AN: Oh my god, chapter 18!! I'm beat. I actually wrote this...tuesday? Maybe? I don't remember. I just typed it today though. I kept procrastinating all my time away. Well, at least I got it up now. Something nice is gonna happen in this one, something I think you guys will like. It's not mature or anything, but it's sort of fluffy.

I'm trying to figure out if I want Riku to have a new boyfriend (Or girlfriend if you want) for a little while. So tell me what you think or that idea, and an idea for a love interest would be much appreciated. Leave me a review about it, okay?

Disclaimer: I don't own it


For the first five seconds upon waking, everything was peaceful and okay. But then I realized my arms were empty, and everything came crashing down around my ears. My eyes flew open and I sat up, looking around frantically.

Tidus was gone.

I wandered around my house in a daze, searching hopelessly for him; hoping that I would find him on the couch watching TV or fixing me a surprise snack in the kitchen. In so little time, his presence had become so familiar that its absence felt alien and wrong. And still in the back of my mind I hoped I would find him around every corner.

After searching every inch of the house-even the basement, which I knew Tidus hated-I finally accepted the reality that Tidus was gone. He was gone, just like he said he'd be; and he probably wouldn't be coming back.

I collapsed on the couch, exhausted. I guess I hadn't really thought he'd do it. I had counted on him to chicken out and stay here to be my constant for the rest of my life, consequences be damned. But that was selfish of me, I knew.

I couldn't expect him to stay with me if I would someday die. The idea of killing myself and living with him for eternity made itself known in my mind, but I soon dismissed it. There was no guarantee I could find him afterwards, and anyway he would never approve. He would be furious with me for wasting my life for him. Of course, I wouldn't mind, but that's probably what he would say.

I smiled. He was such a sweet person. He didn't deserve the hell that had been chosen for him. No matter what mistakes he had made in the past…he deserved to move on to paradise and be with his parents. I wished I could do something to help him get there quicker. But maybe…maybe I could.

I turned my eyes upward, trying to look past the ceiling and really believe something was there.

"God?" I asked hesitantly. "God, I…I don't know if you're real or not, but…I need to ask a favor." I sighed. I felt like an idiot. "I don't know if I'm supposed to…get on my knees or anything, but I just don't have the energy to do that right now, so I hope laying down is good enough for you. Uhm…" I bit a knuckle nervously. "Look, if you could just let Tidus move on already…I mean, you see him all the time. You know he doesn't deserve it. And he's suffered a lot." Why, I wondered, would the answer to suffering be more suffering? It didn't make sense for any sort of just God to let that happen. "Look, I don't know if you exist or not. If you don't, I'm going to feel really dumb. But…don't judge him based on my inhibitions. I love him, so much. And I want to see him again…but I would rather he moved on and was with the ones he loved. I know that would make him truly happy, and…he deserves it after what he's been through." I don't know if I expected anything to happen, but I do know I was disappointed when nothing did.

I mean, I didn't expect a lightning bolt to descend on my house or anything…but a little reassurance would have been great. Maybe a voice, telling me everything was going to be all right. Or even a vision. Or something!

But nothing happened. And if God did exist, He certainly wasn't doing anything to coerce me over to His side. I glared at the ceiling, as if blaming it for my troubles.

I was alone again. That one thought circulated my mind in a sort of mantra. Alone…alone…alone…

The only reason I made it through breaking up with Sora was because Tidus had been there to help me. But now there was no one I could rely on. None of my friends even knew about it; Larxene was always so busy these days with work and school combined; my parents weren't even an option because they would probably shoot me.

I'd never, honestly, felt this alone before. Every time I felt bad, I'd always been able to talk to Sora about it. Before this whole mess started, he had been my confidante; my best friend…if you believed in such a thing, of course. And if I was honest, I missed that a lot more than I missed our relationship. Maybe following Tidus' advice wouldn't be such a bad idea. But, far from pursuing any sort of relationship with him again, I just wanted my friend back.

I dragged myself off the couch and dressed. It was a hot day, so I threw on some Bermuda shorts and a white tank top. I felt really lazy and sluggish, so it took a lot longer than it should have, but I finally made it outside.

I squinted painfully. It felt like the sun had brightened by a few thousand watts and it stung like hell. I instantly wanted to retreat back into the cool darkness of my house to just curl up and sleep the day away. But my feet started moving on their own, and I was off.

Once I started moving, it was much easier to just keep going. My mind was dazed, and I felt like I was operating on autopilot until I found myself on the doorstep of a familiar yellow house.

I began to get nervous. I hadn't thought about what I was going to say when I got here. I just knew I needed to make things right.

I raised my hand hesitantly, balled gently into a fist, and let it hover over the white painted wood. My heart stuttered uncomfortably. I felt like I was going to throw up. It seemed to grow a few degrees hotter as sweat trickled down my brow. I swallowed. What was I doing here again? I couldn't remember, for some reason. Every alarm in my head was going off, telling me to run far away. But my feet remained glued to the doorstep. I gulped in lungful after lungful of air, but none of it was enough. It felt like I was suffocating. This was such a bad idea. I should have just stayed in my house, safe, and wallowed.

The door opened, and I literally had to grip the doorframe to keep from bolting. Roxas stood holding the door ajar, a gentle smirk creeping up one side of his face.

"It was a little sad, watching you just stand there," he said, amused. "Sora's not here. He went out to get some groceries a while ago. He should be back soon, I think."

"Oh," I mumbled, taking a tentative step backward. Really, it probably would have been better if Sora had just answered the door. We may not have been on the best terms, but at least we KNEW each other. Roxas was always so withdrawn; it was hard to even talk to him a lot of the time. "I-I see…maybe I should just come back later…"

"Well, he shouldn't be gone much longer. If you wanted to, you could just…come in and wait for him." That surprised me. Roxas had never shown me any type of hospitality before. I knew it was an open invitation just from the way he said it. I probably could have said no, and we would have parted ways without any type of issue. But to my horror, I found my lips forming the words,

"Yeah, I think I'll do that."

Mentally, I smacked myself. I just hoped I wouldn't regret this as much as I thought I would.

--

To his credit, Roxas did actually try. I suppose it was my fault for not providing constant topics of conversation as we sat in awkward silence. We remained on opposite sides of the couch, staring everywhere but at each other. I wondered why he didn't just turn on the TV or something if he had no actual intention of entertaining. He really was a freak, wasn't he?

"Uhm…can I ask you something?" Roxas asked timidly. I could have sighed in relief at the small break in tension. I could have really cared less about what he was going to say.

"Sure." He looked a little nervous and fidgety. My interest piqued and I waited impatiently for him to say what he was going to say.

"My brother…he's been in a pretty bad mood lately. Even Kairi is getting annoyed. You wouldn't happen to know what's wrong with him, would you?" I shrugged stiffly. Of course I knew.

"No. Why would you think I knew?"

Well, you are best friends," he pointed out. "Or, were. You two haven't been around each other for a while. And he doesn't talk about you anymore. Every time I ask what's wrong, he refuses to speak. Did you two have a fight?"

"Sort of," I grumbled. I didn't like the direction this conversation was headed. "So?"

"Well, I've never seen him so bummed out before. Even when he broke up with Kairi…anyway, I hope you came here to make up with him. That mood of his is starting to affect me. I stared at him. What, was it making him MORE moody and brooding? I opened my mouth to voice this thought, but was interrupted by the door opening.

"Hey, Roxas, could you come grab a couple of these…" Sora, laden with plastic bags and a jug of milk, stepped into the house and stopped dead when he spotted me. His eyes grew wide.

"R-Riku?" Roxas rushed forward to take the groceries, which were in danger of falling from Sora's slack grip.

"I'll just…go put these away. You two talk." I caught a small smile on the blonde's face as he disappeared through the swinging door into the kitchen. I turned towards Sora, who was still staring at me like he'd never seen me before.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. I tried to smile. Failing at that, I just shrugged.

"Honestly? I really don't know." I made eye contact successfully for maybe three seconds before I was forced to look away. "I just felt like I needed to come here." I felt the couch dip as Sora joined me, a respectable distance away.

"Where's, ah…where's Tidus? That's why you're here, right? To tell me to stop being so mean to him? Well, I'm sorry, but you can't just expect me to start being nice to him just like…"

"That's not why I'm here," I interrupted sharply. "Anyway, you don't have to worry about that anymore. Tidus left." There was a long, thick pause.

"I'm sorry," Sora said quietly. He sounded sincere. I glanced at him, and he looked sincere as well. I sighed.

"We never should have started that relationship. We were such good friends, and that just destroyed it." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sora bobbing his head in agreement. I continued. "So, I think it would be best if we just…forgot about it, and went back to being friends."

"Yeah," Sora said, elation rising in his voice. "I would really, really like that, Riku." I held my arm out to offer a hug and he practically dove towards me, hanging on tightly as if afraid I would disappear if he let go. I squeezed back, burying my face in his hair. I sighed contently as I steadily breathed in his scent. I wasn't even worried that I would never be able to touch or kiss him again. Or, if I was, I would never admit it. But I didn't need to. Just being here was enough. It was foolish of me, begrudging him for choosing Kairi over me. Of course he would. Kairi was the one he was meant to be with. And I…well, I would dutifully resume my position as the best friend. And it would be enough.

"I love you, Riku," Sora mumbled. Unbidden, a smile formed on my lips.

"Me, too," I said, kissing the top of his head softly. Everything was going to be okay from now on. I could just feel it.