Chapter Four

The next morning it took all of Severus's self restraint to keep from going up to the infirmary before breakfast. He hadn't slept well the night before, unable to close his eyes without thought assaulting him from every direction. Sera was back and she at least remembered him enough to know they'd had a relationship of sorts. After some rest and decent food, she might remember even more now and that worried him. It had been a tumultuous time in wizard history when she was cursed, and he wondered if she would recall certain details.

Like the Death Eaters, for starters. Would she remember the things they were doing that summer? The stories of their crimes that must have been going around Hogwarts at the start of her final year? And, most importantly, what would she say when she found out that he had joined them when it seemed certain she was not going to return?

But that was a bridge he'd cross when he came to it. Right now he had a bigger issue to handle. According to wizarding law, he and Seraphina were still engaged. And, with her father dead, the only way the engagement could be broken, as it was made with one of the pureblood oaths of antiquity, was if he chose to end it. For all practical purposes, Sera had no choice in the matter.

A dark side of Severus delighted in this fact momentarily. She'd been very fond of him when they were younger, and if she hadn't been cursed they would have been married these past fifteen years anyways. While it was not an ideal time for a wife to come into his life, he would take care of her to the best of his abilities. He would make sure she wasn't miserable. And considering what had happened to her, it would be best for her to go with someone who would protect her and treat her well.

Those thoughts gave him something to think about over breakfast, though he ate very little, and were dismissed quite quickly. He couldn't force Sera to marry him. He was a different person from the boy he'd been when they were originally engaged, on the outside as well as the inside. Though Sera was rightly in her early thirties, she still looked like a seventeen year old and her life experience had only gone that far. Why would she choose to be with an old man who was nothing to look at and had an even uglier past?

That should've been enough to discourage him from going to visit her. Merlin knew by the time breakfast was over he was certainly feeling very low about any chances of ever getting back what was taken from him. And yet he couldn't just let her sit in the infirmary alone. Her father was dead, her sisters estranged, she had no ties left to anyone but Severus himself.

When he finally did get to the infirmary he found Sera sitting up in bed, looking a little paler then normal but alert. She was a beautiful girl, and he felt the same embarrassment creep up into him as the first time her father brought him into the dank, shabby house to meet her. Now he was fifteen years older, most definitely not any better looking, and had fifteen years of past sins to explain. And yet, he responded the same way as he had then, a black moth drawn to the flame in her blue eyes.

"Severus," Seraphina smiled at him as he came to sit beside her. "I'm glad to see you.." A soft, shyness crossed her pretty features. "When I woke up, I thought it was all a dream for a moment."

Severus honestly had no idea what to say, though her being glad to see him made the corners of his mouth twitch ever so slightly. He finally managed to nod his agreement. "Yes, it does seem like a dream."

"I feel like I'm remembering more things." Sera shook her head a little. "But when I come to the time I was gone, the only thing I see is darkness. Nothingness."

"It's very unlikely that you will ever remember it." He examined her face closely for any signs of illness. "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly? A little tired, but pretty normal." She shrugged slightly. "Madame Pomfrey has been fluttering around, making sure I don't get up."

"Your body is still weak. If Madame Pomfrey thinks you should rest, then that is what you should do."

Sera made a face. "I think I'd feel better if I could go outside. It seems as if I haven't seen the sun in a very long time."

"Likely you haven't." Severus could clearly remember that almost every day that summer he'd found Sera outside, usually tucked up into a corner here or there with a book in her hands. Soon he was joining her, and the hayloft of her muggle neighbor's horse barn had become their haven. He couldn't help but wonder if she had begun to remember those sort of things yet.

Suddenly she seemed to turn somber, sighing softly. "I'm sorry about last night."

"Sera," His voice went low and firm. "You never have to apologize for being honest with me."

"Thank you," She gave him a slight smile. "But I-I shouldn't be upset about the time I've lost. I should be glad I'm still alive. People die coming out of hexes. Or the person who did this...they might have chosen this over killing me.

"That makes the curse they did use on you no less horrendous." Severus pointed out, his black eyes searching her face. He was very glad they hadn't killed her, more thankful then he'd felt about anything in a very long time.

"No, but all I've lost is time. I might not be here at all." Her eyes locked with his for a long moment before she looked away and sighed slightly. "It is a little scary, I must admit. I don't know how to contact my sisters, my father is dead, and the only people who know me are you and Dumbledore. And you both have your own lives. I'm sure you have a wife and.."

"I have not married," His voice was low and quiet as he interrupted her. "And no children."

"You haven't?" Sera raised an eyebrow and then shook her head slightly. "Well, you still have a life, Severus." Her brow creased again as something occurred to her. "What are you doing here? You were here when I woke up...did Dumbledore call you?"

The corners of Severus's mouth twitched it what could've been a sneer or a smirk. Even he didn't know which he meant to use and so decided on neither. "I am a Professor here. I am the Potions Master. And head of Slytherin house."

Sera's face didn't have to decide between emotions, a smile crossing her pretty face. "You always were brilliant in Potions. I seem to remember you tutoring me by owl when I first returned to Hogwarts that year..."

"You were panicking over a minor disaster you'd brewed in Slughorn's class in your last letter," He recalled, a touch of fondness in his voice. "You were afraid you were going to fail."

Fifteen years later, he still had the letter tucked away in a safe place. Severus could never bear to look at them, but it also brought him comfort to have, as if they were the only concrete proof of that summer. That someone could have wanted to be with him. What would Sera say now if she knew how he'd spent the last fifteen years? Inevitably it would have to revealed, but maybe he could have a few more days with her before the truth would come to light.

"I can remember a lot of that summer," She admitted in a shy voice. "Not everything, but a lot of things."

"What sort of things?" Severus asked, hesitation in the infliction of his words.

"Mostly good things," The smile warmed her face again. "We used to spend a lot of time in the hayloft of my Muggle neighbor's barn. Just talking, sometimes reading. And I remember the first time we kissed...on the roof, under the stars. I think there was a meteor shower..."

Then the smile faded slowly as another memory crossed her mind's eye. "You tending the welts my father had left on my back when I'd come in a few minutes late the night before..."

"He was a cruel man, Sera." His lip curled at the thought of Cecil Starkley. The night Severus had saved his life the man hadn't been able to defend himself against a few Muggle teenagers. Only later did he find out that Starkley preferred to raise his fists only to women. And being the only one of the three daughters left, the last few years of her life Sera had to bear the brunt of his temper herself.

"I remember enough to know that I should feel bad he's dead, but I don't." She frowned. "I know that probably sounds awful, but it's the truth. Even if it does leave me with no place to go."

"Seraphina," Severus knew the usage of her full name would carry the seriousness of the words he was about to say. "As long as I am able to do something about it, you will always have a place to go."

The smile spread across her face again, reaching this time to into the very depths of her blue eyes. She reached across the small distance between them and took his hand in hers, giving it a soft squeeze. His black eyes met hers and for the first time in almost longer then he could remember Severus felt human.