A/N Twilight is not mine.
Thanks to Sherry and Deb, for anything and everything.
~Edward~
I've been such an ass. I will never forgive myself. Having taken her for granted, she had every right to leave. My heart shattered when I heard her cry. How have I not noticed it? Finding my way back, she let me in. I am the luckiest man on earth.
But such an ass.
.
I try harder. For her, I will fight. We go out on more dates, having skipped that part because we went from friends to 'us,' from long distance to living together. We talk more, finding a new and special form of intimacy in those conversations on Sunday morning, before breakfast, after making love.
We can do this.
.
We look for balance. Her need to have her own place, her own territory, we fulfill by giving her the study. She retreats when she needs time alone, and because she knows she can, she rarely does. She shares my apartment and my bed. Doesn't realize she owns my heart completely. We find our balance. Fight and make up and grow and glow as seasons change.
We're good together.
.
She lets me prod her body as she picks my brain. We laugh at the discoveries and warn gently when theory intervenes with quality time. She's so lovely, so perfect. She'll be the best therapist the world has known. Kind, caring, patient, wise. And she's very much mine.
I buy a ring.
.
There never is a perfect time to ask. Reluctant to choose the given holidays, my chest cracks open as the question isn't asked and I sense her disappointment. Silently, I beg her to be patient. Her sagging shoulders have me reeling, however guilty it makes me feel. She is ready.
She might say yes.
.
Carefully, so carefully, I start to plan. January, that dull month, is perfect for what I want. It's in my nature to rule out risks, and I want to be sure. If she says yes, of course. If she says yes.
She must say yes.
.
Calling my father, I relay my plans. He's happy, I can tell. My mother so happy, I suddenly miss her. She's happy for me. In one breath, they promise to pay for the wedding. No college debt will stand in our way. I thank them, and call her father next. Ask him for his blessing. Nerves explode as I wait for his answer.
He tells me yes.
.
It is time. A dinner out, unassuming. Does she know it's the same restaurant we ate first when she came here to surprise me? She had me already, but I loved her more. Didn't know it was possible, to love her more. But I do, every day. I almost collapse under the weight. I need to let it out.
I have to ask.
.
She's so beautiful tonight. Wearing that blue dress that looks so unbelievably good on her words elude me. Hugging her curves in all the right places, emphasizing the perfect peach pearl color tone that is her skin. I love to kiss along the neckline of that dress, but I digress. She's so beautiful.
It almost hurts.
.
Savoring the moment, the wine, the rich tastes of the food. She feeds me tiny bites off her plate, any excuse to be near me I know. I happily oblige, unable to not caress the curve of her hip underneath the table. Her letting me touch her will never stop being a miracle.
I want to make her mine.
.
The main course done, nerves start to grow. What if she says no, would there be a chance? Thousands of questions blast through my mind. When do I ask, here or at home? Audience or no? She doesn't like people. Shit, I should have realized. Wiping my napkin across her brow, I meet her suddenly worried gaze. "Are you all right?"
"Yes."
.
How long can I wait, do I ask before or after dessert? At all tonight, or does she expect it? Not, I think not, trailing a lock of hair behind her ear, she tells me how nice it is to be back here, in this place. Where it all began. This is it, I decide. I swallow, thickly. I stand up.
I kneel.
.
Her face suddenly flushed, her eyes shimmering and wide. I was wrong before. She was never more beautiful than now. So perfect, so deliciously surprised. Studying her gaze, I see no trace of fear. This is the moment, there is no longer a way back. Taking a deep breath, I speak.
"Will you marry me?"
.
No long speeches, I will assume she knows what she means to me. A tear appears at the corner of her eye, spilling over as she looks at me, overwhelmed but happy. Her hand at her chest, it moves with the rhythm of her rapid breath. Say something. Choose me, because I am bound to you.
Say yes.
.
Around us, people have turned, stopped talking. Curious eyes on us. Time stretches, then stops, and every second lasts forever as I wait for your answer. I will not fill the silence. I will wait for your word that you will be eternally mine. Miracles happen, and as another tear spills and rolls down your cheek, you speak. One word.
"Yes!"
