I have edited this chapter. I apologize for any confusion that may cause.

I apologize for my massive fail at getting this to you sooner. I am an accountant at a small non-profit, and the auditor was here for a week! The day after she left I got a severe case of bronchitis, which kicked my ass for another week. I promise to be more prompt in my following chapters.

A Reminder: this is a work of fiction. I do not own nor profit from Stephenie Meyer and her Twilight series. Nor do I own any of her characters. If I owned Jasper I would be rich beyond my wildest dreams.

The title of my story is from the song, "Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Then They Are" which is performed by and belongs entirely to Meatloaf. Although there may be some similarities to the lyrics, the plot line is strictly my own.

WARNING! This story is rated M for a reason. There will be strong language. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! If you are not old enough to understand what the words mean, stop reading NOW. As always, this story is written from Jasper's POV unless otherwise stated.

Chapter 5 – The Response

JPOV

On the passenger side of an automobile, there are words written on the outside mirror that remind us that what we see is only an illusion. I knew at that moment that I could still see Father in my mind's mirror, and he was closer then I thought he was. How could a man who physically left mom and me so long ago still continue to fuck up my life so much? Would I never be free of him? His ugly voice began echoing in my head as I heard the words Edward said, and as I repeated the words over and over to myself. Too close…Father is too close!

I felt Father prepare to respond. I thought I had puked him out of my system just a few minutes ago. I was wrong. His poison obviously still surged through my system.

So my first reaction was to use the same vitriol spewed at me by Bella. "You're a fucking faggot, Edward?" almost came out of my mouth. But my heart knew that is not what I wanted to say. I choked back my words before they could come out to hurt him. He was my best friend. I can't hurt him! So how do I figure out what my heart wants to say? I don't have much practice listening to myself. Father taught me I wasn't important enough to be listened to, so I usually discounted my own thoughts. Why listen to an idiot?

Ok, so…what do I think? I don't know. I didn't see this coming. I mean, how could I see this coming? Lots of people have best friends, but that doesn't make them all queer. What happened to Eddie? Did someone make him think this shit? He said Bella and he broke up. Was she the one who wrecked him?

He said he loves me. That's not so bad. I love him too. But…

He was always so sweet when we were kids. Did his mom or dad do something? What about me? Did I hit him, hurt him too much? God, what a mess! Why would he say that shit? Did I hate him 'cause he said it? What did he actually say? Shit, I'm a mess. Maybe it is me. Do I hate him?

Hate him. Why would I hate him? Did he do something wrong? Is he doing something wrong now? Is he really gay…or is he confused? I mean…how does he know he's gay? How does anyone know that shit?

Wait, my health teacher said people can't be made into being gay. She said people are born that way. But, so wouldn't that still be his dad's fault? Maybe his mom has something wrong with her. So if it is genetics…shit! I have never been good at science. How in the hell am I supposed to figure this shit out? Is there really anything wrong with being gay? I've got nothin' here!

Ok, wait. So if he is really that way, does that make me that way? Am I screwed because he was my friend? I've always loved him…he's my brother! I mean, he's not really my brother, but…

FUCK! What in the hell am I doing? Maybe Father was right to beat me and hate me if I'm a queer too. Maybe he always saw me this way. Maybe he was trying to get me to be normal. Maybe he was trying to beat the devil out of me for real, just like he used to tell me. Isn't everyone supposed to get married and have kids and shit? Maybe Father wasn't the monster I thought, maybe it is really me. Maybe I'm the monster. What if I'm the one who wrecked everything with mom and him? Did she hate me too? I think my head is going to explode!

"Jasper! Jasper, what are you doing? Jasper, just…just talk to me!"

I realized I must look really crazy right now. My hands were both in my hair, pulling so hard it hurt. I couldn't think. I didn't know what to do…what to say. I took a deep breath and looked at Eddie. He had tears streaming down his face. He was shaking me, with his hands on my shoulders, and I had to get away.

"Let me go. Just…"

"Jasper, please talk to me!"

"I…I can't right now Eddie. I need time. I need to think. Just let me go. Please."

What if I'm the one who caused all this? I had to get away to think. I had to figure this out before I hurt anyone any worse. I need time to think! I don't want to hurt Eddie. I just need time to think.

"Just go home Eddie. Leave me alone right now. I can't talk to you right now."

It came out harsher then I meant it to. I didn't want to hurt him, but maybe he being close to me is hurting him. If he gets away from me maybe he will be OK. Fuck. What am I going to do? I think he just needs to get away so he can be OK before I do something bad and hurt him worse. Why can't I think?

"Please Eddie…just go."

Edward got up then; looking defeated, and stumbled out of my room. I could hear my mom asking if he was OK, but I didn't hear his answer. Did I do the right thing? It was the best for him wasn't it? I can't hurt him any more, so it's best he leave, right? Shit! Maybe I hurt him worse by making him go. No, I can't think that. He just needs to be away from me. I'm the monster in his life. Without me he can be fine. If I can just figure things out, he will be OK. Yeah, it's best he goes. He'll be OK.

Mom called me for dinner later, but I told her I was sick and just needed to sleep. But I couldn't sleep. It just kept running through my head, what Eddie said. He loves me. He's gay. He loves me. He's gay. He loves me. Hate him? Love him? He loves me. Why would anyone love me?

I guess I must have finally fallen asleep, because I woke up on the floor next to my bed, stiff and sore. My legs hurt so bad from laying all twisted up that I almost had to crawl to the shower. I had strands of my blond curls in my hands, and my head hurt like a bitch.

I stood in the shower and realized that I still didn't know what to do. I really fucked everything up in my life if someone as good as Eddie loves me. Because that means I fucked him up too. His head can't be right if he thinks he loves me. But I love him too…just maybe not the way he wants. Do I? I don't know. Maybe I do have feelings for him. Maybe I feel the same way he does. I don't know. Maybe I am just too fucked up to even know how I feel. But at least Eddie is OK. I made him go home last night so he could be OK. So he could get away from my monster. So I couldn't screw up his life any more. I know, somehow, Father was right. I don't deserve to live if I hurt everyone around me. How was I going to fix Eddie? I wanted to be there for him, but he was better off without me. Shit, I already fucked him up. Yeah, he was definitely better off without me.

I was getting dressed, but no closer to answers, when mom screamed up the stairs at me.

"Jasper! Get down here now! It's Edward. His mom called…we've got to get to the hospital!"

What the fuck? Hospital? I ran down the stairs and climbed into the car with her. She was crying and I couldn't figure out what was going on.

"Mom. Why are we going to the hospital? What is going on?"

She just shook her head, tears running down her face. Good thing it is a straight shot to the hospital. I'm not sure she could even see the road. Five minutes later as we pulled into the lot, I was still no closer to getting answers. Maybe I didn't deserve answers. Shit.

We were met at the door by a sobbing, distraught woman. I almost didn't recognize Eddie's mom. She had a robe on, and slippers, and her hair was a mess. She flung herself into my mom's arms and they both continued to weep.

Now, I know I am a selfish bitch, but why won't anyone tell me what is going on? I mean, she dragged me here, said it was about Edward, but I don't see him. Where the fuck is he? Just his mom…

Oh my God! What happened? Eddie…where is Eddie?

"You can come back and see him now. We have him stabilized, Mrs. Masen. And is Jasper here? He keeps asking for Jasper." The doctor led us all back to a curtained off room. When I turned the corner, I saw Eddie, white as a ghost and hooked up to machines, his hair sticking up every which way and bandages on his wrists. His eyes opened when he heard us come in.

"Jasper, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please tell me you don't hate me. Please. I just need you so bad. Please, Jasper."

Mrs. Masen turned to me with an incredulous look. "Is this YOUR fault Jasper? Huh? What did you do? How could you hurt Edward? He's your best friend. He loves you. WHAT DID YOU DO?"

All I could do was stand there. She slapped me across my cheek, drew her hand back for another go, and I just stood there. I didn't know what to do as her hand connected again. Why is everyone hitting me? Then she fell onto the bed and clutched Edward to her chest, crying the whole time.

"Mom. No. Jasper didn't do anything. I did. I was a fool. I…I…mom, please. Please stop crying. Jasper didn't do this, I did." And then Eddie broke down and sobbed into his mom's hair.

I still stood there. I was numb. I didn't know what to do. Had I done this? Was this my fault too? Of course it was. I couldn't do anything right. I hurt him again. Father was right about everything. It was my fault. Even Mrs. Masen knew it was my fault. I couldn't stand there any longer. If I stayed I would hurt him again. I turned, looking over my shoulder at Edward and his mom, my mom, repeating "Sorry, I'm so sorry." And then I did the only thing I could think of to do…I ran.