T: Yeah… Okay. Today we're joined by a bunch of fearsome biker grannies.

The revving of engines is heard, and several old ladies on Harley Davidson's drive up.

GLADYS: Wassssaaaaaaap!

SUE: Wasssssaaaaaaaaap!

JOAN: Wassaaaaap!

MARY: *silent *

SHADI & T: !

SHADI: so, what is it you ladies do in the 'rebellious' spirit?

GLADYS: Well, we throw yarn over people's houses.

SUE: We knit them sweaters with the neck holes sewed up.

JOAN: we spray paint 'make tea, not love ' on every building in sight.

MARY: *silent *

GLADYS: We super glue teacups to the sidewalks.

JOAN: We steal carts from the supermarket and race them.

SUE: Instead of chucking eggs, we throw lemon squares at passers-by.

T: Wow! You old ladies are on fire!

SHADI: Make way! What do you call yourselves?

GLADYS: Hell's Grannies.

T: Sends a chill down your spine, don't it?

SHADI: Honours of the disclaimer?

T: *snicker *

GRANNIES: T, Pirate Duke Of Leprechauns, doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Star Wars, LOTR, South Park, and Elton John, nor does she own Martha Stewart's wine.

SHADI: Well done! Well done! * Grin * There once was a man from Nantucket-

T: Hypocrite.

Chapter Fifteen

ONE WAY TOO MANY, NO WAIT, THAT WAS FIVE DRINKS AGO.

"Hey Guys! Mail's here!" Tea called, reaching into the mailbox. "Wine bottles?" She said, taking the three glass bottles into her arms.

"Tea, I think it's time to admit you have a problem." Yugi said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "No, you idiot! I found these in the mailbox. Look, there's a note, they're from Martha. Get the others!"

Soon the entire houseshare was in the living room, waiting to hear what the note said.

" Dear Friends." Tea read. "I would just like to thank you all for letting me stay with you while my house was being painted, and that's a good thing-" "Dear god, she actually writes it!" Elrond exclaimed, but was promptly shushed by the others.

"The brownies were wonderful, you must give me the recipe. Anyways, thanks again. I hope you enjoy the wine. And that's a good thing, Martha." Yami and Leia giggled.

"I can't believe she liked them!""They were terrible, and I should know." Han muttered.

"Well, this was a nice gesture. We should really try the wine." "You first." Leia said, handing Tea a glass.

"Gee, I don't know. It's four in the afternoon-""Less talkie more drinkie!" Leia called, opening up the first bottle. Tea cautiously poured herself a glass, sipping it slowly.

"Hey, that's pretty good!" She poured herself another, which seemed to convince the rest of them. Soon, the entire houshare was enjoying Martha Stewart's wine. Soon, it was well past seven, and still they drank, finishing off the third bottle...

" You know what?" Yami Yugi mumbled, swaying and spilling his wine on the carpet. "You guys are alright!"

Elton began laughing, and he fell on Elrond, who grinned and pushed him upright.

"Cheers!" Elton called, falling over again, to the other side so that he hung over the side of the couch, laughing.

"Man, we are so wasted!" Tea said, throwing back her head, but no sound came out of her mouth.

"What're you doing up there, Yugi?" Bakura asked, placing his empty glass on the table.

"It's a bird, it's a plane! It's!" Yugi hiccupped "Super Yugi!" at this, the small blond jumped off the top of the bookcase, landing flat on his face with a thump.

" When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, what will I be.. Everybody!" Legolas sang, raising his glass. "My precious!" Gollum said, with a very odd hiss, which sounded like a laugh, playing with Legolas's hair.

"Don't touch the hair!" he said, pointing at Gollum, glass still in hand. "Ah, what the heck! Just this once!"

It was then that Gollum gave Legolas a very sloppy kiss on the mouth.

The rest of the houshare laughed, and Tea began to sing, standing up and motioning for the others to join her. "Here comes the bride! Getting a free ride! No, that's not how it goes!" She giggled loudly, falling back into her chair. "I forgot!"

"You know..." Legolas said coyly. "I've never had a slimy skinny guy before." Gollum grinned, his green eyes shining. "Follow Gollum! Gollum gives you what you needses!"

Legolas winked and sauntered up, following Gollum to the cupboard under the stairs.

"Only a bloody elf!" Han hiccupped. "Oh, Sorry Elrond!"

Elrond shrugged. "You say tomato, I say tomahto." A devious gleam came to Elrond's somewhat glazed eyes. "Speaking of fruits, I just want to apologize for yesterday, Elton. You're okay." Elton laughed in response, and Elrond downed the rest of his wine before nodding and placing his glass on the table. " You know what, I don't blame you for having a crush on me. Who wouldn't?" "Yeah, Who wouldn't?" Elton said, pulling himself into a sitting position.

"Hon, why don't I show you some of my achievements in the music room, hmm?" Elton winked. Elrond looked behind him, not noticing the wink. "Are you speaking to me?" Elton laughed. "Of course!" He stood up, offering his hand to Elrond to help him up. "Well, then I'd be honoured." Elrond took his hand and pulled himself up, and the two men disappeared up the stairs.

"I know what they're gonna do!" Yugi called, jumping up and down. "I know! I know!" "Shaddap!" Yami said, swaying again and spilling what remained of the wine.

Leia clicked a lighter in her right hand. "It's a little chilly in here, dont'cha think?" she said, laughing manically.

" Hey! Lookit the pink bunny!" Yugi cried, pointing.

"It's a dragon, dummy!" His Yami said, making a feeble attempt to slap him. "See, there's the fangs!"

" I wonder... Do wookies have wookies?" Bakura said, holding his wine glass in a very sophisticated way, asking the question in a very serious manner.

"Yeah, do they?" Yugi said, cocking his head and blinking his large, glazed eyes.

" Ryou, did anyone ever tell you you're hot?" Yami Bakura asked, licking the rim of his glass in a suggestive manner. Bakura looked at him with amber eyes.

"Why are you doing that?" Yami threw back his head and laughed. "I'm trying to seduce you, fool!" "Oh."

"Loaded, yes! Said you weren't gay, yes!" " This wine has given me clarity. I bet I can make you say yes, Ryou."

Yami said, picking up Bakura, who was very confused, and carrying him up the stairs.

"They're gonna do what Elrond is doing to Elton! And Legolas and Gollum!"

" Will you keep it down?" Legolas shouted, poking his head out of the closet before he was pulled back in.

"Wasted away again in Margarita Ville! Looking for my lost shaker of salt!" Tea cried, jumping on to the coffee table, rattling the glasses. "Old grey mare she ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, Old grey mare she ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be!"

"Whooo! Lookit! Look how fast it burns!" Leia called, laughing hysterically and pointing at her glass, and the alcohol that burned. The flame was about a foot high, and Leia danced around the flaming glass, laughing and clicking the lighter.

"Jabba, You're my best friend!" Han called, accidentally splashing Jabba with alcohol. "I wonder how fast you'd burn!" Leia said, staring in wonder at Jabba, who just laughed and proceeded to sing ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall with Han.

"Hey!" Yami called. "Where's Gandalf?"

Gandalf laughed gleefully, looking down at the pie on the table. " I love you, pie! What's that? You love me too? Well then, what to do about it? What's that? Oh, You're a rotten apple!"

"He's got class, Shaft!" "Shaddup your face!" Yami yelled to Tea, who was singing show tunes at the top of her voice. "Wow, Cartmen! You're beautiful!" Yugi exclaimed, bouncing around the room.

Cartmen came down the stairs, his hair in curlers, wearing the red sequined cocktail dress along with high heels, and enough make up that even Mimi Bobeck would consider to be too much.

"That's mine! That's my dress! The president of Ireland gave that to me when we beat Mary Poppins in a game of Golf!" Yami muttered, swaying and passing out.

"Nail polish remover is very flammable, did you know that?" Leia asked Yugi, forever clicking her lighter.

" Toilet!" Yugi yelled, laughing like a maniac. Leia smiled gleefully. "Great idea! The flaming toilet of hell!"

She ran up the stairs, making a long burn mark up the banister.

Chewie growled in surprise as Cartmen grabbed him and began doing the tango. "Ooh! Barry White!" Yugi squealed, waist deep in records. He put it on, and began dancing until he passed out, slumped over the back of the chair which his Yami was in.

Tea was singing along, Jabba and Han were doing the Macarena, and Yoda was in his underpants, tripping all over the place, the lampshade on his head obstructing his view.
"It is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends, yes! Some people started singing it, and will still be signing it, yes, forever just because it is the song that never ends!" Yoda warbled, running in a circle and continuing on with the song...

"My head..." Tea moaned, falling out of her chair.

"I haven't been that loaded since- Ever." Yami Yugi muttered, his eyes still bloodshot.

"My mouth tastes like puke." Han said, smacking his lips. Everyone groaned, and Jabba brushed the bag of flaming dog droppings off his head.

The house was a mess. The wine glass had melted into the carpet, and all of the drapes were singed. A long burn mark stretched up the banister.

Carrying Yugi, who was still unconscious, the others found Leia asleep by the toilet, from which a steady flame still burned.

" Thank god we both passed out before something happened!" Bakura exclaimed. Yami nodded. "And for the record, I don't think you're hot." "Fair enough."

But others weren't so lucky...

"Sleep well, Hon? You really exerted yourself, there." Elton said, tracing circles on Elrond's chest. "We... didn't, did we?" "Oh yes we did!" Elton said. "Ready to go again?" Elrond screamed bloody murder, throwing on his robes and running from the room. "No, Wait! Come back! Ah, dammit." Elton fumed, hitting the piano.

"Call me?" Gollum said. Legolas grinned, opening the door and stepping out. "We'll see."

Chewie laughed hysterically in seeing Cartmen, who yelled at the top of his lungs and ran to change. This woke up Yoda, who walked into the wall before realizing the lampshade was still on his head. "The fruit is out of the loom, yes..." Chewie growled in disgust, shaking his head and walking away.

"If anyone asks, I ate you." Gandalf said to the pie, eyes darting nervously about as he dumped it into the garbage. "Cartmen wasn't right... He wasn't..."

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GLADYS: Well, I'd like to thank you both for having us. It's nice to know that now your readers are aware of rambunctious old ladies.

T: No trouble at all, it was great having you. Anytime you want to come back…

JOAN: That would be wonderful! Here, have some of my special brownies.

T looks nervously at the platter.

T: they're not full of wacky tabacy, are they?

MARY: Oh, heavens to Betsy no, they're just her special recipe.

All stare. Mary goes back to her silent state after looking around with shifty eyes.

SHADI: Go Hell's Grannies!

The Grannies give them the thumbs up sign, before hopping on their bikes and speeding away, the exhaust spelling the words "Read and Review", The icing on the brownies reading "The Colonel knows what you ate last summer"