this might be going. Michael didn't have to make a decision right off the bat and now he didn't even have a best friend to consult about it. To help him or to comfort him when it all went south, because there was no way they were coming out of this clean.
Still, Brian wasn't going to let go. What did they have, if they didn't have trust? He wasn't too sure about Justin's surprise appearance, but hell, if it kicked Michael in gear towards… something, he'd be happy. He hated this lethargic clockwork limbo they had rutted themselves into. The edges were wearing thin as time went on because the last thing Brian wanted was to lose… this.
He doubted he would ever have to words to say what was needed. Put him in a boardroom and he could light the place on fire with his pitch, the right moves at the right time. Talk the talk and dazzle his clients. He could sell a rich man his own money on his worst day. But to keep Michael? His mouth would go dry and his heart would race, pounding so loud that the blood rushing in his ears would drown out anything else. The words died in his throat and all he could do was talk circles around what he wanted to say, what he needed to say. Brian didn't want to think of it as winning Michael over, but he needed an edge, something more.
He knew… he knew deep down that he could never get on bended knee and propose. Maybe, with time, but not now. It wasn't right. He knew he couldn't romance his friend off his feet like he had let his wandering imagination play out for him. He was awkward, clumsy and choked up at the idea that, after all they could say to each other, he couldn't say what he wanted. Maybe he wasn't the best choice for Michael. Odds were against him, against them. Their luck was shit together, the track record years long to prove it.
Shit! For once Brian really wanted something for himself. He didn't really live his life for himself. Everything he had, everything he showed off, was for everyone else. His arms tightened around Michael. He wanted this, Michael, for himself.
But what about what Michael wanted?
Brian was used to going without sleep, it wasn't a problem for him. He looked like hell and felt like he was hit by a truck, and if someone could turn down the noise from the stampeding elephants, it would be nice, but he could handle it. Making his way from the shower to kitchen naked, he found a bottle of water, but not much else. God, he hated food shopping. Well, when he remember the food, anyways.
With the water in hand, he wandered to the computer, damp towel around his shoulders, cradling his neck as he sank back into the soft leather while the computer warmed up. It was six, he'd be getting ready for work right now. It was easier to fiddle with a few projects that needed some approval and shoot them off to Cynthia in an email telling her he wasn't coming in today.
With phone calls, she could always tell, that fucking sneak. Brian had a harder time dancing around the truth when she was able to grill him on the phone. Emails were perfect; Short, sweet and to the point. She'd probably call him later, bugging the shit out of him. He couldn't take it today, not today.
Leaning heavily on one armrest, Brian rubbed uselessly at his temple. Christ, could this machine be any fucking louder? Eyes shut tight, he waited for the right amount of clicks and beeps to go off before opening his eyes to that blindingly bright screen in the dim morning light filtering through the Loft.
The specs looked good to him. A few notes, color changes, typos, the usual. God, he loved hand picking his own team to work on his projects. No muss, no fuss. They knew their goddamn place and accepted his changes without argument. There was no one to complain about a pitch, save the client, and it was just so very rare that they did. Ego, thoroughly stroked, he sent the email with a small smile. It really was the little things in life.
He tapped his fingertips lightly against some keys on the keyboard, the thumb of his other hand held between his teeth as he stared at the screen, debating. Six in the morning… what were the chances he'd find something good, instead of a fucking troll? Well, good things didn't really come to those who could wait.
Brian kept a separate screen name and email for the certain websites he was known to frequent. It made organizing his life that much easier. He wasn't surprised to find the email bogged down with offers and questions and some… no, a lot of pictures. Did he really want to make do with pictures? He hadn't had to stoop that low since… probably his teens.
Pathetic.
He was Brian fucking Kinney, wasn't he?
There was Mikey, though.
His hand recoiled from the keyboard at the thought of Michael, as if the piece of plastic burned him. Fuck. Michael was just… ruining everything. Great way to think of it this late in the game, but wasn't he allowed to be himself? Wasn't that who he wanted to be? Fuck everyone else?
Brian didn't even have the energy behind those words anymore. Michael had sunk himself in deeper to his life, his actions, if that was even possible. True, not everything he had done had been for Michael. A lot of the negative things in his life, maybe. Lashing out, acting out, causing an uproar here and there. It always got Michael's attention and it always brought him right back to Brian's side. But if anything, the last year told him that he didn't have to be like that to keep Michael. That's what he wanted, so why was he sitting around just thinking about it?
Michael had come home late that night, Ben had noticed. Hunter and Ben were just cleaning up after dinner when he walked through the door. Ben thought he looked like he had been crying and his hair was still faintly damp. Michael muttered something about the gym or the steam room. Something, whatever it was, wasn't right and Ben knew that much. He just never knew how to handle these situations. It felt like Michael didn't want him to be around to help comfort him, usually it led to a fight or an awkward compromise of sorts. Like Michael was just allowing him in because it was easier.
"What's wrong with Michael?" Hunter asked, putting away clean dishes.
"Couldn't tell you, pal," Ben sighed, shutting the faucet off.
"Gonna be a long night, then?"
Ben smiled ruefully. "I think I'm gonna work for a little, maybe wait until he's asleep."
"Dude, why not just take the couch if you wanna avoid him that bad?"
The older man wiped his hands on a nearby dishtowel, tossing it on the counter when he was done. "I don't want to avoid him, Hunter. I just… I don't know what to do for him."
Hunter looked at Ben like he had two heads. "Be there."
It wasn't to say that Ben didn't want to be there, he was just awkward about it. He didn't know whether to treat Michael delicately (which had brought about more than a few arguments and snarky comments of 'wife' being thrown around) or just let him work it out. When was he supposed to treat Michael like a spouse and be there without asking and treat him like a man and try not to hurt his dignity by handling him with kid gloves?
It was a fine goddamn line and it was more stress than Ben knew how to handle.
In the end, Ben had wound up working himself late into the night at the dining room table before taking a few hours to nap on the couch, TV low and lulling him to sleep. It was only when he heard the bathroom upstairs running, sending the pipes into low rushing groans over his head, that he woke up and crept up the stairs to the bedroom and stripped out of his clothes and snuck into bed beside Michael.
Looking at him when he's sleeping, Ben can't help but smile. He does love Michael, he knows he does. And Michael, ever the giver, loves him. Ben is sure of it. He just doesn't know how much and it kills him. Everyone has the capacity to love, the problem is, it happens on different levels. You love your family differently than you love your friends, you love your partner differently than you love the stranger you just met that held the door open for you when your hands were full. You could break it down further than that, not all friends were friends, but acquaintances that you called friends to try and ease the blow. You loved your best friend more than-
Well, that was the problem. How did Michael love his best friend in comparison to his husband?
Ben was walking around the living room, smoking as he let his eyes linger on the toys and little collectable items Michael had stationed around the room. He'd gotten up a few hours later to get ready for work and found the house empty. Michael and Hunter were gone. Not gone for good gone, because everything they both had was still here. Probably more or less a cooling off gone. They'd be back, probably once he was gone for the day.
There was a picture, from their wedding day, sitting next to a superhero action figure. It made Ben smile as he took a step closer. They were covered in confetti and all that sparkle nonsense, laughing. Why couldn't they go back to that? What the fuck had happened between then and now?
Why the hell couldn't Brian just go away?
Ben had been too caught up in his own thoughts to hear the phone ringing in the background. He caught the last ring and reached for the phone, only to have the answering machine pick it up. He just let it go, he could call whoever it was back later.
"Mikey, it's Brian," the deep voice sighed tiredly into the answering machine. Ben stiffened, turning to look at the machine as if it were alive. "You won't pick up your cell. Will you call m-"
Ben snatched up the phone, cigarette between his lips as he nearly growled into the receiver. "What the fuck are you doing calling here?"
On the other end, Brian nearly dropped the phone. He took a breath to steady himself. "Big Ben… as I live and breathe. I'm calling for Michael. He around?"
"No, he's not 'around'," Ben barked, voice catching on the hard edge of the smoke. Clearing his throat he continued. "Happy with yourself, Kinney? Finally got everyone, yeah?"
Silence met Ben as Brian paused to compose himself. "You have no idea what you're talking about, so why don't you calm down-"
"Don't know what I'm talking about?" Ben asked, incredulous. "Don't know what- You fucked him, Brian. Good and well, I would think, since he's fucking gone."
"What do you mean 'gone'?" Brian demanded, getting out of his chair and heading for the bedroom. He needed clothes, he needed to find Michael. Now.
"Gone, asshole," Ben repeated. "As in; Not here. Thanks to you, I doubt he's coming back."
Maybe being a little bit dramatic.
"Fuck! You just let him go?" Brian snapped into the receiver, cradling it between his ear and shoulder as he sifted through his closet.
"What am I supposed to do, chain him up?"
"He'd probably like that."
"Don't-"
"He also likes it when you pull his hair, just a little, when he's not expecting it," Brian continued, smiling as he paused in his search for jeans to focus his attention on the call. "And when you bite his neck when it's stretched from pulling his head back. Drives him fucking wild."
Ben held his breath, listening. Brian was talking about Michael. His husband, like this was a fucking game of 'compare notes'. "Fuck you, Kinney."
"Not my position, remem-" Brian stared at the phone as it clicked harshly in his ear, cutting him off. Brian shrugged, tossing the phone on the bed as he went in search of something to wear to go out and find Michael. The only choices were the store or the diner, unless he went to crash at Emmett's, but he didn't think Michael would be breaking the news this soon.
He was surprised enough that he had told Ben.
Ben had taken to an earlier workout regime later in the week. He loved Michael, but he wasn't telling him what was wrong and the attention was nice, but suffocating. He needed his little 'outs'. Work, books, gym, go out to dinner. Honestly, anything to keep the fawning and flirting to a minimum. Ben loved it at first, didn't want to fall into it though. He didn't want to help Michael avoid… but he didn't know how to help Michael. It was a lose-lose situation in his mind until Michael worked it out himself. He just hated how… used he felt after the sex. Not that it was performed like a 'marital duty' so to speak, but that Michael really could go completely off the wall. Ben didn't want to hurt him. Too many risks if they were too rough. He couldn't think about that at all right now.
But it was the weekend, Saturday. He skipped the morning workout because Michael had just worn him down the night before. Ben always thought them equals in bed, that they shared the same likes and dislikes, the comfort and closeness. Sure, maybe a few rounds in the shower or in the kitchen, but the place didn't change the pace much. Ben liked to joke that Michael was feisty, but he didn't really expect it until the last week. Michael had been, in all sense of the word, the aggressor in bed. Ben didn't mind the loss of control much, it was just shocking, plain and simple to watch Michael nearly lose it in bed.
Christ. Ben didn't know if he could handle that.
He pulled on a button down shirt over his thick arms and broad chest, buttoning it up when he saw the pile of blankets on the bed shift. He glanced at the clock.
"Not going to the diner today?" Ben asked as he was dressing for work while Michael kept himself curled under the thick covers, facing away from him. It was already nine and the gang usually met up around ten before going about their day on the weekends. Ben would've been joining everyone himself if had hadn't agreed to add on a Saturday morning class and attend a faculty meeting after that.
Michael rolled over and Ben smiled as he had the covers pulled up so high that he could only see his dark eyes and wild bed head peering at him. From what Ben could see, his husband looked wide awake and temping him back into bed for the entire weekend. If only he could handle it. Michael had been excessive in his attention to Ben since last week. Not that Ben seemed to mind one bit. He couldn't let on too much, could he?
Michael shook his head under the covers a muffled voice saying, "Nah, wanna stay in today."
Ben walked over to the bed, shirt open and half buttoned as he sat on the edge close to Michael. "Mm, wish I could stay in with you, baby." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the other man's temple before finishing his routine of dressing and saying goodbye, he'd be home around five if he was lucky.
As Ben secured his backpack over his shoulder and walked his bike out the door, he exhaled heavily as the relief flowed through him. Christ, this was not the way he should feel at all. He should be happy but he was still worried. Just when he had felt things were getting back to normal, they were more screwed up than before. Better to just let it run its course, he decided, throwing a leg over the bike and pedaling off to the school. He was just grateful that the Saturday class was later in the morning. Something about the weekend didn't want him up at six in the morning to get him there by seven.
Hunter and Michael had left before really finishing any of the food. Michael was tired, but rejuvenated once they hit the streets, leaving Justin and Tim to try and figure out how to screw at the counter of the diner without getting caught. Stopping his momentum would put him to sleep and he knew it. Just short of downing coffee and chugging soda all day, he would be out like a light in another few hours. He was glad Hunter was coming with him. The kid was a night owl as it was, he could handle the store for a few hours while he napped in the back.
The house was empty when they entered, both looking around cautiously and listening for any sounds that Ben might be home. When they heard nothing, they both sighed collectively before Michael trudged upstairs to grab a shower and change before work. Hunter, still hungry, went to grab the cereal from the cabinets along with a bowl, milk and spoon. He brought the completed process into the living room, noticing the phone tossed on the couch. Hunter moved it aside and took a seat, reaching for the remote on the table and turning on the TV.
He didn't keep time on Michael, but figured the half hour the show had run had Michael getting dressed right then. Or in the next few minutes anyways. When he got up to put the empty bowl in the sink, he noticed the answering machine was blinking. Maybe Ben got a call or something. Weighing the options, he hit the play button.
"Mikey, it's Brian. You won't pick up your cell. Will you call m-" Hunter heard the voice got cut off and another come on. "What the fuck are you doing calling here?"
The message ended after that, having registered the phone being picked up. That was Ben. Hunter saved the messaged and went to put the bowl away. Okay, so Brian called and Ben picked up. No worries. On his way to the kitchen, he noticed, finally, that Ben hadn't taken his bike or school stuff.
Oh shit. Was he just sleeping? Was Michael walking in on Ben in the bedroom right now? No, his shoes were missing from their spot by the door and so was his jacket. Ben was gone, didn't lock up the door, pissed off at everything and Brian just called.
"Michael!" Hunter yelled, going to the bottom of the stairs. There was no answer. The young man kept calling his name as he rushed up the stairs and into Michael's bedroom and then turning his head away blindly.
"Shit, naked ass!" Hunter complained, putting a hand over his eyes.
Michael rolled his. "You've seen worse, I'm sure."
"Dude, still. Tell me when it's safe to look."
"Well, why are you barging into my room?"
"We might have a problem."
Michael pulled on a pair of briefs, telling Hunter it was safe to look now. "Oh, crap. I forgot to call the school. Wait, lemme get my phone, I'll do it."
Hunter was going to tell him he was wrong, but Michael got to his phone before he could say anything. Michael was assaulted with missed calls, voicemails and texts from Brian. Well, fuck, it was so early when these had started. Didn't Justin say he was 'blind drunk' and passed out? What the hell?
"Michael-"
Michael held the phone to his ear, hitting the callback button, holding up a finger to Hunter. He listened to the ringing in his ear and heard it click to voicemail. Shit. He tried again. More ringing and voicemail. He didn't even bother leaving a message and he'd sift through all the ones he had later.
"Well, shit, he was in such a big hurry to get me on the phone and now he's not answering," Michael muttered, dialing the school's number and placing the phone to his ear.
Hunter let his shoulders drop in an exasperated motion, nearly walking up and knocking the phone out of Michael's hand. Michael was informing the front office that Hunter would be absent today. Out sick. Nothing serious, just a little cold that was better to keep an eye on than anything else.
The young man rolled his eyes. Sure, he wasn't in perfect health, but he was still young and healthy enough. He wasn't Ben. He wasn't worried over every little sniffle, because sometimes it really was just a little sniffle. Call him ignorant, but he took his meds, went to the gym from time to time and ate fairly right. He may not live to be a hundred, but he'd live long enough to be happy. And still be able not to freak out if he got a cold.
When Michael hung up, Hunter was on him in a flash, words tumbling out of his mouth in a rush with wild hand gestures that had Michael wondering if he was rubbing off on the kid. When Hunter stopped to take a breath, Michael smiled in a confused manner and asked him to calm down and try again.
"Answering machine," Hunter stated clearly. "Brian called, Ben picked up."
Michael shrugged. "This is still my house, too. My friends can call here."
"And his stuff is gone."
Michael looked around the room. No, it looked like Ben's stuff was still here. "Not really…"
Hunter sighed, running a hand through his hair. "No, like his shoes and jacket and I bet if you look, his wallet and shit, too!"
Michael pulled on his t-shirt and went over to the dresser giving it a once over. Yeah, the wallet was gone along with his watch. So what? "He's got work today, Hunter." This game was tiring.
"His backpack is still downstairs."
"Oh," Michael said with a shrug, going to put his pants on and then stopped. "Oh." He looked over at Hunter. "Oh shit. And the bike?"
Hunter nodded.
"Oh, fuck me!" Michael snapped, tossing Hunter his cell phone. "Get dressed, call a cab. You're opening the store."
"What about you?"
"I have to get to Brian's."
Hunter already knew the ins and outs of Red Cape from afternoons spent helping with Michael when he was done with his homework. It was better to be there rather than sitting at home, alone, in the house. Besides, he liked the little kids that stormed the shop and left it looking like a disaster area the minute they left. Kids were pretty cool in his book. After awhile, he'd gotten over his annoyance with Jenny and that whole custody battle that went one and was disappointed not to have her around anymore to watch grow up. He wanted to be there. Be a… brother, if he could even use the term.
Man, his family was fucked up.
Michael was still talking while Hunter was busying himself in a bin of comics.
"Okay, so register, computer the comics are all marked for prices," Michael explained, pointing at the scan bar on the back of the comics. "If you need to leave or close up, any sort of emergency… not meaning 'my girlfriend just called and I have to go', put all the money in the bag under the counter and put that in the safe."
Hunter rolled his eyes before looking up from the bin of comics. "Can Katie come here?"
He really liked Katie. He didn't want to say love. Life taught him that the word was thrown around too easily and too much when it wasn't necessary. After his first girlfriend, like, for real first, Hunter learned the hard way that life just sucked in relationships and going too fast was the wrong idea in life. With his status… damn, it was like Ben had told him. Honesty was hard, but he had to do it.
Yeah, Ben told him a lot of crap like that. Hunter wasn't too sure how he had gotten Michael being honest about his status, but… well, there they were. Ben painted a nice picture, when Hunter asked, about how the two met. Michael filled in the truth about how he had backed out, like an idiot (Michael's words, not Hunter's), and worked his ass off to get Ben back. When he filled in the blanks from both with each other's stories, it was actually a nice one of how two people met.
Y'know, something everybody dreamed about with it's hilarious and heart wrenching moments that were fit for movies. Hunter could only hope he'd wind up with that.
"I dunno, are you two going to mess up the backroom?" Michael asked, crossing his arms, snapping back to pay attention as Hunter flipped through comics.
"We haven't even done that yet! Fuck," Hunter exclaimed, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "I don't know why you two don't believe me when I tell you that."
"Well… you're a teenager. Poz or not, it is hard to believe," Michael admitted as he straightened out the few papers on the counter. "Did you tell her yet?"
"Yeah. That's why we haven't done anything yet. She knows it's a risk and even a smaller one with protection, but she wants to wait," Hunter explained with a shrug. "I dunno. Women."
"Hey, don't look at me. I don't know a damn thing about them. Ask Lindsey."
Hunter rolled his eyes, walking behind the counter and going on the computer, clicking away with the mouse. Michael had been weird this morning, forgetting he and Ben agreed to let him work in the store on his own. Without Michael's Uncle Vic around much, and Michael's unwillingness to take a day off or ask for help (which is another reason Hunter stuck around after school) Hunter had offered to help. A bit of monetary compensation, of course, but that was mostly to keep the books legit and it was good work experience for Hunter, since pulling down extra classes to make up for some years missed was taking up a bit of time to hold a job that wouldn't be as flexible as a family business.
Ben hadn't wanted him to, fussing more over school and worried about the added distraction keeping him from staying on track with his meds and the light workout regime they started along with eating right and three times a day. Christ, he made it sound like Hunter would die if he took on a job. He was pulling in average grades, remembering his meds and Michael was the kind of person to force you to eat no matter what, anyways. True, it may not always be that healthy crap Ben preferred, but shit. He was a teen. He liked junk food, or food with taste for that matter.
Still, Michael was hanging around like he was lost.
"What are you gonna be doing today?" Hunter asked, looking up from the computer. Really, he looked completely lost.
Michael shrugged. "I don't have a clue. I guess I could hit the gym a little early today."
"Gonna call Brian?"
"What? Why?"
Hunter looked at Michael as though he'd grown another head. "Because you two always go to the gym together. Christ, what is wrong with you today?"
"Nothing," he assured his son. "It's just… one of those days, y'know?"
"Not really, dude," Hunter chuckled, clicking around aimlessly on the web. One link led to another and another… sometimes you'd find something interesting.
"Smartass. Anyways, I'll have my cell so call if you need anything and I'll-"
The bells above the door jingled merrily as they both looked towards the door and found Brian nonchalantly entering, eyes hidden behind aviators as he worked a piece of gum in his mouth absently. Michael was beyond confused by the appearance. Brian hadn't shown up all week to the shop and missing breakfast wasn't a big deal. Why was he here?
"Hey, dude, just in time," Hunter greeted with a self-serving smile. "Michael was just thinking about hitting the gym. You up for it?"
Brian raised an eyebrow over the shades and a smile eased its way onto his lips. "Ah, the gym. How could I forget? We just haven't been there in… oh, how long, Mikey?"
Michael gave Brian a 'shut the hell up or I'll smack you upside the head worse than Ma' look as Hunter's confusion spread across his features. What the hell was going on with everyone today? Ben running out the door like a loon (usually Hunter could hear things from their bedroom, even in the mornings), Michael forgetting about the store and Brian showing up out of the blue and saying he and Michael hadn't been going to the gym?
Where the hell had they been going all this time?
"What do you mean? Michael still-"
"He's just being an asshole, Hunter. Ignore him," Michael interjected.
Brian shrugged. "We found a better way to work out, wouldn't you say?"
"Oh, for the love of- Go! Outside, now!" Michael barked, shoving Brian out the door as he waved at Hunter. Brian let himself be manhandled out the door, laughing as he turned around on the sidewalk, trying to calm Michael down, struggling to grab at the smaller hands shoving him roughly occasionally landing a good smack against the side of his head.
Hunter stared at the door where they exited, glancing at the large window covered in posters from who knew how many years ago. They just seemed to collect. He could see Brian laughing and ducking away from small flying hands through an uncovered patch of window and Hunter tried to busy himself with something to do near that spot. Maybe even pick up some of the conversation.
Brian was still smiling when he caught hold of Michael's wrists. Hunter thought the game was over then, but Brian yanked Michael's body flush up against his own and Hunter couldn't help but stare. That was something you only saw in, like, TV dramas. Michael wasn't happy, red in the face and frowning as he spoke, glaring up at Brian.
Any fun that was had disappeared in that instant as Brian dropped Michael's hands and closed himself off from Michael, lips moving. Hunter really couldn't hear anything, but he could imagine. None of it looked good from here.
Michael reached out and Brian stepped back. He really was shutting himself down, Hunter realized. If he knew anything about these two, besides the friendship, was that there was something serious between them about boundaries. Meaning, compared to most friends, they didn't have them. They latched on to each other, cuddled, possessive arms around shoulders or waists, kisses. All of it was personal, slightly intense and the fact that Brian wasn't having any of it probably meant something serious.
Brian put more distance between them, turning to spit out his gum and light a cigarette. Michael finally looked at the window, spotting Hunter in a second. Hunter ducked out of sight, heart racing and heard car doors open and shut. Eventually the car drove off down the road and Hunter peeked out of the open patch of window again to check.
Yeah, they were gone now. Hunter couldn't help but awkwardly putter about the store for awhile, feeling guilty about spying, but curiously wondering what the hell was going on. Why couldn't he get rid of the feeling that he was missing some bigger part of the picture?
Brian was halfway out the door when the knock came. He had a cigarette between his lips and his cell phone in his hand, about to try Michael again when he gave a frustrated sigh and slide the metal door open. Bad time for Justin, or anyone else, to show up at his door. That was the last thing he thought as he hunched over, coughing out the cigarette onto the floor, arms automatically wrapping around his abdomen. The air completely left his lungs, making it hard to inhale, bringing unexpected tears to his eyes.
Oh shit, this is what suffocation felt like. His mind flashed back to the night Michael walked in on him with his birthday gift to himself so many years ago. That fucking scarf. It was different, but the same. The feel of choking drowned out sound, left his face feeling tight and his muscles slow. This was almost like that. Being on edge of not getting in enough air, that faint panic in the back of his mind from his body trying to rebel, having him gasp at air that didn't seem to be there without the physical attachments that he was probably going to die.
It felt like there was a tender lead weight in his gut as he looked up and found Ben standing over him. Not so fucking 'Zen' now, was he? Brian sputtered, trying to right himself, only managing to lean on the doorframe, panting.
"Cheap… shot," Brian spat, getting lightheaded.
"I could say the same," Ben said, oddly calm. That was all he had needed, really. Sure, he had come with visions of beating the living shit out of Brian. Until the cops came or he stopped moving. Kicking the crap out of him where he lay on the ground. Blood. Ben had really wanted to spill some blood as dangerous as that was considering his health.
After the initial punch to the gut, knowing enough that it would probably leave Brian open for a harder attack, the anger just… left. Not that he saw Brian defeated, but he couldn't bring himself to move against the other man further. They had each taken things a step too far. And now, as Brian was able to breathe, standing up straight and they looked each other in the eye, both pairs hard and wary, they found an acceptance.
They both fucked up.
A/N: Oh man, I'm sorry if this took longer than usual (very bad with time). End of the semester is coming up and apparently you're supposed to pile on MORE work. Go figure on that one, people. Seriously.
Anyways, I'm not going to say anything about this chapter. I'd like to see what possible reviewers might say before I give anything away. But man, can you believe this? Chapter six. I can't believe I had this much to write about on this situation! I thought I'd be done by now. Go me! I deserve cookies. lol
I'm glad so many of you are enjoying it, I love hearing from you guys, I really do. But I do have some warning. My semester doesn't end until… poop, like the second week of May. So add on finals to all the projects and papers they keep piling on my life… it might be a safe bet not to expect anything new until the middle of May. I'm not ignoring it, but the work might be slow going (obviously). So I just wanted to give you some heads up so you can go get some snacks and park yourselves in front of your computer screens, waiting. Cause I know you love me that much. XD
Okay, no, ego aside, go get some snacks. You deserve it for reading this. Lol
Oop! And don't forget to leave a review if you do feel so inclined.
~SL
