Mid-semester exams are oveerrr ^_^ now to tackle my lab reports (yuck) and essays. FYI, All chapter titles are ninja'd song titles from my favourite band, Switchfoot.

Thanks to: life705, YingYing, SabrinaGrace, Kiwi-margarita, Jessica, TropicalRemix, ScarletL, SerenitiyMoonGodness, CharmedSerenity3, sailormoon489, UniversalBunny, Jenbunny, Stacey, TaliMoonAngel668, Moon Princess Selene, Miss Katrina Malfoy, Seleine, deedee, Usako, merangelgal and SulliMike23 for reviewing the previous chapter.

This latest chapter is dedicated to Jenbunny. I'm so glad you enjoy reading my stories and I hope to continue dishing out chapters worthy of your reviews ^_^


Title: Akai Ito
Author: Crystal Saturn
Rated: T
Chapter: 10- Mess of Me

"We lock our souls in cages
We hide inside our shells
It's hard to free the ones you love
When you can't forgive yourself"

"He lied to me! The idiot lied to me!" Serena cried out in anguish as the last of the hospital equipment used to monitor Darien's vital functions was wheeled out of the room. In her mind, the events of the night before played back over and over in an endless loop. It was only now, with hindsight, that she noticed his strange behaviour. He had jolted upright in bed. She should have known there and then that something wasn't quite right. The pained expression on his face and the urgency in his tone should have given it away. That, and the fact that he somehow knew that he would not stay in his physical form for long. "How could he do this to me? He said that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He knew! He knew all along that he was dying and that idiot still told me that anyway." With tears streaming down her face, Serena redirected her fury towards the heavens. "For the rest of your life? That's your worst joke yet, Chiba. How dare you sit there and make me confess my feelings for you, only to go and die like that. How selfish of you. You're an idiot, Darien Chiba and I'll never forgive you for this."

"Serena, please stop. I know you're hurting, but you don't mean that. You don't want him to hear those words come out of your mouth." Lita embraced her friend in an attempt to subdue her anger. Witnessing Serena's wailing sessions was a common occurrence, but none of the four other girls had ever seen Serena so hysterical or angry. She paced up and down the room muttering curses and breaking down into fitful sobs, it was a stark contrast to the bubbly ever-happy Serena that they all knew and loved. Her heart was filled with sorrow and it seemed that she was tormented with memories of a lover who left her behind. More than anything, Serena felt betrayed. It was almost like Darien and fate had made a pact, and neither one thought to let her in on their secret. Did he come back and haunt her just to make her fall in love with him? Did he know he was going to leave her again? Was that his plan all along? Either way, it was cruel of fate to conspire against them, and she was more than happy to let her betrayal known.

"Sere, you've been grieving the loss of Darien since the battle at Starlight Tower. You've been in denial over the whole thing ever since. Serena, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you haven't really been seeing Darien around. It's impossible. Seeing him during your daily routines is just your brains way of coping with loss. You're now in the next stage of your grief: anger." Ami gently tried to rationalize Serena's strange ramblings.

"It's not true, Ami. I was the only person that could see him. We're connected by fate. He's been by my side all week. He made me breakfast and we went on our first date yesterday. He told me he loved me last night and… and…" loud sobs overwhelmed the petite blonde as she struggled to continue, "You have to believe me. The moment we kissed, he stopped being a spirit and became real. I fell asleep in his arms, and now… he's gone…"

"Spirits don't just magically become people, even if they really did exist. You created him in your mind as a coping mechanism." Ami lowered her head in weariness. "Serena, I don't know what else to tell you."

"You don't have to tell me a thing, Ami. I'll bring him back and you can hear it for yourself." Serena reached for her brooch and held the Silver Crystal within her hands. "Moon Crystal Power!"

"Serena, you can't use the Silver Crystal. It will kill you too." Rei warned and attempted to reach for the gem.

"I don't care." Serena frowned stubbornly and pushed her friend away before raising the Silver Crystal above her head once again. "Moon Crystal Power!"

"Serena stop that! You can't bring him back. Are you insane? That's not what the crystal is for." Rei persisted and lunged at her leader. "Pull yourself together. Darien's gone! He's dead, do you understand what that means?" Tears fell from Rei's eyes as she grabbed hold of her leader and tried to shake some sense into her. "Listen to me, you haven't been seeing him. That's just not possible. He's been lying in a coma all week. We all listened to your crazy stories, and watched you pretend to talk to him like everything is OK, but it's not Serena, and now you have to face the fact that he's dead. I'm sorry, but you have to move on now. We love you, Serena, but it's time to let go." Serena shrugged and pulled away from Rei, lifting her hand into the air once more.

"Moon Crystal…" Serena sobbed as she dropped to her knees in exhaustion. "Moon Crystal… you have to bring him back." Moments passed with no result. The once brilliant shine of the Silver Crystal had faded away, leaving a tarnished looking dull gem. Serena raised her knees to her chest in defeat. "What's the point?" She mumbled to herself. "What's the point of having this stupid crystal if it can't even bring back the man that I love?" Serena released her hold of the Silver Crystal and let it roll away, discarded and useless.

"Excuse me." A nurse quietly knocked at the door. "I'm sorry to interrupt you, and I'm sincerely sorry for your loss, but Mr. Chiba's records indicate no known family members. Are you his girlfriend? We have a box containing his personal effects…"

"I'll take them." Serena's mood sobered almost immediately as she reached for the box. "Thank you."

As the nurse left, all eyes fell back to Serena, who had somberly moved to sit on the now empty, freshly made hospital bed. She looked down at the box on her lap and wondered if going through Darien's last items was a good idea at that moment. She had only just truly fallen in love with him, and the news of his death had almost destroyed her. Serena wondered if it would be best to take the box home, to examine its contents in the safety and solitude of her room, but quickly decided against that. She didn't want to go home. Her sanity hinged on the knowledge that Darien had been by her side all week. Doubt caused by Ami's ever rational reasoning started to creep into her thoughts. She knew that if she returned to her room, to find her paper roses and her paper breakfast gone, then her world would have been all full of meticulously constructed lies, and it would then fall apart. So, ever so gently, Serena began to sift through the contents of the box, starting with his signature green jacket. It still smelled of roses. A scent that made her smile. Looking back into the box, she noticed that he did not carry many other items. A set of keys and a wallet. As Serena removed the wallet from the box, a small photograph fell from one of the compartments.

"Serena, is that you?" Rei questioned quietly. Serena's eyes began to well up with unshed tears once more as she nodded in silence.

"Where did you get this, Darien?" She wondered to herself out loud before quickly placing the photo back within the folds of the leather wallet and wiping away her tears. "Umm, thank you everyone, for being here for me, but I have to go now." Serena placed the items back in the box and rose to her feet.

"Rena, you can't be serious. You shouldn't be alone right now." Mina stepped forward to stop her friend.

"I'm fine, everyone. Please, just let me go. I need some time to think and clear my head. I just need some time to myself. I promise I'll call if I'm in trouble." Serena wearily pleaded as she leant down and picked up the abandoned Silver Crystal, placing it in her pocket. Her fellow Sailor Soldiers exchanged concerned glances before stepping aside to let their leader pass. Without another word, Serena left the oppressive hallways of the hospital and swiftly made her way to Darien's apartment building. Once there, she looked up Darien's room number at the front gate and took the elevator to the eighth floor. As the elevator made its slow ascension, Serena reached into the box and opened his wallet once again. She looked down at the photo of herself curiously. "Why did you say you didn't believe in Akai Ito? You loved me all along, didn't you Darien? Why didn't you just tell me?" She stood at his door for a few minutes in an attempt to prepare herself from being overwhelmed once again. After trying a number of keys, she found one that fit into the lock. Serena turned the key and gently opened the door to Darien's apartment.

"Darien?" her voice carried through the quiet apartment. "Darien, are you here?" her question was met with silence. "Darien, please be here." Serena took off her shoes and slipped on a pair of slippers before she entered. "Darien, I need you to be here." Her voice trembled and cracked as newly formed tears began to fall from her eyes. A part of her had hoped that he, or at least his spirit, was home. She placed the box of his belongings on his coffee table before slowly strolling through every room in his apartment. Although it was her first time seeing his apartment, everywhere she looked, she imagined that she could see him going about his daily routine and chores.

The kitchen smelled faintly of coffee. Textbooks were sprawled about his study table. A vase of wilted roses imparted their musky aroma throughout the hallway. Serena pushed the bedroom door open slowly and took in the state of the room. His bed wasn't made, and he had left two shirts sitting at the end of his bed. Out of all the rooms in his apartment, Darien's bedroom seemed to unlock the most powerful emotions within Serena. She strolled over to his bed and before long, found herself sinking beneath the sheets. They smelled just like he did the night that he kissed her. She took a deep breath, holding in a lungful of his scent.

"Darien, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said earlier." Serena sobbed loudly as she hugged his pillow. "Please come back. You can't go yet. I'm not ready. Don't leave me just yet. I don't know what happens to Akai Ito now that you're gone." She curled beneath his sheets and tried to imagine his presence beside her. She remembered the way his arms felt wrapped around her and pretended to feel them once again. Maybe Rei had been right. Maybe she wasstarting to lose her mind, for as she lay beneath the dark sheets and mourned for her broken heart, she could have sworn she felt him hold her and caress her hair gently. "Darien…" Serena sniffled in an attempt to control her tearful hiccupping sobs. "You didn't even say good bye."


. . .

So we've just about passed the first milestone of the story… still plenty to go. Angsty, I know, but there must be conflict in every interesting story. Please read and Review. Let me know what you think. See you all in a few days for the next chapter.

Crystal Saturn