Confessions
"I told you all I know," I say, weary from the time that he takes when each second is vital to Tseng's life, and I find myself feeling sickened by it when I ask, "What did you inject him with?" as Koerin walks away from me and stops near one of his men.
"Suspenseful… isn't it?" he responds before he inserts a dart into a gun and aims it at me while stating that he's impressed that he was able to come up with something strong enough to knock me out in one shot before he emptily says, "I really hate waste."
It's the last thing I recall before the room grows dim and any concerns I might have had involuntarily wash away.
"Miserable Tonberry…"
"Seph?"
How many hours have passed, I don't know. I'm not even sure if I'm anywhere near being awake but the purring sound of Sephiroth's voice speaking to Tseng sets off alarms somewhere inside of me and I struggle to open my eyes and clear out the haze that clouds the clarity of my vision.
He crawls along the length of the steel table like a predator closing in on the weak prey below him. Silver hair falls from his shoulders like a veil that claims the Turk as the sound of metal and leather conflict with a hostile sound that nearly obscures a strange scurrying sound in the background.
"What do you… want?"
"What I've always wanted," Sephiroth responds as he slowly undoes the straps securing Tseng's arms and lowers himself enough to whisper into his ear, "I've waited long enough for it…"
"Get away from me."
Sephiroth only chuckles at the request though, toying and chilling while ignoring the demand and stroking the sickly strands that are sticking to the sides of the Turk's face back. But despite the mockery, he does it with a caring and careful touch that almost conflicts with the undertone of misguided amusement.
"Beautiful… beautiful… Tonberry…" he says, like he's strangely admiring Tseng's condition, "After everything I've done for you…"
A dream, I tell myself, as I struggle to find a way to force myself to wake up and there's a strange noise that pollutes my senses, shuffling, scurrying, and other sounds that are alive, like struggling. I can't make any of them out clearly enough though and things start to feel strange, like I'm partially moving.
And without much time to give it any thought, a gunshot snaps me out of whatever daze I was in and my eyes snap open from what feels like a dead sleep to find that I'm still in the chair and have managed to loosen the ropes enough to get my arms free without me knowing how, and somehow, somewhere in my subconscious, I've been managing to keep whatever type of creature I've been struggling with inches away from devouring me.
"One would think…" I hear Tseng say somewhere in the background, "That Koerin… would… have warned you… not… to do something… so stupid…"
I have no idea what he's talking about though, or even to whom he's saying it to. Nor do I even know what's going on as I continue to struggle with what I can only guess is some type of arachnid specimen, possibly blind as its furry and wire-like feelers run over my face, studying me, and the orifice that I'm assuming is its mouth opens.
Despite the other sounds of movement that grab my attention, the only thing I can focus on at the moment is the slime-like saliva dripping from the sepia-coloured fangs that are threatening to tear into me. And the next thing I know, I feel like I'm frozen as I hear two gunshots go off.
For a moment, nothing seems real and I question it all as the lights suddenly appear brighter than they were a moment ago and everything feels more alive than the dead grey that it was, and I suddenly wonder if it was all just a dream of some sort while the thumping sound of the creature falls to the ground, reminding me that some of it was real.
Then I notice Tseng on the floor, hardly able to breathe and grasping at his chest as he hovers over one of the men I'm assuming Koerin left behind to keep an eye on us, seemingly dead now. He frantically digs through all the man's pockets and seems frustrated before he sets his sight on me and laboriously crawls across the floor towards me.
"Vince…" he breathes out as he weakly undoes one of the knots in the ropes, loosening the remainder of them enough for me to undo the rest on my own and falls over, "I can't… breathe…"
The actions that follow are mindless as I struggle with the last of the ropes and grab the Heal Materia from the shelf that Koerin left it on, hoping that it's charged enough as I quickly place it into my gauntlet and growl out "Stay with me!" when I notice that he's nearly suffocating now.
After that, I growl out "Poisona," while hanging onto him and praying without knowing who or what I'm praying to, or even why.
He's cold and clammy and I can only hope that I'm not too late while I grow mindlessly numb and dump the last of my Potions into his mouth, spilling most of it on the floor. It even takes me a moment to suddenly realize that I'm chanting the words as they go through my head as if they were nothing more than my own breath, "Don't take him away from me… Please… Don't take anymore away from me…"
It seems like forever even though only minutes pass and he finally chokes out a breath as if he'd been drowning and weakly pushes me away so that he can have the freedom to vomit without anything constricting him. All I do is stare at him, still concerned over the unhealthy veins that have made it up the side of his face by now while wondering why his shirt is untucked and his pants are undone.
"Are you all right?" I mindlessly ask, already knowing the obvious answer to the question while I move closer to try to aid him.
But he pushes me away again and scurries farther from me while illegibly uttering something in Wutian and refusing to acknowledge me. About the best I can make out is something about me being a traitorous defector, a turncoat, or a misleading ingrate and I frown at the fact that I've given him no reason to think otherwise of me right now, and I wind up coming up with the best I can in what sounds like nothing more than a pathetic excuse.
"I did what I had to…"
"You… have betrayed… everything… I've spent… my entire life… working for…"
"I saved your pathetic life!" I fire back, still not thinking before I speak and not intending to react as adversely as I do, "If I didn't do something to stop them you would have been nothing more than a subject like everyone else you've managed to turn over to Hojo!"
From there, he only nods, seemingly too weak to defend himself even if it's only on a verbal level. But he still manages to ask me if I honestly believe that the majority of his work was to explicitly screw people over, as laboured as it is, and I wind up reminding him that he's been involved with turning nearly everyone that I know over to Shinra's most notorious madman—the twisted scientist in whom they all blindly trusted.
And somehow, the topic turns to Cloud and someone named Zack, and how he did his best to try to keep them out of harms way. Then it turns into how he lost the only thing that ever meant anything to him because of those two without failing to point out that Hojo also had something to do with him losing a man that he loved while questioning how I can even come up with the nerve to insist that he idolized that egotistical maniac so bloody much.
"Sephiroth," I angrily growl at the reminder of Tseng's past loves while completely ignoring the rest, and I suddenly remember whatever the hell it was I was witnessing or dreaming of earlier. Then I instinctively scout the room for any traces that point to it being a reality while looking for my gun at the same time and refusing to let whatever argument I can't let go of to end as I spot it on a counter near the main door.
"The two of you deserve each other… You deserve to rot together…"
"You're a miserable… excuse… for a… life," he mutters before he mumbles more quietly in an attempt to keep his words from being heard, "and you're probably right."
Then he attempts to push himself up and winds up stumbling over and vomiting again before slurring out something about the fact that he thinks I should just leave since I see him as nothing but the penance for all of my burdens if not some kind of self-inflicted burden for my own personal need for mortification.
Wordy, I sarcastically think, for someone who can barely maintain his breath and push himself from the floor. Then I give my head a shake and lowly growl out, "You're not a burden," almost attempting not to be heard as I pull the safety back on my gun and scout the room again, still looking for any traces of the visions I might have had or might not of had before suddenly focusing on the disarray of Tseng's clothes again.
At least I'm not imagining that part, I think, while still wondering why his pants are undone if not questioning how in the hell he managed to get loose before I mindlessly mutter like I'm not really here, "How'd you get loose?"
"How… do you… think…?" he barely mumbles as he rolls onto his back and tiredly moves his hand over his open zipper while chuckling with a conflicting distaste, "Sometimes… it's just… dumb luck…"
"Dumb Luck…?" I emptily repeat while something inside of me feels like it's about to combust over the thoughts that I'm assaulted with and I can't seem to fight off the distasteful sneer that I'm suddenly displaying.
Then I try to go against the grain of the obvious in hopes that I can come up with something more desirable that makes sense as I stare blankly at the steel table he was strapped to while simultaneously trying to convince myself that he's scum anyway. He deserves whatever misfortunes fall his way.
Then I tell myself that no one does and I wind up fighting with my own thoughts, questioning whether it's only because I don't want it to register while still trying to lie to myself by wanting to believe that I don't care.
But I do and I grow more furious inside while denying it at the same time when he tells me what he woke up to, so casual and unaffected that I begin to feel chilled by it.
He tells me the man was over top of him, about to undo the straps around his ankles and I can almost taste the acrid thoughts that churn in my gut over it.
"And then what?" I angrily growl before walking over to him like I'm on a mission and pull him to his feet, ignoring the fact that he still wants nothing to do with me right now.
"There was… gunfire… in the hall… Keep your traitorous claws to yourself…"
"No… What happened next?"
"He readied his gun… and…"
He stops mid-sentence and looks like he's about to pass out, awakening more concerns as I look around the room for something to restore him with, like a Potion or a Restore Materia as I piece the rest of his story out in my head while mildly shaking him to keep him conscious. I assume that he took advantage of an opportune moment as he would probably view it, and he managed to struggle the gun away with that iron will of his that won't admit to defeat.
But looking at him, I'm assuming most of it was luck and then I wonder about that luck when I look over to the chair they tied me to and see the dead arachnid on the floor nearby. Its presence must have thrown Tseng's aggressor into a short enough state of shock that allowed Tseng to get the gun from him and I'm suddenly wondering what happened, exactly.
"You said there was a ruckus outside?"
"Mm..."
Then I remind him not to fall asleep while I quickly do his zipper up, feeling ill over the fact that I have to and explaining to him that we need to get out of here as fast as we can. He's been injected with something that should be concerning him. Not to mention that Koerin and his other men could return at any moment. Plus, whatever happened in the hall or whatever's out there can make its way in, and the best he can mutter in response to any of it is, "Not going… anywhere… with you…"
"You don't have a choice," I growl under my breath while I pull his arm more securely around my neck, doubting that he'd believe anything I could say right now to try to convince him that I did what I felt I had to. Then I pull him closer, more protectively, and I ready my gun and take him to the door with me before pressing my mouth against the top of his head and hoping that what I say will have some kind of affect on his opinion of me right now, despite the conflicting thoughts that I have about him.
"You need to trust me."
Then I kick the door down and stand there, readied for anything and frozen at the same time by the sight that hits me like an onslaught…
"Leviathan," Tseng quietly breathes out, struggling to keep his eyes open while not getting any less lethargic as he tries to drink in what he's seeing, "They're all… dead…"
I'd ask what the hell happened. But I doubt either of us can really go beyond what appears to be the answer.
"Arachnids," I think, wondering if we're the ones responsible for releasing them when Tseng opened the sealed cavern as I scout for any of them beyond the evidence that they were here.
Webs are scattered everywhere like fine curtains and sheer sheets across the grey stone of the walls and floor. Stagnant air keeps them motionless and bullet-shells lay scattered across the floor. What's left of Koerin's men are wrapped in cocoons, pale as death. But the only concern that crosses my mind at the moment—odd as it is—is the thought that asks if this is all of them, Koerin's men, or will I have to deal with more of them along the way while trying to leave this cursed place that I always come back to, and leaving the arachnids as barely a secondary thought.
Those concerns change in a heartbeat though, as three of the creatures come out of nowhere and more webs start to spin and Tseng mentions something about me being cursed and something else about him never having been in a situation like this before.
"One thing… after… another…" he says, "With you…" while shakily holding the gun that he kept from the man that was going to violate him and firing with a surprising accuracy, given his condition.
There's too many of them though, and between the two of us not being at our best we can barely hold them off, and I wind up pulling Tseng closer to me again in a manner of protection and almost squeezing the life out of him.
Then I take a step back, taking him with me and making sure that it's safe to proceed while continuing to fire and ignoring Tseng's complaint that I'm trying to suffocate him and that he can't get an accurate shot if I insist on hanging onto him like that.
I only ignore him though, unable to let go while telling myself that I'm not giving them the chance to take him again. Then I take another step back while firing, and then another, still firing, focussed and resolute until Tseng throws his gun at them. It's empty and deemed useless to him now and he doesn't seem to have the strength or desire to hold onto it anymore anyway, and something inside of me snaps.
"I can't hold them off!" I tell him, unable to hide the stress of the fact and I wind up doing and saying something I can't recall ever saying before, "We're gonna have to try to outrun them."
After coming to terms with the admittance of failure, I take a frustrated breath, empty but just as effective and I quickly and mindlessly move us both towards the wall that looks as though it would be the safest to stick to while continuing to hold them off as best as I can, and I knock something over in my haste as a result. It hits the ground with a cruelly sharp and ear-piercing burst, like a vessel of compressed gas has been ruptured and Tseng lets out a sharp yelp while trying to cover his ears as a small trail of blood runs from them.
"Shit," is the only word that seems to stick out in my head at that moment and I suddenly forget about the rest of our problems for a split second, almost ready to tend to him immediately. But something else catches my attention as the steady sound of streaming gas continues.
We're suddenly alone.
The arachnids must have been too sensitive to the initial burst and what ruptured Tseng's eardrums seems to have had a more negative effect on the creatures. They're all dead now. Some of them are twitching from a more agonizingly slow death than the others. But I'm not thinking of finishing them off at the moment because the only thing I'm concerning myself with is the fact that we have a chance to get away, and the sooner I can get Tseng to a medical lab, the better.
Any reassurances that I say to him are more in vain than anything else as I quickly drag him through the rest of the mansion—almost tempted to carry him at times—and anything that I could say to gain any reassurances from him concerning the state that he's in go unsaid.
I even wind up silently thanking no one and nothing in particular when we make it to the open grounds outside, no worse for wear than we already are. Then I move quickly through the town under the dark night skies and the sparsely lit streets until I make it to the medical lab that's obscured from the main roads of Nibelheim and I suddenly wonder how long we were down there for while I smash my gauntlet-covered fist through the wire-enforced window and undo the latch to gain us both entry.
"Sit here," I tell him when I take him into the bowels of the building and find somewhere comfortable for him so I can look for something to cure him with. It doesn't matter that he can't hear me and it doesn't matter that he probably couldn't move if he wanted to since he seems to be slowly shutting down although the poison appears to have stabilized. All that matters right now though is the hope that I'm not too late, knowing damn-well that he could be permanently deaf or damaged in some other way that I haven't thought of yet.
One thing at a time, I keep telling myself each time the nagging reminder arises about what Koerin injected him with as I carelessly look for Materia and Potions, knocking stuff over and breaking things that are irrelevant to my goal in the process.
Then after hurrying to find everything that I think I might need, I return to him with an arm full of Potions and Hi-Potions and a Full Cure Materia that was carelessly jammed into my gauntlet after tearing out the Heal one to make room. And there Tseng is, taking a laboured breath while still being able to look at me like he thinks I'm a ridiculous waste of skin before turning his attention to the potions in my arms and muttering "overgil…" which I think means overkill, and then he tries to wipe at the trail of drool running from the corner of his mouth, misses, and tiredly lets his hand drop to his lap like he doesn't really care.
I only nod though, not caring to comment even though it doesn't matter either way, and instead I say the only thing that matters to me at this point, "Full Cure."
Then I almost cringe at the violent reaction he seems to have to it.
He lets out a partly suppressed growl, stiffens up before falling out of the chair and curling up with his arms over his gut. Then he vomits again, mostly a black liquid that makes me wonder what kind of internal damage he suffered and arousing a new worry that I might have made another mistake by using the cure on him instead of something with a milder affect.
"Leviathan…" he spits out before wiping the sudden onslaught of sweat at his forehead and spitting whatever's left of the sour taste from his mouth. Then he shakily sits up, appearing to be gaining some strength while twisting his mouth in discomfort from whatever's going on inside of him, "This is… by far… the worst day…"
Unable to clear my head out, I only stand there staring at him through my bangs and still hoping that I didn't do anything wrong as he starts to gain some colour back, which is mildly relieving some of my concerns. Then I give my head a shake and move to his side while asking him if he can hear me, and the fact that he calls me a traitorous imbecile again and comments on the fact that he liked it better when he couldn't hear my treasonous voice, oddly relieves another one of my concerns.
He stands after that and turns into his old difficult self, reassuring me even more when he refuses to cooperate with me when I tell him that I want to take a blood sample from him.
"You've gotten more than you deserve from me," is his argument before he pushes me out of his way and starts to collect what he thinks he'll need to take his own blood sample and takes something that he claims is for the pain while pocketing the rest of whatever it is, and he's still too stubborn to admit to the fact that he's still shaking and can hardly keep his hand steady enough to insert the needle.
"I didn't tell them where your friends are," is my returning argument, more tired-sounding than I expected and I'm assuming that 'friends' is the more accurate term to use for them while noting that he's only half-listening to me by hearing what he wants to hear.
"Oh," he says before getting frustrated and taking a deep breath to try to steady his hand, "so I suppose I'm to assume that Koerin simply left because he was bored…"
"Let me help you… You can barely keep your hand steady."
"You stay the hell away from me…! I heard what you bloody-well said…! My life isn't worth the number of lives that are living on that farm!"
"I didn't tell them!"
"Really?" he suddenly asks, tone dripping with disbelieving mockery while he gets mad at himself again for not being able to keep his hands steady and he throws the needle at the wall, breaking it, "Then tell me, Valentine… What did you tell him to get him to trust you enough to leave?"
"I told him Rufus was staying on a farm."
At that, he looks at me like he's stunned, maybe even speechless before he turns angry again and rips the tourniquet from his arm. Apparently he's given up on trying to take a blood sample altogether. Then he starts to inform me that he's been with Rufus since the man was a small child and that he even watched over him at times, cared for him, and not once does he let me get a word in as he continues to tell me things that I don't want to know about the two of them.
Although I'll admit that the darker side of my curiosity is satisfied when he tells me that he slept with Rufus the night that he found out Sephiroth was dead and I find myself doing nothing more than nodding and gritting my teeth at the mention of Sephiroth's name while I stare at the phone on the desk in the adjacent room and tell him to shut up so I can say something.
"Maybe the reason behind it wasn't the most noble. But I was shocked, upset, and he was there… offering himself—"
"I said, shut up!"
He falls silent for a moment then, surprisingly even though I think that it's the most he's ever said to me about anything without my needing to ask, and I walk to the phone as if I'm not even in control of my actions while saying that, "If you would just listen to me, you would have known that I didn't say which farm."
Then I pick up the phone and roughly place it in his hands, knowing that he's not going to take my word for anything of value and I angrily growl at him to, "Call Rufus."
Maybe he'll take his word over mine, I'm thinking, and we both just stand there for a moment, wills clashing like they often do before he finally runs those cold charcoal eyes over me in a calculating manner and gives in.
"All right," he calmly says, forcing the stoic façade again and he starts dialling.
All the while, I'm thinking to myself that Rufus better bloody-well pick up the damn phone as I look for a new syringe for Tseng and pick up the tourniquet that he threw at the counter. Then I feel relieved and start moving more quietly the moment Rufus answers, sounding cranky over the fact that he was awakened in the middle of the night by one of his Turks that are on vacation.
After that, the conversation turns from Tseng suspiciously asking Rufus all sorts of bizarre questions concerning how he's doing and what's going on around him, to Tseng explaining the reason and leaving everything that he feels is irrelevant out about why he's asking. In the meantime, I'm taking advantage of his suddenly placid change of heart and tying the tourniquet back around his arm and taking a sample of his blood, thankful that he's letting me as a loud explosion brightens up the room through the windows just after I'm done.
"What was that?" I hear Rufus ask on the other line as Tseng mindlessly stands and stares at the window where the brightest light is coming from. Then he calmly walks to the window like he already knows the answer and blankly stares at the visible parts of the flames in the sky as their tips furiously dance passed the visibility of the rooftops of Nibelheim, and he says as if he's in a trance, "I believe it's the Nibelheim Mansion."
Then he turns and curiously runs his eyes over me, studying me for a moment before he rubs at his ear as if it's itchy. The gesture suddenly reminds me of the canister that I knocked over when I decided that we were too outnumbered and how it burst his eardrums when it ruptured. It leads me to believe that he's silently reminding me that I may be at fault for what he thinks he's witnessing as he calmly turns around to stare at the flames again and explains to Rufus that, "It appears to have suffered an explosion…"
However, he concludes that the new turn of events can be used to his benefit since Koerin most-likely believes that he and someone that he doesn't mention may have still been down there when it happened.
Typical response for him, I think, as I shake my head and walk to the back so I can try to relieve the rest of my concerns about his health while feeling more at ease that he seems happier now that he knows Rufus and the others are fine.
It takes some time and I find myself sighing when I can't find anything unusual in the tests while Tseng grows silent after I hear him hang up. Then he walks over to the doorway of the room I'm in and leans against the frame while awkwardly voicing an apology in the only way that he knows how.
"I suppose… I should have put a little more faith in you."
"A little…" I sarcastically repeat while keeping my back to him and wondering why I would have expected him to say anything else.
Then he nods and looks at the floor.
"Don't make this difficult for me, Vince… After everything that Koerin told you I'm surprised you didn't offer to kill me yourself."
"The thought crossed my mind."
"Hm," he mutters. Then he walks over to my side and looks at the test results with a slight frown at the corner of his mouth before pushing me aside so he can look through the microscope in front of me, "These tests look fine… Are you sure he injected me with something?"
I don't really know what I'm sure of anymore but I nod as an answer anyway, and he continues to stare at the results before staring into space and tapping his fingers on the counter, still slightly shaky. Then he speaks as though he's wondering out loud if Koerin had injected him with something to slow his blood pressure down to keep Tseng alive for longer than he would have been in case he needed to use him again.
"It could explain why the poison didn't kill me when it should have," he muses before he tilts his head and brushes a stray strand of hair behind his ear.
"I'd rather have facts," I say, meaning it more at this moment than any other.
But he chooses to avoid that comment, knowing that there's nothing either of us can do about it.
"It could also explain why I was so dizzy… If not enough blood reaches the organs…"
"I'm aware of what happens when…"
"Well I wouldn't put it passed him," he quietly says, seeming to be more sensitive to the edge in my voice than he normally is while cutting me off as if something else is bothering him before he lets out a heavy sigh and straightens up like he's aware that he's losing his composure.
"My job has always been something that I felt I had control over… I always felt confident in making the decisions that I had to make even if I didn't agree with all of those decisions…"
Then he tiredly walks away while trying to explain something to me.
"But when it comes to other things, I'm afraid I'm not very good at making the right decisions."
He sighs after that and walks over to the window to stare at the flames again, as vibrant as they were from the beginning and he just stares at them like they're hypnotic.
"I thought for once that I could help someone other than myself… Maybe I could pay you back for what you've done for me."
"You're disappointed,"
"I am," he admits, "I know I never say it. Or that I rarely say it… But I do appreciate your company."
He takes a moment to snicker at his own words as if he's trying to hide any form of sincerity that they might carry while I find myself suddenly standing at the doorway and wondering how and when I got there to watch him from a closer distance.
"You've awakened so many things that I thought were dead…"
"You don't have to—"
"Let me finish, Vince… I feel I need to…"
After cutting me off, he takes a deep sigh and turns to look at me. Then he walks up to me with the need for composure and tells me that he regrets never telling Sephiroth how he really felt about him and that they fought far too much over Tseng's need to keep everything secret. He never felt more low than when he turned to Rufus after Sephiroth's death because of the things he never said.
"Of course this doesn't mean that I want to let everyone in the world know my faults."
"I never made that assumption."
"Hm."
With a thoughtful nod, he attempts to make light of his confessions and smirks insincerely.
"Well I'm afraid that I'm not very good at making the right decisions when it comes to my personal life in comparison to my professional one… I'm afraid I simply don't know what to do when it comes to matters of the heart… I'm in foreign waters with you and I'm afraid that you may not be the only person to ever make me feel as insulted, frustrated, and used as you often do…"
After not knowing how to take what he says other than an offhanded slap in the face, he brushes his hair back and remains as composed as he was before confusing me even more with his awkward admittances.
"I've also never let my guard down as much as I do when I'm with you. It's like I'm living another life when I'm around you—one that I'm unsure of and I find that no matter how much I try to reason things out in my head or try to set it in a logical order, I simply cannot for the life of me, Vince, understand how in the hell I've managed to let myself fall in love with someone as messed up as you."
Then he turns around, looks out the window without hiding his disappointment and starts to walk out while detachedly stating, "I just felt that I needed to say it," and all I can do is hang onto his words while ignoring the rest as I follow him.
All the while, he claims that going back to the Inn would be suicide since Koerin won't fully fall for the fact that he might be dead and that we're going to have to find another place to stay for the night, and he avoids anything that I might try to say by cutting me off every time I attempt to say it.
