It was many and many a year ago,
In a country by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of PIRATE DUKE T;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to write fanfictions funny.
This maiden author, she was a child,
In this country by the sea;
And she wrote with characters that were not owned
By her, by PIRATE DUKE T;
With characters other writers and directors
Had thought of long before she.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this country by the sea,
A lawsuit appeared in the mailbox
Threatening the PIRATE DUKE T;
So that high-powered lawyers came
And did demand that she
Write a long disclaimer ensuring peace
In this country by the sea.
Chapter 21
THE TELL TALE SQUIRREL
It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Elrond was chasing Cartmen around the back yard after being drenched with the hose.
Everyone was profiting from the nice day, even Yami Bakura. Since everyone was outside, he had the opportunity to go through everyone's things and without getting caught.
Laughing deviously to himself, he dumped an entire box of itching powder into Han's underwear drawer, supergluing his deoderant to the dresser.
"That ought to teach him." He muttered, dusting off his hands on his jeans. Suddenly, an odd twitering noise reached his ears. He followed it, ending up just outside Leia and Tea's room.
"What the bloody-" He exclaimed, as an acorn bounced off his forehead. Picking up the small brown nut, another hit him in the side of the head. A chattering almost like laughter came from his left.
"Ah, Nuts. I've heard about you." The squirrel was none other then Tea's pet. Yami Bakura grinned deviously, stuffing both acorns back into the cage. "Imagine, a stupid rodent throwing things at me." He snickered.
The squirrel, obviously understanding this, pelted the back of his head, chattering insanely. "Laugh at me, will you?" He roared, slipping on one of the nuts as he turned around. The squirrel chattered loudly, waving it's behind at Yami Bakura.
"That's it! Time to teach you a lesson, you filthy vermin!" He stormed over to the cage, violently hitting the bars. The vibrations choursed through the cage, and the squirrel fell over. Unfortunatly for Yami, the door was jotled open, and the squirrel jumped out, vicously clawing and biting him.
Screaming like a madman, Yami Bakura ran around the room, the squirrel still attached to his face. Unable to see, he ran into the table, which held the cage, falling backwards but free of the squirrel.
"Not so tough are you?" He panted, glaring at the motionless rodent. "Nuts?"
Utter silence.
Yami Bakura began to panic. He tenderly picked the water dish, gasping when he looked into it's cold, lifeless eyes.
"What have I done! Tea's going to have my head for this!" He said, wringing his hands. "Crushed by the water dish he loved so dearly, isn't that always the way. But wait.. If I clean up the room, put things back where they were and place it in the cage, no one will know..."
Moving like a white tornado, Yami Bakura shot around the room, picking things up and placing them back. He picked up the dead squirrel, looking at the cage, then the rodent, the cage, then the rodent, cage, rodent, cage-.
" No... I'll burry it. I'll hide it somewhere, seeming like it had escaped. Better lost then dead, I always say."
Chuckling oddly, Yami Bakura looked around the room, finally spying a loose floorboard. "Bingo." He tore it up, and gently placed the squirrel into the tiny space. He fixed the borad, and left the cage door open, dashing from the room just as someone came up the stairs.
"What happened to my nuts?" Tea screamed, and everyone in the living room looked up, startled and perplexed. "I didn't think she had any." Han said. "Something you learn new, yes, day every." Yoda replied with a shudder.
"Guys!" Tea called, running down the stairs. "Nuts is gone!" there was an uncomfortable silence before Gandalf spoke up.
"Oh, your squirrel whose name is Nuts." Everyone exchanged glances. "What did you think I meant?" Tea asked angrily. "Nothing!" Everyone choroused.
So far so good. Yami thought, smugly following the others up the stairs. "I don't understand! I thought that I'd locked the cage!" Tea wailed, and Leia patted her on the back.
Yami Bakura, feeling quite complacent and satisfied, stood right on top of the squrriel's place of burrial. As they continued on talking, a small noise attracted Yami's attention. Like... Chattering.
He shook his head. You're just imagining it! He thought, as it grew louder.
" What's the matter Yami? You look worried." Yugi asked. "Nothing worries me." He said with a fake smile. The chattering grew louder.
"You look guilty." "Me? You're an idiot." He said, with a wave of his hand. Steadily, the volume increased, until it was almost deafening. "Do you hear that?" "Hear what?"
"Nevermind." He said, feeling the sweat bead on his brow. "Are you sure you're fine?" "Yes!" He screamed. "Stop asking me things!" Yugi was taken aback, and stepped back slowly.
The chattering was deafening now, it's speed growing, the pitch increasing, until a long shrill shriek rang in Yami Bakura's ears, the others staring at him. They most certainly knew. Nuts had given it away!
"AHHH! It's the chattering of the demonic squirrel!" Yami screamed, falling to his knees with his hands over his ears. "It was me, I did it! I did it! Just make it stop!"
"You killed my Nuts?" Tea roared, taking him by the shirt. Cartmen snickered, and so did Bakura. "Shut up!" She called, turning back to Yami Bakura with a terrifying angry glare.
"It was an accident, I swear! I came in here because I heard it, and it threw acorns at me! The cage was knocked open and Nuts attacked me. But I didn't kill him! He went flying and the water dish crushed him!"
Tea sighed. "He loved that dish. It's okay, Yami. I was going to let him go tomorrow anyways."
"Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore-"
"Who the hell are you?" Han asked, blinking wildly at the sight of the tall, dark haired but strangely pale man.
"I am Edgar Allen Poe, good sir." He said, turning to Yami Bakura. "How'd you get here?" He asked, but was ignored.
"Now, was the chattering of the squirrel merely a figment of your imagination? Or was it actually speaking, calling out from beyond the grave, the icy darkness of the afterlife? Those who think, not less those who feel deeply, have advocated the existence of the latter. Perhaps the squirrel was out for revenge, wanting to make it eerily clear as crystal who his assailant was. Perhaps it was just the echoes of guilt, deep within your soul..." He paused, looking around the room gravely. "One does not, nor will not, ever know for certain. Now!" he said, clapping his hands and startling everyone.
"Would any of you care for a cask of Amontillado? I believe there's one in the cellar, if you'll follow me."
Their eyes widened, fear striking them. They knew how it would end if they said-
"Sure! Whoa, I didn't think we had any booze." Han said, gleefully rubbing his hands together.
"Han, no!"
"Certainly. But I assure you, once you taste this wine, you'll never taste another!" "It's that good?"
The other members of the houshare screamed.
"I implore you to reconsider your decision. No? Then I must give you the little attentions of my power."
A twisted smile spread on Poe's face, and his small, throaty chuckle grew to terrifying proportions. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
