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A/N- Capricorn75 has bullied me into posting the rest of it. Thanks.
The next few weeks centered around Jeannie. I had never counted myself as a sentimental person before- my wedding hadn't been a huge, lavish event like Alice's or Rosalie's, I wasn't much of a scrapbooker, my photo albums were thrown together, and my phase after Mike's death where I cried over everything in our house together had been short-lived. I wanted to make Jeannie's first Christmas completely special and memorable, although she'd never remember it.
Mike continued to haunt my dreams, too. Sometimes, they were good- memories of our life together- like when we lost our virginity together, or the time that Charlie caught us in my room, or when he took me on our first romantic weekend getaway in college. My most vivid memories of Mike were while I was making love to him. I could remember him best from those moments, mainly because I had wanted to remember every moment during those times. My depression also kept me from enjoying sexual-related thoughts, and I was beginning to come out of it. I could actually think about Mike again in my daily life and not be overrun with emotion and lost. I had been a shadow of a person after Mike died until Charlie had that blow up over how I was treating Jeannie. Then, I had to be slightly more than robotic. After that, I had the added stress of taking over the store. I did everything I had to and took little time for myself. I over-thought everything. That date with Edward must have awakened something inside me- the want to take care of myself for me, again. Mike and I always took care of each other in the past when things got too hectic.
As always, I was invited to Alice and Jasper's New Year's Eve party. Charlie told me it was just fine if I wanted to go, he'd watch Jeannie for me. He was doing pretty well, now, walking without his cane at all. He still favored his right side, but I called him House MD to tease him.
Two days before New Year's Eve, of all the luck, Charlie got sick with the flu. Out of concern, Esme and Carlisle had us move in with them until Charlie got better. While I was gracious to them, they were going on a midnight cruise around the Peninsula for New Year's. Nobody could watch Jeannie on New Year's Eve. I worried when Jeannie started to get a cough, too.
"Just bring her along," Alice said. "I don't think anybody's going to be super-smashed at the party. All we're going to be doing is eating, talking, and playing games like Apples to Apples and watching the ball drop. She's a social baby, let her just meet people and then we'll put her to sleep upstairs."
I got dressed and put Jeannie in her footie pajamas. She'd be upstairs in one of Alice's guest bedrooms, sleeping through the night. Hopefully. I just wanted to be with friends when I said good-bye to 2013- the shittiest year of my life, so far. Well, except for the birth of my daughter. That was the only good thing.
The night was just getting started around eight. Jeannie and I walked into the house with my hors d'oeuvres and a diaper bag.
Jeannie got passed around and she flirted and giggled with people and was center of attention. I got a chance to relax and talk to people and just enjoy myself until Edward Cullen walked in the door with Lauren Mallory.
Don't get me wrong, I like Lauren- now. Lauren was a pain-in-the-ass in high school, but she lightened up when she went to beauty school. She's always been very pretty, although she's been going to tanning beds so much that now, she's starting to look older than the rest of us. She worked at a high-priced ritzy salon in Port Angeles for a long time, now she's opening up her own little salon here in the Forks area with two other girls, since there's no good place for a girl to get a haircut. I think she's had a boob job, too, because all of her is pretty skinny, except for her breasts. They've gotten absolutely enormous since high school. She wears a lot of black clothing, which sets off the blondeness of her hair and lots of black eye make up and really pretty shoes- all the time. It's not quite gothic looking, but it's very striking. She's very striking, especially now.
A part of me felt like I had been kicked when I saw them together. And here I was, my baby was my date. Jeannie was getting a little sleepy-looking, so I grabbed her from Rosalie. "I think I'm going to put her down," I said, quickly. "She's getting a cold. Say good-night, Figgy!"
"Good night, Jeannie Beannie!" Rosalie said. The group standing around her cooed good-night and waved and said bye-bye and nighty-night in high-pitched voices. Jeannie waved as I took her upstairs.
I had forgotten the bottle of breastmilk I had pumped earlier. Great. She never went to sleep without breastmilk. I was going to have to nurse her, and this was a one-piece dress. I tugged the dress off and nursed her on the bed with the lights off. Most of my life I spent nursing her, it felt like. I didn't really mind it, now, though. To think I was referring to it as a nightmare in the first few days. What was wrong with me? I loved having a baby. There was nothing better. It also gave me an excuse to get away from a situation like Edward Cullen walking in the door with his newest conquest. I bitterly wondered if he was sleeping with her, yet. I had heard once that whores do it on the first date, prudes wait until the third. So, I was supposed to have sex with some one on the second date? I thought about Mike, of course- we hadn't had sex until we were seniors in high school, mostly because I attacked him one night in his SUV. He had been caught off-guard, but had been willing once I showed him the birth control that Esme had bought for me. We had been dating for several months by then. I was very inexperienced in dating, now. Girls my age who hadn't been married usually had had several lovers by now and as many boyfriends. I had only dated one person in my life- Mike. Jeannie needed burping and to switch sides, now.
There was a knock on the door. "Just a minute!" I yelled. "I'm not dressed!"
"It's us," Alice said. "Ang, Rose and me."
"Oh, OK, come in."
"Why'd you run out?" Rose asked, slipping in the door. I didn't mind being in my bra and thong in front of my best friends. "Was it because of Edward coming in with Lauren Mallory?"
"No, I swear."
"They're just friends," Alice said. "I promise. She did his oh-so-natural highlight job. Can you say 'metrosexual?'"
My friends all giggled. "I couldn't see it."
"That's because the lights are so low," Alice said.
"I thought you wanted to start dating again," Angela said. "Why didn't you go out with Edward again?"
"I don't know," I said. "I just feel likeā¦"
"She feels like Mike doesn't want her dating again," Rosalie said.
"Oh, that does it! I'm getting out my Ouija board!" Alice cried.
"No! You shouldn't mess with the spirit world!" Angela cried. "Bella, sweetheart, why do you think Mike wouldn't want you to be happy? I'm sure he's in heaven right now, wishing you and Jeannie could find somebody who'd love you and take care of you-"
"If that isn't the most unfeministic crap I've ever heard," Rosalie snorted.
"I mean, emotionally!" Angela cried. "Jeannie's going to need a father. Charlie's OK at it, but he's a grandpa, not a dad. Mike didn't plan on not being here, but I don't think he'd ever not want Jeannie not taken care of. And I don't think he'd ever want you to be lonely."
Rose muttered something like, "Toldja," under her breath.
"I just am kinda worried," I said. "If everybody has one great love in their life, what if Mike was mine? I'm pretty sure he was my soul mate. Isn't it sort of downhill from here if Mike was it for me?"
"Oh, Bella don't say that!" Angela cried.
"Soul mates- that's a load of crap," Rosalie said. "Love is what you make of it- no pun intended. Maybe the dating pool is too shallow here in Forks and La Push, but we'll find somebody for you, even if we have to look on the internet!"
"Oh please, no internet dating!" I cried, my cheeks flushing.
Jeannie made a grunting sound to indicate that she was almost asleep and that we needed to shut up. She detached. I put my breast back in my bra cup and cradled her in my arms.
"If you don't want us scouring the internet for a date for you, go down there and show Edward Cullen that you are ready to start dating again," Rosalie said. "Putting the dress back on is optional."
A/N- By now, you should know reviews are like cookies to writers! Leave me some!
