AN: I finally have Dusk and Apples up! It's on Fiction Press if anyone wants to check it out. And I hope you do! I've already gotten 3 reviews on it, which is surprising since nobody knows who I am there. But it made me happy as hell. If you want to look for it, look under the Romance section, in-progress.

Man, I am so worn out. I wrote the first chapter of Dusk and Apples earlier and then procrastinated like hell until I could finally write this chapter. But I just had to. I reveal just what exactly Tidus is in the chapter, and his horribly angsty past. Some of you might think that this story is just a little too angsty, but I say screw you there can never be enough angst in a story! Sorry, I'm really tired. I need to get a shower and go to SLEEP!

I've decided to stop writing out the reviewers because it's just way too tiring and pointless anymore. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own it


When I woke, I didn't know where I was at first. Then realization slowly crept in as I found I was in my own bed. It was nighttime, I gathered, from the lack of light hitting the back of my eyelids. And the quiet seemed to press in on me, almost smothering.

I shifted slightly, and noticed that there was something heavy lying on top of me. I opened my eyes a crack and found a head lying on my chest, the rest of the body stretched out against me underneath the comforter. I smiled. Sora must have fallen asleep on me again. I didn't mind, I loved being as close to him as possible. I just hoped my mom hadn't seen us.

Sighing in contentment, I ran my fingers gently through his spiky hair. I'd have to wake him up soon. What a shame that would be; he was so cute when he was asleep.

He shifted against me and mumbled in his sleep. Feeling a sudden possessive urge come over me, I wrapped an arm around him to pull him closer. Moments like these were few and far apart. The only time we could be together anymore usually was on the islet. To be in a bed, together, several hours past sex, was something I never wanted to give up for anything in the world.

He shifted again and stretched a little bit, like a cat. My smile grew a little wider. While sleeping Sora was undeniably adorable, when he was sleep-rumpled there was just no comparison.

"Hey," I said softly. He glanced up at me quickly, and then looked away, as if embarrassed. I found it way to adorable for words and just couldn't keep myself from kissing him anymore. I pulled him to me and pressed my lips against his.

For some reason, he seemed a bit uncomfortable. He went stiff and didn't respond to my questing lips. He was holding himself up on his arms, slightly away from me, and even though he wasn't pulling away it felt like he wanted to.

I let him go and he sat up, chin tucked into his chest ashamedly. I searched for his eyes in the dark.

"What's wrong?" I asked. He shook his head.

"You're…you're confused. Do you know who I am?" I frowned. That was an odd question.

"Wha-you're Sora. Who else would you be?" He sighed.

"I thought you would think that. Man, I'm so stupid…" At first I couldn't figure out what he was talking, and then like a switch being flicked I remembered everything that had happened. Sora had broken up with me to be with Kairi, and I had been horribly depressed over it. I went to the restaurant Larxene worked at and ran into Tidus. He had tried to cheer me up. We came back to my place, and…

I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I buried my face in my hands. I could barely remember consenting to it, and all the fine details were very fuzzy.

"We…we slept together, didn't we?" I didn't need to ask; I already knew the answer to that. But I needed the confirmation. I needed to hear it from his mouth.

"Yes," came the whispered reply from the end of the bed. "Riku, I'm really sorry…" I didn't stick around to hear the rest of his apology. I stood up and left the room. Slipping into the bathroom at the end of the hall, all the while bemoaning the loss of my own bathroom, I turned the showerhead on as hot as it would go and stepped inside.

I leaned against the wall, letting the spray hit me. It was so hot that my skin turned pink, but I barely noticed. I couldn't believe that I had done…that…with Tidus. Especially after just having broken up with Sora. Even if it had been my idea-which I had no idea if it was because I couldn't remember anything-how could he let it go on? How could he possibly go along with that?

I heard the door open, and then close again. Through the blurry glass door, I could see a small figure with sandy blonde hair sit on the toilet and draw his knees up to his chest.

"Are you going to just ignore me, Riku?" I didn't say anything. I couldn't think of anything to say. "Then I'll talk," Tidus continued. "I'm sorry, really, that I caused you more pain than necessary. Really. I didn't think it would have that kind of effect on you." He sighed. "I really hate not being able to help my friends. That's what we are and don't you deny it. So I did what I thought you needed. I pretended to be Sora. Of course I realized that I wasn't really Sora, and that you would be pissed at me when you found out what I'd done, but I had to try. You were so happy for a while there, and it made me happy too. But I shouldn't have done it in the first place, and I can only hope you can forgive me." There was silence for a long time, and then I sighed.

"I don't think…you really know…how best to comfort someone, Tidus," I said hesitantly. "But I think I can forgive you. I want to know some things first." I could see Tidus nodding eagerly.

"Anything. Just ask and I'll tell you." I smiled slightly. I'd had a feeling he would agree that quickly. Tidus was the type to do anything for those he loved.

"Go wait down in the kitchen for me, would you?" I asked. "I want to get dressed." Of course I realized how dumb that was, since he already seen me naked, but he scurried out quickly enough and I thought nothing of it.

After I was dressed in an old pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, I went downstairs to find Tidus sitting dutifully at the kitchen table. I passed him and reached into the cupboard, pulling out two packets of hot chocolate. I always need to have something in front of me when so that I have something to do with my hands. I can never seem to stay still.

Once there was a steaming mug in front of both of us, I fixed Tidus with an even stare.

"Okay, let's have it," I said pointedly. Tidus looked genuinely confused.

"Let's have what?" He asked. "You haven't asked me anything yet." I sighed.

"Well, we can start with how you pulled that disappearing act the last time I saw you. I know I'm not crazy; one minute you were there, the next you were just gone. Explain it." Tidus fiddled with the handle of his mug, staring down at the table uncomfortably.

"Well, that…see, I can't actually explain that." He looked up at me guiltily. "It's not that I don't want to, really, but I don't understand it much myself. All I know is that I've had the ability to simply disappear for a long time now." I waited patiently as he took a few sips from his mug. He set it down with a sigh. "I…I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just come out and say it: I'm dead, Riku."

I gaped at him like a fish, blinking rapidly as if he might suddenly disappear on the spot again. How could he be dead when he was sitting right in front of me?

"I know what you're thinking," he mumbled. "But I didn't just die. I…well, I killed myself. And the punishment for killing yourself is absolute eternity in this hellhole we call earth." He stared down at the table. I reached across and laid my hand on his.

"Why don't you tell me the whole story?" I said quietly. He shook his head.

"No, if I did…you'd hate me…" Tears began to form in his eyes. I was by his side in a second, cradling him in my arms.

"Shhh," breathed softly, rubbing a hand up and down his back soothingly. "I won't hate you, I promise. Please, I just want to know so I can help you. Please Tidus, tell me." He took a few deep, gulping breaths to compose himself, and then nodded.

"Okay," he conceded. "I'll tell you. But you really should sit down." I pulled my chair over next to him and sat, staring at him expectantly. He took a deep breath and began.

---

(Tidus' POV)

I was born sometime in the 1970's. Don't ask me specifics; I lost count a long time ago. My mother and father were pretty young when they had me, but I was far from a mistake. They wanted to have me so badly, because I guess they thought that having a child was the biggest confirmation of love they could ever commit.

When I was born, they moved into a little house, made a good living; lived a nice life free of danger. They raised me really well. I was so happy then, with my mother and father. They were always looking out for my best interests, and even though they had to work hard sometimes to keep us going, they said they never regretted any of it.

One year, my father died of some disease that had been going around. I can't remember what it was, but I remember my mom and I couldn't visit him because it was super-contagious and the doctors trying to treat him were so scared that it would hit me harder because I was so young.

Mom had a lot of boyfriends after that. I guess she was trying to fill the void or something. Or maybe she was just trying to support me. I never liked any of them, and they always hated me.

There was this one, though. He was always so nice to me. He came when I was about 15, and always smiled at me when I was around. He made my heart light, and I could never help but smile back.

He and my mom got married after only a few months of dating. They claimed that they were "soul mates" and they didn't want to wait. I remember I felt so depressed when they were finally married, and I couldn't stop crying for days afterwards. It was at that time that I realized I was in love with my stepdad.

It was torture. Every kiss he would give to my mom, every cry of passion I could hear from their room at night, would cut into me like the sharpest knife. Sometimes, if I was really feeling down, I would pretend it was me that was with him. I would pretend he was kissing me, or making love to me. Afterwards, I would feel sick at myself. But I could never stop.

My mom worked as a saleswoman, so sometimes she would have to travel. It was during one of these away trips that I woke up a little earlier than usual. It was a weekend, so I didn't have to worry about school. I thought about making some eggs and bacon instead of having my usual bowl of cereal, and thought I'd go ask my stepdad if he wanted any.

When I opened the door to his room, I froze. He was lying on his back, hand down his pants, masturbating. His face was flushed and he was panting outright. Who knows what he was imagining, but it must have been very hot.

I couldn't make myself look away from the scene in front of me, even as I felt myself harden. Somehow, though, I ended up leaning against the door and falling onto the floor.

I stood up quickly, face red, as my stepdad stared at me.

"What were you doing there?" he asked, his voice husky. I didn't answer, too embarrassed. I noticed him glance down, though, presumably at my hard-on, and then back up at my face.

"Come here," he ordered in a low voice. I obeyed sheepishly, sitting down on the very edge of the bed. He pulled me closer so that I was kneeling in between his legs and instructed me on how to give a hand job. I did so shakily, nervously since I had never done it before. But only a few strokes later, and my stepdad was coming. I couldn't help it; I got scared and ran out of there. I stayed in my room the rest of the day.

During the night, he came into my room and pressed himself against my back. My pulse quickened, and I tried to ignore the slight erection I gained from just being in such close proximity to him.

"I'm going to repay the favor from earlier, Tidus," he muttered in my ear. I shivered, and a small moan escaped my lips. When he first touched me, I thought I might die from the pleasure. After he made me come, he held me afterward. My heart could have exploded from happiness.

When my mom came back, we both acted like nothing had happened. But when she left again, I was back in his room that night. That was the first time we had sex. I felt like I was being split in half, but he was so gentle and loving that I barely cared. Every day we would sleep together, and when my mom was around I would simply pretend we were. My imagination got a little wild over that period of time.

At one time, my mom came home earlier than expected. My stepdad heard the front door open, though how he heard it past my pants and moans was beyond me. I was riding him at the time, and he pushed me off of the bed quickly.

"Hide in the closet," he hissed. I quickly complied. My mom came in a few minutes later. I could hear them talking, and then an entirely different sound. I buried my head in my knees and refused to look through the slats in the door.

The next time my mom left, I was relieved. I was biting my lip in anticipation for the moment she left, and when she did I practically ran to my stepdad's room. But for the first time, he turned me away.

"We can't risk getting caught again," he said. "It's best if things just go back to the way they were before." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I loved this man, and he was treating me like absolutely nothing. I couldn't stop the tears from coming, and I sobbed out my love to him. But he only shook his head and told me he was sorry as if he was telling me about the weather. I ran out of his room and went into the bathroom to look for a razor. I used it to cut my wrists. It didn't take long to die, and I was happy to let go. But I only wish I had known of the consequences…

---

(Riku's POV)

"…After that, I can't remember much. All I know is that I can't die because of what I did, so I'm forced to suffer eternity here." He took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh, glancing up at me. "Do you hate me?"

I stared at him, stunned, before pulling him into a tight embrace. I had had no idea he'd been through something as painful as that. To be used just for sex by someone you love so much…I couldn't imagine anything worse.

"I'm so sorry," I said in a low voice. Tidus shook his head and pushed away.

"It's not a big deal, it happened a long time ago." He bit his lip. "But…I wanted to ask you something. You and I both need something. You need something to fill the void Sora left, and I need something to break up the monotony of my eternal life. I was wondering…" He stared up at me with pleading eyes. "Would you be my lover, Riku?"

And how could I say no?