T and Shadi are watching television.

T: *laughing * I love that commercial! The dude's dancing with a cardboard cut out!

SHADI: What does that have to do with Pepsi?

T:….. I don't know… *shuts it off *

HOST: Things are always strange, in the twilight zone!

SHADI: We're not in the twilight zone.

Guy looks around nervously, hiding behind a potted palm.

T: Who the hell are you? No… wait! You're the host of the twilight zone!

HOST: No! I'm a tree! I'm a beautiful tree, lookit my foliage!

SHADI: We can see you.

T: Elementary, my dear Watson!

WATSON: *eating a doughnut * what?

HOST: where'd you get that? How'd you get here?

WATSON: Window. *Points * windowsill. *Points *

OLD CRONE: *waving pin * AHHH! YARGH! OH HO HO, HIII!

SHADI: Is it just I, or is this getting repetitive?

SHADI: Is it just I, or is this getting repetitive?

SHADI: Is it just I, or is this getting repetitive?

SHADI: Is it just I, or is this getting repetitive?

SHADI: Is it just I, or is this getting repetitive?

SHADI: Is it just I, or is this getting repetitive?

SHADI: Is it just I, or is this getting repetitive?

SHADI: Is it just I, or is this getting repetitive?

HOST: Things are always strange, in the twilight zone!

T: There's a difference between repetition and comedy.

SHADI: Ah.

HOST: So where am I anyways?

T: You're in my realm, guy. You're going to be my next victim- Errrr… Character in another fic I write.

SHADI: Yay! *Belly dances to the hamsterdance song *

HOST: *sigh * Things are always strange in the twilight zone… T does not own Sherlock Holmes, Yu-Gi-Oh, the hamsterdance, Star Wars, Kentucky Fried Chicken, South Park or the Twilight Zone, or me. But she does own the old crone.

T: Yes. Yes I do. I own you as well, guy!

HOST: What? No!

T: It's in the contract.

HOST: What? *Bends to look at the paper * *Shadi hits him in the back of the head, tying him up *

OLD CRONE: * waving pin * give me back that crawler, you… You… Running fat man!

Old crone chases Watson into the sunset, Shadi and T switching to the Macarena.

Chapter Sixteen

THE COLONEL KNOWS WHAT YOU ATE LAST SUMMER! (Part I)

Everyone collapsed in the living room after cleaning the house from top to bottom. Their stomachs growled mercilessly, and nobody felt like cooking.

"How about we order in?" Han asked, picking up the phone. "Well, that's the smartest thing I've heard you say so far, Han." Han ignored Yami's comment. "What does everybody want?" "Chicken!" Everyone chorused. "Wow, that was easy. Kentucky it is." Han was ready to dial the number..

"Um, Yugi? It's kind of hard to use the phone when you're holding the button down."

"I know that!" Yugi snapped. "Are you all insane! Everybody knows the Colonel is a psychopath and a murderer!"

Yami Yugi stared at him. "Are you sure you're sober?"

"Of Course I'm sober!" Yugi screamed. "I'm totally serious! The Colonel is a nut!" Tea put a hand on Yugi's shoulder.

"Come on, Yugi! The Colonel is long since dead."

"That's just what they want you to think! He's alive and as crazy as ever!" There was a long silence that followed.

"None of you believe me?" Yami Bakura cleared his throat.

"Oh, Yami! I knew you'd believe me!" "Birds of a feather.." Han muttered, but was nudged in the ribs by Leia.

"Well... I always thought he'd be more of a child molestor or satanist then a mass murderer. You know, with the rapist glasses and the pointy devil beard and all." Yami confessed.

Yugi sighed. "Okay, whatever. Yami agrees with me!"

"Yes, well Yami kills things and leaves them in the toilet."

"I did that once!" He protested. Yugi sighed.

"So none of you believe me?" Tea laughed nervously.

"We'd like to, Yugi, but... The Colonel being a murderer? It just doesn't add up!"

"Please, just listen to me! He answers every thirteenth call, delivers the food to the house and kills the people there!"

Everyone stared blankly, before they all burst out laughing. "Fine!" Yugi yelled. "Go ahead, Order! You'd be safer going through the drive through!" He ran up the stairs to his room and slammed the door.

"I feel really bad." Tea muttered. "Don't. He just wants attention." Cartmen said. Everyone stared. "What?"

"Have you been watching Dr. Phil?" Gandalf asked.

"Have you been fucking a pie?" "Preposterous!" Gandalf cried, although a pink colour tinged his cheeks.

Yugi sat at the top of the stairs, chin in his hands.

He couldn't blame the others for not believing him. After all, he had just sobered up! He just hoped that Han wasn't the thirteenth caller...

The doorbell rang, and Han proceeded to open it.

"Cash, please." "Certainly." Yugi crained his head around to look past Han. The Colonel was there! He flashed Yugi a grin, a psychotic look in his eye.

"YAARGH! It's the Colonel!" Yugi screamed, leaping up and running down the stairs into the kitchen.

"He hasn't been well lately." Han lied to the Colonel look alike at the doorway. "Oh. I hope he gets better." he said, whistling as he walked back down the path.

Han shut the door, shaking his head slowly. So what if the guy looked a little like him! Yugi wasn't right.

"Didn't you hear what he was whistling? It was the death march!" "Sure it was. I believe that just as much as I believe Gandalf's lie that he ate that pie!"

"Shut your mouth, boy." Gandalf growled at Cartmen, taking a bite of chicken.

" You're a smart little boy, Yugi." The Colonel chuckled from outside the window. "But not smart enough to defeat me! Colonel Sanders! Because the Colonel and his boys make it finger licking good!" He cried, laughing manically.

Yugi lay awake, unable to sleep. That was defiantly the Colonel, there was no doubt about it. But when would the old man strike? Yugi fought, but his eyelids began to close, and eventually he was asleep.

The Colonel snickered from his perch atop a ladder." Your giblets are mine!" He lunged at the window, which unfortunately wasn't open.

Yugi was jolted awake, and stared straight into the Colonel's psychotic beady eyes and face, which were pressed painfully against the glass. Yugi yelled. The Colonel, not expecting him to be awake, also yelled. The ladder wobbled, falling and bringing the Colonel with it.

"What?" Bakura exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. "The Colonel was right outside! I swear!""Yugi... You're starting to scare me...""And you're both starting to annoy me! Shut the Hell up and go to sleep!" Yami hollered, flipping over with such force Yugi thought the mattress would fall on him.

Soon, Yugi heard Bakura snoring softly. Yugi couldn't sleep. The Colonel was coming!

The Colonel salivated, prying open the door and gently shutting it. He chuckled softly, one foot on the first step. It squeaked. He carefully proceeded to the second, which squeaked louder. The third was loudest of all. "Oh, come now!" He hissed. "My precious?" Gollum said, and the Colonel heard the knob turning. "Poultry of hell!" The Colonel exclaimed, flattening himself against the wall.

Gollum came out, looked around but didn't see him. Gollum retreated into the cupboard, and the Colonel sighed with relief. Suddenly, he heard someone walking around upstairs. He ran down the steps, lunging for the couch.

Elton came down the stairs in a bathrobe and curlers, flopping down into a chair a few yards away from the Colonel, sobbing uncontrollably. "Why doesn't he love me!"

The Colonel simply rolled his eyes. He dared not move for fear of being caught. It was then he realized that someone was sleeping on the couch, and this someone was waking up!

"Elton! You're presence here isn't helping!"

Elton sobbed harder. Elrond sighed. "Don't- don't cry, please." The Colonel let out a squeak as he was stepped on.

"Why don't you love me, Elrond?" Elrond cursed in elvish and sighed, sitting down next to Elton. "I cannot love a man, that's why. But if you were a woman, I'd be all over you.""Really?" "Yeah right." Elrond muttered so that Elton didn't hear him. "Now go back to bed."

The Colonel squeaked as he was stepped on again, and waited for Elton to leave. Cursing, the Colonel slithered away from the couch, climbing the stairs on all fours.

"I'll get that evil rooster on the way back!" he snickered, reaching the top and sliding along the wall. Unfortunately, the bathroom door opened at that exact moment, whacking him square in the face.

The Colonel rubbed his nose, glaring daggers at the blond elf that had just emerged, humming a Britney Spears song. He watched as the elf entered a room, and went into the closet. The Colonel peeked around the corner, only to discover that it was Yugi's room. He grinned evilly.

"Poultry of Hell!" He cursed, hiding behind the open door, hearing someone come out into the hall. It was a woman, in a green facemask. She walked into the bathroom, hitting the Colonel with the door.

Swaying slightly, he went into Yugi's room. He climbed the ladder, butcher knife at ready. He froze in midair, hearing the person wake up.

" Jeez, Yami! Get a new cologne!" Bakura hissed. "What's wrong with this one? You can smell it?" He asked groggily. "It smells like old people!"

"Old People?" The Colonel mouthed, enraged. "Are you sure it's not the Colonel you're smelling?" "Yami, that isn't funny!" Bakura whined, turning over. The Colonel lost his balance, crashing to the floor. "What was that?"

He quickly slithered out of the room, hiding himself in the linen closet. He peered through the keyhole, seeing Yami come out into the hall. "Go back in! Go back in!" The Colonel whispered to himself. Yami stayed in the hall for quite some time before retreating into his room, calling Bakura a wuss.

" Poultry of Hell! It's five thirty." The Colonel exclaimed, looking at the glowing face of his watch. "They'll be getting up soon! Their giblets will have to be mine now, I can't wait any longer! I have bingo at eight!"

He was about to push the door open, when someone else strayed into the hall. "Doing it with a pie! Preposterous! I would never do that...Sober." Gandalf walked over to the linen closet, opening it. The Colonel handed Gandalf a towel.

"Thanks." Gandalf shut the door, about to enter the bathroom when he turned around, sighing. "Elrond, You can't keep avoiding Elton like this." He scolded, opening the door.

Gandalf stared at The Colonel and The Colonel stared back. "Are you a new member of the houshare? You look familiar though..." Gandalf said, stroking his beard. Suddenly, he smiled and his eyes lit up. "Oh, I remember! You're the Colonel!" He laughed, but his expression quickly changed.

"The Colonel? ARGH! It's The Colonel!" "Gandalf, you old- Holy Crap! He's Right!" Han called, coming out of his room." You'll never catch me! Because the Colonel and His boys make it finger licking good!" He exclaimed with a psychotic laugh, bolting up and making a run for it.

Everyone winced as The Colonel hit the bathroom door with a sickening crunch, sliding to the floor.

"What'd I miss?" Leia asked with a yawn.

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HOST: *comes to * *wriggles away * YAAAAH! THINGS ARE ALWAYS STRANGE IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE! *Jumps out the window, hopping away in the darkness *

SHADI: Weirdest thing I've ever seen.

Both look up at the stars, which spell out " Read and review! Conclusion to this chapter next!"