AN: Hello, wonderful people! And welcome to chapter 19 of WLMS! This is really getting long, isn't it? I should think about ending it sometime soon...maybe...eventually. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, as I have nothing really to say. I worked hard on it, really...sort of. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own it
Making up with Sora felt like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. We easily slid back into the best friend routine, almost as if we'd never gone out or slept together. It was a little sad, that I had to ignore such a wonderful part of my life, but it was better this way. Sora belonged with Kairi, and I…well, I just had to be able to deal with that.
I started dating after a while. It was weird that the world would just start up again after feeling like it had stopped for so long. It was almost like that chunk of time was a dream. A wonderful, unobtainable dream.
After my whole "coming-out" experience with Tidus, a lot of guys started hitting on me. It was surprising to find out just who was gay in our school. I got the shock of my life when Wakka, the captain of the school Blitzball team, caught me in the locker room during gym and practically tried to rape me. Chalk that one up to life-scarring experiences.
Girls still tried to date me as well. A lot of them gave a dumb speech about how I was led down a horrible path but they could change me and make me right again. It was annoying, but fun to go out with them and purposely stare at guys until they got so frustrated that they broke up with me. It passed the time, at least.
I dated mostly guys, since I found them more endearing. But I always found reasons to break up with them before things got serious. Sora never really got jealous again, though I noticed he liked to hang around a lot when I spent any time with various boyfriends. Kairi never understood how we made up so fast, but she didn't question it for long. She said she was just happy there wasn't any tension between us anymore.
I was currently dating a blonde sophomore named Kito. He was a shy kid, and liked to hide behind me whenever we hung out with my friends. So far, he was lasting the longest. We'd been going out for about three weeks. The only thing that annoyed me was his reluctance to do anything sexual. The most he would do was make out a little and then push me away. And what could I do? I wasn't going to rape him! He may have been cute, but not enough to get convicted.
I was actually considering just breaking up with him. He was more trouble than he was worth. But I wouldn't for a while. It was convenient for now. With Kito around, nobody else tried to get with me, and I could enjoy some peace and quiet for once.
With Sora by my side once more, school just seemed to fly by. Soon it was time for the Tropical Festival. Once a year, for a straight two weeks, all tropical fruits on this island grew faster and larger than ever. During that time, all school was canceled for various fruit-based activities. It was more fun when you were a little kid, but I would never say no to time off of school.
The first day of the festival, I brought Kito to one of the fairs. We met up with Sora and Kairi near the pineapple eating contest booth. It reminded me of our fated "double-date" with Tidus, though I could only remember it distantly. It too felt like some weird dream, and at times I felt like Tidus himself had only been a figment of my imagination. If not for the dull ache his being gone left, I might have believed he was.
The entire day I spent gloomy thinking about the whole thing. My friends asked what was wrong, but I just said I didn't feel well from eating too much pineapple and wandered off by myself for a while.
About halfway into the festival, Sora asked me to go to our islet with him. I thought we were going to bring Kairi and Kito, but he said he wanted it to just be us. He said he wanted to go tanning, and he didn't want a bunch of people around to mess up his "groove". The only person he wanted around, he said, was his best friend. I was touched, to say the least, so I went.
--
I unrolled the two towels Sora and I had brought and laid them out on the sandy beach. I shielded my eyes from the bright sun. Out here, with no obstructions to block it, it seemed to bare down on me like a laser beam. I grabbed a pair of sunglasses out of our "Bag-o'-tanning-essentials" and slipped them on. Much better. Sora flopped down on his towel with an explosive sigh.
"What a great day. I love the sun, don't you?" I smiled.
"It's okay. Until it turns on you." I threw him a small, rectangular white bottle. "Better put on some sunscreen. You know how easily you burn." He sat up, grimacing.
"You're one to talk. Your skin is so pale I wonder sometimes if you really live on this island. What do you eat, salt?" He snickered and began rubbing some of the pale lotion on his stomach. I turned away quickly, trying not to think of the horrible imagery that sight brought on. I pulled out my own bottle and spread it over every inch of skin I could reach.
"Hey, do my back, will you?" I kept myself from flinching at the implications and turned to find Sora turned away from me, smooth expanse of skin bared. I swallowed and squirted some lotion on my hands. This wasn't something to freak out about; I was just putting sunscreen on my best friend. No big deal.
He hissed when I laid my hands on his back. "That's cold," he whined, shying away from me. I gripped him and pulled him back.
"It won't be for long," I said quietly. "Just give it a minute." As I spread the lotion, my eyes were drawn to that small trail of freckles just over his shoulder blade. I smiled as I remembered the last time I'd seen those, but it quickly turned into a frown. That wasn't exactly a happy memory. Sora had rejected me then. And even though he'd made up for it later, he rejected me still when push came to shove. He would only be with me if there was nobody better at the time. And that was the cold, hard truth. A cold, hard truth I'd come to accept.
"Everything okay back there, Riku?" I was pulled back into reality as I realized my hands had stilled and I was just sitting with my hands on his back. I hurriedly began spreading the sunscreen again.
"There," I said when I'd finished. "All done." He grinned.
"Thanks. Now turn around and I'll do you." I bit my lip and turned around quickly. It was too much. Did he even realize what he was doing? I hissed when cold lotion hit the sensitive skin on my back. Damn, that was cold. I had to fight not to get lost in the feel of his hands as they rubbed all along my back. It was almost like a massage, except that instead of getting rid of my stress, it only served to add to it.
"All done," Sora said brightly when he'd finished. I doubted he did that good a job and made a mental note not to lie on my stomach.
"Did you do your face?" I asked. "Or your legs?" He frowned cutely.
"No. Why would I do those?" I sighed in exasperation and beckoned him over. "You dork," I laughed as I rubbed lotion hurriedly onto his less-than-hairy legs. "You're gonna look like a particularly fiery cherry if you don't cover everything." I slapped some on his cheeks and forehead. "Don't be an idiot, all right? I don't think Kairi would like it if I returned her boyfriend as a lobster."
We stretched out on our respective towels comfortably. There was nothing better than laying on sand in the sun as long as it didn't blind you. Speaking of…I glanced over at Sora to see if he had his sunglasses on, but his eyes were closed.
"Sora?"
"Yeah?" He said, cracking an eye open and staring me. "What is it, Riku?"
"Don't fall asleep in the sun," I warned. He rolled his eyes.
"I'm not that dumb, you know." I smirked, doubtful. He'd done it before. Good thing I brought aloe this time. After a few moments of peace, in which we both just laid there, silent, Sora groaned and scooted over to me, laying his head on my stomach. I stared down at him.
"What are you doing?" I asked. He shrugged.
"I just…thought you would make a better pillow than the ground. That's all. You used to let me do this all the time, remember?" I blinked. I'd only let him do it when we were going out. Up until now, we'd never spoken about that time. I frowned, but left it alone. He probably said it by accident.
After laying silent for so long, I was jolted by a loud snort by the brown head on my stomach. I inspected closer and found that he'd done just what I'd warned him not to: Fallen asleep. I smiled fondly. He really was cute when he slept. I missed being able to watch him sleep, so much. It was nice to just watch the contours of his face as he twitched with some dream he was having, or hear him mumble something incoherent which he wouldn't remember later. It was that, I think, that I missed most about our relationship.
Sitting in the sun made me feel sleepy as well. Against my better judgment, I felt my eyelids grow heavy and let myself slip into a light doze.
--
I woke sometime later; midday, I assumed, by the position of the sun. Stretching out my muscles languidly and yawning, I noticed that there was still a heavy weight on my stomach. I glanced down and almost burst out laughing when I caught sight of Sora. He must not have put the sunscreen on his torso right. There were bright red splotches all over his pale skin. He looked very uncomfortable.
I shook him gently. "Sora? Sora, wake up." He groaned and rolled onto his stomach, only to yelp and sit up.
"Ouch," he groaned. I snorted. "You dolt. Come on, I brought Aloe. We'll go sit in the shade and put it on, okay?" He stood up without much protest. He looked like he was going to throw up, so I kept a good grip on his arm. The last thing I needed was him passing out.
Once we were under the shade of the trees, I pulled out the bottle of green goo and made him lie back. He hissed.
"It hurts," he groaned. "It feels like my skin is on fire."
"Well, that's what you get for not putting your sunscreen on correctly," I said as I rubbed some Aloe onto my hands. He looked like he was in a lot of pain. I could understand. I'd gotten sunburns before, and they were no picnic. "Just relax. You'll feel better once these burns are cleaned out." I could feel the heat emanating from his skin from an inch away. Jeez, he was really bad. I rubbed some of the cooling lotion on him, ignoring his anguished cries.
"Riku, stop, it hurts!" He sobbed. I saw a few tears roll down his face. I sighed.
"If you want it to stop hurting, you're going to have to lie still and take it. I can't be any gentler than I'm being now." However, I went a little slower. I hated causing him pain. (1)
I noticed that the burn went underneath his swim trunks. I gulped. If I put Aloe there, he might think I was trying to do something else. But I wasn't. All I wanted was for him to be okay. And if I didn't put anything there to ease the burn, it might get worse and hurt even more. What else could I do?
"Riku? Are you done?" Sora asked tearfully. I shook my head.
"Almost, just…bear with me okay?" I had to do it, no matter what he thought. And hopefully, he would understand. I slipped my hand underneath the waistband of his shorts and rubbed the skin just above his groin with gooey liquid. It was amazing just how much skin had been burned. I vowed to make him wear closer-fitting swim trunks next time.
Sora groaned. "What are…you doing?"
"You got burned down here, too. I'm not going to do anything, so you don't have to worry." He grasped my hand in his tightly. Startled, I looked up. He was staring down at me with a spark in his eyes.
"I want you to do something. Please?" I stared, open-mouthed, and then a wave of anger washed over me. I stood up and walked away before I hit him, clenching my fists at my sides to keep from hitting something else. How dare he ask me for that?! I was happy enough being his friend now, but if he asked me something like that…I wouldn't be able to stop. And we'd be right back where we started. I wasn't going to let something like that fuck us up again.
"Riku? Did I say something wrong?" I turned on him, enraged.
"No, Sora, you didn't say a damn thing wrong! Only that you wanted me to give you a hand job while I was treating your goddamned sunburn! Surely you remember the last time we were on this island?! And how swimmingly things worked out the last time! I'm trying to be your friend, you dumb shit, and you keep fucking it up by saying and doing stuff like that!" I turned away from him, frustrated. He got up shakily and stood beside me, just out of my line of vision. I tried to ignore him, but he wrapped his arms around my torso.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "It's just…being so close to you bring out all these weird feelings in me. I always feel like I want to be closer. You're the only one who's ever really made me feel that way." He squirmed his way into my arms so that his head was buried in my chest. His sunburn, it seemed, was forgotten. "I need you, you know."
I scowled. "And after you get what you want, then what? You'll turn me away and reject me, just like all those other times. Do you think it's easy for me? That when you do that shit I'm not affected? It's wearing me down just to be your friend. Because every single time you try to get close to me, suddenly nothing else matters and I just want you. But I know that you'll never, ever let me."
For a while, we stood there, his arms wrapped around my torso, mine loosely around his shoulders. Our breathing was the only sound and the heat of our chests touching was driving me insane. This was getting out of hand. We needed to leave, and soon, or I would end up making a huge mistake. I took a deep breath to steady myself. "Sora…"
"What about we stay friends," Sora interrupted. "But, you know, with benefits." I gaped at him. He moved away from my chest to look at me. "Just hear me out. If it's just about sex, then we don't have to worry about the implications. We can settle our primal urges, and you won't have to worry that I'm still dating Kairi. Because…you'll have me in a way she won't." I could see the logic in what he said, but it seemed…wrong for him to do that with me while still dating Kairi. She didn't deserve that, not one bit.
"I don't think…"
"Please," Sora said, burying his head in my chest once more so that his words were muffled. "I don't want to lose you as a friend, but I need you so badly. It's almost scary how much I want you inside me right this second. I don't know what I'd do if you said no, so please say yes. And this way, we can both be happy."
Happy…what a subjective term. Not everyone could be the same type of happy, and different things made everyone happy. Would sleeping with Sora, with no strings attached, make me happy? Who knew, really? But, happy or not, I couldn't deny it would solve our problems. We would both be able to satiate our lust and still remain friends. I would have him in the most intimate of ways, while the only thing Kairi could lay claim to was a public relationship. And so I agreed. I agreed to sleep with the boy I so desperately loved, with no love. Just simple and undeniable lust.
What was I getting myself into?
(1) I didn't mean to make that scene as dirty as it turned out to sound, really.
