It took Severus an almost an hour to explain to Sera everything that had happened from the time she disappeared until she'd reappeared about a week ago. And he did tell her everything, including the Dark Mark slowly coming back on his forearm and what he would have to do if the Dark Lord did indeed return again. There would be no secrets, he'd have enough of those in his future it would seem.
When he finished, he watched Sera very closely, waiting for some reaction. The expression on her pretty face was serious and she nodded very slowly as she searched for the right words.
"I remember them..." She finally said. "Lily Evans and James Potter. He asked me out once and I told him to go jump in the lake and snog the Giant Squid."
A slight smile played across Severus's lips. "I am sorry I didn't notice you until your father gave me your hand. Things would have turned out very different, perhaps."
"Would they?" Sera sighed. "I have to admit, I'm a little jealous to find out you felt that way about Lily Evans, but I was two years behind you at Hogwarts and neither of us were the type to do anything that would've caught the other's eye..." She trailed off, looking at the hand she hadn't let go of through the entire story.
Severus almost couldn't believe that she was jealous of his feelings for Lily! A beautiful girl like her wanted his heart to herself. Who would ever have thought? As he looked into her eyes he knew with complete certain things would have been different had she not disappeared. He didn't think he believed in the power of love, but now he wasn't entirely sure.
"It was a childish sort of thing," He replied in a quiet voice. "Feelings that were never returned. And if you hadn't been taken from me, one I wouldn't have clung to them for so long."
His fingers slipped beneath her chin and tilted it upwards so she would look at him. "I had feelings for you too, Sera. And you were the only one who ever showed me kindness in return. Memories of that summer have haunted me for the last fifteen years."
"Haunted?" Her pale brow creased with confusion. "Why haunted?"
"If you hadn't disappeared I would not have joined the Dark Lord's army. So many things would be different."
Sera nodded slightly. "Amongst others, Lily would have lived. Wouldn't she have?"
"Yes." Severus agreed with her, cupping the side of her face in his hand. "But she and James would have their life, and you and I would have had ours."
"We're still here." She brushed her soft lips against the palm of his hand and Severus felt his breath catch in his throat. No one had ever shown him affection before Sera and even then she hadn't been this open with it in their past, her father's anger always a threat in the background.
"We are," He agreed in a low voice.
"And if you didn't want us to be together, I wouldn't be here." A little glint of mischief colored her eyes. "Oh, maybe if you felt a duty to protect me because of our ties from my last life you'd keep me around. But you wouldn't have me sleeping a foot away from your bed."
His hand fell from her cheek and he sighed. "It is a lot to ask. You're beautiful, any man would be glad to have you, the age of your body or the age of your mind."
"Then be glad to have me." Sera whispered in return. "I wanted to be your wife fifteen years ago and I still want to your wife now, Severus. A lot of things have changed, but that hasn't. Even after everything you've told me, it doesn't change."
"Are you certain?" Severus studied her, feeling his head starting to spin with emotions. He wasn't entirely sure he liked this, one person able to break him open and spill out his feelings. Right now he felt raw, vulnerable. He hated that and it showed in the tension of his tone. "It's not going to be easy. I can't go back to being who I was when we first met. I...I don't know how to even begin doing that, Sera."
Why is that he spent the last fifteen years not speaking of his emotions but in the past week this young woman with the big blue eyes had drawn several revelations from him? It was very infuriating, but when he looked at her it was hard to feel like striking out.
"Severus," Now it was Sera's turn to take his face in her tiny hands. "Honey, you weren't exactly all light and fluff before. And with the things you've seen and been through, I don't expect you to be anything other then what you are. As long as..."
She trailed off and took her hands away, suddenly looking shy. His heart dropped when he saw her seemingly retreat back into herself. Severus wondered what he'd done to get that sudden, unexpected reaction from her when he'd tried so hard not to push her away, as tempting as his masochistic tendencies made it.
"Sera..." He took one of her hands in both of his, studying her intensely. "As long as what?"
"Could you..do you think you could ever.." Her voice was tiny, almost inaudible.
Suddenly it occurred to Severus that she was as out of her depth as he was. She'd lost her mother at a very young age and her father was an abusive drunk. He could remember the bruises he'd seen on Sera all those years ago clearly even today. They had very similar childhoods, and he knew that she wanted to be loved above all other desires.
She'd never told him herself, she guarded that secret fiercely, but he had been younger, more foolish then and apt to use his occlumency skills to find out if she really liked him or if she was just playing along because she felt stuck with him. What he saw was enough to reassure his fragile ego. And it threatened to break his heart, seeing how badly she wanted to have someone want her and love her.
He couldn't give her much else right now, but that he could give her. It wouldn't always be easy, he didn't know even if he even was capable of showing love, but he would find a way. Severus wasn't so different as the students and others around him might think. In fact, he wanted the very same thing as Sera did.
"I already do," He whispered back, leaning in to kiss her forehead.
