VOICE OVER: There is nothing wrong with your television do not try and adjust the picture.

T: Why?

VOICE OVER: We control the horizontal and the vertical.

T: The Diagonal?

SHADI: Yeah! You missed one!

VOICE OVER: * frustrated * we can show you thousands of things or expand one image to crystal clarity.

T: Not all crystal is clear.

VOICE OVER: WILL YOU LET ME FINISH?!

T and Shadi jump three feet off the couch.

VOICE OVER: I know the script has problems! But stop pointing them out! It takes away from the eeriness, goddamit!

SHADI: Someone's got a temper.

T: *whispering * PMS..

VOICE OVER: I do not have Pre Menstrual Syndrome!

SHADI: He said a dirty word!

T and Shadi laugh hysterically.

VOICE OVER: Become a voice actor, mom said; the people will love you, mom said. T, Pirate Duke of Leprechauns, does not own anything. Nor do she and Shadi have any TACT!

T: *hands up * Easy, dude, chill.

Chapter seven

LEGOLAS COMES OUT OF THE CLOSET

Gandalf's 'sock' was nearly finished, as was the group's patience. Things were not going well at all. Yami Bakura was getting on everyone's nerves with all of his snide comments, and by this time everyone was on to his pecking order.
Yugi and Bakura had scared themselves and hadn't slept for several days, after watching something on discovery about vampires, aliens, yetis and the like. Conversation was getting dull for all of them, and although Han had tried to learn duel monsters, he had given up, as it was 'too complicated.' Yami had muttered something about not being able to teach an old dog new tricks, and had gotten a black eye for it. Little did they know that chaos was just about to grow...
Gandalf scratched himself as he went downstairs to the kitchen. Lots of things had been weighing on his mind of late, and although he refused to admit it, he was becoming slightly homesick. The members of the houshare were nice, but things were not the same. Here he was regarded as the useless old fart, while at home he was a figure of great importance and respect. He took the milk from the fridge and searched for a glass, pouring the milk. Alas, being half asleep, he poured too much, and it spilled to the floor. Cursing, Gandalf groped around for a dishtowel, and found none.
He made his way back up the stairs, leaving the milk on the counter. He opened the linen closet, reaching in. An ear shattering scream was heard, and all the members of the houshare flew from their rooms and out into the hall, turning on the light, and the crystal on the chandelier from which it came still swayed, casting strange shadows on the walls.
" Was that you?" Yugi asked in disbelief, staring at Gandalf, whose face was a bright shade of scarlet.
"Fool of an Elf!" He growled, yanking a tall, blond figure clothed in green from the linen closet.
"Mithrandir!" he cried, "Thank goodness it's you!" "You two know each other?" Leia said, her eyes darting from Gandalf to the newcomer. Gandalf sighed." This is Legolas Greenleaf, son of Weenus. I think that since he is here, he will be joining us."
"Son?" Han said, perplexed, staring at Legolas' womanish features. "Yes." Said Gandalf with a smirk. "Although I sometimes doubt it myself." "Oh, be nice!" Legolas said, with a wave of his hand.
"Well, welcome Legolas!" Said Bakura, trying to be polite. "Weenus.. Hey, that rhymes with-" "Yami!" Bellowed Yami Yugi, casting him a sideways glance. "Where's he gonna sleep?" Tea said. "Well..." Yugi said slowly. "There's a large enough closet in our room." Legolas nodded. "I'm sure that will do."
"Alright! Then let's all get some sleep."

It had been three days since the arrival of Legolas, and the other members of the houseshare were starting to become disenchanted with him.
There was hardly any hot water left due to his long showers, and getting into the bathroom was almost impossible. Leia's strawberry shampoo had mysteriously disappeared, and Legolas claimed he knew nothing of it, but there was always a faint odour of strawberries about him.
"So tedious!" Legolas complained, plucking his eyebrows. "If you keep on with those tweezers, there will be nothing left." Tea replied, stifling a laugh. "Oh, hush."
Gandalf sighed, and put down his knitting. "Be glad you weren't stuck with him for a month out on a quest." Yami Yugi grunted in agreement. Legolas made a face, and continued to stare at his reflection.
"Alright!" Han roared, bolting down the stairs. "Who did this to Chewie?!"
Chewbacca came down the stairs, his fur fluffed out around him, so that nothing showed except his eyes and fangs. He reeked of strawberries, and a pink bow was tied around his head.
"He looks like a fucking poodle!" "Language, yes." Yoda said sternly. "What's wrong with the word poodle?" Han snapped, and Yami Bakura muttered something about how the same creature had a larger brain.
"Who did it!" Han said in a very tumultuous voice. The members of the houshare gazed at one another. "I assure you, it wasn't me." Gandalf said. "Well I know it wasn't you, you're too busy doing Grandpa stuff!"
A hushed silence fell over them, as Gandalf stood up menacingly. " HAN SOLO, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!" The room around them darkened, and the lights flickered. Han took a deep breath. "Do it again!" Yami Bakura cried to Gandalf, but Yami Yugi nudged him in the ribs.
"I'm sorry Gandalf. I didn't mean it. But just... Look!" "No offence taken." Gandalf said with a smile. Chewie growled in embarrassment. "You look fine, really." Tea said, trying to keep a straight face.
"Legolas..." Han said, turning around slowly. "Yes?" "Did you?" "Did I what?" Said Legolas, playing dumb. "DID WHAT?!" "Yes, I believe that's what I asked." "Dumb blond... No really! Did you do this to Chewie?" "If in fact you mean the bath thing, yes." "And the ribbon?" He nodded.
"Look." Said Han, taking him by the front of his tunic."Nobody, I repeat, nobody, is to give Chewie a bath! He's perfectly capable of doing it himself!" "And you used my shampoo!" Leia cried. "Well excuse me for trying to help." Legolas said, and the whole room erupted.
"Silence!" Yoda cried, and everyone turned and stared. "Anger will get us nowhere, yes! Rules have we must, if we wish to a lead more peaceful experience, yes! Shower times scheduled will be, so everyone may share the water. And no one is anyone's else's wookie to touch, yes!"
Everyone was quite pleased with Yoda's words of advice, but the moment was ruined when Bakura and his Yami burst into a fit of giggles.

WITTY PHANTOM: *wiping away a tear* Ah, I have never laughed so hard in my life! Well, reader, I wish I had a camera.

RAY: Ok, I admit. This is pretty exciting. But it's not as good as watching ravenous beavers!

WITTY PHANTOM: And what, pray tell, is so exciting about beavers?

RAY: RAVENOUS Beavers.

WITTY PHANTOM: *rolls eyes* ravenous beavers, then.

RAY: They're ravenous!

WITTY PHANTOM: *sighs* I prefer Charlie Chaplin's comedy to this anytime... But if it's freakish creatures you like to see, reader, continue on!

RAY: *pleased* ohgoodieohgoodieohgoodie!

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VOICE OVER: *still ranting *

Shadi slowly reaches behind the couch for the remote.

VOICE OVER: What're you doing!

SHADI: Ummm. Stretching.. Yes, that'll do.

T: Nothing. If you knew it'd probably TURN YOU OFF! *Clamps hand over mouth * Oh no! I said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud!

VOICE OVER: I knew it! Read and review! Up next, In Which There Is Much Dark!