Hope you are all enjoying your Memorial Day Weekend, for those of you in the USA.

I don't own anything but my imagination, as I've stated clearly in previous chapters. Still trying to figure out a way to at least rent Jasper though!

Chapter 11 – Thursday Therapy Session

JPOV

It hasn't been so easy being around Edward since Monday. I don't know why I am still upset about it all, but something is still preying on my mind. I hope the Doc can help. Until the past few days, I never thought I would be happy to talk about my problems and stuff with someone who wasn't Edward, but I think now that this might be a good thing for me. Right as mom and I were leaving after dinner, I did hear Edward dial Bella's number, so maybe I should just give him the benefit of the doubt. It is just that he kinda is putting me off right now. He is more distant then I thought he would be after our talk on Sunday. I just don't get it.

I am also feeling like I am being watched. I can't explain it…but I think Father might be back. I thought I caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye when Edward and I were walking home Monday night, but maybe I was just on edge after fighting with Edward. I don't know…maybe I'm just nuts.

"Hi Jasper, I am Dr. Carlisle Cullin. Come on in and have a seat. You can call me Dr. Carlisle, or even Doc, if it makes you more comfortable."

Man, his hand is cold. Maybe he needs to crank the heat up in here.

"Hi Dr. Carlisle. Thanks for seeing me."

"So tell me a little about yourself."

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything you care to tell me about: your friends, your family…your choice."

"Well…I guess I am here cause I've been fighting a lot lately, and I also ran away on Saturday…but I came back so maybe that's not such a big deal."

"You mentioned it, so why don't we talk about Saturday."

"Okay…ummm…what do you want to know?"

"Let's start at the beginning…what happened after you got up in the morning?"

"Well…I didn't sleep very well Friday night, so I was feeling pretty bad Saturday morning. I took some pills for my headache, and then got showered."

"Please continue."

"Okay…then mom called me downstairs and said we had to go to the hospital, but she was crying and didn't tell me why we had to go. I got kinda upset with her, but I was also kinda worried cause I didn't know what was going on. Well…we got there and Mrs. Masen was crying, and she still had her robe and slippers on, and I finally figured out that something had happened to Eddie. We got called into his room, and then everything just kinda happened real fast. Eddie was in a bed with bandages on his wrists, and then Mrs. Mason slapped me, and then I just took off."

"Did you know why Edward was in bed with bandages on his wrists?"

"Well duh…I'm not stupid, Doc! I figured he musta hurt himself on purpose…I think he was trying to kill himself." I murmured "idiot" but I think the Doc may have heard me.

"Why do you think that?"

"Seems kinda obvious!"

"It sounds like you were upset."

"Gees Doc…what do you think? Course I was upset!"

"Why?"

"Well…I mighta had something to do with it."

"Please explain."

I had to sit there for a minute and think. Did I really want to get into all this? Maybe I can just give him a cut and dried version and skip all the real stuff. Wonder if he would buy that?

"Umm…well…Eddie and I had a talk about some stuff and I might not have been to good with how I handled it…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well shit Doc…do we really need to get into all that?"

"What makes you uncomfortable about talking about your discussion, Jasper?"

"I didn't say I was uncomfortable."

"How would you define your reaction just now?"

This therapy stuff is a lot harder then I thought it was going to be! I don't know if I should just tell him what Eddie said or not. I mean…isn't that tellin' secrets or something? Can I really break Eddie's confidence like that?

"Doc. Look, here's the deal…I don't think I should tell you what Eddie and I talked about…it's kinda personal, if you catch my drift…"

"Well, Jasper…if you don't feel like you can talk about it right now, let's just continue on with Saturday."

"Okay…well…let's just say that I didn't handle our discussion well on Friday night and may have really upset Eddie, and maybe that is why he hurt himself."

"So you think you may be responsible for Edward's actions?"

"Well…yeah…haven't you been listening to what I'm saying?"

"It seems we may be talking in circles right now, so why don't we skip ahead."

"Okay. So anyway, Doc…some things got said and I figured it was all my fault so I took off."

"Where did you go, Jasper?"

"I don't know…I just ran for a while until I found a little park. I was really hungry because I hadn't eaten anything since lunch on Friday, but I didn't have any money on me. It was also pretty cold, and I didn't have a jacket. I tried to get a few bucks by asking this business dude who was across the street, but he blew me off, so I just sat on the bench in the park and tried to figure out what I was going to do."

"Sounds like you were getting a little frightened."

"Again…duh Doc! You really know how to state the obvious don't you. Anyway, I was sitting there and this really disgusting dude cuddled up next to me. When I tried to move away, he wouldn't let me. One thing led to another, and, well…he kinda got me down on the ground and he…groped…me."

"Jasper, I am sensing a lot of fear, but your voice is rather unemotional right now. Why are you trying to hide your emotions?"

"It's just not all that important. I came back, so like I said before…what's the big deal?"

"Jasper, a man put his hands on you inappropriately, and you don't think it is a big deal?"

"Well maybe…but it's over now…so yeah…no big deal."

"Okay, Jasper. Let's leave this for now. Your mom told me that your Father was extremely abusive to both you and her when you were younger. Would you like to tell me about that?"

"Well, yeah. He hit me a lot. And he used to lock me in my room to toughen me up, he said."

"What do you mean, Jasper?"

"Well, he would get mad and beat me up, and then he would lock me in my room for a day or two, once three days, with no food or water. He wouldn't even let me out to use the bathroom, and then he'd punish me for messin' up my room. It wasn't like I had a choice or anything. I was just a little kid, Doc!"

"Where was your mom when he was doing this?"

"Father was beating her up too, and, I think he was doing even worse things."

"What do you mean, Jasper?"

"I get the feeling that he was…making her have sex with him…when she didn't want to. I don't know for sure, but thinking back on it, he used to go into her room at night and hit her and then she would cry a lot. I don't know if a husband can rape his wife, but that's the way I'd describe it now. When he wasn't doing that, he was also lockin' her up so she couldn't leave or anything."

"What did you do in response to all the things your Father was doing to you and your mom?"

"Well, I got mad, but I couldn't do anything about it with him. Sometimes I'd hit Eddie, but I never meant to hurt him. He doesn't think it was my fault, but I sure wish he wouldn't have hidden it like he did. I feel really bad about what I did. It's kinda like Father was in my head and makin' me do it. I feel like he set me up to hurt Eddie, and then just sat back and watched. He used to tell me how weak and stupid Eddie was, and sometimes I almost believed him. If he thought Eddie was so bad, why didn't he just not let me see him? It's all just so twisted!"

"I heard you say that you felt like your Father was in your head. What do you mean by that, Jasper?"

"Well, I tried to explain it to Eddie, but I'm not really sure if he believed me. It's like I can hear him tell me to do bad stuff, you know, like hitting Eddie and other stuff, like he was right next to me. It's his voice, I swear it is. Eddie thinks I'm making it up, but I don't think I am. Am I crazy Doc?"

"No, Jasper. I don't think you are crazy. I think your Father abused both you and your mother, and you associate everything bad in your life with him. I understand from your mother that he is not currently in your life. Is that true?"

"Well…maybe I am crazy because I swear I saw him Monday afternoon, and I have this really creepy feeling that I'm being watched. It's like I'll be doing something and then I get this chill up my back. I don't know how else to describe it. He hasn't been to the house that I know of, and the cops couldn't find him after the last time he put me in the hospital, but I just have this feeling…"

"Are you feeling unsafe?"

"Kinda…but like I said…I can't put my finger on it…"

"How does that make you feel, Jasper."

"How do I feel? Well, kinda out of control, if you know what I mean. It just feels like, no matter what I do or where ever I am, I'm just not safe. I know I sound like a whiny baby, but…you don't think he'll come back, do you?"

"I don't know, Jasper. If you are having these feelings, maybe there is something to them. Perhaps you should talk to your mom about this. You could, however, be reacting to what happened to you as a child, and even the out of control feeling you must have had when that man touched you on Saturday. It is sometimes difficult for someone who has been abused to feel they are in control of their life."

"Does it get any better?" Please tell me it gets better! It's hard to live like this, constantly out of control! Please tell me it gets better!

"I can help you feel better, Jasper, but we will have to work together to get there. Your mom told me that you have been fighting a lot lately. Is there something that you feel is setting you off?"

"Maybe. Since we've been talking today, I'm feeling like maybe all of this stuff has the same reason behind it. Maybe I just need to be the boss or something. What do you think?"

"I think that is a very acute observation, Jasper. You may be right that a lack of control is causing your difficulties. We are almost out of time today, but I would like to continue talking about this, if you are agreeable."

"Yeah, Doc. I think I'd like that. You've given me a lot to think about. Thanks. So…next Thursday?"

"Yes Jasper…next Thursday."

"Well, Doc…maybe this talking stuff is a good thing. I feel better somehow. I know we haven't fixed me or anything yet, but I guess maybe I can be fixed?"

"Oh Jasper, you don't need to be fixed. You are not broken. We just need to help you find acceptable ways to deal with your feelings and your anger. Trust me son, this will all get better."

A/N Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. Your reviews are the only way I know anyone is reading what I write. The next chapter will move the timeline along, since we now know what both boys are dealing with.