T: Elton John, everybody!

ELTON: *Extremely displeased* Yes... Well.

T: So, Mr. John- or can I call you Elty?

ELTON: Actually it's 'Sir Elton Joh-

T: Elty, I understand you're none too pleased about finding yourself in this story.

ELTON: I most certainly am not! I find it greatly offensive that you have not only paired a real person such as myself with all kinds of fictional men-

T: *Whispering to Shadi* Hugo Weaving is a real man, isn't he?

SHADI: *Shrugs* He's from Australia, he might be a merman.

T: No more 'Sabrina the Teenage Witch' specials for you.

ELTON: Excuse me!

T: It's just that I thought you and Elrond- Hugo Weaving- would make such a pair. He was 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert' and you're...

All three look up at the screeching, smoking tires:

TIRE 1: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

TIRE 2: We're smoking!

The tires belong to a bold red bicycle, off of which jumps a man in a flashing siren helmet and a dark blue uniform.

MAN: Freeze! Politically Correct Police! What you're about to say is offensive, and not at all Politcally Correct.

T: But... But... All I was going to say is that-

MAN: *Blowing a tin whistle* Stop! Cease and desist.

T: He was 'Priscilla, Queen of The Desert' and you're equally as fond of spangly costumes.

MAN: *Pointing his finger at T* That's right. You've been warned, keep your nose clean.

Hopping back on his bicycle, he rides into the sunset, the theme from Gunsmoke issuing loudly from somewhere unseen.

ELTON: As I was saying, it's wholly inapproriate for you to be putting me with so many men when I am a married man.

T: No you're not.

ELTON: Yes, I am.

T: No you're not.

ELTON: Yes. I am.

T: Nooo, no you're not.

ELTON: *Flashing his wedding band* Married!

T: *Pushing his hand aside* Very nice, but you're not. See this? *Leans far over and taps on an invisible wall* We're trapped inside a time bubble. The story you're complaining about was written years ago, back when you were single. The fact that you're married now doesn't effect what's being posted, because...

SHADI: *Pushing his face up against the wall, puffing his cheeks* Tiiiiiiime Bubble!

ELTON: Doesn't the fact that I'm sitting here now, discussing this story with you now, inside this 'Time Bubble' as you call it mean that everything outside the sphere is the past, and this is in fact the present and I am married?

T: .

SHADI: .

T: Time Bubble.

ELTON: That's not an answer!

T: I can't give you an answer, because if I do... You'll never have been born.

ELTON: That doesn't even make sense.

T: All right, all right. You're right.

ELTON: Thank you.

T: We're having this conversation in the future.

SHADI: Dun dun dun!

ELTON: *Scarlet with rage* I demand to know-

T: *Big smile* Whether we own the rights to these characters? We most certainly do not!

SHADI: *Holding up a sign reading 'Disclaimer'* T, Pirate Duke of Leprachuans, does not own South Park, LOTR, Star Wars, Yu-Gi-Oh, or any of the rest. If you know the character or the series, you know it doesn't belong to her.

ELTON: Yes excuse me, hello. Hello!

Chapter 22

HEY HEY HEY! IT'S A 'HAUNTED' TAPE!

"So... Bored!" Yugi whined, falling backwards onto the couch with a flop. "Agree I do." Yoda croaked, nodding solemnly. A low growl from Chewie broke the long silence that followed.

Rain poured down outside, beating furiously against the windows, the wind howling like a thousand wolves. Suddenly, the front door banged open on its hinges, and Yami Bakura stood there, laughing manically to himself.

"He's really gone off his rocker." Han muttered. Yami leered at him, but didn't answer, grinning. He waved a black plastic container in the air, which read 'The Movies For People Who Like Movies'" store.

"Look what I have!" He said in a singsong voice. "Ooh, A movie! Which one?" Leia asked excitedly. "Well," Yami Bakura began with a shrug. "The man at the store didn't say much. The box was lost a long time ago, and it's unmarked. He just started screaming and rambling on about how it's haunted. Something about a girl and her horse." He continued with a wink. "Hey Hey Hey!" Han said with a suggestive laugh, giving him the thumbs up sign. "For once I think you made a good choice, freak."

He ignored the last part, popping it into the VCR. "Uh, guys, if it's haunted, do you think we should watch it?" Tea said. "Oh, hush." Gandalf said, waving a hand at her. Everyone stared. "What? Am I not allowed to be rude once in a while?" He huffed.

"I do hope it's like that farmer's daughter website!" Yami Bakura said with a laugh, high fiving Han. "Who would've thought?" Elrond murmered. "That the one thing they could agree on is pornography." "Down in front, clammy!" Cartman called, whacking Elrond in the back of the head with a drumstick. "Someday... Sometime..." Elrond growled, digging his nails into his kneecaps.

Legolas pressed play, and they began to watch.

"Hey!" Yami Bakura exclaimed, watching the small girl in a nightgown crawl out of a well. "I didn't pay for any Micheal Jackson (*) type thrills!" "Nice going, dumbass." Han groaned. Everyone, even Yami Bakura screamed, in seeing the girl's face.

"Get off me, Elton!" "Hold me Elrond!" "No!" He said, pulling away like Elton was infested with smallpox.

"I'm confused." Yami Yugi said. "Did the girl force her horse to watch the ring, and then it died? Her mother got mad and killed her? Her father was a horse rapist?"

"I don't think that was the point of the film." Leia said slowly. "It didn't have a point!" Tea exclaimed, ripping the tape from the machine. "It's pointless and stupid! There's no way you could get a phone call and-"

She trailed off as the phone rang. The simple, buzzing ring striking fear into their hearts.

"You pick up!" "No, you!" After about ten minutes of fighting, the phone had stopped ringing. "Phew." They all said, wiping the sweat from their brows, before screaming and jumping a foot in the air as it rang again.

Gandalf, with a shaking hand, picked up. "Seven Days!"

They yelled bloody murder, and Gandalf slammed the phone down on the hook.

"What do we do?" Yugi wailed. "I don't know! I honestly don't know!" Yami Yugi said dramatically, and both struck a Titanic-like pose. The rest of the houseshare edged away slowly.

"Let's just get to bed. Maybe she won't show up." Leia suggested. "We have seven days, at least." Everyone agreed, and, with heavy hearts, made their way to bed.

The normal creaks and groans of the house seemed louder then ever to the wide-eyed houshare, keeping them up half the night. Footsteps in the hallway at midnight startled them, but were relived when they went down the stairs.

A long, ear-shattering scream came from the living room. Panic stricken, they raced down the stairs, to find Yami Yugi as white as a ghost in the living room. "The- the-the-" He stammered, pointing a shaking finger at the coffee table.

"THE RING!" He screamed, grabbing onto Yami Bakura.

Everyone gasped, and Yami Bakura laughed hysterically.

"Honestly, Pharaoh. You made that ring by not using a coaster!"

Yami Yugi blinked. "Coa..Ster? What is this new invention of which you speak?" Everyone groaned, his or her hearts beating a mile a minute. "So it's not the ring?" Yami Yugi said sheepishly. "No!" They all exclaimed.

"A little nervous, Pharoah? Chicken!" Yami Bakura said with a laugh, a girlish squeal following as the floorboards creaked, and he grabbed onto Bakura.

"Idiot." Han muttered, before his eyes went wide. "ARGH! THE ICY HAND OF DEATH IS UPON ME!" "Sorry." Gandalf muttered sheepishly, taking his hand away.

Grumbling and muttering at their stupidity, they made their way back upstairs, sleeping restlessly for the remainder of the night.

Cartmen whistled to himself, making his way up the stairs to the bathroom. The house was still dark, and although he knew he had nothing to fear, he was indeed afeared. Shadows danced on the walls, menacing in their own way.

He put a hand on the doorknob, which was strangely warm. He pulled back, and then, convincing himself it was nothing, yanked open the door.

A bloodcurdling scream escaped from his mouth, shattering the eerie quiet. Standing before him was a soaking wet figure, brown hair covering it's face. It wore a white towel, standing in a pool of water.

Everyone rushed to the room. "What's going on?"

"Don't you knock?" The thing, it's voice very much like that of Elrond, fumed, pulling back the mass of hair to reveal... Elrond! His face was set in an angry glare, dripping wet.

"Gee, clammy, ever heard of conditioner?" Cartmen snickered, yanking on his towel, which fell to his feet.

"Yoink!" Everyone averted their gaze, but Legolas, Cartmen and Leia began laughing hysterically.

"Nice boxers!" She commented, giggling madly. Elrond blushed and looked down at his white heart print boxers, before letting out an awesome roar of rage and chasing Cartmen around the house.

Everyone shook their heads and went about their business.

Chewie was still on edge. All of this screaming at random nonsense was starting to get to him. He was starting to think that he should get his bullet-proof vest. It wouldn't do him any good, but he felt safer with it on.

Chewie went down the stairs quietly, knowing that Gollum had it for its shininess. He was still afeared of what he had seen in the video... The horrible vison of a body in the closet running through his mind. He shuddered.

It was now or never. He pulled open the door, his mouth dropping to his knees, before roaring in fear.

Legolas was dressed as a dominatrix, a whip in hand. Gollum was tied to the bed, grinning like an idiot. The others rushed to the scene. There was an uncomfortable silence...

Legolas blushed deep fuchsia. Gollum continued to grin. Yami Yugi was scowling, his hand over Yugi's eyes who was protesting about not knowing what was going on. Elrond had his hand over his eyes, ashamed that Legolas shared his culture. Chewie's mouth was wide open. Bakura and his Yami were laughing hysterically, having to hold onto one another to stay up. Tea was revolted, and Leia, who had been silent, finally succumbed to a fit of giggles. Han cleared his throat dozens of times. " Well, I'm scarred for life." He said. Jabba's mouth was wide, some of the slime oozing out of it, a funny look in his eyes.

"Degoba on, never happen this filth, yes!" yoda croaked, mortified. "Oh dear." Gandalf sighed.

The doorbell interrupted them, and they were very glad for the interruption.

Bakura pulled the door open wide, screeching like a schoolgirl and grabbing onto his Yami. A pale thing with long, frizzy hair stood there.

"Seven days!" It said, turning it's bearded and smiling face toward them, pulling off the wig.

"Take the seven day, challenge, friends! Try Goopie's shampoo and conditioner so you hair doesn't look like this!" He cried with way too much enthusiasm, wiggling the wig at them. Everyone sighed with relief, grumbling and muttering. Only Yami Bakura remained.

"Care to take the challenge, friend? If it doesn't work, we'll give you your money back!" "Are you the one who called last night?" "Yes, indeed!" The man said.

"Good." The tomb robber replied with a twisted grin. "Wait here." The man nodded, and Yami Bakura disappeared, returning some time later with a two by four.

"Goodnight, mommy." The man said, swaying and falling to the ground as Yami Bakura beaned him over the head.

"I never did like salesmen." He said with a chuckle, duct taping him to the board. "This one will make a lovely lawn ornament."

(*) Time Bubble.