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I don't own the vampire diaries and I don't own the characters.
This takes place after the events in my fanfic Soulmate always find a way.
The POV's will be from Damon and Elena.
Enjoy.
Feedback is appreciated.


Chapter 4- I can't do this

Damon's POV

After leaving Elena to come home to Stefan ready to fight me again, I was wrong. I knew that he was still awake because I could hear him pacing back and forth in his room, but I knew better than to disturb him especially after what had happened after Elena and I left the quarry. If I didn't feel like a piece of shit earlier I definitely did now. I had hurt her and I didn't know if she'd ever forgive me, and if she did I knew she'd never forget the words I said to her. I didn't bother getting undressed, I knew I wouldn't get any sleep tonight. The memory was still playing on a loop in my head.

It was getting late and I knew I had to get Elena back before anyone had noticed she was gone. She didn't want to be alone and honestly I didn't either. We got back to her home and she walked me around back. I wasn't planning on staying, I meant what I had said to Johnathan Gilbert it wouldn't happen again. I couldn't stay with Elena at night anymore, no matter how bad it was killing me inside.

"I should go now Elena. Goodnight." I turned to leave but she caught my hand. I was forced to look at her and I couldn't help but melt when I met her eyes.

"Stay. Please?"

Damn those big brown eyes that I couldn't say fucking no to. I nodded my head and followed her quietly inside. Once we were in her room I sat down in the chair. She came and sat on my lap but I couldn't enjoy it this time. It didn't feel right, well it did feel right but it felt different. She wasn't mine. She's being courted by my brother and here she is sitting on my lap giving me that 'I want to kiss you until you scream my name' look. I sigh and get up to go anywhere but next to her. Why is this so hard now? I never cared about the fact that she was with Stefan before. Hell, I love Elena more than anything. I hear her come up behind me but I don't turn around.

"Damon? What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "Nothing." There a good answer. I have to keep the talking to a minimum. She can't know what's going on inside my head. I feel her take my hand and lead me to sit down, on her bed. I try to take my hand away but it feels like no matter how hard I try to move it I can't. Like I have no control over my own hands. I look up and meet her eyes again, damn it I can't hold back anymore. I pull her to me and kiss her again.

Her hands come up to cup my face and mine do the same. I feel her hands find their way into my hair, damn I like how that feels. Before I know what I'm doing I'm undoing the buttons on the back of her dress. She doesn't object, in fact her fingers are undoing the buttons on my shirt. I know I should stop this but I don't want to. I want her. I slide the dress off her and pull her to the center of the bed. Our lips never break apart as I hover over her. Her hands pull my shirt off and I let it fall to the floor. I quickly take off her undershirt and throw it next to my shirt on the floor. As she begins to unbutton my pants I kiss my way down her neck to her chest. I can hear her moan as I take one of her nipples in my mouth while my hands massage her breasts.

"Damon."

It's a whisper but it's all it takes to snap me out of everything. I stop and quickly get off the bed. No, not now, not with her, not now. I can't betray my brother like this. I can't lose all the respect of her family. I quickly grab her undershirt and pull it back on her, there at least now she's covered a bit. I grab my shirt and hastily put it back on.

"Damon. What's wrong?"

Without thinking I turn and glare at her. "This Elena! This is wrong!" I motion to her, wearing nothing but her undershirt and underpants on and me with my shirt still undone and my pants unbuttoned.

"How is this wrong Damon? I love you and I know you love me, I could tell by the way..."

"By the way I was what? Kissing you? Touching you? It's all wrong Elena!"

I could see the hurt in her eyes when I said the words. "It's not Damon. I know it's right."

I sit on the bed in front of her. I know what I have to do and I have to do it now. "It's wrong Elena. You're with Stefan, my brother. I can't...make love to you. It's not right. I shouldn't have come here." I get up to leave but she catches me again by the hand.

"Then I'll tell Stefan I can't be with him. I don't want him to court me anyway, I want you to."

This time I successfully yank my hand out of her grasp and turn to face her one last time. "You can't do that! He loves you Elena! Did you know that? Plus, your father would never let me court you, not even if I did earn his respect. He made that perfectly clear earlier tonight. I have to go Elena. Let me go." I make it as far as her door before she speaks again.

"You know you don't mean that. I know you don't want me to let you go, and I know you don't want to go. Please stay and we can talk about this tomorrow. We don't have to..."

"No!" I see her jump as I raise my voice at her. "I do mean it Elena. Let me go." She shakes her head and tries to say something but doesn't. I look down and then look back into her eyes. "I can't do this." I see the tears as they start to fall and I walk out her door. I walk quickly and quietly downstairs and out the backdoor. Go back. That fucking voice inside my head keeps telling me to go back while I'm muttering to myself, "Don't turn around. Don't turn around. You did the right thing."

I snap back out of the memory. I can't stand to see her hurt. I take the pillow from under my head and place it on top as I scream as loud as I can. I hear my door open and look towards it. "What now Stefan!" I snap at him, I definitely don't want to see him. Not now and probably not for a long while.

"I heard you scream Damon. What's the problem?"

I shake my head. "Nothing that concerns you boy." That was supposed to be his cue to leave but apparently he's dumb enough to think it means, come in and fucking sit down! "Go away brother."

"No. We need to talk about this. About Elena."

Damn him for bringing her up. The moment he said her name I immediately hated myself even more than I already do for hurting her the way I did. "There's nothing to talk about. She's yours. Marry her and ride off into the rainbow. I'm not a part of it." I get up and walk to my desk. I pull out the small bottle of whiskey and start to drink.

"I can't do that. I can't be with her. You love her Damon, you've always loved her. I never realized it until now but I should have. I should have seen it, if I had I would have never asked to court her. I'm done brother."

He can't fucking step aside. That messes up everything! I just fucking stepped aside for him and I hurt her probably beyond repair and now he wants to do the same exact thing. "No! You love her Stefan. You deserve her. You can give her the life she deserves. I don't deserve her. I can't give her the life she deserves and you know that. You know what people would say about her if she were to be with me, I can't do that to her."

"Who cares what people think? I know you don't and I know Elena doesn't either. She's your best friend Damon and she's always been here. If she hasn't left you by now I don't think she ever will. She loves you and I can see that now."

I grip the bottle even tighter and turn to face my brother. I shake my head and throw the bottle. "I can't do this!" The bottle misses his head by 3 feet and hits the wall and shatters into a million pieces. Just like my heart did earlier. "I can't do this Stefan." I grab his arm and literally throw him out of my room. He has to leave. I can't have him stay here and tell me that he will step aside and that Elena loves me. I don't deserve it and I can't do this anymore.

Elena's POV

I stood there until I saw the sun shine into my room. Damon had left. He had left me and I honestly didn't know what to do. He said that what had happened was wrong. It didn't feel wrong though. It had felt incredibly right. I could feel the love he had for me in every kiss and every touch. Being with him like that, having him that close, it felt like heaven. I hadn't wanted it to stop and I never wanted him to leave. I fall back onto my bed as my legs finally collapse and I sob harder than every before. I lost him.

I hear the knocks on my door, "Miss Elena? Are you ready to get dressed ma'am?" I groan, for one day can't I just fucking stay in bed.

"No, not yet. I'm still tired."

"But Miss you'll miss breakfast."

Like I care. "Just give me a few minutes please?"

That seems to work because I can hear her footsteps go down the stairs. I replay the whole night in my head. The best part was when I had Damon in my bed. I hadn't wanted him as much as I did last night. His body felt so good pressed to mine. His lips felt so good as he sucked on my nipples and the way he was caressing my breasts felt so unbelievably good. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard knocking again.

"Miss Elena. Mr. Salvatore is here to see you." She entered before I had a chance to answer her. Mr. Salvatore, it could be either Stefan or Damon. I was hoping it was Damon.

After I was fully dressed and Susanna had pinned my hair up I went to see which Salvatore was here to see me.

"Stefan." My heart sank for two different reasons. One, because it wasn't Damon. Two, because I knew what I'd have to tell him.

"Miss Elena. Walk with me?" He holds out his arm and I take it.

We don't head for the gardens, instead he leads me out the front door and we walk down the street. I don't think he really knows where were headed but I can tell he just wants to get somewhere we can talk alone. We stop suddenly and I look around, we are halfway between my house and the Salvatore mansion.

"I know Elena."

Those three words make my heart beat even faster. He knows. Damon told him. Why didn't Damon tell me he told Stefan already? I look up at him but I don't think he's upset about it. "Stefan, I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "It's alright. I...understand, in a way."

"You understand?"

He nods his head. "He loves you. It's like I told him last night, I should have known it earlier. The signs were all there but I...I was blind to it." I don't understand why he's acting this way. He's not fighting for me at all. Damon had said that Stefan loves me but he's not acting like it. "Elena, there is something else I have to tell you. Last night I told Damon I would step aside and let you be with him, but I can't do that. I love you. I know that I'm not Damon and I know that you probably don't feel for me what I feel for you but give me a chance please?"

He looks so hopeful. I don't know what else to say so I nod my head. He takes my arm in his and walks me the rest of the way to his house.

"I have a gift for you. Wait here in the library and I'll be right back."

I sit down and wait for Stefan to return. Damon walks in with a book in hand and stares at me for a split second before putting the book on the shelf. I can feel the tension in the room, it's full of lust and love and denial.

"Elena. I didn't know you'd be here today." He raises an eyebrow as he grabs a new book.

"Neither did I. Some light reading?" He nods his head and flashes the cover of the book. "Wuthering Heights. I love that story. Catherine and Heathcliff, reminds you of real life huh?"

"Yeah." He sighs. "Heathcliff never got the girl. They loved each other but they were wrong for each other. He was rebellious and she was...perfect. She married a man who was perfect and died before confessing she even loved him. Tragic."

I knew we were way beyond discussing the characters in the book. Now we were talking about Damon and I. "She never gave up on him. She never stopped loving him. I think she was just scared of the intensity and depth of her love for him."

He nodded. "Perhaps. Good afternoon Elena."

He walked out of the room without a look back. Stefan returned not long after. It was quiet for a little while, I don't think either of us wanted to actually break the silence. I was intrigued by the box he held in his hand, it was jewelry but that's all I could tell.

"So Mr. Salvatore, you said you had something for me?" I was very curious and anxious to see what it was but I also tried to make my voice sound happy as well.

"That I do." He hands me the box. "It comes with a question as well." I look up at him and he continues. "There is going to be a ball in a few days time at the Lockwood Mansion. Their eldest son is getting married and they wish to celebrate. I was hoping you'd do me the honor of letting me escort you to the ball, as well as wear the necklace?" He met my eyes and I saw the love and hopefulness in his bright green eyes.

I nodded. "Yes Stefan. I'd love if you would escort me."

As he smiled I opened the box and saw the necklace. My heart sank, I had seen it before. It belonged to his mother. Images of last night with Damon flashed into my mind and I felt sick at my stomach. I was here accepting Stefan's offer of giving him a chance and going to a ball with him, yet all I could think about was how much I wanted Damon. I set the box down and ran to the balcony off the library. I took a deep breath and fought back the tears that wanted to find their way to my eyes.

"Elena. Is everything okay?"

I turn around to face Stefan. I have to tell him, but I can't break his heart like that. I nod my head, "I was just feeling faint. I needed some air. I'm sorry."

He nods and comes to stand next to me. I don't know how long we stand there. I have so many thoughts going through my head. I noticed Damon had come outside and was headed for the gardens. I wanted to bad to follow him but I knew I couldn't, I was with Stefan, but I saw as Damon looked at me the flash of pain cross his face before he masked it over with a look of fake amusement.

"Elena? Are you sure you're okay?"

I know, Stefan is a nice guy any girl would be lucky to be courted by him but I can't help what I feel, not anymore. I don't think before I speak, "I can't do this.". I look up at him and suddenly I wish I had thought before I spoke.

"You can't do what?" He tries to hide his feelings but I can see them.

"I can't keep this from you. Damon was in my room last night, after him and my father had talked. We both got carried away with our emotions and I'm so sorry Stefan. Nothing happened but something almost did, and even though we both will try to deny it I know we both wanted it to. I'm sorry."

Pain. Shock. Anger. Heart break. So many emotions passed through his eyes. I didn't know what he'd do and I was afraid to leave him because I had a feeling he'd go after Damon. He still hadn't said anything. We were just looking at each other. Damon came walking back to the backdoor again and I saw Stefan's eyes as he looked at his brother. Damon had stopped in his tracks when he saw Stefan glaring at him. Stefan started to move toward him but I grabbed his arm.

"Stefan. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I know you asked me to give you a chance and I will. I'm just asking that you give me one too. Please give me a chance to show you how much I care for you."

He doesn't say anything. He looks at me, then at Damon, and then back to me. He nods his head and leads me towards the gardens. I see Damon go inside and I walk silently next to Stefan. Things are tense between us, I can feel it. He's distant but so am I. I try so hard to push the thoughts of last night away but the only thing I can think now is. I don't know if I'll be able to do this.