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I woke up to a screaming baby. This kid was waking me up all the time, and I hardly slept at all since I came home from the hospital. The crib was across the room from my bed, Charlie didn't have a third bedroom in his house. I was so glad that all I had had to do was roll out of bed and there she was. I picked her up and checked her diaper. She had a shitty diaper. God, if this kid didn't go through more diapers.

Taking her out to the changing table in the hallway, I took the diaper off of her, and noticed that her diaper rash wasn't getting any better. I had used Boudreaux's Butt Paste on her, the stuff that Angela said worked really well on Will, but it wasn't helping her. It was getting worse as I cleaned her off with the baby wipes. She kept on screaming, something in the baby wipes had to be irritating her skin.

"Damnit," I muttered, looking at the package. "These are supposed to be for sensitive skin!"

Charlie came out of his room. "Is she still screaming?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "This rash seems to keep getting worse."

"She's got an allergy," he said, examining her. "She's allergic to something in the disposable diapers. You'll need to go with cloth diapers."

"Oh God," I moaned. How gross. I was going to have to clean cloth diapers full of baby shit instead of just tossing them in the garbage. "Dad!"

"I know," he said. "I think we got a few as back up from your baby shower somewhere, didn't we?"

"Yeah, I think so," I said. "Watch her, I'll go find them."

I went to my room and sorted through the mess of baby things. Finally, I found the cloth diapers and I finally found some safety pins. I came back out, and Charlie had calmed Jeannie down to a few whimpers. "How did you do that?" I asked.

"It's all in your own personal attitude," he said. "Babies can sense that."

I quickly put the diaper on Jeannie, pinning it in place. I was going to have to go out and buy some more cloth diapers and large safety pins in the morning. "When will this nightmare ever end?" I groaned.

"Bella, raising a child shouldn't be a nightmare!" Charlie cried.

"It is without my husband," I said, picking her up. She started crying again. We had only been home two days and this was only getting worse and worse. I settled in the rocking chair that Jake had built. I took off the strap of my tank top, exposing my breast to nurse her, and I realized that Charlie had followed me into the room. I had just flashed my dad. Super.

"Bella, this is your daughter," Charlie said.

I ignored him, since Jeannie was still crying as I tried to angle my nipple into her mouth. "Will you please shut up?" I begged her.

"Don't tell your child to shut up!" Charlie cried. I glared at him. "I know it's tough living without Mike, but you can't treat her like this just because she's a reminder of him. She's a person, too. She'll grow up and have all sorts of relationship problems because she'll know how much you resent her."

Jeannie finally started nursing. I was so glad she was hungry, she finally stopped crying. "Finally," I muttered.

"Mike wouldn't want this," Charlie muttered, turning to gimp out of the room.

The very guilt trip concerning Mike made my blood boil. "How dare you!" I yelled. Jeannie detached from me, and started whimpering. "Damnit!" I muttered.

Charlie turned back around. "You know, Bells, you're not the only one who's lost someone, here," he said. "You're being really selfish. I loved Mike like my own son. As gruff as Dave was, he became like a brother to me when you got engaged. We were like a family. I hadn't been part of a big family in years, and I finally was back in one. I was there when Dave died, I saw Mike when that car hit us. We've been letting you take it out on everybody around you. You've been chilly and mean and rude, but taking it out on a defenseless baby is unacceptable!"

"I'm not taking it out on her!" I snapped, trying to get Jeannie to take my breast again. She wasn't having it. "How dare you lecture me!"

"If you're so unhappy, just leave her with me, get in your car and go wherever it is your heart desires. I'm not going to let you treat my granddaughter like something that has to be dealt with, like a carcinoma or something," he said. "She's a gift from God. She's a miracle. I never treated you like that. Your attitude needs to change, now."

"Get out of my room," I snapped, although I sounded like a sullen teenager.

"It's my house," he replied. "You have until morning to make up your mind." He was serious. He slammed the door, I heard him limping back into his bedroom, slamming his door, too.

Jeannie kept on crying in my arms. I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes. The stubborn side of me hated to admit it. I had no excuse for my behavior. Did I resent my daughter because she was part of Mike? And Mike had left me. Maybe I was really mad at Mike for dying. I felt fresh tears slide down my nose and onto her. The me from four months ago wouldn't recognize the person sitting here today. Mike certainly wouldn't. Charlie was right. Mike wouldn't want me acting like this. This wasn't the person Mike had fallen in love with. Mike wasn't around, but I knew he wouldn't want me to be an ugly-hearted person who disliked our baby. I had failed Mike. I was suddenly ashamed of myself.

My tears falling on Jeannie seemed to stop her from crying. Her eyes opened up and looked up at me. They were a clear, crystal blue, like Mike's. "I'm sorry, Jeannie," I whispered. She finally took my breast again, as if to say, it's ok, Mommy. I turned the light down beside me. She nursed, quietly, while I rocked her.

I couldn't believe that I had insultingly said that she looked like Winston Churchill. Her eyes were so pretty. She did have a pretty mouth. I guess I didn't know anything about babies after all. Babies were supposed to look like little old men at first. It was actually kinda cute, in a funny way. I propped her up and burped her before switching sides. For the first time, I kissed my baby's head, stroking her hair as she finished. Leaning on my shoulder to burp, I rocked her until she fell asleep.

For the first time, I could say that I loved my baby.