Hey all! Last one before Christmas. Hope you enjoy, and have a safe and awesome holiday season!
Chapter Six
Steve
It was like something out of the horror movies that Bucky had loved so much, Steve thought in awed fascination, as he watched Tony gently coaxing the Hulk to where one of his robots whirred. The robot's little noises actually sounded nervous. It raised its mechanical arm as high as it would go, a shower head clutched between its prongs.
The Hulk wasn't very pleased about any of this, it was plain to see. His rough green face was set in lines of extreme annoyance – and when Hulk was annoyed, he tended to spread it around with a big shovel. Steve hadn't brought in his shield, and he was definitely feeling its absence. But Bruce and Tony both had insisted that he leave it behind. "He knows there's no battle, and so he'll only see it as a threat and get... uh, defensive," Bruce had said, looking at his feet. "He's on edge already. Escalating the situation could get... well. He's learning, but he's still the Hulk."
"Pffft. He's a marshmallow," Tony had said dismissively.
Bruce only twisted his hands together in that worried, rumpled way that he had, and scurried back to the Hulk Cage.
Steve had given Tony a questioning look, and the engineer had given him a significant nod. The changes in their friend were becoming more and more pronounced. The listlessness that characterised his first week of separation from the Hulk had nearly vanished, and his eyes were no longer blank and dull. He spoke with his usual rather diffident and quiet authority instead of that hollow monotone. He even moved with more purpose.
However, he was still hiding from them. The more time he spent with the Hulk, the more apparent it became. He would change the subject, twist the question, or even flat-out refuse to answer should anyone probe too deeply into the nature of the connection between the two of them. And Steve had caught him in an unguarded moment, his face twisted in some sort of conflicted sorrow.
What he found particularly interesting was watching Tony through all this. Stark was well-schooled at hiding his reactions behind a carefully carefree mask, but his eyes darkened with emotion and sympathy and something indefinable every time Bruce deflected them or ran away. Something was going on there, and Steve was determined to discover what.
The team was all Steve had. It was the most important thing in his life, and he was devoted to making it work and to being the best team leader he could be. That included being involved in the welfare and happiness of his – well, not troops, as Stark had so vehemently pointed out. His team. His friends and family in this frenetic, glittering, cynical new world.
Hulk rumbled a little as Bruce stepped into the Hulk Cage, his hair ruffled from running his hands through it. He did that a lot when he was agitated, Steve had observed. Bruce was usually a calm presence, a stabilising force on the team. This situation had brought out all of his nervous tics in full force.
"It's okay," Bruce said, his voice low and soft. "I'm here, like I promised."
"Banner no touch," Hulk said. That was a surprise – Steve hadn't thought that the Hulk could speak nearly so much.
"I won't help," Bruce nodded. "Tony and Star Man will help you with this experiment."
"Hi Hulk," Steve said, stepping forward and giving the gargantuan creature a shaky smile.
"Star Man," the Hulk grunted. He looked over at Steve again, his face openly suspicious. "Star Man not have his star."
Steve was only wearing trunks, as Tony had warned that this was likely to be very, very wet. "No, not today, Hulk."
Hulk grunted again.
"Okay big guy," Tony coaxed, leading Hulk on a little more. The robot's whirring rose in tone, and Steve fought the strange urge to comfort the thing. "See Dummy over there? He's holding the shower head. You can just stand under it, and he'll turn it off and on." He levelled a dark look at the robot. "That is, if he doesn't want to end up as a coffee table."
The robot gave a mechanical squeak, and waggled the shower head slightly.
"How do we do this?" Steve asked, looking over the huge green (and rather grubby) body.
"Hulk does rain experiment," Hulk said in his deep bass, and lumbered over to the robot. He squinted at it, and then ordered, "make rain."
"Experiment?" Steve echoed, looking between Tony and Bruce, who was biting his lip in embarrassment.
"He's big on being just like Daddy right now," Tony murmured, and yanked off his shirt to stand barefoot in his jeans. "All right. Hulk, we're going to start the experiment now. Ready?"
Hulk glared down at Dummy. "Make rain!" He punctuated this with a booming thud of one knuckled fist against the adamantium floor.
The water immediately spurted from the showerhead, hitting full in that great green face and drenching the Hulk's curly hair. He gave a short roar of shock. "You stupid overgrown paperweight, I told you to turn it on slowly!" Tony hissed, and to Steve's shock he actually stepped between the Hulk and the robot. He gently put a hand on the Hulk's mammoth forearm as water spattered onto his back. "It's okay. It's okay. I'm right here."
"Hulk not see!" Hulk roared, and swiped at his eyes, water rolling away from his shoulders. "Where...? Hulk NOT SEE!"
"Well, that's torn it," Tony said as Hulk swiped at his eyes once more, before bringing his fists down onto the floor, water spraying everywhere.
"Now what?" Steve asked. Hulk snarled with fury and reached blindly for his robotic tormentor.
"It's all right," came Bruce's voice from his place in the corner. At the sound of that warm, dusty voice the tension immediately drained from Hulk's huge shoulders and his arms dropped to his sides. "Hulk. It's okay."
"Take a step back, big guy," Tony said in the most soothing tone Steve had ever heard him use. He hadn't even known Tony could speak like that.
Hulk hesitated, and then with slow, deliberate movements he moved one giant foot backwards, then the other. The water spattered against his chest rather than his face. He gingerly opened his eyes. "Okay?"
"It's okay," Bruce repeated.
Steve stepped forward cautiously, making sure that Hulk could see him at all times. "Well, he's wet."
"Is he ever," Tony said flippantly, but it was apparent that he was vastly relieved that his robot had been spared a smashing. He patted the thing's side once, before turning back to Hulk, all business. "Shit, this is gonna be a big job. I've got some sponges and some liquid soap."
Up close, Hulk smelled... really bad. Worse, now that he was wet. "We're gonna need a lot of soap."
The Hulk held out one huge hand and watched the droplets bouncing from his palm. "Rain," he commented to no-one in particular.
"That's right," Bruce said. "Now, we can go to the next stage of the experiment."
Hulk looked up, his eyes meeting the brown ones in the corner. "Next?"
"We can use the rain to get clean," Bruce explained. "Star Man and Tony can show you how."
Hulk's brows began to draw together. "Star Man."
"Here," Steve said and nervously stepped into Hulk's direct line of vision. "Uh, Stark?"
Tony squirted some liquid onto a sponge and tossed it to Steve, who held it up in front of the narrowing green eyes. "See this?" Telegraphing his moves, he ran the sponge up and down his own arms, then along his sides and over his own shoulders. Suds followed in its wake.
"Okay, let's talk about how much you are going to owe me for not putting this on Youtube," Tony snickered. "You look like an 80's shower gel commercial." Steve blushed, but shot a quelling glare at Stark regardless.
"Bubbles," Hulk said, and hunched down to squint at the suds on Steve's arms.
"That's right," he said, encouraged by the Hulk's interest. Although having something that size so close was... unnerving. "You wanna give it a go?"
Hulk frowned, and then, faster than even Steve could react, he ran a huge green finger through the suds on his arm. He studied the bubbles thoughtfully, and then gave a rather dignified nod.
"Rain and bubbles," Hulk pronounced. "Hulk will experiment."
"Catch, Jolly Green," said Tony, sending another loaded sponge towards them with a gentle underhanded toss. Hulk's arm shot out like lightning, his fist snapping around it.
"Son of a gun," Steve blurted. It was so easy to forget how fast Hulk moved.
"Smashed," Hulk said mournfully when he opened his hand. He'd definitely done a number on it. It looked like a lumpy piece of rope instead of a great big sponge.
"It's okay," Bruce said. "Put it under the water."
Hulk tilted his head, and then shambled closer to the spray. The sponge swelled as the water hit it, unravelling and resuming its former shape. Hulk jerked back, his eyebrows shooting up. "Not smashed!"
"It fills with water," Bruce explained.
Hulk actually smiled. "Not smashed," he repeated with satisfaction. That smile was certainly not one that looked terribly reassuring, Steve thought, his heartbeat returning to something resuming normal. There was so much savagery in it.
With several looks over to where Bruce stood, Hulk carefully closed his fingers around the sponge again. It looked to be a rather rehearsed action. "No bang, no smash," he said proudly.
"You are a total expert at that now," Tony congratulated him.
That savage smile again – but there was something very childlike in the way Hulk preened at the compliment. There was more to the team's powerhouse than Steve had ever realised.
"Experiment," Hulk said abruptly and before Steve could open his mouth, the sponge was rubbing roughly all over his face.
"Gllngh!" he said as he choked on soap and water.
Tony immediately cracked up in hysterical laughter.
"Ah," Bruce said, and he was holding back his own amusement, Steve could just tell. "I think the idea behind the experiment is that you make the rain and bubbles on you, not on Star Man."
"But Star Man had bubbles."
"He put them on himself. So Hulk can put bubbles on himself."
The sponge was taken away, and Steve gasped, spluttering. "Oh, and try not to get it in your eyes or mouth," Bruce added. Through stinging, blurred vision Steve could make out Bruce's wry quirked grin.
Tony wheezed, clutching at his stomach.
"Rule Two?" Hulk said plaintively. Steve ran his face under the water and rubbed furiously at his eyes.
"It's fine," Bruce said. "Mistakes are okay. Just... you should probably apologise to Star Man. It's not nice to experiment with other people without their permission."
Hulk scowled a little, but turned to Steve. "Hulk sorry," he muttered.
"It's okay," Steve managed, and coughed up a few bubbles. Tony made a small sound of glee.
"Like this?" Hulk asked him, and rubbed the sponge awkwardly onto his chest.
"That's it," Steve croaked. His mouth tasted like whatever that soap stuff was.
Hulk gave a huff of satisfaction, and concentrated for some time on making the bubbles cover as much of his torso as possible. Sudsy water pooled around his feet and washed away to the drain in the centre on the floor, carrying bits and pieces of rubble and dirt with it.
"We should wash his hair," Steve said as Hulk squeezed the sponge flat and watched in fascination as it filled with water again.
"Let's leave his head til last," Bruce said. "He might end up with it in his eyes, and..." he trailed off. He didn't really need to finish that sentence.
"So that means..." Steve stopped.
"Pants off," Bruce sighed.
"Hey, if you insist," Tony said, and gave him a rakish smirk.
"I meant him."
"I have nothing to hide," Tony grinned. Steve stifled a sigh.
"Look, I can understand if you want to leave now," Bruce said. "I'll... I'll call you back when he needs his hair washed. Can you wait outside in the antechamber?"
"If you're sure..." Steve said dubiously.
Bruce gave him a small smile. "It's fine."
"What if you need help?" Tony crossed his arms. "He won't let you touch him. So what happens if he needs his back scrubbed, huh? Nope. I'm staying."
Well, that effectively nailed his foot to the floor. "I guess we both are," Steve sighed. "Now what?"
"Follow my lead," Bruce murmured. "And, well. Sorry about this."
"Are you high? I could write three papers on what we've achieved so far, and that's not even going into the science of it."
Bruce smiled again, before turning to the green giant. "Hulk?"
Hulk looked up.
"I think I need to get clean too. Can I join in the experiment?"
"Oh, yeah," Tony nodded enthusiastically. "Bruce so needs to be in on this. He is a dirty, dirty boy."
Steve shot Tony a threatening look.
Hulk bared his teeth for a long moment, his breath rumbling in his chest as he thought. The sponge filled with water again in his careless fingers. "No touch," he said eventually.
"Not unless you want," Bruce promised and with surprising deftness he stripped his shirt off, carefully pulling it over his head and cast with his good arm. Underneath he looked like some sort of expressionist artwork, all yellows, blues and browns. The bruises were still very painful-looking, and Steve's wasn't the only sharp intake of breath.
Bruce didn't stop with the T-shirt, though. He pulled at his belt and with nimble fingers managed to undo his trousers one-handed. They fell to his feet and he stepped out of them, kicking them against the wall. "Right," he said, and then matter-of-factly tugged down his boxer-briefs and stood unselfconsciously naked in the middle of a rubble-filled adamantium cell with two other men, a robot, and a rage monster.
"Shit, Banner, why don't you ever wear clothes that fit?" Tony said admiringly. "Give us a spin, go on."
Bruce rolled his eyes. "Oh, get lost. The mystery was lost after the very first battle. The whole team's seen me naked by now."
But Steve knew what Tony meant. Somehow this was different, somehow in this room, with Bruce so obviously vulnerable – this was very different. He seemed younger and older at the same time, and it suited him.
"Banner hurt," Hulk said, and growled. "Hurt, hurt, hurt."
"Yes," Bruce said, his eyes softening a bit. "I'm getting better though. We should get back to our experiment."
Hulk looked at him a moment longer, the green eyes lingering over the bruising. Then he shook himself and nodded. "Experiment."
"Can I have a sponge, Steve?"
Steve handed Bruce the one he had been using, and fell back as Bruce sat down on the ground in an easy cross-legged position. Reaching over to the shower, Bruce wet it and then began to scrub at his legs, feet and lower torso. "Actually, that water's a nice temperature," he commented.
"Of course it is," Tony said, a little taken aback at how cavalier Bruce was being. "I was in charge of it."
Hulk huffed and snorted and watched Bruce with puzzled, haunted eyes. Then he sat down on the floor as well with a boom that made the entire room rattle and Dummy rock slightly on his base. He prodded at his grey trousers a little, his growls intensifying.
"I can't believe I'm about to say this," Steve muttered, before raising his voice. "Hulk? Take off your pants."
"Give him a moment," Bruce murmured. "He'll work it out."
Hulk looked between Bruce and himself for a moment, and then arranged his legs so that he was mimicking the other exactly. He changed the sponge to his other hand, before frowning at it. "No more bubbles."
"Hang on," Tony said, and squeezed a dollop of soap onto the sponge. After slowly compressing it with precise and careful concentration a few times, Hulk nodded in satisfaction at the suds that came spilling between his fingers.
And then he reached for his grey pants with his free hand and tore them off with one loud ri-i-ip!
"What has been seen," Steve heard Tony moan. Hulk was extremely grubby. Also, big – but that had been expected. The dirt and rubble that showered down amidst the strips of grey material had not been. Steve let out a rueful laugh and rubbed at his soap-stinging eyes.
"Well, you were right, Bruce, he worked it out," he said.
"What did I tell you," Bruce said serenely as the Hulk began to mimic him in pushing the sponge over his body.
It was a strange sight. Bruce sat before Hulk as though leading him in a meditation. Hulk followed Bruce's movements exactly, and so it resembled a bizarre, choreographed dance. Their faces, so astoundingly similar and so very different, were both relaxed in repose and both sets of eyes were closed against the spray of the water. The steam rose up around them, the suds sliding down their skin. Steve's fingers itched for his sketchbook.
Then he caught Tony's expression. The billionaire was watching the scene with a half-yearning, half-frowning look on his face. Just as he was about to say something, Tony noticed Steve's attention and his expression slid into something closer to his normal cocksure arrogance.
"You watch the show, I'll go get the new pants," he whispered to Steve, and he slipped out of the door before he could answer.
What the heck is going on with my team? Steve thought helplessly.
Bruce's eyes opened slowly, blinking, and he smiled in an absent sort of way at the calm, tranquil look on the Hulk's face. "Hulk," he said softly.
Hulk's eyelids fluttered open. "Nice," he rumbled, and was that a note of wonder in that rough voice? Steve was now thoroughly gobsmacked. Hulk was so much more than he had been led to believe. He was slightly ashamed that he'd considered the behemoth to be little other than a mindless battering ram of rage.
"Getting clean can be nice," Bruce agreed.
The giant stretched his arms out a little, inspecting them, before resting his knuckles on the floor. "Clean."
"You're nearly done. The experiment is almost complete," Bruce told him.
"Experiment good?"
"A very successful result," Bruce said gently. Hulk smiled yet again. Savage and childlike, Steve thought, stunned.
"We've got to wash your hair next, big guy," Tony said, startling Steve out of his bemusement. He'd slipped back in when he hadn't been looking. Folded over his arm was a huge pair of deep purple pants. "And behind your ears, and your face and all that."
Hulk's hand rose, and he touched the flattened curls on his head with a thoughtful frown. "Hair," he repeated, before turning to Bruce. "Banner does experiment?"
"Ah..." Bruce hedged, before faltering at the look in those dark green eyes. Steve's own eyes widened. Hulk was counting on Bruce to show him what to do. Steve had tried, but Bruce was always going to be where Hulk found his direction.
"How about one of us," he stepped in, jerking his thumb between himself and Tony, "washes your hair? One each? Sound good, fellas?"
"I'm opening a salon," Tony remarked.
"Um," Bruce turned back to Hulk. "Sure. I'll finish the experiment with you."
Hulk grunted in approval. "Wash hair."
Bruce jerked back, hope rising in his face. "You want me to wash...?"
"NO!" Hulk barked, and his lip curled. "Hulk not touch Banner. Banner not touch Hulk. No."
"Okay, okay," Bruce said, and his eyes dropped to his feet. "I won't."
Hulk gave a violent snort through his nostrils. "Star Man, Metal Man. Hair?"
"Please," Bruce stressed, although his gaze didn't rise.
Hulk rolled his eyes, the meaning emphatically clear despite not having the vocabulary to express 'oh come ON' - and honestly Steve didn't understand why he was still shocked at how much he could communicate. "Please," he said, rather ungraciously.
"I bags Bruceykins," Tony said quickly.
"You what...?" Steve blinked.
"Well, this was supposed to be a bonding moment for you and the Hulk, right? Well, there he is. Go on, bond or pal it up or whatever you crazy kids called it back in ye olde times."
"Stark."
"Lalala, can't hear you," Tony said, and deftly swiped the bottle of soap as he knelt behind Bruce. "Hey there, spaniel boy."
Bruce turned his head to give Tony a tolerant sort of smile. "No pulling. And don't use that stuff, I'll become a walking static electricity factory."
"Well, what then?"
"In my pants," Bruce nodded over to them. "I brought my shampoo."
"Didn't know you were so fashion conscious, Doc."
"Less talk, more experiment," Hulk said crossly.
"Sorry, Green Bean. Hey Cap, can you get that for us?"
Steve fished around in the pockets and drew out a plain, plastic bottle that had clearly once been used for bottled water. "This?"
"That's it," Bruce nodded. Steve tossed it to Tony, and moved closer to watch Hulk's reactions. It had nothing to do with trying to get to the bottom of Tony's peculiar behaviour, or Bruce's terrible reticence, no Sir.
"Did you make this?" Tony asked as he poured in out and began to rub at Bruce's curls. Bruce let out a soft groan and let his head drop back slightly.
"Yes. I hated... the things available for curly... and so I made it. Didn't take... long. Only cheap... oh that's nice."
"Fuck, I really am opening a salon. If the whole science thing gets boring, I'll hook you up."
"Ha ha. Keep doing that."
"Pushy, Banner."
"I'm naked on the floor of a cell next to the Hulk and Captain America. I'm beyond your petty shame tactics."
"What do you think?" Steve tentatively asked the Hulk, who was shifting slightly as he watched the two banter.
Hulk sniffed at the lather on Bruce's head. "Smells like hot place, noisy hot place. People," he said, frowning.
Bruce made an inarticulate sound in his throat, eyes sliding shut once more as Tony's fingers massaged at his scalp. "India. I made it in India."
Steve looked back at the Hulk. How much did he see of Bruce's life? How intertwined were they, really? "He remembers that?"
"He remembers that," Bruce said shortly, his eyes remaining shut.
Tony shook his head, indicating that Steve should leave that line of questioning alone.
"Hulk can try," Hulk said, and shrugged. Then he looked at Steve with a slightly guarded expression. "Star Man to do experiment?"
"Sure thing," Steve said, and gave the Hulk his most reassuring, Captain-America-is-here smile. "I'll get some of that stuff, and we can get started."
Hulk sniffed at Bruce's head once more, and then settled back.
With a handful of the homemade shampoo, Steve approached the head of green, black and silver-ish hair with some trepidation. It was nearly at his shoulder-height, despite the fact that the Hulk was still sitting cross-legged on the floor. He picked up a strand or two of hair, and Hulk immediately twitched. Steeling himself, Steve smoothed the stuff over the hair and began to work it through in earnest.
The Hulk's hair was unbelievably coarse. Steve couldn't believe how much effort it took to get the Hulk's hair to lather at all. His arms and shoulders bunched as he massaged with practically all his enhanced strength at that overlarge head, and he still felt like he was making as much impression as a - a mosquito hammering at Tony's armour.
"All right?" Tony asked, grinning.
"If you're ever after change of upper body workout, you could give this a shot," Steve puffed.
"Hmmm," Hulk rumbled.
"Does it feel nice?" Bruce asked him, his eye cracking open lazily.
"Nice," Hulk said, and then hummed a little, causing the bones to judder in Steve's hands. It was like trying to wash a volcano, he thought a little hysterically.
"Okay," Bruce said eventually. "We done?"
Steve shook out his cramping fingers. "Clean as a whistle."
"Say thank you," Bruce prompted.
Hulk wrinkled up his nose, but turned to Steve anyway. "Thank you," he said, and patted his head with one huge hand. It nearly drove Steve to his knees.
Bruce leaned forward to rinse the shampoo from his hair, and as before, Hulk copied him. It was a much cleaner and better smelling rage monster that dried himself, pulled on the new purple pants and brushed his teeth. He opened his massive mouth for Bruce's inspection, before shuffling back and pulling a little at the new pants. "Feels funny."
"Probably because you're clean," Bruce said dryly. Turning to Tony he asked, "purple? Seriously?"
"You look good in purple," Tony said, unrepentant.
"Hang on, he's got a bit..." Steve said, and pointed out a smear of toothpaste on Hulk's chin.
"Oh, wait up," Tony bent down for the gigantic towel. In the background, Dummy swept rubble and dust away. Water trickled down the drain in the centre of the room with a musical little gurgle.
"Hulk not clean?" Hulk looked rather alarmed.
"No, it's just a bit of toothpaste on your chin. Here," Bruce said, and his hand rose and wiped off the toothpaste with a thumb. Then they froze, staring at each other.
"Oh fucksticks," Tony whispered.
"Rule Two," Bruce blurted just as the Hulk's face began to cloud over. He paused.
Steve held his breath.
Hulk growled, reluctance in every line of his great body. Then with a grudging nod he stomped over to where a new load of rocks had been unloaded into the 'smash-corner'.
"What the heck is going on, Stark?" Steve whispered. They'd been so peaceful, and then Bruce had touched him. A gentle touch, a fond one... but now the air was charged. You could cut the tension with a knife.
"I've gotta get the whole story on that myself, Cap," Tony whispered back. "Bruce is being stubborn as hell. He's no pushover in the strong-willed department, I'll give him that much, but my name is Anthony Stubborn Bastard Stark."
Steve turned. Bruce was watching a shining-clean and very resentful Hulk break apart a rock with his hands. There was a smear of toothpaste on his thumb and sadness in his eyes.
Bruce
Flopping back onto his bed, the numbness stole back into Bruce's mind. He rubbed absently at the bruises on his bare chest, his cracked ribs twanging underneath his hands.
Banner not touch Hulk. And I broke my promise. I broke my promise to him without even thinking.
"That could have gone better," he murmured to his empty room.
"Talking to yourself, Doctor?"
He sat up quickly, and then winced as his collarbone screamed at him. "Who... ah. Hi Natasha."
She moved into the light, elegant and deadly, and sat down on the end of the bed beside him. "You're drenched."
"We gave him a bath."
"I heard. I think half of Manhattan heard. He's not exactly low-profile."
"And he hasn't quite worked out the whole 'inside voice' concept, I know, I know," Bruce said, gingerly touching his collarbone. "Is there something?"
She looked at him with that cool, level stare for a moment, before turning to her hands clasped between her knees. "I wanted to see if you were all right."
"I'm okay," he said, bemused. "You regularly stalk people and wait in their bedrooms to see if they're all right?"
One side of her mouth lifted the barest amount. "Yes."
Belatedly, Bruce recalled the very little he knew of Natasha – the very little that there was to know. "Right."
Her chin lifted a touch, her eyes gazing across a limitless horizon that only she could see. "I..." she said, and stopped.
"Are you okay?" he asked, concern beginning to break through that numb shell.
To his amazement, she smiled. "Something you need to understand about me, Doctor," she said softly. "I do not trust. I do not ever, ever let my guard down. I have spent years perfecting my craft, and I am damned good at it. I can slip into the skin or under the radar of anyone, anywhere."
Sensing that his words would not be welcome, Bruce kept his mouth shut.
The smile on her face became a little twisted. "So it is something I cannot have, this whole... situation. This isn't something I can deal with. I don't have the... the tools to deal with this."
"With what?" he prompted after she had sat in some silence, her eyebrows lowered.
She turned to him. "I care for you," she said bluntly.
His mouth parted on a soft inhalation of surprise.
"All of you. Us. The Avengers," she clarified, and turned away. Her mouth was set in a grim line. "It isn't something I deal with very well – well, you've seen that, when Loki took Clint. This is a weakness in me. It is a complication. I'm compromised."
"Natasha, we care for you too," he said, feeling woefully inadequate. Surely Steve was the one who should be having this conversation – or Clint. Not him. Not the emotionally crippled scientist with awe-inspiring anger management problems and the most bizarre case of multiple identity disorder the world had ever seen.
"I know," she said, and delicately laid her fiery head on his shoulder. "You don't make me face Medical. You've never asked why. You always get the first aid kit, treat me without saying a word, and never ask me to explain."
Bruce blinked at her, nestled tentatively against him. "Well, you wouldn't anyway," he said lamely.
"You make allowances for me."
"We all do that for each other. That's what being a team is, I guess."
"You guess." She laughed quietly. "That is not my previous experience of teamwork, believe me."
"I'm sorry," he offered as gently as he could. It felt so inadequate. She didn't betray a flicker of how it may have affected her, but somehow Bruce knew.
"That's why I can't stand seeing this, Doc," she said, and rested more of the weight of her head against him. It was a telling gesture of trust, of comfort, especially coming from Natasha; a woman who had her every movement under constant control. He frowned.
"Seeing what?"
"You're tearing yourself apart."
"Someone already did that," he retorted, his walls slamming back up.
"That's just what I'm talking about," she murmured. "You here, and you there. I'm right, aren't I?"
He sat and glowered at the wall.
"Thought so."
"So, you and Tony know, so what?" he snapped. "Okay, so the Hulk is part of me. He's the part that is still angry, the part that didn't... didn't. Look, never-"
"The part that rages and rages against all the things that have happened to you," Natasha whispered. "The part that cries for your mother and screams at your father. The part that wishes he could smash all the walls between yourself and what you want. The part that was thrashed and cut open and reshaped and lived and breathed the word 'monster'. The part that thought, 'if only I was good enough, I'd be loved. He'd love me.' The part that watched the only person who was ever kind to you beaten to death before your eyes."
Bruce's hands knuckled into fists. "Shut up. Shut the fuck up."
"You think I don't understand?" she breathed. "Doc. Me too. Me too."
He swallowed hard around the boulder in his throat.
"I can't watch you. I can't look at you. You remind me of me," she said, and her hand crept over to gently rest upon his trembling fist. "So empty and so angry."
"Not so empty any more," he managed.
"No," she said, contemplative. "I suppose not. But you're drowning, aren't you? Drowning, and you won't reach up and grab hold of a hand. So I'm coming down to get you. And it's a complication. This is a complication. But I can make it for you. I'd make it for all of you."
"What's a complication?"
She stilled, and drew away from him. "My file is very blank for a reason, Bruce," she said in a distant voice. "I'm the product of experimentation and training. I was created to be a weapon. Weapons don't get to experience the luxury of friendship."
"It's not a luxury," he said, frowning. "It's a fact of human existence."
"Then why are you denying it to yourself?"
He opened his mouth again, and then closed it with a snap.
"I'm trying, even though my every instinct tells me that it's wrong, sentimental, unnecessary," she stressed. "You have to try as well. Open up. Trust us. Stop running away from us."
"You don't understand," he grated, and rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his hand. She snagged that hand and brought it down to clasp it loosely between her own.
"No," she said flatly. "No, I don't understand, no more than you can fully understand how hard this is for me. But I do understand that you've been running your whole life, one way or another. Just... if you won't talk to me about this, at least talk to someone. Tony, or Steve. Thor. Just. Bruce, I can't watch you drowning a single day longer."
His hand felt weird clasped in hers, like it was no longer a part of his body. "Natasha, I..." he said in a strangled voice. "I can't."
She laid her head back on his shoulder, her neck arching with utter poise. "Yes. You can."
Hulk
Banner touched Hulk.
Banner touched Hulk.
Banner should not touch Hulk!
Hulk smells strange. It is not bad. He smashes, and the new pants feel good and his hair feels soft. It smells like Banner. It is... good.
Hulk could get used to good.
Lots of things are good. Food is good. Smash is good. Tony and Star Man are good. Experiments are good. Hulk can be good.
Hulk can be good. This is new. Hulk has never been good before. But Banner and Tony and Star Man are pleased with Hulk. They show their teeth in smiles that mean they are happy with Hulk. They tell him he is good. They tell Hulk 'well done', and give him food and smash and make the nightmares stop.
Hulk can be good. Hulk can be good. Hulk can be good.
Hulk will be the goodest there is!
"Hulk?"
It is Tony. Hulk sits up as he comes into Hulk's shiny room. He is not wearing his metal. He has changed pants too, like Hulk. He is not wet anymore. He looks like he is thinking very hard. His face is all scrunched in around the eyebrows. Hulk dislikes that face. It needs to smile, to tell Hulk he is good.
"Changed," Hulk says, pointing to the new pants, "like Hulk."
Tony blinks, and then looks down. "Yeah, just like you, buddy," he says, and there is the smile! Good. Hulk likes that. Much better.
"Tony good?" Hulk asks, and stands. Hulk is much, much bigger than Tony, so he crouches down to peer into Tony's face. Tony looks a little nervous, but he does not smell like fear. To Hulk's surprise, Tony pats Hulk's hair once, twice.
"I'm okay, big guy," he says. "I'm a bit worried, though."
So that is what that face means. Worry. Like the worry-smell. That face is worry, not anger.
"Tony good," Hulk confirms.
"From your mouth to Brucey's ears," Tony mutters. Hulk does not understand.
He says so. "Hulk not understand."
Tony pauses, and then he pats Hulk's hair again. It is good. Feels good. Not like Star Man and the bubbles, but still. "I don't want to make you angry, big guy."
Hulk frowns. "Hulk always angry."
"Well, angrier. Can I... can I ask a question?"
"Ask."
"I think it might make you really upset."
Hulk doesn't like that. "Then why ask stupid question?"
"Because I'm worried," Tony sighs. He pats Hulk's hair one last time, and then shoves his hands into his pockets. "I suck at being worried. Ask anyone. I usually throw money at it until it stops worrying me, or I find something else to work on. But this... you two. You're not a machine. I can't pull you guys apart to see how you work, and put you together afterwards. Shit, this is why I employ people to deal with other people for me."
"Worried question."
"Yeah."
Hulk shifts, and then he touches the shiny light in Tony's chest. He remembers it being dark. It frightened Hulk (and Banner. Oh, how it frightened Banner). "Hulk ask question too, after!"
"That's fair."
"Fair is good."
Tony smiles. "Sure is."
"Ask."
Tony takes a big breath, making the shiny light press against Hulk's finger. "How much do you remember about being Bruce?" Tony asks in a very quiet voice.
Hulk's eyes widen, and he can feel the rage begin, feel his lip begin to curl, feel the snarl building in his chest. But no. No. No. "Some," he grunts, and tries to force the rage away, the way Banner always does.
"Do you know why he's doing this?" Tony bursts out, turning to look up at Hulk. His eyes are saying 'pleasepleaseplease' and he smells like worry again.
"Banner doing what?" Hulk growls, and pulls his hand away. The urge to smash is rising, but Hulk can be good. He will not smash Tony. Tony is special.
"Hiding," Tony snaps. "Running the fuck away! He drops a – a bombshell, confirms something really huge that could change everything... only to slink away and not answer anything. He gives us just enough to help you, but when it comes to himself he clams up tighter than a duck's asshole. It's fucking one step forward, two steps back with that guy. He won't talk to me. He won't talk to anyone!"
Hulk is confused now. "Banner talks to Hulk. Banner talks to Tony. Banner talks to Star Man. Hulk saw it."
"Not... no, he's not saying anything important," Tony says, and runs his hands through his hair. "He's hiding."
Hulk shrugs. It is a stupid question. "Banner always hides."
Tony gives him a sharp look. "Yeah? I mean, thanks Green Bean, that's great! Can you tell me how he hides?"
Not how. "Not how," Hulk says, because he is still not good at keeping thoughts inside.
"He hid you, didn't he?"
Hulk nods, snarling. "Trapped."
"Soon, buddy." Tony gives him a little smile. "Five days, and then you're out."
"Fire days."
"Uh, yeah. Fire days. But back to Bruce?"
"Banner touched Hulk," Hulk complains. "Not supposed to."
"Man, we really need to deal with your guilt issues." Tony raises an eyebrow. "Both of you. You're going to have to learn to trust each other eventually."
"Banner not trust Hulk," says Hulk petulantly. "Banner not trust anyone. The woman cries, and the man is cruel."
Tony blinks.
Hulk warms to the subject. "The man hurts and hurts and hurts Banner. Hulk is in the small places, and Banner is puny. Then Banner not puny, but they do not see. No-one sees, so Banner hides. Banner hides to be like them. Then Hulk is out of small places, and Banner hides from Hulk. Banner hides inside Hulk. Banner hides Hulk. Banner hides from everyone."
"Shit," Tony breathes. "You really are him, aren't you?"
"Hulk's question," Hulk reminds Tony.
"But..."
"Hulk's question!"
"Sorry. Sorry, fine, okay. Ask away, that's fair."
"Fair," Hulk says, satisfied. Then he cocks his head, narrowing his eyes. "Why worried about puny weak Banner?"
Tony actually scowls. "He isn't weak, and he isn't puny. The guy's made of fucking willpower, and believe me when I say that it is actually a really annoying trait of his at this point in time."
Hulk gives a half-shrug. Banner is puny. "Puny."
"Everyone's puny compared to you, Shrekzilla," Tony snaps. Then he takes another deep breath and speaks in a much calmer voice. "I'm worried because I know what it's like to be totally fucked-up, a wreck, completely unhappy and full of guilt, but still putting up a big front so that no-one can see it. At least I wasn't alone – I had Pep and Rhodey, and they taught me that you can't always do it all on your own. You don't have to. No-one's ever stuck with Bruce long enough to teach him that lesson, and so he's bottled all this shit up inside and it's poisoning him. Can't you see it in his eyes?"
Hulk doesn't remember that. "Banner's eyes brown," he offers.
"And sad," Tony adds. "Bruce's eyes are always, always sad."
True. "Banner is sad," Hulk says, and feels strange.
"I want Bruce to not be sad anymore," Tony says. "I want him to be happy. I want you both to be happy. He won't talk to me, so I'm asking you."
This is why. "Questions."
"Yeah."
Hulk snorts and turns to his new rocks. They are harder than the other ones. "Good," he says, holding one up to Tony.
"Oh, you like them? Okay, that's what we get you from now on," Tony says, and smiles once more. But the smile is tinged with sadness. His eyes are brown too. Like Banner's. Sad brown eyes.
Hulk doesn't like it. He smashes his rock onto the floor, pebbles and shards scattering everywhere.
"Hulk?"
Hulk snorts again, and sends a resentful glance over his shoulder at Tony.
"I know this isn't easy," Tony says softly. "I know it's confusing. But please – let Bruce touch you. Let him make it up to you. Show him that he doesn't have to be alone and sad anymore. You two... you're two halves of a whole. I know you feel guilty that you hurt him. But he's totally forgiven you, hasn't he?"
Hulk growls. "Hulk say sorry."
"And Bruce said it was okay, didn't he?"
Hulk has to nod at that. "Yes."
"But not letting him touch you means he thinks you're still angry. Bruce feels guilty too, you know."
"Banner say sorry," he remembers. "Banner say sorry for locking Hulk away. Banner pleased with Hulk."
"He was," Tony confirms. "He is."
Hulk is still making Banner feel bad. Hulk is not being good.
"Banner can touch Hulk," he grunts. "Hulk forgive."
Tony sighs in relief. The worry-smell fades a little.
Hulk is tired of talking about stupid, scared, puny Banner. "Enough now," he snarls, and stomps towards his pile of smashed sleep. "Hulk sleep now."
"Sure thing," Tony says, and smiles. A proper smile! Good! "Proud of you, big guy. That's a really great thing you just said. You're being the bigger man here - pun totally inadvertent."
"Tony proud of Hulk?"
"You bet."
Banner says he is proud. Tony is proud. Hulk can be proud of Hulk.
Hulk is being good.
It feels good.
"Sleep," Hulk says, and there is a strange feeling that warms something in Hulk's chest. It pops and fizzes like bubbles. Feels floaty, like balloons.
"Night, Jolly Green," Tony says. "See you tomorrow."
"More?"
"What, more stuff tomorrow? Yep." Tony makes the 'p' sound pop like bubbles too. "You, me, Bruce and Shooty Bird. Whaddaya say?"
Shooty Bird! He hurt Banner! No. It wasn't Shooty Bird who hurt Banner. It was Hulk.
"Star Man?" he asks. "Tony, Hulk, Star Man, Banner, Shooty Bird?"
"Uh, if you think that won't be too many people," Tony says, eyebrows getting high.
"Star Man," Hulk says firmly. More people. Hulk is thinking of a plan. Hulk will make the best good experiment, a secret experiment. Hulk will show Banner.
They will not be alone.
Hulk loves reviews! Also smash. And bubbles. But mostly reviews!
