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A/N- Capricorn75 has bullied me into posting the rest of it. Thanks.


When Edward dropped me off that night, Charlie had left the front porch light on and the front door unlocked. He waited until he saw me get inside. It was late enough that he and Jeannie were in bed. I went upstairs to my room. I turned on the 40 watt lamp and changed out of my clothes and got my toiletries for my nighttime ritual.

After brushing my teeth and hair and taking off my make up, I came back to Jeannie holding onto the railing of her crib, watching me. "Hey, diaper butt," I said. "What are you doing up?" I picked her up out of the crib and checked her diaper- dry. I didn't have the let-down for my milk, so I didn't need to nurse. She had started on baby foods, so I didn't have to nurse as often, now. I decided to take her to my bed with me. I laid down with her on top of me, in between my breasts and she settled her head in my clavicle. "So, Mommy had a good time with Dr. Edward tonight. Not too good of a time. I know, I know… You never even met your Daddy. I might get remarried one day, but probably not any time soon. I love you a lot. No man will ever be more important than you, Figgy." I got her binkie- her pacifier- off the desk and gave it to her. She happily sucked on it. "Your Daddy was a great, special man. I'm not looking for a replacement for him. Grandpa is doing a good job for now, isn't he? Yeah, he loves you a lot." I felt myself yawn. I was going to be passed out in a few minutes- so was she. "OK, I thought about it. Dr. Edward would make a good stepdaddy for you. But, let's not get ahead of ourselves, huh? Good night, Jeannie." I switched off the lamp.

Jeannie woke me up once needing a diaper change, but we went back to sleep after that. I put her back in her crib. That left me time to dream about that kiss with Edward. I couldn't believe I wasn't feeling guilty for thinking about another man. I expected to, but I wasn't. I drifted off.

I dreamed I was walking on the beach with Edward and Jeannie. It was a normal day, overcast, a little nippy, but we were happy. Jeannie was just learning to walk. Edward was holding one of her hands, I was holding the other. Jeannie was laughing- that cute gurgle that was infectious, making us laugh. We were just a like a normal, happy family. I was happy.

In the distance, a blurry figure was ahead of us. I looked up and realized who it was; Mike. I saw his eyes. He looked hurt. I was standing there, with his daughter with another man. My heart stopped for a moment. He was real. He was alive. And I was with somebody else.

Tearing Jeannie from Edward's grasp, I said, "I'm so sorry, Edward!" and I ran towards Mike. I caught a glance at Edward's face. He looked immensely hurt, too. Mike turned away from us and started walking forward. As hard as I tried to run, I couldn't catch up with Mike as he walked away. I screamed out his name and Jeannie cried from all the jostling. I finally stopped, and realized I was an equal distance between Edward and Mike. I was in between. I couldn't do anything without hurting either one. Clutching my little girl, I sank to my knees, sobbing.

I felt something tugging on my arm. I realized I was in my bedroom, the one I shared with Jeannie. She was sitting up, whimpering. She needed another diaper change and feeding, and once that started, I knew her morning routine. She was up for the day.

I took her for a walk on with her jog stroller before going home to make breakfast and coffee. I used the time to think while the light rain pelted my face like an ocean spray. I never believed in ghosts. I did believe in God and heaven. Heaven had to hold Mike. But, was Mike ready for me to be with somebody else, yet? Did Mike even want me to fall in love again? Was Mike angry about my date with Edward? Did he like Edward for another love for me? I just wished I could ask Mike these questions myself, to his face, but I couldn't. His parents weren't alive to tell me what he would have wanted. All our friends said that Mike would have wanted me to fall in love again, but that's just because they didn't want me to be left out of a lot of things that couples did. Mike left me so suddenly, without any warning. We were so young, we had just gotten married two years ago. I thought the conversation of if anything happened to me, would you want me to get remarried would happen when we were in our thirties. I never thought I'd face being a widow at age 25, now 26. Widow sounded so old, so frigid to me. And I was one. We thought we were invincible, nothing could touch us. How wrong we were.

Charlie came down the stairs. "So, you had a good date last night?" he asked, jarring me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, it was good," I admitted.

"I heard part of your one-sided conversation with Jeannie last night," Charlie said.

"You were awake?" I asked.

"I had insomnia last night," he admitted. "Don't take things too fast with Edward. I'm pretty attached to Jeannie. I like having her around."

"Do you ever wish you had more kids, Dad?" I asked. "Like, with somebody else?"

"Honestly? Yeah, I do, at moments like this, with Jeannie," he said. "Personally, Bells, I wish you'd get remarried and have more babies. Just so I could be grandpa some more. She's going to be walking, soon, and talking after that."

"I love that she can't talk back, right now," I said.

"Yeah, me too. I know you have to get to work," he said. "Go, get in the shower. I'll watch her."

"OK," I said.

After I got dressed and went to work, I took Jeannie and put her in her little glider. She could move around as much as she wanted in the store. We set everything up so she couldn't reach anything in her glider, 'baby-proofing' the store. She entertained herself all day by gliding around the store and flirting with the customers. Saturday was Rosalie's day to help me.

I opened by myself. Rose came in with fresh coffee a half hour later. Jeannie stopped in her glider right in front of Rose in the middle of an aisle. "I see you, Jeannie Beanie!" Rose called. Jeannie gurled out a peal of laughter. She turned and glided down the aisle in the other direction. It was moments like this that she reminded me the most of her father. "So how did the date with the young Dr. Cullen go?"

"Well," I said. "We had a good dinner, good wine. We went on a nighttime walk on the beach to the lighthouse."

"So, you liked his house, huh?" she asked. "It's beautiful, huh?"

"Oh, I love it!" I cried. Jeannie was singing a song of vowels in the northeastern corner of the store.

"Yeah, that house was one of the first beach cottages built on the Olympic Peninsula in the Forks/La Push area," she said. She went on, telling me all sorts of facts that only a Real Estate Agent would find interesting about a house.

The Saturday morning hiking crowd made it in. Jeannie entertained them for a while between my sales pitches to the customers. Emmett came in at about noon to supply some lunch for Rosalie and me. I took a half hour break and nursed Jeannie while eating broccoli cheese soup while Emmett took my place. I put Jeannie in the playpen in the office for a nap. The afternoon rush ended.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened with Edward last night?" Rosalie asked.

"A lady never kisses and tells," I said.

"So you kissed?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

"He loves Jeannie. You can't lose with Edward. Keeper," Rosalie said.

"I don't know," I said, thinking about last night's dream. "Everybody keeps telling me that I should start dating again. I feel like it's just because they want me to be able to do couple things, again."

"I know," Rose said. "You get that a lot from Angela and Alice. Alice will take over your life if you let her. And she's so happy being married, she'll want that for you, too. Angela has all these religious ideas about ideals in life and family. She means well. It's her Lutheran upbringing."

"What about you?" I asked.

"I think that… if you feel like you're ready to say good-bye to Mike and begin life again by yourself, you should do what feels right," Rosalie said, carefully. "Did last night feel right?"

"I love talking with Edward," I said. "He's interesting. He's caring, he's intellectual, he likes the things I like, he likes kids- mine in particular. He fits in so well around here. Mike and I never had a talk about what was the right thing to do if one of us passed away, though. Everybody says that Mike would want me to fall in love again, but I feel like I'm cheating on him."

"Look for signs," Rose said.

"Signs?" I asked. "Like in nature?"

"Yeah," she said. "Have you been to Mike's grave?"

"No," I admitted. "Not since Rebecca died."

"Go to his grave, have a talk with him," Rose said.

"Won't people think I'm crazy, talking to myself?"

"People do it all the time," she said. "Look, I'll close up. I'll even watch Jeannie if you want."

"OK, thanks, Rose," I said.

I put on my jacket and left the car seat in the office, just incase this took longer than I thought.

The cemetery on the edge of town was deserted, today. As always, it was raining out. I took my extra rain jacket and umbrella with me in and drove around until I found Mike. Setting my rain jacket down, I sat down on it. I opened my umbrella over my head and stared at Mike's tombstone that rested in the grass. The cold rain specks hit me anyways and gathered on my rain jacket.

MICHAEL

EUGENE

NEWTON

May 9, 1987- January 12, 2013

Father, Husband, Son, & Friend

I felt a little sick for a moment, staring at it. I stared until the nausea went away. It became easier to look at. I played with the grass blades. It was pretty well maintained. I watched Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood while I was in college. I used to love 90210. Mike used to say it was ridiculous, but he watched it with me. I remember something Tori Spelling said on her reality TV show. I couldn't remember it word-for-word, but it went something like, I used to hate cemeteries because I thought dead people didn't like it if you stepped on their graves. But then, I thought, they probably like it when people step on their graves because that means you're coming to visit them.

"I'm sorry I haven't come by," I said. "Your family's store… well, we're hanging on. I don't know what I'd do if Rose and Emmett hadn't agreed to help. Jeannie's getting so big, now. She's probably going to start walking, soon. I don't want her to because that means I won't be able to hold her as much anymore. OK, you know the real reason why I'm here. I met somebody. And he likes me. And he likes Jeannie. I'm just worried because we never had that conversation about what to do if anything happened to one of us. And I don't want to disrespect your memory. I had this terrible dream last night- that I was chasing you down because you saw Jeannie and me with Edward, and you looked so hurt. I know you're still there because sometimes, I see Jeannie, and she looks like you, she laughs like you, her personality is just like yours, sometimes. She's perfectly beautiful. But, she's going to need a daddy, and my Dad just wants to be grandpa and not father. I just feel so torn, Mike. I miss you so much! What do I do? Do I go out with Edward? He's a great guy and-"

There was a crack of thunder.

Rose said to look for answers. Maybe that was Mike's answer.


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