Another Side to Chaos
"Leviathan… I'm gonna be…"
It sounds like someone is retching, throwing up. The sound of liquid splashes against the ground, floor, or whatever it is and he attempts to clear his throat. He's coughing and the scent of stale dampness mixed with a fresh sourness invades my senses.
"That must be… that… teleport thing I've… heard about… Dr. Crescent… Lucrecia… mentioned something in her records… about Chaos possessing the ability… to teleport…"
It's Tseng's voice that's talking, and the tone of his voice doesn't suggest that we're in any kind of danger. I can't see him though. I can only hear him as he sounds like he's spitting on the ground to clear out the taste in his mouth before he continues talking as if he's having trouble.
"I had no idea that he could teleport others with him and… I'm assuming it's not meant… for humans…"
He trails off and sounds like he's throwing up again, and afterwards, I hear the sound of uneven shuffling before blurry images start to form. It's dark, wherever we are, and there's a faint green glow coming from unevenly spaced areas. It reminds me of the colour of mako as the halo of the light remains too unclear to fully make out where it's coming from, and somewhere in the distance, I can hear water running. It almost sounds like a water fall, and there are other sounds, like water dripping in an uneven pattern as it echoes through what I'm guessing is a cave of some sort.
I don't hear the sound of thunder anymore though, which suggests that either enough time has passed or that we're far from where we were. Yet Chaos doesn't seem to be interested in allowing me to return to myself and for the first time, its presence doesn't seem to overpower me either. It's almost like it's allowing me some kind of submissive awareness as the glowing light becomes brighter, the images clearer, and a blurry form that can only be Tseng is hunched over, gripping his gut, and throwing up again.
"Hurt…" I unwillingly say, like it's not me saying it. It's a foreign voice, not my own, and it's much deeper and huskier than my own—almost like a surreal and broken growl that struggles to speak.
"No…" Tseng answers and wipes at his mouth after spitting on the ground again. All the while, he steadies himself by placing his hand against the rock formation above his head with his other hand. "It's just… not meant to be… not natural."
Then he returns to holding his gut and Chaos grunts as if it's almost apologizing while focussing on the Turk the entire time.
"This must be… where you were imprisoned…" Tseng assumes and nods his head towards the direction where the light is coming from. The green glow makes him appear sicker than he probably is as Chaos refuses to follow Tseng's coaxing to look around and verify his assumptions, "Where Vincent's… where Lucrecia found you... or… Grimoire… Grimoire Valentine… wasn't it?"
With a futile snicker he allows himself to slump down with a grimace. He stretches out one leg—the one he usually favours—and he bends the other so he can relax his forearm over his knee. He does it so quickly that Chaos nearly pounces. But for some strange reason, it manages to stop itself when Tseng looks at it with a warning in his eyes, almost like they understand each other in the way that a dog understands its master and vice versa.
"I take it there were more like you…" Tseng muses as he looks further into an adjoining alcove that Chaos won't allow me to see. Everything seems like the dreams I normally have—I can't move, speak, or even close my eyes. Yet I'm more than aware that this is real while I piece together that Chaos must have grabbed Tseng and then teleported him to where we are now, and I assume that we're in the cavern where Lucrecia and my father, Grimoire, collected Chaos so they could bring it to their lab. It's the same place where Lucrecia imprisoned herself after the birth of Sephiroth.
"They must have been taken to the labs as well…"
"Ngh!" Chaos grunts back and takes a hesitant step toward the Turk as if it's trying to state that it wants to go closer but won't do it without permission, and again, Tseng looks at him like he'd prefer it if it just stayed where it is.
"Family…" Tseng breathes out, almost sighing as he lets his head fall back like he's too exhausted from whatever happened, and he lazily turns his had back to the adjoining cavern, "I assume…"
"Dess… troy…"
"Killed?" Tseng asks, and then he nods to confirm it before quietly stating that, "I know how that feels."
Then he grimaces with his hand over his gut and Chaos takes another step closer.
"I lost my family too."
"No…"
"Hm…" Tseng mutters before letting out another deep and shaky breath as he turns his attention back to Chaos and tiredly sweeps his eyes over him.
"I hope you're trying to tell me that you know… instead of… 'no'…"
After that, he snickers at himself and shakes his head like he knows it's not that funny. But now that I've come to know him and I know how he does his best to bury everything that he feels, it's not that surprising that he'd make a joke out of something that obviously bothers him, and at that, his hand almost reaches into his pocket to toy with his missing locket before he stops himself and frowns.
"Ng… no…"
"I see," Tseng mindlessly says and turns his attention back to the other cavern. Not all of them were killed… or none of them… Or you simply have no idea how to communicate and I'm wasting my time by trying."
After that, he pushes himself up, grimaces again, and decides to pull the red orb from his pocket and uncovers it.
"I thought that… this might have been for you," he tells Chaos, "To collect you from Vince…" Then he wryly mutters to himself that he's not even sure if Chaos understands a damned word he's saying. "But it would be glowing while out of your possession if it was."
He almost looks disappointed as he tosses it at Chaos' feet and turns his back to us so he can be less obvious about grimacing and gripping into his gut again, and for the first time, Chaos takes his attention away from the Turk and stares at the orb. There's a faint glow inside as if it's being awakened.
"I never understood why that is," he says and he keeps his hand against the wall as he takes a few steps toward the adjoining cavern. "One would think it shouldn't really matter who touches it. Yet it won't work while in its target's possession… It also won't work if it's equipped… unless… it's already claimed its target… hm."
"Hm…" Chaos repeats, still staring at the orb and not at Tseng anymore as the red slowly becomes brighter from a small pin point at the centre. It almost looks like small stars are starting to form inside of it. Small pin-sized lights seem to multiply as they start to branch out in a flare-like pattern, so slow that it almost crawls while resembling the birth of a universe inside of itself.
"Summon Materia was Genesis' next favourite thing. Besides Loveless, it was all he liked to talk about… Of course, it was a nice change from hearing him recite long scripts from an unfinished play… He was a soldier like Sephiroth… almost identical…"
"Ngh…."
"Yes," Tseng responds as if he's answering something, as doubtful as it is.
"It was from him that I learned that if you covered it with cotton or any other natural material, or even equipped it, that it wouldn't be able to 'collect', and if it was too close to the intended target or 'collection', as Genesis liked to call it, that it wouldn't work either… 'It has to be close, but not too close', he told me, and of course, I also learned that loveless was his greatest love and equal disappointment, and I also learned that he couldn't understand what I saw in Sephiroth.
"Then again, he couldn't understand what anyone ever saw in Sephiroth—he was too jealous of him; everything about him…"
"Ngh…" Chaos responds again, watching the streams of red inside begin to crawl along the edges as if veins are filling up with energy, and I think to myself that Tseng must feel like no one's listening to him in order for him to be so informative for a change. However, I'm just not finding it as interesting as what Chaos is focussing on as a small stream begins to find its way out of the orb and begins to travel as other streams creep out and intertwine with it, crawling through the air as if reaching for something.
"The strange thing about him was that he looked up to Sephiroth, strived to be like him—better than him.
"At times, I could swear that he wanted to be him, and at the same time, he secretly loathed him… Sephiroth knew about it, and in a strange sort of way, he felt the same way. Though his jealousy was more in regard to Genesis getting too close to me…
"I honestly never really understood it… Genesis wasn't interested in… well… romantic encounters of any kind, I guess you could say…
"And to top it all off, they remained best friends right until Genesis became ill and turned on Shinra… He was the first one to become the victim of Jenova's cells."
He pauses and becomes quiet as he steps farther into the other cavern while remaining in Chaos' peripheral vision, and Chaos watches the stream from the orb. It grows stronger as it travels farther and with a stronger direction, and Tseng appears more uncomfortable as it gets closer to him as if he's the target.
I may not know everything that there is to know about Summon Materia, but one thing I'm certain of is that it isn't capable of going after humans.
At least, it never did in the past.
Though, knowing Shinra, and everything they've ever been involved in, it's possible that they've managed to somehow tamper with it.
Either that, or they've managed to get involved with someone else that's managed to tamper with it. I don't know what's worse though, the fact that Tseng appears to be unable to see the stream reaching toward him, making contact and starting an alternating flow from the area he often reaches for when he winces like something is making him uncomfortable, or the fact that I can't do anything about it while Chaos passively watches. His attention is on Tseng now, and he focuses on the Turk's face as if there's something he's watching for.
I can't help but suddenly reflect on the fact that Tseng has mentioned that the pain never went away after Sephiroth stabbed him. The dream about the redhead—Genesis—offering to help someone else possibly revive Tseng suddenly comes to mind, and I can't help but mind the fact that he always seems like he's hiding from something that he's not letting on about.
At times, it almost seems like he's expecting someone or something to come out of the shadows, and I grow more curious as Tseng subtly winces and continues with his story.
"I always suspected that the reason Sephiroth turned his back on Genesis was because of what happened in the past. I also suspected that Genesis blamed me for it. He wanted Sephiroth to help him… He believed that Sephiroth's cells were healthy and that they could reverse the deteriorating effects he was suffering from.
"But when that failed, and Hojo experimented on the young Soldiers—Zack and Cloud—he started going after Cloud," he says before he sets his eyes on a raised area and decides to sit down as if he's suddenly too tired to stand. "I suppose I should clarify some things…
"Of course, I should probably be clarifying them to Vincent. But Vincent isn't here right now, is he?"
"Ngh."
He nods at the response and straightens out his legs. Then he sighs and rubs his hand over his abdomen while muttering that, "I shouldn't have thrown my breakfast out…"
"Ngh," Chaos grunts again and inconspicuously picks the orb up and places it into the area where my gauntlet would normally be. Whether he knew it would deactivate the Materia's link with Tseng or not is unclear to me.
However, I can't help but suddenly feel like he was trying to show me something that I wouldn't have normally seen.
"Well, the truth is that you're easier to talk to," he continues.
Then he lowers his voice as if he's talking to himself.
"And it's probably because you don't understand a damned word I'm saying..." he trails off before he returns his attention to Chaos and tells it that, "I have a problem, you see… I've always been good at giving and following orders. I've also always been good at articulating events and circumstances.
"In fact, I've always been good at discussing anything that wasn't personal. However, when it comes to actual communication on a personal level, I find that I'm unable to… well… I'm just not very good at discussing anything of a personal nature.
"I try," he says, "But it always backfires on me… Perhaps that's why I choose to stay silent about certain things, even when I shouldn't.
"Of course it's all nothing but excuses, but I like to think that it's the same reason why I tend to lie as much as I do. That way, if I tell someone something that isn't true, I can get away with not telling them what 'is' true, and the truth is that I never had an affair on Sephiroth, at least not while we were together. Marina was the only person I ever considered myself to truly cheat on, and it was with Sephiroth."
As he speaks, I think it's a good thing that I can't respond because he would have clammed up the moment I would have said something to cut him off and clarify what the hell he's going on about now. I also can't help but notice that his energy seems to slowly be returning to him since Chaos deactivated the Materia.
"Genesis and I…" he starts and takes a moment to pamper his leg.
He seems to have forgotten about the pain in his abdomen as well as his hunger, and he lets out a sigh like he doesn't really want to talk about what he wants to talk about.
"We were sent on a mission together. We spent a lot of time with just the two of us.
"Despite the reason we were there, the time that we spent 'off duty' together was harmless. He spent most of his time musing over anything that stirred the 'poet' inside of him, and I spent most of my time burying myself in my work because that's what I do best. What little time we did contribute to getting to know each other was over a meal where neither of us said much to the other unless I managed to bring up one of his favourite topics.
"You see, the problem I had with Genesis was that the moment he started talking about something he enjoyed, he became too passionate about it and I would find myself wishing he would shut up.
"That was the extent of our relationship," he tells me, and I wonder why.
"I couldn't explain that to Sephiroth though. He was convinced that there was no way either of us could have spent that much time together in isolation without anything happening. Particularly when he considered the fact that I was sleeping with him while I was still married to Marina.
"Basically, he behaved the same way over Genesis that your host behaves over Reno. Only, I don't believe that Sephiroth ever actually tried to kill Genesis over his jealousy. He just left me feeling like the best way to get him to stop accusing me of doing something I didn't do was to tell him that I did do it, and I regretted it the moment the words left my mouth.
"He didn't waste any time—leaving me. He made me feel even worse because he didn't get angry, and of course there was the small issue about how Genesis would react to it the moment he was confronted by Sephiroth.
"However, to my surprise, Genesis didn't get upset over the confrontation. Instead, he appeared to find the whole thing amusing, and like the muscle-brained Soldiers that they were, they decided to dual over the matter and be done with it after a winner was declared—they were typical morons in that aspect," Tseng confides with a knowing disappointment over his choice for a mate, and he rolls his eyes as if he's embarrassed over the admittance of it.
"Unfortunately, it didn't really end there and Genesis must have been more affected by it than he let on. They were sent on another mission that Seph was supposed to lead and they were gone for several months. When they came back, Genesis came to visit me.
"It was the very first thing he did when he got back, which made me a little suspicious. Of course, it didn't stop me from making the mistake of letting him in… He showed me pictures."
After that, he breaks off for a moment and looks down while I note that his skin is carrying a little more colour than usual, despite the sickly green glow from the mako in the adjoining cave, and Chaos suddenly turns its attention to where it put the Materia in my gauntlet as if it's answering my silent question. Then it returns its attention to Tseng.
"Pictures…" he repeats again and shakes his head as if he can't really believe it, still. "That… backstabbing… he literally followed Sephiroth everywhere… and he took… pictures of him—his supposed best friend—with every single person Sephiroth thought he was alone with.
"Every. Single. One," he repeats, unable to hide the fact that it still bothers him as Chaos subtly moves closer to him.
"His intentions were obvious. He never would have done it otherwise, and it was no secret that he wanted everything that Sephiroth had, regardless of whether he really wanted it or not. So I did what I felt was the right thing to do, despite how much I wanted to get back at Seph, and I kicked him out…
"Or at least… I tried to…" he confesses, and Chaos carefully sits near him while maintaining enough distance to respect the Turk's space.
"But they're enhanced, like your host… Genesis was a strong man… and in the end, I decided that I no longer cared. I lost the man I loved because of a lie. I lost my self-respect because of how easily he turned to others afterwards… A part of me wanted to get back at him and I suddenly found the blame resurfacing for what happened to Marina and Saity—whom I also loved and sorely blamed Sephiroth for—and I… simply didn't care.
"At that point, I just… really didn't care."
"But I do now," he adds and rubs at his eyes with his palms as if admitting that he didn't care about whatever portion of the story he's leaving out has lifted a heavy weight.
"You have no idea how good it feels to finally get this off my chest. Sephiroth never knew about it, and when he came back, I decided that it was best to leave it at that. Genesis though… he decided that he no longer felt the need to hide his dark side around me and made my life a living hell every chance he got… If he's still alive… Well… I'm not a man without fear…
"There are a lot of things that I fear, and unfortunately he has a pretty good idea what nearly all of them are because I was fool enough to tell the man he was best friends with, and best friends talk. If he's still bent out of shape over the fact that he was not only screwed over by me, but by Shinra as a whole, which also involves me, and his best friend on several occasions and in his greatest hour of need, which conveniently happened to be my…
"Well, I could be in more trouble than I initially thought… and worst of all, I've managed to bring you into it—Vincent—into it."
At that, he looks down at the ground and moves the toe of his shoe through the dirt while loosely clasping his hands in front of him and sighs.
"I don't think there's anywhere I can go. If I go back to Shinra, it will put them at risk, and if I stay with you… Well, I believe I've already put you at risk. But the damage is reversible at this point… I think…
"I think…" he repeats again and lets out a heavy sigh as Chaos attempts to inch closer to him and he gets up as if to say 'no.'
"I think that I should go to the Northern Continent… alone."
His choice of words disheartens me and the feeling of disappointment feels worse because I can't do or say anything to talk him out of it as he stands with his back to me and jokingly asks in poor taste, "I'm already dead, right? What more harm could come to a dead man?"
More than you realize, I quietly think, while Chaos focuses on Tseng's exposed hand in a curious way when the light from the Mako prisons hits it. It seems luminescent, almost pearl-like somehow, like there's another layer of life as it moves about him, hovering below and above his skin in a way that seems disturbingly familiar, and I suddenly think about the strength in which he pushed me off the bed with earlier, and his mysterious re-emergences after his supposed death.
"Perhaps, if that's where I wanted you to go in your dreams then… Perhaps that's where I should go…"
I think about the fact that he admitted to lying to hide the truth, and the way that his irises appeared red like mine—when he held the orb back in Kalm, but silvery like mirrors—when he awoke back in Cosmo Canyon. I almost forgot about it and waved it off as a trick of the mind at the time. But now that I think of it, he fights like Sephiroth and he shoots like me, and Chaos casually removes his attention from Tseng to sweep it over the broken prisons before it stops at one of them.
And the next thing I know, I'm suddenly assaulted by Chaos' will as if it's showing me something that I never would have known or remembered otherwise.
Lucrecia had the same glow near the end of her pregnancy with Sephiroth, but only Chaos could see it. Sephiroth carried it too, and again, only Chaos could see it, and now he's showing me that Tseng is somehow linked more than either of us knows or lets on.
"Vince…" Tseng calmly says, pulling my attention back to him as he continues to stand with his back to me, "I know you're not here… And I know that this quest I'm on is eventually going to do me in. I know it's inevitable. But there's something I… wish I could tell you without sounding too cryptic… Or without sounding like I welcome death…
"I fear it," he says before he looks down and places his hand in his pocket while lowly adding, "After Sephiroth stabbed me, I fear it to the point of feeling sick over it… But there are some things I fear more," and he starts to walk away while Chaos continues to sit there and watch him, and I reflect on Sephiroth's and Genesis' words and conversations from my dreams.
As much as I hate to admit it, and as much as I fear that he may be suspecting that my own premonitions may be coming true, I fear that I may not be able to let him go alone.
I can stop it from happening, I tell myself, over and over.
