A/N: So this is actually the second to last chapter. The next one will be patching everything up, but I may leave room for a sequel of some sorts. It really depends on if you guys want one or not. So we'll see…Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter! Honestly, the reviews are what fuel me to write, so without you guys there really would be no story.
I hope you all enjoy this next chapter!
Quinn treaded slowly down the hall, exhausted after her long, but enjoyable day. After having a very entertaining lunch with her former Glee club, she had unfortunately had to say goodbye to them all. Most of them were heading back to their homes, spread across the country, that night, but she had to get to the hospital by 3 for her shift. For that reason, she had been forced to leave them sooner than she wanted to. It had been a bittersweet time, made better by knowing that she would see them soon in less than a year, when Rachel and Finn got married.
The only truly tough goodbye had been with Puck. She felt like they'd only just begun to get to the bottom of all their issues. She needed more time to talk with him, to tackle their problems head on together. Instead, less than twenty-four hours after he came back into her life, he was now on a plane back to Ohio and she was here in New York, living her own separate life.
She couldn't help but wonder if now that he was gone again her life would go back to the one she had been living these past two years, without him. He had told her he would call her and she had promised him the same, but the pessimistic side of her doubted this new friendship they were forming could work. Under no circumstances did she want him out of her life again, and she knew he felt the same, but last night had been a brief step out of reality. They were seeing each other for the first time in a very long time and it had gone more perfect than either could have planned. Now, though, they were back in reality, and she had a strong feeling their so-called friendship would be a lot more complicated in the real world.
As she reached her apartment, her cell phone buzzed in her purse. She dug into it and pulled the phone out. A smile came to her face as she saw who it was and her thoughts from only seconds earlier were lost as she read his text.
God help me, I'm back in Lima. But on the upside, on the plane ride here Mr. Shue and I finally came up with the perfect song for us all to sing at Rachel and Finn's wedding. It's late, so I'll call you tomorrow and tell you about it.
She read the text a couple more times, still reeling over the fact that it was actually Puck texting her. She had spent so long without him in her life that it was going to take some time getting used to him being there again.
The text soothed her earlier worries. He was going to call her tomorrow, and if he didn't she would call him so he could tell her whatever he and Mr. Shue were planning. She liked that he had given her a reason to call him. Not that just calling to talk about nothing in particular was a bad thing, but she felt less awkward about it all having an actual excuse to talk to him.
After spending much too long standing at her front door and reading Puck's text over and over, she opened the door and stepped inside.
"Quinn."
She jumped at the sound of her name. Heart beating wildly as she glanced quickly around her apartment, her eyes narrowed as her gaze landed in the living room, where Ryan was sitting on the couch. He was holding a photo in his hand as he looked over at her with a frown on his face. A few of her yearbooks sat on the coffee table. In the mood to revisit their high school days, she and Puck had taken them out last night, and in her rush to get out this morning, she hadn't thought to put them away. She took a few steps forward, the shock of seeing him there quickly being won out by a rush of growing anger.
"What are you doing?" she asked through clenched teeth.
Sensing her anger, Ryan stood. He didn't look too happy himself. "Calm down, Quinn. I called you an hour ago because I was here to pick you up for dinner. You told me to let myself in to wait for you. All this stuff was on the coffee table when I got here. So don't get mad at me, Quinn. It's not like I snuck through your stuff. I couldn't help that all this was here in the open for anyone to see."
Her anger simmered down slightly. He was right. It wasn't his fault at all. When he had called earlier, she had completely forgotten about all the stuff she had left – the yearbooks, the pictures, Shelby's letters. Virtually everything she'd been keeping from Ryan she had left for him to find.
She sighed as she joined him in the living room. She looked down at the evidence of the life he had no idea about, the one she had treasured above and beyond the lie she was living with him. "Ryan, I'm sorry."
Staring down at the photo in his hand, he shook his head. He didn't look angry anymore, just sad. "I just don't understand, Quinn." He turned the picture around and showed it to her. It was a picture of her on a hospital bed, holding a newborn Beth. "You had a baby."
It wasn't a question, but rather a statement. Still she gave a tentative nod, overwhelming guilt taking over her. Ryan shook his head again. "You had a baby," he said, his voice rising as he glared over at her, "and yet in the six months we've been together, you didn't even think to mention it?"
"I wasn't ready to tell you," she defended.
"Why? Did you think it would change how I felt about you? Did you think I would be ashamed to be with you or something? Because I wouldn't have been, Quinn. Not at all."
That wasn't it at all. She'd never even given any thought to what he would think of it because not once had she ever considered telling him at all. She didn't want him to know simply because telling him would mean she would be opening her whole self up to him, and she wasn't ready to do that, not even close.
But she didn't tell him that, knowing it would only result in pain on his part. And this night had been painful enough already.
Seeing her distressed look, he gave a sigh of resignation and patted the spot on the couch next to him. She sat down, not knowing what else to say. Truthfully, she just wanted him to leave. She still wasn't ready to talk to him about his, and she realized now that she probably never would be.
Ryan didn't say anything. He looked right at her, clearly expecting her to start explaining. She decided she at least owed him a little something, so she began, "I had her when I was sixteen. I was young and confused and…well, there was a lot of drama involving me and the baby's father, but long story short, we weren't ready to be parents. So we decided to do what was best for her and put her up for adoption."
When Quinn looked at Ryan again, he was still frowning. "Maybe I can understand why you didn't tell me about the baby, but I was looking through your yearbooks and I saw things, simple things, nothing life shattering like a baby, and yet you never told me…Like you were on your school's glee club, a glee club that you went on to win nationals with." Eyes narrowing, he looked at her accusingly. "Why wouldn't you tell me something like that? I'd be bragging about something like that until I was old and gray. But you never even mentioned it. I mean, for God's sake, Quinn, I didn't even know you could sing."
She looked away from him. The guilt was getting to be too much for her. All she could muster was another apology. She had no excuses for him.
Groaning in frustration, Ryan stood and paced the short span of the living room, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Finally, he stopped in front of her. She could feel his eyes on her, so she looked up to meet his gaze. She almost winced at the sheer pain in his eyes. She had known that one day she would hurt him, but she had never thought she would hurt him this much.
"You don't trust me, Quinn," he said firmly.
"Ryan...it's not that I don't trust you. It's just that there are certain aspects of my life that I wasn't ready to share with you."
"Glee club, though? I don't understand why something like that would be so hard to share with me. And then there's the issue of your friends. Let's see, I met Rachel and Finn one time and then, hmm, let's see there was…" He pretended to think for a second before angrily throwing up his hands. "Oh, wait, there was no one else! Those are the only two of your friends you ever bothered to introduce me to."
"I don't have many friends that live in New York, Ryan," she muttered.
"Then why didn't you invite me to Rachel and Finn's engagement party last night? You said a lot of your old friends would be there. You could've introduced me to them then." She couldn't defend this one. He was right once again. "But you didn't even think to ask me," he continued. "You wouldn't even have told me about the party if I hadn't asked you to have dinner with my parents that night, which is yet another issue in itself."
Ryan let out another frustrated sigh before crossing his arms and staring expectantly at Quinn. She shook her head, tears coming to her eyes. She didn't know what she could possibly say to make him understand. "I'm sorry, Ryan. What else do you want me to say?"
As she gave up, he seemed to as well. His shoulders sagged, his voice raspy and tired as he went on, "I want to know why I wasted six months on a girl I thought could be the one. It's clear now that I was never going to be enough for you. And I want to know why that is. I feel like you owe me that."
There was nothing to lose now by telling him, and he was right – she did owe it to him – so she nodded and tried to find the right words to explain. "I haven't moved on from certain things in my life…certain people." Like her baby's father. She was still in love with Puck. But for some reason, she just couldn't bring herself to say it.
For a few seconds, Ryan just stared at her, then, taking her by surprise, his eyes softened into a look of understanding. He pointed to the yearbook. "Is the father in there?"
She glanced down at the page it was open to. It was the picture of their glee club, their very first year together. Even though it had been taken during one of the hardest times of her life, she couldn't help but smile at the sight of it. She was standing next to her then-boyfriend Finn, Puck standing a few people down from her. Her finger moved slowly to rest on the tip of Puck's mohawk.
Ryan took it in for a second before looking back at her. "You saw him last night at Rachel and Finn's party, didn't you?"
"Yes," she breathed out.
"And you still care about him, don't you?" She managed only a nod. Ryan was starting to understand why she had treated him the way she did. She just hoped he wouldn't hate her for it.
After a few agonizing seconds of silence, Ryan turned around and headed slowly towards the door. She watched him go, not knowing what to say. As he reached for the doorknob, he turned back around. "I can't be with you anymore, Quinn."
She took a deep breath. "I know."
"I thought I knew you. But right now I'm looking at a complete stranger." He didn't sound angry anymore, but rather simply resigned to the truth
"I'm so sorry," she mumbled. "I didn't mean for things to end like this."
He nodded, simply staring at her for a short moment before opening the door and leaving. As the door swung shut behind him, she felt a tear streaming down her cheek, followed shortly after by many others. She hadn't meant to let things go this far from Ryan. She hadn't thought she could hurt him this much. But she had. And there was no one to blame but herself.
She knew it was good that they were over – it should have happened a long time ago – but for things to end on such a bad note had not been her intention. Ryan was an amazing guy and he didn't deserve to be treated the way she'd treated him. No one deserved to be treated like that.
Her phone rang. She ignored it, not feeling like talking to anyone. She was beyond exhausted now. All she wanted to do was sleep so she could temporarily forget this horrible ending to an otherwise perfect day. She curled onto the couch, closed her damp eyes, and waited for sleep to mercifully take over.
888
Puck wore a proud smile as he admired the papers stacked in front of him. This was one of those ideas that could either turn out really awesome or come back to bite him in the ass. He was going to trust his instinct this time, though, and his instinct told him this was a good idea because, really, there was no doubt in Puck's mind that he wouldn't be the most badass cop in all of Ohio.
In the two weeks since he'd returned home from New York, Puck had done a lot of thinking – about both his future with Quinn and his future in general. And a week ago, when he was pulled over for going forty-five in a thirty zone, Puck started to toss around the idea of being a police officer. After all, pulling people over could be kind of fun when you're the one doing it. And then there was the guns…God, did he love guns.
Back when he was a little kid and his dad was still around, his dad would occasionally take him to the shooting range. He'd spend hours there, lost in his own little world, and when his dad would drag him home, he would count down the days until he got to go back. Of course his mom hated guns and hated that his dad took him there, so when his dad left, Puck never got to go back.
Instead, he lived out his high school days buying paintball guns with Finn, which he found just as entertaining as a real gun, seeing as there was paint involved. He couldn't even begin to count the hours he and Finn had spent shooting at his dad's old car that he'd left behind (his mom fully approved of this, in fact it was the only thing she actually let him shoot at). He and Finn used to have paintball wars every Saturday from the time they were ten up to when Finn learned that Puck was his girlfriend's baby daddy. Needless to say, he was damn good with guns. He never missed a shot. Ever.
All that aside, though, Puck had learned over the years that there was nothing more badass than helping people. His first couple years of high school, he used to throw the good kids, people like Artie and Kurt and anyone who made an easy target, in the dumpster just because it was fun. His last couple years, he threw the ones who used to torment those kids for justice, and he found that much more fulfilling. Now he was going to go after the bad guys as a career. That pretty much sealed the deal for him.
He wasn't usually one to make spur of the moment decisions, at least not about something so serious, but when he had thought about becoming a police officer, it had just felt so right, so he'd headed down to the Lima police station and started inquiring about joining the police force. He'd had a long talk with one of the cops about training and what the job would take before deciding this was what he really wanted to do. So he took home all the paperwork he needed to fill out to enter the training program and now here he was, finally finished. All that was left was to drop them off and wait to see if he was accepted.
Puck stared down at the paperwork. He was really doing this. He was finally going to do something with his life. He had Quinn to thank for that. She had said he was the only one in the way of him being happy with his life and she was right. It was all up to him. And now he was choosing to do something, something great, something that he was sure was going to make him happy.
"You know those corrupted police officers they were talking about on the news the other night? The ones who tailgate other cars when they're going too slow and then pull them over when they start going a little bit over the speed limit? Or the ones who give someone a ticket just for looking at them the wrong way? Yeah, that's gonna be you."
Puck rolled his eyes as he looked over into the kitchen, where Leah was leaning against the counter, smirking at him. He rolled up a napkin and threw it at her. It hit the corner of her hand.
"Wow," she deadpanned. "That hurt. Like so bad."
He grinned. "That's what you get for being annoying."
Leah took a seat across from him. "So you're really doing this, huh?"
"Yup. Think I'm crazy?"
Leah looked at him thoughtfully. "Sort of. I still kind of think you could end up being one those crazy cops, but I don't know…it also kind of seems like the perfect job for you and I'm wondering why it took this long for you to figure it out."
"I guess I just never thought I could do it," Puck said with a shrug.
Leah leaned forward in her chair, resting her hands on either side of her face as she smiled playfully at him. "Wrong answer. What you really meant to say was that going back to New York and seeing all your successful friends made you realize what a loser you are."
"That too," he said, chuckling because, unfortunately, she was right.
She cocked her head to the side. "And…?"
He mimicked her actions. "And what?"
Rolling her eyes, Leah gave him an impatient look. "And what else inspired you to make this spur of the moment decision to become a police officer?"
"I don't know." He really did, but he wanted to annoy Leah some more.
"Quinn," Leah said exasperatingly. "You want to be a better guy for Quinn."
"Well, yeah, that goes without saying."
He had always wanted to be a better guy for her. He might not ever be a doctor, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be someone important. He would be the guy she was proud to be with, the guy she was proud to call her boyfriend. Although they kind of had to get together at some point for all that to happen.
"If that's the case, then what exactly is going on between you both? All you told me is that you two talked and made up. But I don't have any clue what else happened."
Leah glared at him and he just smirked at her. He hadn't filled her in much on what had gone on with Quinn in New York, mostly because he was a very private person, even with family, but also because it was fun watching her squirm.
"That's because that's all thathappened. Seriously. We talked, we're good and now we're friends. We've been keeping in touch these past couple weeks, but that's it."
"So are you actually planning on doing something about her or are you just gonna wait around for something to happen?"
"I'll do something. I'm just giving her some time, that's all. She's got a boyfriend, you know."
Leah crossed her arms in a huff. "No, I didn't know, thank you very much."
"Yeah, well, she does. I'm not expecting them to last much longer, but until things end between them, it's best for me to stay away. I came between her and another guy once before, and I won't do it again."
"Wow. I never thought I'd see the day when my brother actually had morals." She glanced out the kitchen window and dryly added, "Look, a pig's flying."
He gave her shin a hard kick underneath the table. She let out a surprised squeak. He smiled triumphantly. "That's for all the insults you've been throwing at me."
He winced as she kicked him back. "That's for being you," she said, before reaching across the table and ruffling his non-existent hair in the way he so often did to her. She gave him a crooked smile. "Love you, bro."
888
She was slowly drifting off to sleep - a miracle in itself since her seemingly untiring mind was going nonstop lately, keeping her from the sleep she desperately needed – when her cell phone rang. Quinn let out a lout moan and rolled on to her back. She was tempted not to answer it, but then she thought it could be Puck and that had her springing up to grab her phone in no time.
Quinn missed Puck more than she would ever let anyone know. They had been talking on the phone almost everyday, and when they weren't talking they were more likely than not texting. She hadn't told him about Ryan yet, though. She wasn't sure why exactly, but she had a feeling that if she did tell him, he'd think she was fair game again and he'd try to get her to be with him. But she wasn't ready to be with him yet. At least she didn't think she was. She still wasn't completely sure on that subject.
Her hopes were let down as she saw it wasn't Puck. She answered it anyway, though, because she was already up, and also because it was Mercedes and it had been far too long since they'd last talked.
"Hey, Mercedes," she answered, stifling a yawn. It was only 8:30 at night, and therefore not late at all, but Quinn was completely exhausted.
Mercedes sounded impatient as she gave Quinn a brief, "Hey, girl," before proceeding to ask, "Where are you at?"
"Home."
"New York home or Ohio home?"
"Uh, New York." Quinn raised an eyebrow, sitting up slightly to lean against the head board before turning on the lamp. "What's going on, Mercedes?"
"I'm calling on behalf of Rachel and myself."
Quinn heard Kurt's very distinctive voice in the background shout, "And me!"
"And Kurt," Mercedes added, sounding strangely businesslike.
Quinn raised an eyebrow; she really didn't have a clue what was going on. "Okay…What about?"
"Rachel called me earlier and said that you haven't been around much lately. She said she has only seen you three times in three weeks and she's worried you're retreating back into your post-Puck breakup life again – you know, pulling away from everyone and all that stuff."
And now Quinn knew what was going on. "Mercedes, I talked to Rachel a couple of days ago. I'm perfectly fine. It's just that work takes up a lot of my life. It has for awhile now. Believe me, I'm not pulling away. I'm actually doing really well. I'm the happiest I've been in a very long time, trust me."
"Yeah, I know."
Quinn blinked. "You do?"
Mercedes chuckled. "Yup. Rachel just made me promise to call and try to interrogate you since you wouldn't let her do it herself."
"Well, you can tell her exactly what I told you, which, coincidentally, I also told her."
"I will. While I have you on the line, though, there are a few things we need to discuss."
"Like what?"
"Noah Puckerman, that's what."
Quinn grinned. "I figured."
"Have you told him you broke up with Ryan?"
"Not yet."
Mercedes didn't sound pleased with her answer. "Why not? What exactly are you waiting for? I mean, you've been single for over three weeks now. You've got nothing standing in your way. You and Puck can be together."
Quinn sighed; she wished it could be so simple. But she and Puck lived in two separate states, and even then it wasn't so much about the long-distance relationship so much as whether or not she was really ready to be with him again. They'd been separated for a long time and she felt like jumping right back into a relationship wasn't the healthy thing to do.
She decided to change the subject, even though she knew it would lead right back to Puck anyway. "Why'd you ask me if I was in Ohio when you called?"
"Because I was hoping you'd decided that it was finally time to get your ass back home and tell your boy you love him."
And they were back on Puck once more. "I want to do that, Mercedes, I really do, but it just seems too…soon."
"Soon? You've already wasted two years without him. You work at a hospital, Quinn. You see death all the time. Who's to say you're gonna be around tomorrow to tell Puck how you really feel, or if he'll be around to do the same. You can't waste anymore time, Q. You're not some stupid sparkling vampire – you don't have forever."
She tiredly ran a hand through her hair. "I know, but we're living in different states and I've got a good job here and… I just don't know if I'm ready."
She could practically hear Mercedes roll her eyes. "Girl, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. You and Puck are meant to be. You two are about as obvious as Rachel and Finn and Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury. Seriously, why waste time apart when you already know this? Besides, have you ever heard of a long-distance relationship?"
Everything Mercedes was saying made sense. She didn't know why she was even arguing in the first place. A small part of her was scared to be with Puck, that he could leave her again and break her heart. But the other part, a much larger one, knew he wasn't going to ever leave her again. But could it really be that easy? Could they really just jump back into a relationship again?
Kurt's excited voice pulled her out of her thoughts. "Check your email."
"Huh?"
"Check your email," Kurt repeated, sounding clearly impatient now.
"Okay, okay, hold on," Quinn said, chuckling as she got out of bed and headed into the living room, where her laptop was sitting on the coffee table. She opened up her email account, eyes narrowing as she saw a new message in her inbox. "What's this?"
Kurt sounded incredibly happy with himself as he answered, "That, my friend, is your ticket confirmation for the plane you will be taking to Ohio tomorrow afternoon. Think of it as an early birthday gift."
"Kurt, I can't. I've got work tomorrow. I can't just leave on such short notice. I –"
"That sucks for your work, then," Kurt replied airily, "because you're going."
"Tell them you're going to a funeral or something," Mercedes suggested.
"I'm not going to lie about something like that!"
Kurt sighed dramatically. "I don't really care about what you tell them, darling. All I care is that you're on that plane tomorrow, on your way to doing what should have been done ages ago. If it makes you feel any better, though, I'll personally call your boss and tell them you're visiting your boyfriend's very sick mother. That way you wouldn't be the one lying. I would. And it kind of would be the truth, since you would be seeing Puck's mother…who used to be sick. So really, it's not that big of a deal."
"You guys…" This was crazy. It really was. She couldn't just jump on a plane, arrive on Puck's doorstep unannounced and tell him she loved him, could she? At this point, though, it seemed she didn't really have a choice. "You're both insane, you know that?"
"Of course," Kurt said.
"And you love us all the more because of it," Mercedes added.
Laughing quietly, she had to agree. "I really do."
So she was really going to do this. She was going to see Puck. She was going to tell him she loved him, and assuming he felt the same (and she was sure he did), they would be together again. It was a scary thought, but it was also an amazing one. She was suddenly very grateful for Mercedes and Kurt's not so gentle shove to get her to finally make a move.
"You're not going to regret this, Quinn," Mercedes said.
Lips twisting into a small, but confident smile, Quinn nodded slowly, knowing that Mercedes, as always, was right. "I know."
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