T: Did you find out what was doing that creepy dance?

SHADI: This old man. * Holding him by the back of his shirt *

MANILOW: I'm not old! I'm distinguished!

T: Barry Manilow?!

MANILOW: Oh, hello. A fan? * Grins *

T: * in that creepy voice Wednesday has * I like one of your songs. I don't like you.

MANILOW: Ouch! Tough ship. What about you sir?

SHADI: Barry Who?

MANILOW: I'm Barry Manilow. I'm a singer slash songwriter.

SHADI: Oh, the guy with the really deep voice! *Imitates * Hey baby!

MANILOW: *sigh * That's Barry White.

T: Would you care to do the honours of the disclaimer, Barry?

MANILOW: * creepy happy grin* Why, certainly!

SHADI: *snicker * Honour! Good one! * High fives T *

MANILOW: This Pirate-

T: T, Pirate Duke of Leprechauns.

MANILOW: T, Pirate Duke of Leprechauns, does not own Star Wars, Yu-Gi-Oh, LOTR or South Park. Nor does she own Fed Ex.

SHADI: Well done. That's your job from now on.

MANILOW: That wasn't so bad.

T: When you say it, oh, eight times.

SHADI: Nine.

T: *pinching his cheek * my little abacus!

SHADI: Someone needs a hug!

T: No! Nobody hugs T, Pirate Duke of- * glomped by Shadi * Yar. Leprechauns.

MANILOW: Where?! *Screams and jumps on a chair *

Shadi and T are, literally, rolling on the floor laughing. Chapter Nine

IN WHICH IS THE MYSTERIOUS ARRIVAL OF A CRUSTATION

Since the arrival of Cartmen, things took a serious dive from bad to worse. He had set up a hammock in the kitchen, and did almost nothing else but eat, and used his fair share of four letter words, to the displeasure of Gandalf and Yoda.
Gollum had gotten much worse with his quest for all things shiny, and had thumbtacks in every room, thus everyone who went into these rooms (the worst spot was around the closet) would end up with a few more holes in their feet.
Legolas was looking very much like a wet cat without the use of his hair dryer, and tried to get the missing part back from Gollum. His latest strategy was to run up and down the stairs, to flush him out.
So, there Legolas was, running up and down like a madman, his feet thumping on the stairs. Although, his plan annoyed more then Gollum.
Screams of rage came from under the stairs, and Gandalf, who was trying to nap on the couch, added to this with several loud grunts. Cartmen also added to the din, with phrases like "Fuck, look at the old poof go!"
Yoda, who had been trying to get down the stairs, decided to go down on the banister, but being no spring chicken, he slipped, and just barely hung on with his cane, yelling for help.
Yugi, who was trying to help him, also managed to get stuck hanging from the banister. Yami Yugi, who had just realized that Yami Bakura had dressed him up like a drag queen while he slept, was chasing him around the first floor. Bakura was running around like a madman, after using some of Han's cream, only realizing afterwards that somebody had added itching powder to it. Han was blasting his rock music from upstairs, so loud that pictures on the walls shook. Chewie was growling in frustration as he kept missing the chance to catch Legolas and stop him from running. It was quite funny to watch. Legolas ran up, Chewie stretched out his arms, but then Legolas would be back down again, leaving Chewie to roar. Tea was spraying water at them with the hose from the kitchen sink, which didn't work, and ear shattering, incoherent screams were heard from Leia, who was in the shower, as the water went from hot to cold.
The din was so loud that none almost heard the doorbell.
Gandalf, who was very much annoyed, strode over to the door and yanked it open so hard that the glass panes rattled.
Standing there was a Fed Ex guy, with greasy black hair and a moustache. A cigar hung from the corner of his mouth.
"Package for yah-" he said, trailing off, staring at the sight before him.
Legolas stood frozen halfway down the stairs, a sheepish grin on his face. Yoda and Yugi were still hanging from the banister, swaying slowly. Tea was standing there grinning like an idiot, still holding the hose from which a small trickle of water was flowing. Bakura had stopped mid roll on the floor, and Yami Yugi was standing there in his sequined cocktail dress, hands around Yami Bakura's neck. Cartmen was perfectly visible from the kitchen, laughing so hard that he fell off the counter. Han's music still blared, and Leia, wrapped in a towel, soaking wet and covered in soap suds, now stood beside Chewie at the top of the stairs. Screaming was still heard from under the stairs, as Gollum, clutching the missing piece of the hair dryer, bolted out from the closet. Legolas jumped over the side, and proceeded to chase him around, tripping over the rug as he went.
The ash from the man's cigar fell noiselessly to the floor. He cleared his throat. "Sign here." he said, handing the clipboard to Gandalf and looking nervously around. Gandalf squiggled a signature, and the man wheeled in a very large box.
He stared a couple more seconds, before turning and murmuring something about the rich and their eccentric ways.
Bakura, forgetting all about the powder, walked over to the box. They all crowded around.
"What's that?" asked Han, coming down the stairs. "That's a nice look for you." He added, stifling a laugh. Yami yugi scowled at him. "Only one way to find out." Said Gandalf, opening the box. The cardboard fell away to reveal a humongous, pink...
"Clam?!" Tea cried in disbelief. "Uhh... guys..." called Yugi worriedly from the banister. "It's moving!" Indeed, the clam was shifting. Slowly, it opened its mouth, and they could plainly see a figure inside. The light fell onto the figure of an elf, with a stern face and long brown hair. His hair was covering his 'naughty bits', and from the kitchen came a cry of...
"Holy crap! It's a naked dude in a clam!" The elf's face turned red, and the others looked away. He pulled robes out from the back of the clam (which would not let go) and put them on hurriedly before stepping out just as the clam snapped shut.
"Elrond?" said Gandalf, stifling a laugh. Elrond fixed his headband before kicking the clam, which quickly opened and grabbed the hem of his robes.
"Gandalf." he replied, nodding his head, and proceeded to try and pull his robes free. "I received a message quite a while ago inside this clam. But when I stepped in to retrieve it, it snapped shut. I'm lucky to be alive." there was a ripping noise, and Elrond fell backwards, and the clam gave a loud burp.
Elrond cursed in elvish as Yugi and Yoda, who had been still clinging to the banister, fell on him. He looked around, first at the two on top of him, then at the others, his eyes stopping on Yami Yugi, who was still wearing the cocktail dress.
"I'm not in Imaldris anymore." He said, standing up and brushing himself off. " Hey! Clammy!" Elrond turned to Cartmen, scowling. " Lick my chocolate salty balls!" Elrond said nothing, just cleared his throat and crossed his arms, glaring. " Hey I like that dress. Where'd you buy it, grandpa." " These are robes." Elrond said, motioning to his clothing, with a somewhat cool tone.
"Sure they are. And you can lick my chocolate salty balls!"
"No indeed it is hardly possible that you should be questioning my attire when that man over there is wearing something similar to what my daughter owns."
Cartmen said nothing, and blinked a couple of times before proclaiming, "It's still a dress, and I don't even want to know what the fuck you do with your daughter."
Elrond clenched his fists, before leaning in very close to Cartmen and saying in a threatening tone "How about I show you some elvish tricks that haven't been used since the first age?" Cartmen blinked. "Are you, hitting on me? 'Cause if you are..." Elrond lunged at Cartmen, but was held back by Gandalf. "That's quite enough. Elrond, why don't I show you your accommodations."

It was very peaceful and quiet in the mansion, but being three in the morning, that was no surprise...
Elrond tossed and turned. The couch was defiantly not as comfortable as his bed at home, and it didn't help that that annoying child Cartmen was in the next room, or so he thought.
Elrond could feel hot breath on his face, breath that smelt of cheese. " Hey Clammy!" Cartmen called, dumping a bucket of ice-cold water over Elrond, soaking him to the bone. He cursed in elvish, lashing out at Cartmen, who, despite his large bulk, had managed to run off.
Elrond, looking very much like an enraged, wet Persian who has just eaten a lemon, chased him all the way around the first floor with the aid of his keen eyes.
But Cartmen was faster. He had another surprise in store. Elrond, half running half tripping over his robes, did not expect to have the carpet pulled out from under him, nor to go flying headlong into the grandfather clock.
He lay, dazed and crumpled at the foot of the great clock. But, he was very hardheaded, and managed to knock loose some of the mechanisms inside, so that it began chiming and did not stop.
Cartmen, cackling and yelling insults, did not see Tea coming, and ran into her. Not expecting anyone else to be awake, she screamed, causing Gollum to scream, and emerge running from under the closet. Legolas, who had been lying in wait, ran in, and snatched the missing piece of the hair dryer. Gollum, who saw this from the living room, ran around like a madman screaming until he tripped over Elrond and landed on top of him. Incoherent elvish cries and Gollum's endless screeching awoke Han, Chewie and Yami Yugi, who bolted down the stairs. Expecting Gollum to be in his closet, they rushed in, where Cartmen was waiting to lock them in.
Their hammering on the door sounded very much like the drums in the mines of Moria to Gandalf, who had been having a nightmare about the Balrog. Very scared and confused, he ran into the cellar, where Tea, very disoriented, had ended up. They walked into each other, and after yells of fear, both dropped in a faint.
Yugi and Bakura, hearing all this and remembering the show they had seen, deduced that they must have been under attack. They armed themselves with plungers from the linen closet. But, running down the stairs, they tripped, plungers sticking to the banister, and by some fluke, threw them onto the chandelier. But this was of the sort that can be raised or lowered, thus steadily it creaked down under they weight, and they dared not move for fear of the entire thing crashing down.
Yami Bakura, anxious to get in on all the fun, became disoriented and somehow managed to lock himself in the shower stall. Yoda, just barely conscious, strayed into the bathroom to see what was going on, and instead of turning on the lights, turned on the shower, which Yami was not expecting. He yelled, starling Yoda, who ran out and knocked into Leia, who screamed very loudly, and accidentally locked herself in the linen closet. Yoda, very inchoate, got rolled up in the carpet, and went barrelling down the stairs, bowling over Legolas who had heard the screams from upstairs.
Gollum, who was still running around screeching, bumped into Cartmen, who was making jiffy pop. Cartmen, startled by Gollum, ran out of the room. Gollum took shelter in one of the cabinets under the sink from the kernels of popcorn, and refused to come out.
Cartmen, by this time, was making his third lap around the first floor, became confused and slightly afraid of all the screaming coming from under the kitchen sink, the yelling, water running, and also from the figures dangling form the chandelier and at the bottom of the stairs. Thus, very afraid, he curled up beside Elrond, who, miraculously (perhaps with the aid of the tap on the head) had managed to fall back asleep, and waited for morning.

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MANILOW: *arm around each of Shadi and T's shoulders * I like it here.

T: Must.resist.temptation.to. heave-to. Yar.

SHADI: * holding a sign that reads 'History lesson' * Heave-to was another form of punishment, where two sailors would pick up the captive and throw him overboard. *Pause * that sounds like fun!

MANILOW: *being picked up * Guys? What're you doing? Okay, ha ha.. You're had your fun, c'mon! Guys?

T: Heave. Ho!

Manilow flies over the side of the ship.

MANILOW: Read and revieeeeeew! * Tumultuous splash *

The sea foam splashes up on deck, spelling out the words " In Which there is a nasty Clog"