SHADI: Once again, it's just us.
T: No guests this time… *pause, evil grin * There once was a man from Nantucket-
Shadi clamps his hand over her mouth.
SHADI: Don't say it!
T: Why not? We might as well use this PG-13 rating for something!
SHADI: Well, the next chapters certainly do!
T: Oh, it's jokes!
SHADI: A drunken chapter!
T: Sssh! You blew it!
SHADI: I'm sorry. I didn't say anything, reader!
T: Thereoncewasamanfromnantucket-
SHADI: T…
T: Wuss.
SHADI: Belly dance, milady?
T: *nods * I don't own Star Wars, Yu-gi-Oh, LOTR, South Park, or the mystery man in this next chapter. But I do own earrings. Nice ones. *Pause * THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM NANTUCKET! ANYTHING THAT MOVED HE WOULD F-
SHADI: Okay.. That's enough! *Belly dances *
T: *Belly dancing with Shadi* *whispering * anything that moved he would fuck it-
SHADI: *tackles T*
Chapter Thirteen
I KNOW THE PIANO TUNERS COME OFTEN, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
Cartmen sighed. He was so bored! Tea had put padlocks on each of the cupboards to stop him from eating, and Yami Bakura was.. Well.. He had no idea where he was.
"Whazzat?" Cartmen said, poking his head around the doorframe. It was a room he had never seen before! With a large dome shaped ceiling, and a rich carpet on the marble floor. A grand piano was situated in the centre of the great room. "What the fuck?" Cartmen sauntered into the room, and hopped up onto the piano bench, studying the keys curiously, knocking the sheet music onto the floor and laughing.
Yami Bakura, on the other hand, was quite busy. He was determined to get back at Martha for her cookies. He dumped curry and several other unneeded ingredients into a pan of brownies, humming quietly to himself. He baked the horrid concoction. "I knew those lock picks were a good investment." He said, laughing manically.
" What'cha doing?" Leia asked, leaning against the doorframe. "Nothing." Yami stammered, shielding the brownies with his body. "Really?" she said, raising one eyebrow and staring at the bottles on the counter.
"Chilli powder, mustard, curry? Spill it." "Revenge on Martha, if you must know." Yami snapped. Leia's eyes lit up. "Really? Well then, I can help. Add salt to the icing. Don't forget the Soya sauce." "Of course." He replied, and both grinned at each other deviously.
Cartmen was having fun hitting random keys, making an obscene racket. "Ow!" Came a muffled voice from inside the piano. Cartmen paused, but paid no heed to it. Again he hit random keys.
"LOOKIT ME! I'M ELTON FUCKING JOHN!" He shouted, beating the piano furiously, falling off the stool laughing at his own joke.
"No you're not! I am!" came the same voice. Cartmen stared at the piano. "Who's there?" There came a sigh.
"Just open the bloody lid!" Cartmen heaved open the top of the large instrument. "Sheesh! What's up your ass?" A sandy haired man with glasses and large diamond earrings appeared, tangled up in the innards of the piano.
Cartmen blinked, and ran screaming from the room, tripping over the carpet in his path, but picked himself up, and, still yelling, exited.
"Rocket Man wasn't that horrible!" Elton cried after him, but then slammed his fist down on the keys.
"I knew I should've listened to my manager on that one!"
" Thanks for letting me stay here! And that's a good thing!" Martha gushed, and even Tea, who was starting to get annoyed, tried to smile and said goodbye for the thousandth time. "Wait!" Yami Bakura cried, handing her the brownies.
"Leia and I made these so you wouldn't have to cook." He nudged Leia to keep her from giggling, as Martha took the tainted dessert. She thanked them, said her last, 'and that's a good thing', and left.
Han came out of the kitchen, holding the last brownie that wouldn't fit on the platter. Leia went as white as a sheet. "Two for the price of one." Yami grinned.
"Han, no!" Leia cried, as he put it to his mouth. She jumped him, and tried to wrestle it out of his hand.
"Hey, I saw it first!" He said, laughing. He took a bite, and she cringed. Yami's smile grew broader.
"Who made these?" He said, still chewing. "I did." Yami said. " It's actually pretty good." "Thank you Han." He replied, his smirk taking up half his face.
It took about a split second for Han to realize. "What's in them?" He shouted angrily at Yami, but it was too late. His face flushed red, and he cursed loudly.
"Too spicy? Oh dear, I guess I overdid it." Yami laughed. Han shook his fist at him, but ran upstairs to the bathroom as fast as his legs could carry him. Yami followed close behind, to taunt him. "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to eat things you found lying around?"
"Guys!" Cartmen yelled. "What?" Gandalf said, panicking. "Where's the Balrog?" "Not a Balrog, you old dumbass!" Cartmen cried frantically. "There's a well dressed fudge packer in the piano!" "We have a piano?" "In the music room! C'mon!" nobody moved. " For the love of Fuck, I'm not kidding this time!"
Everyone looked at one another. "Very funny." Gandalf said, and slowly every member of the houshare trooped out of the living room, except for Elrond.
" Alright. Where is this homosexual of which you so crudely speak." He sighed. Cartmen stared. " Clammy? You belive me?"
"A brain as feeble as yours couldn't come up with a story like that. Are you giving me reason not to?" Elrond said matter-of-factly, one eyebrow raised. "C'mon!" he cried, running absurdly fast for a boy more then a hundred pounds overweight.
Cartmen shut his eyes after hearing the sickening crashing sound. Elrond and Elton, who had managed to untangle himself from the piano, were both lying on their backs after running into each other. "Terribly sorry." Elton said, holding his hand out ot help Elrond up. Their gaze locked.
"Here, let me help you." Elton said, starry eyed, putting his hand on Elrond's shoulder. Elrond's eyes grew wide with fear.
"Uh.. No! No, thanks. I'm perfectly capable." He stammered, leaping up and brushing himself off. Cartmen, who was now out of his amazed stupor, was laughing uncontrollably.
"What happened?" Leia said, coming in with the others, who had all heard the crash from downstairs.
"Oh, hello." Yugi said sheepishly, to the stranger. "Another member of the houshare." Elrond squeaked, trying to keep his voice from cracking, hiding behind Gandalf.
"Elton John!" Han said in amazement, over the sounds of Yami Bakura, whom Han had in a headlock.
"Indeed. Perhaps you can tell me why I'm here. I was at a concert two days ago, when I dropped one of my earrings in the piano. I went in to get it, and got stuck. Now I'm here! Uh... Where is this exactly?"
" Well, this is the mansion of a crazed Phantom. We were all invited to spend two months here. It's already been a month. Lucky you, you only have one month to deal with these freaks." Yami Bakura hissed, but was then strangled by Han.
One by one they introduced themselves, and decided to accommodate their newest member in the piano room.
"I like him. He's nice." Tea stated, as they all went their separate ways." Hmmm...Yes." Yoda added. "Nice." Elrond scoffed. "He seems to like you, Elrond." Gandalf said. "Just give him a chance."
"If only you knew." he muttered.
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T: Man, I wish I knew the other versions.
SHADI: There once was man from Nantucket, with a Wang so long he could suck it…
T: You knew all along!
SHADI: *evil grin * Yes. But I'm not going to say how it finishes.
T: That's mean!
SHADI: *Matter of factly * It's hardly PG-13.
T: Fair enough. * Continues belly dancing with Shadi * Read and Review!
SHADI: Next up, I did not have relations with that…Man?
T: really… It's the name of the chapter, people!
SHADI: It's not Yaoi.
T: *hears a bunch of disappointed groans * Come on, people! We gave you the Nantucket limericks!
SHADI: *nodding * *still belly dances *
