Obstacles


"Hm-hm…"

She giggles, softly and not with me when I first meet her and go to shake her hand. She wasn't what I was expecting and I almost rush, failing to notice the cord I nearly tripped over.

"Vincent," I tell her as she shyly responds and takes my hand with a passive touch before replying, "Lucrecia."

"You're not what I was expecting," she says, almost blushing while I respond with the same observation. She was younger than I thought she would be and more attractive too. She had long legs, long brown hair that was shiny and pulled into a high ponytail with a thick blue cotton tie that looked as fresh as the summer sky, and she had a beautiful smile that could charm a savage Bahamut.

But it's strange when I look away and look back, she looks different. She's almost aquatic, iridescent and wearing the colour of aqua, all sheer and I wonder if it's from the mako prison I last saw her in. I tried to save her and even though she says that she's the one who's sorry, the look in her eyes is accusatory and I wind up saying what I always say.

"I'm sorry."

Then like most of my other dreams, she turns decrepit and points a skeletal finger at me, and what's even stranger is what she calls me. Her voice is as decrepit as her appearance and her eyes are colourless and fading when she says it. Though, the look that she carries is one of repulsion.

"Chaos."

"Wake up, Vince."


"Hm?" I mumble as my eyes open and take a moment to adjust.

"I said, 'wake up'," he repeats before he frustratingly shakes his head and roughly nudges me. "You sleep like the dead."

The dead, I muse, ironically and sarcastically before I turn my head to watch him force himself out of bed while pretending that he's not in any pain. Then he finds his robe and immediately hides himself from my guilt-ridden eyes and to tell him that he doesn't need to hide from me only becomes redundant.

Though I still feel the need to constantly say it. Maybe it's just hope that makes me think I can make him feel good about himself again. But I don't say it this morning. Knowing that his plans involve me today almost makes up for anything benevolent that I might want to do or say.

None of that will change what his plans pertain to anyway and none of it will change the fact that they'll get neither of us anywhere.

"Get dressed," he orders as he walks into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

"Yes, Master," I sarcastically mutter, low enough that he doesn't hear it and I stretch over the edge of the bed to look for my pants with images of Lucrecia still fresh in my mind. There was something disturbing about it and I begin to wonder if I'd had the dream before.

I can't seem to recall though, and I lazily push myself up and pull my pants from under the bed with my foot and think of how Tseng picks his clothes up with his toes sometimes. Only I don't have the same flexibility as him, nor do I even know how to grab onto things the way that he does. Not that it matters though. I can just as easily pick them up with my hands.

So I do.

And while I take my time, tiredly looking around for the rest of my clothes, I can hear him running a quick shower that is part of his morning routine. He'll shave next. Then he'll put on his aftershave and lastly his cologne. After that, he'll tend to odd bits and ends and come out as if he's a new man before making whatever spontaneous breakfast he's in the mood for. His taste is the only thing that he has no routine for.

Food, to Tseng, is never planned as much as it's looked forward to and his taste changes from one day to the next, reminiscent of his moods if not always reflecting them.

There is one thing that he never waivers from though, and that's his tea, and since it's the one thing that I know he'll trust me to do right, I decide to go ahead and get the water ready for him.


The rest of the morning is as routine as everything else despite the fact that he's in the mood for fruit this morning and leftovers from the chocobo he cooked a couple of days ago. But he still encourages me to eat and he still throws the odd disapproving glance at my hair and my cloak.

"You'd look good in a suit," he tells me when he starts to clean up and I simply mutter back, "I used to wear one."

I also used to have short hair and I used to take care of myself. Though I'll admit that I at least make the effort to keep my belongings clean since I've met him.

"Yes," he agrees before detachedly adding, "and you looked very handsome."

Looked…

It's always past-tense when he refers to something that he likes about my appearance—never the present. I ignore it though, still convinced that there isn't any point to going out of my way to be the man that I used to be, or even trying to look like something that resembles him. It's not possible anyway. Even if I managed to dig up a small piece of who I used to be on the inside, I still wouldn't be him anymore.

He must have picked up on where I wandered off to though because he doesn't say anything after that and stiffens slightly before grabbing a few bags that he packed the night before and urging me to sneak out before it gets light and to meet him at Nibelheim.

"Make sure no one sees you," he tells me, like the reminder is necessary and I nod while he continues to tell me where he'll be staying, when he'll get there, and exactly where he expects me to meet him.

"Oh… and, Vince," he says right before I'm about to leave and causing me to stiffen over what he feels the need to remind me about now. But he surprises me, somewhat. He pulls me back by the shoulder and turns me toward him with a playful and caring touch and says, "don't get into any trouble."

Trouble, I think, wondering why he always feels the need to say that but knowing just the same. Then he places the palm of his hand at the back of my neck and pulls me down slightly, and he places a quick and non-obtrusive kiss on my lips before muttering while placing some gil in my hand, "I trust you'll be there before nightfall?"

After that, he turns and walks out the front door, putting on the act that everything in his life is ordinary. He's not having an affair with anyone and he sure as hell isn't hiding any monsters in his closets, under his bed, or anywhere else that he might be able to fit them or shove them into. He keeps the curtains closed because everyone annoys him and he never opens his windows because he's convinced that the insects have discovered weak points in his screens…

That's what he tells everyone and as crazy as what he says sounds, he believes that it's better than telling them the truth—that he's not only hiding a monster, but he's sleeping with one too.


From there, we split up and take different routes. Though I'm reluctant to go the moment I hear Reno make the first truce between them by offering to take Tseng to the Junon pier by helicopter, and Tseng accepts. I almost turn around and follow them, fighting whatever it is inside that suddenly makes me want to erase the redhead from existence.

"I'll fly ya there… it's faster."

"That eager to get rid of me?"

"Nah… jus figured ya'd be more comfortable travellin in luxury."

"With the way you fly?"

"Heh… yeah… well… It'll give us enough time ta make amends when I drop ya off with time ta spare. Ya know?"

"No I don't."

"Grab a bite?"

With a nod, Tseng smiles and I almost don't realize the quickening pace I'm suddenly walking in toward their direction before I stop myself and take my hand away from the handle of the gun. I can trust him, I tell myself as he follows Reno into the hangar while I attempt to reason with whatever part of me that can't be reasoned with and I force myself to slowly step back and return to the concealment of the woods.

Unfortunately though, I can't trust Reno as well as I can trust Tseng. He's even more conniving and underhanded than he is and capable of almost anything as far as I'm concerned. And to make matters worse, I have no idea what the hell he wants, is up to, or is even after while my concerns grow the moment he places his arm across Tseng's shoulder, strokes it with his thumb in a way that Tseng doesn't notice or pretends not to, and he briefly glances in my direction with narrowed eyes and a conniving grin before he sticks his tongue between his teeth like he knows I'm here.

As a result, my hand is on my gun again and whatever is boiling up inside of me is about to explode if I don't find a way to calm myself down, and I step back again, fighting the urge not to release a destructive spell into the hangar that could wind up harming them both.


Luckily for them, my better senses win and I manage to find a few vagrants on the way to Junon to keep me occupied. They're mostly thieves and petty criminals. But at least I manage to save a few innocents from losing their belongings and during the moments in between, I continuously manage to tell myself that I'm overreacting to Reno. There's nothing to worry about.

He's just trying to get under my skin, lure me into the opening just like Tseng says…


By the time I make it to Junon, Tseng and Reno are already walking out of the diner that he seems to have taken a liking to and he's bowing his regards to Reno as the redhead makes his way back to the Junon Helipad. Of course he doesn't fail to inconspicuously sweep his eyes over the redhead's chest, and he doesn't fail to cover it up by adding in a disapproving tone as he speaks, "Do your shirt up."

"Nah," Reno responds while smiling crookedly at him and walking backwards so there's more of him to see. Then he teasingly adds, "I think ya like it undone."

All Tseng does though is quirk his brow before he subtly shakes his head, waves his hand dismissively at him and turns around to start walking to the pier while calling behind him, "Thanks for the ride."

"Any time, Boss," the redheaded snake replies. Then he salutes him and turns on those wiry legs of his to lazily head back to the chopper with a complacent grin on his face.

Doesn't like you my ass, I think, not even bothering to wonder where the thought comes from and not even noticing that I've already got my gun aimed at the window of the chopper until it's too late. The bang is the only thing that takes me by surprise and it causes me to unconsciously recoil. I didn't even realize that I'd pulled the trigger until I heard it and Reno didn't appear to hear it either. The helicopter makes enough noise on its own and he already has the headset on.

But there's a part of me that feels good about it if not an alien part that doesn't seem to fit into the scheme of things, and all the while another part of me is still cringing over the fact that the bullet would have gone straight between his eyes if it wasn't for the damn chopper having bullet-proof glass. He would have noticed the ricochet too if it wasn't for him dropping something onto the floor of the chopper at the last minute and reaching down to grab it.

He did hear something though, the obvious sign is him sitting back up with a bit of a jolt and muttering, "hm?" before he leans forward and cocks his head to look up at the spinning blades to make sure something didn't hit them. Then he looks around to see if something did that might have bounced off to hit something else. He sees nothing though, and he carelessly shrugs before sticking a toothpick in his mouth to chew on and lifts off like there's nothing of concern.

Lucky or not for either of us, I'm not sure. Though I admit that I'm thankful that he didn't notice and that no one else was paying attention either because the first person he probably would have contacted would have been Tseng. And I suppose I should be thankful that I didn't kill him either since Tseng most-likely has me at the top of his list for suspects, regardless of whether or not they have any other enemies that are trying to kill them.

From there, I stay in the woods and nearly get myself torn up by a group of angry cappawires that sneak up behind me after I disturb their ground. That's not all though. Because the moment one of them wraps their long leafy wire-like arms around my neck, yanks me backwards off my heels and the others close in with their short wood-stump-like bodies to commence on their wire attacks that resemble nothing less than a lashing, a nearby formula passes overhead, violet, featherless, and more than half the size of an adult human.

These things are getting smarter, I think, while hoping the formula just passes as I continue to try to use whatever defence I can. But they seem to jolt me with grand sparks whenever I reach for my gun and as if that's not enough, the formula catches the commotion below and probably assumes there's a meal on its way due to its scavenging nature, and it decides to help the cappawires by swooping, slashing me across the chest with its sharp beak, deep purple, almost black, and then it hits me with a cross impulse to compliment the grand sparks from the cappawires.

By this point, the gun no longer matters. They've torn me up enough that another danger threatens us all and I can feel it boiling up inside of me, frustration spreading like a wild fire in my veins and anxiety building into a hardened ball of iron in my gut.

I remind myself that this is my penance for all the wrongs I've done in my life and all the things I never attempted to stop or correct, and I deserve the chaos that accompanies it.

"GRAAARRRGGGHHH!"


By the time the turmoil outside of Junon ends, everything that attacked me is either dead or heavily wounded and I'm no worse for wear. Whether I should thank Chaos' desire to protect its host, or curse it, my body healed like it always does and like always, I only remember fragments of what transpired. I can't say that I don't regret that part though because I'm not sure if I really want to recall everything that Chaos does.


From there, I figure I managed to waste enough time for Tseng to catch the first ship and I commence to catch the second one with the Gil he gave to me while hoping he's not on it since I know that he would panic if I got on the same one as him. Although panicking is more of an inward state for Tseng than an outward one, but I would still know and it would still contribute to the hovering guilt that I always feel regarding everything I do around him.


The next stop is Costa Del Sol. From there, I make a brief trip to the bakery even though I assume he's already gone out of his way to grab his favourite sweets already. But there's a high chance he would have eaten it all on his way to Nibelheim since he finds the trip boring if he's not being flown and he has a tendency to eat when he's bored. Not to mention that a strange part of me is hoping the gift will make up for the delay, especially when I run into a beach plug after trying to save a little girl from drowning near the beach.

Luckily for everyone involved though, including myself, Chaos doesn't make an appearance this time. But I do manage to get the situation under control quickly and by attracting the attention of nearly everyone while bullets fly from my gun after I suffer a nasty bite on my leg that stings like a…

"Are you all right?" is the most typical question that everyone asks me as I keep my head down, place the girl safely on the ground and mutter, "yes," before trying to get away as quickly as possible.

But unfortunately, as the fates would have it, I'm not going to get away as fast as I would have liked because when I'm about to find transportation on the outskirts of town, a mature grangalan appears out of nowhere and starts duplicating itself into smaller egg-shaped clones of itself.

Well, at least it can only go three sizes smaller, I think to myself, as one of its silver wheels slice across my left bicep when its third and smallest duplication appears. Then I clench my jaw, lower my head, and I begin firing like I'm beginning to get tired of all the random attacks, and not only that, I'm beginning to wonder if it's some kind of sign.


By the time I arrive in Nibelheim, as surprising as it is at this point due to the pack of Nibel Wolves that attack me the moment I get close to town, I find Tseng standing near the mansion. He's standing at the side and in its shadows and he looks impatient while letting out a sigh as I circle around to watch him from a distance for a moment.

Then he looks at his watch and taps on it before looking up at the night falling upon the skies, leaving nothing but a soft pink glow near the horizon, and he shakes his head as if he's not surprised by my absence. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that he looks like he expected no less.

He's wondering what's taking me so long, I'm sure. But at this point, I only want to watch him from afar for a while as he straightens his suit, brushes his hair behind his ear with his finger, and then he walks to the back of the mansion to sit on a ledge where it's private.

He pulls out his phone then, and I frown, hoping it's not Reno before I hear him say, "Mother?" with a look of relief on his face that slowly turns into something complacent.

At this point, I was almost ready to go to him out of some strange impulse that I can't explain. But I decide I'll wait a little longer while he asks her how she's doing and tells her he'll be seeing her next week while he unconsciously toys with his locket and continues with the usual assurances toward a mother that he thinks worries too much about him.

It's justified though, I think to myself, whether she knows what he's been through or not, and maybe it's instinctual.


However, knowing that he's capable of talking to her for hours, I finally decide to make my way down to him where I sit quietly beside him while he continues to talk to her and journeys through his typical path of mood-swings that he generally suffers from when he speaks with her. The only acknowledgement he offers me during that time is to quickly place the locket he was fiddling with back into his pocket when he first sees me, although I know about it, and to playfully nudge my arm with his elbow before leaning onto me and trying to cut the call short.

Then he grumbles under his breath after he hangs up about how much he wishes she would quit bothering him to find a girlfriend.

"I could always wear a dress," I say, jokingly, but flat as usual before he stands and turns to run his austere eyes over me like he's not even willing to contemplate it.

"Don't be ridiculous—you're far too homely to pull it off," he tells me before he starts to walk to the back door and waves his hand for me to follow while barely moving it from his side.

Homely as a woman or homely as a man? I suddenly wonder, before I wonder why I'm concerned about something I've never been concerned about before.

Then when we get to the door, he stops and turns around to run his eyes over me again, focussing on all the tears in my clothes before he shakes his head at me and turns back around to unlock it while muttering under his breath, "I could have sworn I told you to be careful."

"I was," I tell him, knowing full-well that he isn't going to believe me if I tell him the truth, and the sarcastic snort that follows only adds concrete to the thought.

"I see," he muses with a slight smile when he hears the old locks to the mansion's back door click. Then he mockingly concludes that, "You're simply wearing an older outfit."


I don't bother answering him when he nods as if he's feigning a confirmation to his remark, and instead I follow behind him as he quietly steps onto the creaking floor of the old and unused kitchen that used to be immaculate at one time. It's nothing but rotting wood and broken tiles now, accompanied by layers of caking dust and cobwebs.

But I remember it like it was yesterday, along with the ghosts that reside here—echoes from the past…


"Lucrecia!" I yelled, startled when she flung the cream from her dessert at me. She used to sneak into the kitchen and she thought she'd turn it into a game when I caught her, giggling and stepping back with her hand over her mouth as if she was reconsidering what she just did.

But she wasn't expecting me to retaliate by doing the same, unexpectedly turning it into a playful game.

"Hapf!" she exclaimed, with cream running down the front of her dress and her hands over her mouth before she disbelievingly bent forward in surprise, "Vince…! You didn't!"

Then she ran, playfully initiating the chase while dipping her hand into the dessert again as she circled the table and flung another handful at me.

I caught her though, grabbing her by the waist before pulling her down while we both laughed and tumbled to the floor. But none of it was before she managed to lightly slap another handful into my face, which I wiped off and flung back at her.

I knew I was falling in love with her. I knew it from the moment I first saw her. But I never had the courage to tell her… not then…

She was the only one that ever called me Vince…


"It's a shame they let this place go," Tseng quietly muses, stepping toward the door at the other end and not noticing that I'd mentally left him. Then he turns around and blankly stares at me while I stare into empty space while holding the chain around my neck.

He doesn't say anything about it though. He only straightens up, probably knowing where I've gone, and then he returns to being as stoic as he usually is when he's trying to pretend that nothing bothers him. After that, he turns and quietly nods while continuing to walk to the other door.

"Perhaps we should go straight to the labs."

"Sorry," I mutter, realizing what I was holding and how I was looking while he coldly walks ahead with no sign of being offended and quietly says, like air, "there's nothing to apologize for, Vince."


Once we leave the old kitchen, he leads the way to the second floor and I follow quietly behind while fleeting through pleasant and unpleasant memories. Nearly every inch of this place takes me somewhere, and Tseng doesn't falter for a moment as he continues to walk through the ghosts like air, almost like he's part of them or a guide that anchors me and escorts me through the memories.

But he doesn't say a word and he doesn't stop when I stop. He doesn't look back either, and I wonder if it's only because he doesn't want to see me holding the chain again, or maybe he just doesn't want to hear me say something that he doesn't care to hear.

Instead, he takes care of the more tangent ghosts that he stirs, the monsters that lurk in the shadows—the ones that are real, and he doesn't wait or even ask for my help as he finishes them off. All the while, I follow behind him and step over what's left from his deadly and accurate aim.

I can only wonder if I've upset him somehow and I can only wish that he'd show it if I did. But I can't bring myself to ask as another memory of Lucrecia floods my mind and I struggle with which one of them I could possibly betray more by my thoughts.


When we get to the second floor and he makes his way to the door leading to the lower labs, he stops and merely studies it. He's expressionless while he runs his fingers over a crack in the door, almost resembling a slash before he clinically says, "That's from Seph's blade."

Then he opens the door and starts to walk down the stairs while I take a moment to stare at the scar left upon the solid and reinforced wood, wondering if he said it more as a way to get back at me for my silent musings or if he was only stating a fact.

Maybe it's a bit of both, I wonder, suddenly feeling even more guilty over nothing and jealous of nothing for any practical reason. Then I run my own finger along the groove and decide to catch up to Tseng who's already made it halfway down the stairs and still moving like his only purpose is to lure me and keep me going.

The enchantment ends though.

It ends the moment we enter the main corridors made of crumbling brick and stone, and it leaves me little time to fall into the image of how it used to be down here, cavernous, when the bullets from Tseng's gun aren't enough to take down the Ying/Yang that suddenly blocks our path and he gets slammed into the wall while letting out a pained grunt.

Instead of saying anything though, I wind up growling like an animal. Then I pull out my own gun and put myself between Tseng and the creature, protecting my territory while Tseng pulls out his blades and helps me out while telling me that he doesn't need me as a shield and that he was doing just fine on his own.

Sure you were, I sarcastically think when the creature finally falls and Tseng limps to my side while pulling a potion out of his pocket. Then he takes a drink, wipes at his mouth, and stares down at the creature in mimicry of my own stance.

"So," he says, like tin as he puts the bottle back in his pocket and continues on his journey to the lab, walking ahead and ignoring me like I'm not even here as he speaks to me, "I guess the next time I want your attention, I'll just throw myself in harm's way."

"Snide bastard," I mutter, so low that he can't hear it while I sneer at him although I feel like I deserve it anyway. Then I check the bullets in my gun and reload it before placing it back in my holster and following him to nothing more than the place where I originally met my demise.