The first thing Seraphina Starkley felt was a heavy pounding in her temples. This was a good thing though, because pain meant she was still alive. Her mind seem muddled, but she had a few snatches of memory. She remembered stumbling through the dark forrest, terrified to keep going and even more terrified to stay in the place she'd woken up a few hours before that.
Her eyes opened very slowly and she was glad that the room she was in was dimly lit. It seemed to be some sort of infirmary, she guessed by the hospital like bed she was laying on. Her bed was sectioned off by several large fabric screens, which she found a little unsettling. In the back of her mind, a thought floated by that they didn't want the other students to see her. But why would there be students here?
It was then she noticed she wasn't alone. There was a man sitting very still and very quiet at her bedside, watching her intensely with black eyes. The man was imposing, but she didn't feel uncomfortable in his presense. His greasy, shoulder length hair was black as her own and contrasted harshly with his sallow skin. The large hooked nose was the predominant feature of his face and seen through kind eyes could be called diginified. And for some very odd reason, she was seeing this man through kind eyes.
"Am I...?" She was surprised to hear how ragged her voice sounded. "Where am I?"
Severus felt his throat restrict momentarily with emotion. She was awake and she was speaking. So far it was more then he had allowed himself to hope for, but they hadn't gotten into coherent sentences, and that beast lurking in the corner, her memories. He took a small, deep breath and steadied himself. Usually he was so good with hiding his emotions, he hadn't felt this out of control in years.
"You are in the infirmary."
"The castle," Sera nodded slightly, remembering coming out of the woods and heading for the great grey turrets rising into the sky. "It was the first thing I saw when I came out of the woods."
"Yes," Severus nodded and turned to look over his shoulder, past the high screens to the shadow of a figure on the other side. "Madame Pomfrey, please send someone to tell Headmaster Dumbledore that she's awake."
She frowned a little, repeating that name slowly. "Dumbledore. I know that name."
"Do you?" He turned back to look at her, feeling his stomach twitch with nervousness. "Do you remember anything about that name?"
"Dumbledore..." Sera repeated again, closing her eyes momentarily. They snapped open when the answer suddenly came to mind. "Hogwarts. I'm at Hogwarts?"
"Yes. Yes you are." Severus nodded, suddenly not sure if he hoped Sera's memory was in tact or not. He'd been very different when she'd known him, and so much had changed he didn't even begin to wonder how he could ever explain it all to her.
If it had been anyone else, he wouldn't have been so tortured. But the relationship he'd had with Sera had been one of the most pure of his entire life. Perhaps because it only lasted one summer. However, that didn't mean he hadn't carried the memory of it with him all these years. Memory that once someone didn't think he was a repulsive monster. The only one, perhaps, considering even Lily grew to despise him in the end.
"Students aren't allowed in the woods," She frowned. "What was I doing out there? I just remember waking up out there. Trying to get away..."
"Away from what?" Severus asked slowly. "Do you remember?"
"I don't. I just know it was something horrible."
The girl fell into silence as she sat up and tucked her long legs beneath her. Severus felt a dizzying sense of deja vu as he watched her expressions and movements. They were unchanged, just like the rest of her. He studied her like one would study a fascinating but slightly frightening wild beast. So deep he was in his watching he didn't notice that Dumbledore had joined them until the old wizard spoke.
"Seraphina Starkley. You have been returned to us." Dumbledore's blue eyes sparkled behind his spectacles. "It is very good to see you."
"Professor Dumbledore," A slight smile of recognition touched Sera's lips.
Severus fought to keep the bitter jealously he felt rising in his throat off of his face. He'd sat with her until she woke up and she made no signs of remembering him. But she remembered Dumbledore?
"Madame Pomfrey will be in to check on you in a few minutes." Dumbledore nodded genially. "But first, I would like to know what you remember. If you don't mind sharing it with us?"
"I remember coming out of the woods, seeing the castle..." Sera shrugged slightly. "Do you mean before that? It seems so jumbled."
"Try and tell us, if you can." The Headmaster urged her gently. "What's the last thing you remember before the woods?"
Sera closed her eyes and concentrated. It all seemed like a dream, shredded to pieces by awakening and scattered to the far corners of her mind. She could see a few faces, a small house, a flock of chickens. But what was right before the woods?
"Books.." Her eyes squeezed shut tighter as if she was trying to force the memories out."I was studying...for something important. I think it was a test. Something to do with plants."
She opened her eyes and looked at each of the men in turn, her pretty features set in a serious expression. "Why am I having such trouble remembering things? And why was I out in the woods in my nightgown?"
"I'm afraid we can't answer the second question," Dumbledore began. "But you have been through a traumatic experience, Sera. You were a student here at Hogwarts and one night you disappeared from your bed. We searched for you for a long time, but you've only just returned."
"How long is a long time?" Her eyes seemed to cloud with suspicion.
It was Severus this time who answered, in a quiet voice. "Fifteen years."
"Dear Merlin!" Sera gasped in horror. "I've been gone for fifteen years?"
"I'm afraid it is so." Dumbledore took the helm of conversation again, adding in a gentle tone. "What do you remember about your family, Sera?"
She felt a wave of dread sweep through her body, realizing they could very well all be dead after so many years. Even if she didn't clearly remember them, it was still a sobering thought. And if they were alive, would they want to see her? Another bad feeling came to her when she tried to think of them, though this one was not connected to worries about them being dead.
"We were poor," Her voice was hesitant as her eyes closed and she concentrated on relaying the images swirling around her mind. "My mother...she wasn't there for most of my life. I think she died when I was young. And I see two girls...older girls...my sisters? The oldest one was different from us, she was a squib..my father was ashamed of her."
The change in her voice was noticable as her father's image rose in her mind. "When Mama died he started drinking alot. And when my sisters left, he drank even more. He was worried about his legacy...because he didn't have a son. For some reason I'm seeing chickens, but there was something different about them..."
When she trailed off, Dumbledore urged her on again. "Do you recall anything else?"
"My father wanted a son..." Sera frowned deeply at this admission. "But he got three girls. And yet, I remember a boy. A few years older then me. His hair was black too...and greasy. Pale skin, big nose...dark eyes. We were close...but he wasn't my brother...he was my...well..I have this image of us kissing..."
Her blue eyes snapped open suddenly and she turned to the black haired man. He fit the description of the boy perfectly, and the more she looked at him the more familair the dark, glittering eyes became. The shape of his lips, the large nose, and that greasy hair. He was sitting before her right now.
"Severus?" She whispered.
At that moment, Severus felt more terrified then he'd had in years. She remembered him, she was looking right at him with recognition in her eyes and his name on her lips. Earlier he had felt jealous that she remembered Dumbledore, but suddenly he wished she hadn't remembered him. How would he ever explain what he'd done in the last decade and a half to her?
"It is me." He confirmed with a slight nod, feeling too open as she continued to gaze at him with those big blue eyes of hers. She was part of an old life, one he'd lost to the Dark Lord and never thought he'd be able to repiece again. And yet, here she was. Alive, and remembering him.
"We were...dating?" Sera's lips curved into a slight smile. "One summer...my father introduced us...didn't he?"
Severus briefly considered how much of the truth he should tell her at this moment. "Your father..." He saw the little smile on her lips and felt his control slip through his fingers. "Your father gave me your hand a few days after your seventeenth birthday."
Dumbledore looked over at Severus briefly, then back to Sera, who seemed a little surprised, but not upset in the least. To the contrary, she was relieved to think she had ties to at least one other living person. She had the distinct feeling that if she were to show up on either of her sister's doorsteps she would not be welcome. And her father, she knew without asking that he was gone, with a certainity she'd only felt a few times in her life before and were hazy whispers of memory at this point.
She was curious about this man sitting before her, but fatigue was starting to show on her face. Though she'd only been conscious for less then an hour, it felt like she'd run a marathon. And who knows, maybe she had. Right now she just wanted to sleep some more. Everything else could wait until morning. Except one thing niggling at her.
"Can someone conjure me a mirror?" Sera asked the two men beside her.
Severus knew the intent of her request the moment she'd voiced it and conjured the mirror anyways. The girl looked exhausted and for a few days her health was still on the precarious side. Too much of an upset might endanger her as her body adjusted to being back to normal life again. Everything was going so well, it was a chance he didn't want to take. He exhaled slightly as he turned the small silver mirror in her direction and waited for her reaction.
"I'm the same." Sera swallowed hard, her eyes widening with fear when she saw her reflection. "How can I be the same?"
Severus was looking for the right words when he saw the girl swoon. He reached out without thinking and steadied her, carefully guiding her to lay back down against the pillows. The last thing he wanted to see was her stop thriving. Even though she was talking and remembering some things, her body was still weak from the hex.
"You were put under a a cruel hex," Dumbledore explained patiently as he stood up, sensing Sera needed some space. "It put you in a state of stasis, where you did not age and did not know what was around you. It was as if you went to sleep, and now you've finally woken up."
He walked to the edge of the screens and offered the girl a gentle smile. "Rest, Sera. Though you've been dormant for the last fifteen years, you've been through alot tonight and if your body wants sleep, you should let it have just that."
Dumbledore disappeared, but Severus stayed, watching Sera closely. He could see the confusion and distress flicker across her face, and he couldn't blame her for having those emotions. Her big blue eyes moved onto him, studying him closely. Was she disappointed with what she saw? With what the boy she had remembered had become? And she didn't even know anything yet past his appearance. How much more disappointed she would be once she knew about his life!
"Sera?" He said quietly.
"It's alot to take in," She replied, her voice low and husky with emotion.
"Yes, it is." Severus agreed with a slight nod.
"Everything's passed." Sera buried her face into the pillow to hide her tears. "I've lost so much time."
Severus watched, unable to do anything as he heard his once intended break down into quiet sobs. Obviously the truth was shocking to her, he could only imagine what it would be like to be in her place. He longed to reach over and pat her back, but he didn't want to make her feel like he expected anything out of her, even if technically their arrangement was still valid. Right now he just felt helpless and useless, two feelings he hated above all things. And yet, he stayed at Sera's bedside until she cried herself to sleep, making sure to cover her with a blanket before silently leaving the room.
