(A/N: Place in minds what troll zeppelins look like—an old Chinese fishing boat with a bullet-shaped balloon lifted by hot air or rare gases harvested from their swampy homeland. And propelled by steam turbine engines with large skin props. They are armed very much like WW2 aircraft and the like. Their balloons are rienforced with chainmail and steel scales. They come in many sizes and arms for various purposes )
I wanna thank Cynder Fan and Iceclaw14 for proofreading. Cynder fan, because she normally doesn't beta for M-rated stories, and has done a great job. And Iceclaw14, because she is the soul reason I can still write.
(revised on July 31st 2012)
On the troll zeppelin armada heading for Avalar:
Shigi was in the lunch room with his troll comrades,attempting to eat but having trouble because of Admiral Allan Jackbar.
"Are you all men?" the admiral yelled, standing atop of his chair.
"We're all men, sir," they replied in near-perfect unison.
"Then why don't you like balls?" he replied loudly, a smirk on his face and his hands on his hips.
"Because I'm am a man of honor," responded Shigi, staring down at his food in disgust.
"No!" the Admiral yowled passionately in response."Because balls are something you have none of, puss boy. I have them all here, an entire sack full of balls. Balls, balls for everyone! Balls to go around!"
"Man, he's certainly full of balls." a random soldier cackled, forcing his comrades into uncontrollable laughter.
The jokes continued, tearing through the entire cafeteria. Soon, Shigi could stand not a second longer. He grabbed a turkey leg and fled from the cafeteria and onto the deck. The zeppelin was flying just above a dense forest of evergreens, so close a younger Shigi would have believed they would soon crash headlong into the trees.
The admiral, having noticed that his companion had left his side, exited the cafeteria with loud cackles resonating behind him. Caching sight of Shigi, he advanced towards him, leaning against the railing. Without even looking at his face, the admiral knew Shigi was far from joyful.
Shigi, my boy," he began, smiling down at the younger troll, "why did you leave dinner early, huh? We were getting ready for desert, vanilla ice cake." He licked his lips and rubbed his some-what pudgy stomach in anticipation.
Shigi ignored this action of his friends and settled onto the floor of the deck, his legs hanging precariously over the zeppelin's side. "I had to run out of there because they were spouting immature jokes. It's humiliating." He replied, shrugging. "Besides, it's like we're celebrating too soon. We haven't won yet. I have no clue what the dragons have in store for us." He tossed his turkey bone overboard.
"You know, I don't really enjoy killing dragons, cheetahs and moles."
The admiral blinked, digging in between his teeth with his fingers for what remained of his meal. "Why the hell not?"
Shigi took a deep breath, focusing his eyes on the forest below. "When I was seven-years-old,I ran away from home, because my mother and two sisters wouldn't stop making fun of my mental condition. I went straight to Warfang and became a cheap right hand man for an ice dragoness." A smile played across his lips, remembering the dragon whom had been so kind to him. "She treated me like I was her child, and all I had to do was wash her and dress her in chain mail—because dragons can't dress themselves."
The Admiral sat down, put his legs under the railing and turned to Shigi.
"Really? Dragons can't dress themselves?" he asked, curious.
"Yeah, they can't use their arms very well like that, and the massive wings don't help. They usually have moles to do it for them," Shigi informed him, "and this ice dragoness couldn't have hatchling's and she practically treated me like I was an adopted son. I slept in the same bed as her to keep warm, and she treated me often to delicious meals. I miss Warfang," he sighed. "I had to leave because the Dark Master invaded. I haven't seen that dragon since; I imagine she must have been killed during the invasion. But, I remember seeing the two heroes of the dragon race when I was still there, Spyro and Cynder,and they make a great team."
"Yeah, they destroyed Malefor's forces and killed an earth golem, I've read it in all the history books." The admiral replied. "Hey, I can't believe I've never asked you this before, but how did you become colonel at your young age, and how did get the code name 'Cloaked Widow-Maker'?"
"I've survived 20 assignments over the years and killed countless cheetahs, moles and dragons, turning their wives into widows. I do feel as if I'm too much of a child to be a colonel. I have fresh battle scars over my old ones, and I was lucky to survive that arrow-to-the-balls incident in Twilight Falls. No thanks to those damn Grublin archers," Shigi rambled.
"I only wish I was promoted to colonel at your age. Imagine how high up I'd be now," the admiral, producing a flask from his satchel and taking a hearty gulp.
"Yeah, but sometimes I wish I could go back to Warfang. There are so many good memories in that beautiful city. But, because of my reputation, I'll never be able to show my face to the dragons."
At this moment, the first mate approached the trolls and saluted both before he turned to Jackbar. "Admiral, we are thirty minutes from our destination with favorable weather. Her Majesty is also requesting your presence in the crystal ball room."
The admiral sighed as he rose from the floor. "I'll be off then, Shigi." He told the younger officer.
"Yeah," Shigi replied, turning his eyes again to the scenery passing below.
Allowing a small smile to grow on his lips, Admiral Jackbar followed the mate from the deck and into the crystal ball room. There, the troll queen awaited his arrival, her handmaidens fanning her.
He kneeled to the ground. "Your Majesty."
"Yes, rise," she replied. "I do not care much for formalities as of late. Please, just tell me what I need to know and nothing more."
"Ah,Your Majesty,I have good news and bad news," he began.
"Give me the good news first," the queen said, snapping her fingers and sending her handmaidens into a frantic scurry away from the ballroom.
The admiral waited until the door was shut behind the handmaidens before he continued. "The good news is all zeppelins are still intact and we will be in Avalar before the hour is over. Bad news...is our best colonel might have a soft spot for dragons."
The queen's eyes narrowed. "And why do you believe this, admiral? Must I repeat myself? I do not taking joking lightly."
"I am not joking," Jackbar replied with as much sincerity as he could muster. "He was telling about how he used to have a dragon raise him. He even spoke kindly of Warfang and wishes the dragons would accept him even after all his successful missions for our cause."
The queen's mouth hung loose. "Damnation. I cannot say I saw this coming." she responded, tapping her toes on the ground. "If he does not succeed in this mission or shows you any more signs of his relationship with dragons, lure him somewhere and shoot him in the head. He is in command of some of the best troops, and they cannot be poisoned by his influence. If he fails, he has proven to the empire that he has outlived his usefulness. I cannot risk losing any of our troops to the dragons."
"Yes, Your Highness." He said proudly.
Their wings heavy, the dragons decided to take to the land again. However, they remained silent, each one with their own fears about the troll invasion. Except possibly Venus, who seemed quite preoccupied by a sweet-tasting flower she had located on the side of the road.
"Hey, big brother," she said, chewing on the flower, "Tell us that joke about the apes and the Atlawas."
Helix smiled. "Okay, sis, um...let's see…," he noticed Spyro and Cynder edging slightly closer to him as he thought. "There were these three apes in the tall plains scouting a few years ago. The Atlawas discovered them, knocked them out with nerve darts and tied them to a tree. The Atlawa leader at the time, whose name was Kane, decided to have some fun with the apes. So, when they awoke, he said to them, 'you have violated our land and your species has driven our people into hiding! deserve to be killed right here...but we will let you go free with enough food and water to last you a few days...if and only if you can show no facial expressions while we shove fruit up your asses.'"
Spyro covered his mouth with his paw, trying to restrain a laugh, having already heard this joke. "The Atlawa soldiers tore open their bags and emptied their contents onto the ground. Each bag was filled with fruits. The first ape was given oranges, but he soon began to cry from the pain and was killed. The second ape, with far greater luck than the first, was receiving grapes. He was almost finished, less than a handful of the fruit remaining, when he notices the third fruit among the pile. Gathering his will, he attempted not to laugh, but failed and he was killed just like the first. The two apes met up in the afterlife, and the first ape says to the second, 'Why did you laugh? You were so close!' The second ape responded, 'Because our buddy needs to shove rockmelons up his ass.'"
The entire group began to laugh enthusiastically. "Helix," Jeenie said breathlessly, "you're going to send me into labor!"
"Am I really that funny, sister?" He questioned, flattered.
"Yeah, of course you are. I mean, I'm lucky I didn't give birth in an emergency room in Warfang during your show." She giggled.
"Yeah, Warfang is a great city. I could use a gigolo right now." laughed Venus, blushing. "And a nice head job."
They were approaching the end of the path, walking alongside the edge the valley's waterfall, noticing the Cheetah village below and the large towerous fire dragon temple at the top of a cliff. Jeenie narrowed her eyes and caught sight of a large electric dragon covered in armor and carrying cheetah archers on his back, holding their crossbows to their chests. She ran ahead of her party towards him.
"Honey!" yelled Denji in excitement. The two met, and he hugged her tightly. When they separated, she eyed his armor worriedly and he began to explain. "Sweetie, I was in the attack force against the trolls, but they're too heavily fortified in that marsh they call home. I was re-assigned to defend our cheetah allies, while the fire dragons are protecting the fire temple."
The rest of the dragons caught up, and Denji's eyes widened when he caught sight of Spyro and Cynder. "By the gods! Spyro, the hero of the dragon race, and Cynder, the former queen of Conquer!"
Spyro interrupted anything else he might say, knowing it would turn into an argument about Cynder's current situation. "Alright, Cynder and I will reinforce the dragons at the temple," he began. He turned to his side, motioned to his companions one at a time. "Helix, Hermes, and Jeenie, you guys will stay here."
"What about me?" asked Venus, bouncing slightly on her feet.
"You can come with us if you want, Venus," said Cynder.
"No," Jeenie cut her off. "She has to stay here with us. I cannot fight well because of my pregnancy."
"Fine," Cynder replied. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of the troll armada hovering towards them. "But who's going to deal with those airships?" She questioned desperately, her eyes wide.
The entire group turned to look at the armada in the distance, hovering uncomfortably low over the woods. "Wait, I have a killer plan," yelled Denji. "What if Spyro and Cynder engaged the ships heading to the temple while the rest of us fend off the troll soldiers?
Spyro nodded. "A good plan," he turned to Cynder and nodded. "Come on, Cyn." The two dragons then took off into the air, heading towards the dragon temple. They landed at the top of the temple, it's highest spire level with the approaching zeppelins. "Okay, Cyn, when they come I will dart through the balloons with fire to try to get them to deflate. What about you?"
"I'll head into the ship using shadow to stay unnoticed, kill the captain and use fear to make the crew jump overboard." she said, her muscles twitching with anticipation. The two hugged and kissed, preparing for the battle before they took off for the zeppelins. Spyro could hear the hisses and snaps as the bullets of the troll gunners barely missed him. He pulled up just before the balloon, and spat several fire missiles at the armor plating. The projectiles melted through the zeppelin's armor and the ballon bagan to sag. The zeppelin crashed to the ground. Cynder launched herself off the deck as the airship fell, a few crew attempting to follow, before plunging to their deaths.
After thirty non-stop minutes of this, many of the airships lay shattered on the floor of the valley. The two dragons clung to the the temple spire, panting. "Spyro, you did well. You were all, woosh woosh flame." She then whistled.
Spyro smiled. "You were pretty brave yourself."
Cynder then grinned and hugged Spyro, licking his neck affectionately. "You know, one of those filthy trolls whacked me in the pussy real hard with a whale bone when I was pushed onto my back. Could you kiss it better for me?" She said in a seductive tone, smiling and using all her willpower not to laugh.
"Pfft…whale bone on my vagina, that's funny!" She said, chuckling.
"Maybe later, Cynder. The Cheetah village might need out help, and we've done our part here."
Helix, his two sisters, Denji, and Hermes were attempting to defend the cheetah village. The four dragons were hiding behind a large wall of sandbags while Hermes stood atop of a hill behind the village, scouting for the next wave of trolls. Denji was speaking to one of his comrades several feet away, and Helix took this opportunity to speak to his elder sister.
"Jeenie, you need to go behind the walls," Helix begged her. "It's not safe out here."
"No!" Jeenie replied stubbornly, growling. "I want Denji with me, and I shall not leave this spot. I have to protect him."
Helix turned away from his obstinate sister. "You're better off without him." He whispered so softly only he could hear.
Meanwhile, the troll commando Shigi Hasethsmalvena was standing on the Admiral's zeppelin, one of the few that had made it through Spyro and Cynder, preparing for the raid on the village.
"Alright, alright, everybody needs to get their small balls on deck for the combat drop, on the double!" The Admiral yelled over the intercom.
Trolls clambered from the mess hall, armory and barracks to the main deck.
Ropes were slung over the side of the zeppelin, and, at the order of Admiral Jackbar, Shigi and the second wave slid down the ropes as the Admiral yelled, "for balls! For Veldin!"
Branches broke into splinters on their way down to the forest. Shigi and his troops stood there silently, waiting for their que—when the shots finally ceased. He carefully slotted a new magazine into his gun, a 50 calibre was his favorite gun, adorned lovingly with the teeth from his kills. The sound of gunfire reached his ears, and he immediately knew the first wave was approaching the village and had engaged the enemy. They were poised to take the valley.
Spyro and Cynder arrived at the sandbags where Helix and his companions were preparing to defend the main gate.
"The temple's defense team can take care of themselves now. But now you need the help. We saw around two hundred troops moving through the woods. Looks like they linked up with the survivors of the downed airships." Spyro said in a panicked tone.
Helix was about to reply when, without any warning, guns blazed and flashes lit between the trees on the other side of the valley. Bullets crashed into the wooden fence, raining splinters onto the group, who had been lucky enough to duck behind the sandbags at just the right time. One defender wasn't fast enough and a bullet caught him in the neck, spraying the wall behind him with a mixture of blood and torn flesh.
Helix braced himself for another volley, and was surprised when it didn't come. He took a peek over the sandbags and he was greeted by rank after rank of troll warriors charging towards them, weapons raised. Jeenie and Venus squealed, shocked by the sight of the large force heading towards them.
Spyro and Cynder looked at each other and, with a small nod, took to the air. Arrows and bullets raced up to meet them as they closed on the loose ranks of trolls.
Spyro set some of the first ranks ablaze, cooking them in their armor. Cynder burrowed into the ground with her shadow breath and hurled several into the air before enveloping them in a cloud of toxic green gas. They fell back to the ground and choked for a few seconds, before falling still. Another four found themselves crushed under a boulder and 3 slit their own throats when Cynder used her fear ability.
But the enemy continued to gain ground, in spite of their efforts. "There's too many!" Shouted Cynder.
"I know what to do," Spyro shouted to her. He closed his eyes and, within a few seconds, began to glow with the purple aura of convexity. Cynder realizes what he was up to and did the same. The two used the convexity fury. The trolls too close to them were incinerated by the blast, some were hurled into the air by the massive explosion and others were shredded by shrapnel, ripped from the ground.
"Almost that whole army was beaten by two dragons who have barely hit puberty." Helix remarked, smiling to himself as he watched the scene. "Trolls truly are the weaklings of the dragon realms." He turned to Venus, who was staring at him wide-eyed and terrified. "It's too dangerous here, we need to go the fire dragon temple and dig in with the guards."
Just over 70 yards away, Shigi lay prone in a clump of bushes. Around him were several other soldiers. Using his rifles scope he surveyed the battlefield. Just about all his troops were dead or wounded, those who remained were being surrounded and picked off one by one, and he still hadn't scored a single kill. He scanned the field for targets and came across a large electric dragon, blasting two trolls at the same time with a powerful bolt of electricity. He carefully aimed the rifle at the dragons head. Through the powerful scope he could almost see the dragons gleeful smile as he tortured the two trolls. Shigi took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger.
A loud bang resonated through the air, followed by a wet sounding crunch. An ear shattering scream filled the was close, so close the shot rung in Helix's ears. Turning up to the direction the sound, he caught sight of Denji, just as the dragon collapsed onto his side, a large hole in the center of his forehead. Jeenie was standing over him.
When the bullet had struck it had gone clean through his head and grazed her cheek, the spray of blood from the headshot coated her face and trickled down her neck. She screamed his name like a mad woman, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably.
"Oh gods!" hollered Helix. He rushed over to his sister and pulled her away from the scene, wrapping his arms and wings around her tightly. He pressed her head to her chest to keep her eyes away from Denji's body.
"Denji!" she screamed, struggling from his grasp. "Denji!"
"You need to go, Jeenie." he instructed her as calmly as he could.
"Denji!"
"He's dead, sis, there's nothing we can do." he shouted at her.
"No, Denji!" she squealed, angling her head towards her husband's body.
"He can't die…he can't be dead. Denji!"
Two other dragons approached him, having been attracted by the screams. "We'll take her to the temple." One said to Helix over his sister's pained screams. He turned to his sister, nodded, and handed her over to the other dragons. Each hooked a wing around her body, forcing her forwards towards the temple despite her horrid protests and struggles.
Helix turned back to the valley and saw ten cloaked figures sprinting towards them. Hermes and the other cheetah archers sent out dozens of arrows, which were deflected easily by the trolls armor. Spyro and Cynder nodded to one another, used dragon time and managed to kill nine of them, leaving only one tall, cloaked commander.
Cynder rushed towards him, her tail ready to chop his head clean off, when the troll dropped his gun and put his hands up. "I surrender. Please wait, she-dragon." He begged of her.
She pinned him down, situating herself on top of him so he could not move in the slightest. Spyro put a claw to his neck, staring down at him angrily.
"Tell us your name, troll." Cynder said maliciously, her voice low.
"My name is Colonel Shigi. I'm sorry I shot the electric dragon—I was only following the orders of the queen. I'll tell you anything you want to know, please! If they discover I was defeated by you, they shall surely kill me."
"You killed Denji, widowing his pregnant wife!" Cynder shrieked in his face, causing him to shrink back slightly. "We can't let you go unpunished."
"So what? Everyone is someone's uncle, brother or son." Shigi shrugged
As they were interrogating Shigi, Hermes and Hunter ran up to them. "Ah, cheetahs, please tell Spyro and Cynder that I can provide intelligence," pleaded the troll.
Spyro and Cynder's jaws came loose. They released themselves from him and backed up. "How the hell do you know us? We're heroes among the dragons, moles, and cheetahs, not the trolls," Cynder yelled, alarmed.
"I'm afraid among the trolls you, my dear, are known only as the Black Beast or the Dark Master's whore." He explained, ignoring Cynder's angry glare. "And you, Spyro, are known as the purple menace. But, I studied you in Warfang. You and Cynder are the true heroes. I would be honored to tell you what you need to know and if the queen does not like it she can go fuck herself." He said. He whispered his next line, "She probably will—she does look like a he-she."
Cynder sighed. "Very well. We're taking you with us back to the fire temple and we will pump you there for information."
"No need to pump," replied Shigi, "I'll tell you everything you need to know."
With that, they escorted him back to the fire temple in Avalar.
"Well, my sister isn't going to be happy about this. We may need to restrain her should anything go wrong." Said Helix, glaring at the troll as he lumbered along behind them.
"If this guy really is willing to tell us all we need to know, then we may be able to end this war a lot faster than first anticipated." Said Spyro
"Yeah, and our name's will be spoken among the three allied races. We'll be worshipped!" Said Helix dreamily, imagining the fame.
"And we will get laid!" Venus shouted and jumped on Helix's back and rubed her underbelly on him whilst lifting her head and singing "We are going to get laid!"
"Is that all you ever think about?" Asked Spyro.
"Why, you wanna go first?" Asked Venus, giving him a cheesy grin.
Cynder gave her a feirce glare. "Some please put a chain on her before I end up doing something I may or may not regret."
Author: I wanna thank(again) Iceclaw14 and Cynder Fan.
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