Chapter Three: An Unusual Visitor at WarioWare
Somewhere beyond, Sky had only one question for Free:
"What is going on in Universe 0781?!"
The answer wasn't quite what was expected.
Diamond City! A sparkling gem of a metropolis! So far away from the rest of the Mushroom World. The perfect place for an entrepreneur to live and work far from the bureaucracy of the Mushroom Kingdom, where one wouldn't be judged for eccentricity or faults!
And one of those entrepreneurs was Wario! Wario, president owner and CEO of WarioWare Incorporated, one of the finest makers of microgames in all of the Mushroom World!
And today was a good day for WarioWare, for some of it's wayward employees had finally returned. Or maybe they'd never left. Or maybe they had been fired but then rehired. Or maybe they never even technically worked there.
Nobody was quite sure. Wario wasn't much for keeping records, other than the list of people who had slighted him. A fat, pot-bellied bear of a man with a pink nose and zig-zagging mustache, he also wasn't one for fancy suits. No, today, Wario sat on his fancy chair in something that better was suited for a motorcycle: a yellow helmet with his initial upon it, a blue denim jacket, tight-fitting pink jeans...
...and a nasty temper!
"All of you, every single one of you!" he shouted, pointing to the employees around him. From left to right they stood before him: Orbulon the white weird-headed alien, Ashley the young witch, Mona the peppy high-schooler, 9-Volt the inventive fanboy, and, finally... Jimmy T., the blue afro'ed disco dude.
"All of us what, Wario?" said Mona.
"All of you left me!" said Wario, slamming his large fists upon his desk, "Left me! How am I supposed to make money without my microgames team!?"
"You could try... paying us?" said Mona, "I mean, you still haven't given us anything from the last..."
She trailed off as she heard a most unusual sound:
Thoomp. Thoomp. Thoomp.
"What is that sound?" asked Ashley.
Suddenly, the door slammed open, and, marching in- taking the top of the doorway with him and a loud thoomp with every step, was a most unusual visitor for Diamond City. Standing there, large, orange, green and red, was the King of the Koopas himself...
"I AM BOWSER, KING OF THE KOOPAS!" he boomed in a voice that seemed more like a roar than actual speech, "AND I AM HERE TO SPEAK WITH WARIO!"
The WarioWare employees just stood and stared, Wario, meanwhile, silently reached into a desk drawer, checking to make sure he had a bomb ready... just in case.
Bowser stomped his clawed feet, and, with a roar, made another declaration. This time, fire seemed to start to emanate from his mouth as he spoke:
"MOVE ALONG, PUNY FLEAS, I WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM! SO SCRAM!"
The employees of WarioWare scattered to the sides of the room quickly, save for 9-Volt, who stood in awe at the famed villain, mouth agape.
"9-Volt, get out of the way, man!" yelled Jimmy T.
Then, like out of a trance, 9-Volt bolted out of the way as well, and Bowser was free to walk right up to Wario's desk. Wario, who was a bit shocked himself at Bowser's appearance (he'd come to Diamond City to avoid things like this, after all), was the first to open his mouth.
"What do you want, Koopa?" he said, leaning forward over his desk, puffing up his chest, trying as hard as he could to look big.
Bowser stayed silently for a second, and then, with a voice completely unlike the roar he once had, he practically stuttered out:
"I have come to request your..." he trailed off suddenly, reduced to a mumble. Wario moved his chair up, thinking he knew what the Koopa was about to say. He put a hand to an ear.
"Yes? I can't heeeeaaar yoooouuuuu..."
Bowser began to speak again: "I have come to request your..."
"Yeeeeeeessss?"
Bowser began to stomp up and down, his horns scratching the ceiling as he roared: "OH, I'VE COME TO REQUEST YOUR HELP, YOU PUNY..." his voice turned back into a "normal" tone: "...wonderful... person..."
A hush fell over the office, as the words sank in. Bowser? Asking help from Wario? Bowser didn't ask help from anybody, and even if he did, why would he ask Wario for it? Diamond City was quite a haul, after all.
But to Wario, it wasn't a shock. Instead, it was a joke. And Wario thought it was hilarious.
"Wah-HAHAHAHA! WEEEH HAHAHA," he laughed, pounding his hands against his desk as he did so, "You need my help? Bhwahahahahahah!"
Wario then stopped just as quickly as he started, swallowed, scratched his ear, and then sat up.
"Uh, why do you need my help, Bowser?" he said, trying as hard as he could to sound polite, but not doing it very well.
Bowser moved his arms up to emphasize:
"You see, my kingdom and troop has sort of..." he moved his arms- and head- down, "been stolen from me."
"BHWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Wario cackled stopping only long to ask: "Who stole it from you?"
Bowser, in his more pathetic, almost confused lower voice, began to speak:
"Well, you see here, a few days ago, some guy showed up. A lot of guys, actually. And they were led by this one tall guy. Looked a bit like you, Mario and the Princess. Only taller. And kind of creepy looking, almost as creepy as that Waluigi guy you hang out with. Almost, at least. Ah, what was his name... I can't remember. Had two Ns right after the other in it, though... I think.
Anyway, so he shows up and demands to speak to me in private, refuses to give his name, his address, or what he wants, or anything. And he says he wants this totally private, nobody else. Not my kid, not Kamek, nobody. And I, figuring this could be a good gag or maybe some yummy dinner, let him.
So he tells me his name- ah, what was it... and then he says 'Throw in with me and my friends and you will rule not just the Mushroom Kingdom, but everything beyond.'
So then I'm like: 'Yeah? So why should I help you? I'll probably end up doing all the work, and then you'll take all of the credit!'
Then he's all, like, 'You are making a major mistake, you do not understand my true power. I have allies in many lands beyond your imagination and power great enough to control them, blah, blah blah, if you do not agree to help me it will mean your extermination, blah blah blah...'
So then I, of course, used my great diplomatic tact and offered him a deal: If he let me command this whole exhibition and agreed to serve in my Koopa Troop, I'd let him live. A fair deal, right?
But then, he just laughs. So I call in some Goombas and Koopatrols to get him, and he just keeps laughing. And then, and this is what really bugs me, he just walked out, with my troops following him. Then he just disappeared. By the end of the day, everybody had just left me. AND I WILL NOT STAND THIS! I AM THE KING OF THE KOOPAS! And...I figured maybe you'd help me."
"And that's how it happened," he finished.
9-Volt, a big fan of all of the Mushroom Kingdom's heroes and villains (he based lots of his microgames on them), couldn't help but ask a question:
"What about the Koopalings? Surely they stayed with you?"
Bowser merely growled.
"I'll take that as a no."
Bowser snapped, leaping up and down, his horns and even spikes scratching the ceiling as he stomped up and down like a spoiled child.
"OF COURSE IT MEANS NO! THEY ALL LEFT ME TO GO WITH THE TALL GUY! EVERYBODY BUT JUNIOR, KAMEK AND A LAKITU!"
Wario stood up and slammed his fists on his desk and yelled out: "STOP IT, OR YOU ARE PAYING FOR THAT CEILING!"
Bowser stopped and sneered:
"Diplomatic immunity, Wario. Now, are you going to aid me in my quest to help me take back the Koopa Troop?"
"WAHAHAHA! No, it serves you right for what you did to me on Rainbow Road that one time," he said, "Besides, you probably have no idea where they went anyway!"
Bowser was silent for a second, and then, growlingly, said:
"I guess there is no honor between Mario-haters anymore."
And then he turned around and left, slamming the door as he went.
And then there was silence.
And more silence.
And then part of the ceiling fell down, causing Ashley to jump up in surprise. And so now, apparently, the WarioWare employees decided it was safe to speak.
"So, uh, Wario?" asked Mona, "How come this is basically the first time we've met anybody you usually hang out with?"
"Yeah, man, how come we've never been invited to any of those gatherings? Jimmy always was dancing around the basepaths at the Thang family picnics," said Jimmy in the third person, "I'd have been great during one of those baseball games."
"And kart racing, why can't we go kart racing?" asked Mona, speaking again.
"Why is that we haven't even seen Waluigi?" threw in 9-Volt.
Wario just had one thing to say to all of them:
"GET TO WORK!"
Outside of WarioWare, three individuals waited: Bowser's son (the brilliantly named "Bowser Junior"), his chief advisor Kamek the Magikoopa, and, inexplicably, a Lakitu hanging out with a camera, despite the fact nobody was watching.
Together, the three of them constituted the remnant of the once-mighty Koopa Troop. And now, they saw their King, Bowser Koopa, walking out of a greedy entrepreneur's corporate headquarters, utterly empty-handed.
Kamek spoke first, polite but full of a knowledge that he probably was far smarter than his King:
"I take it that Wario did not take up your offer, my Lord?"
"No. The two-bit knock-off just laughed at me..."
"C'mon dad! Go show him a lesson!" cried out Bowser Junior, with a shrill voice, "Show him who's boss!"
Bowser, speaking in his more mild-mannered voice as opposed to his roar: "Son, don't settle for a knock-off when the original article will do."
Kamek straightened up and his voice seemed to gain a spring in it's metaphorical step: "Are you suggesting we go enlist the aid of Mario, Lord Bowser?"
A silence hung through the air, but then was broken a few seconds later by the return of Bowser's angry, roaring voice: "NO! I DO NOT NEED HIS HELP! I WILL NEVER ASK FOR THE HELP OF MARIO!"
"Sire, what of the attack of the Smithy Gang and the business with Count Bleck and Dimentio? Amongst others..."
Bowser lifted his head back and let out a demented laugh: "MWAHAHAHAHA! Those times, Mario came and asked ME for help!"
Deflated, Kamek just sighed. It was worth a shot. He was no friend of the protectors of the Mushroom Kingdom, but he knew full well that they were probably the best shot of dealing with the intruder that had stolen the Koopa Troop. Still, he was Bowser's advisor, not the Koopa King's... King.
"So, pops, what are we going to do?" asked Junior.
"Well, son, there must be some who will be willing to aid the Koopa Kingdom. Kamek! Tell me who could aid me!"
Kamek crossed his arms and began to think, and said names that could possibly interest his King:
"Captain Syrup?", Kamek half-suggested, half just sort-of threw out there.
"Who?" asked Bowser.
"Nevermind then, uhhh, Tatanga? No, wait, I don't know where we'd find him..."
Kamek reached behind and scratched his head, and then he realized the biggest name, the other reptilian king:
"What about K. Rool, King Bowser?"
Bowser just stared at his top advisor, a glare, as if to say: "Seriously? ? The guy who gets beaten up by the Kongs?"
Kamek shrugged. Junior started to yell stuff out, but they just sort of ignored it. The Lakitu just sort of floated there.
And then came the loud voice of Wario:
"Hey, you guys need a job?"
