IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!! - This is the Yu-Gi-Oh! Yaoi portion of the Shipping List in order. Be forewarned. Some "pairings" will not be fluffy and cute. But they will all, hopefully, be believable. Rating's will vary.
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi
Author's Note: Well, updates might be spread a little thinner now, as I get closer to the place on the list that I'm actually at and summer comes up on us. I finally was able to buy volumes 1-3 of the Waking the Dragons saga, as I missed it when it ran on tv...if it ever ran on tv...and found out that volumes 4-5 were never released! I know what you're thinking. 'Watch it on Youtube.' But my computer is too slow to do that. I watch 5Ds on Youtube, subtitled, and in the time frame of about 5 hours I am able to load and watch 2 complete episodes. I really need to fix my computer again...yes, again. I've already had to do it once. *sigh* I think I'll load this now before it shuts itself down...
Rating: T
Yu-Gi-Oh! Shipping List #38 - "Change"
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Buddyshipping (Hiroto x Katsuya)
When I wake up I realize immediately that I should not be awake yet. The room is dark around me and I don't recall any unpleasant dreams I could blame for waking me. A quick glance to the clock radio on the nightstand confirms that it is only two-thirty in the morning.
A quiet tap against the glass of my bedroom window, near the foot of my bed doesn't even startle me. Instead, it is all the explanation I need. Bars close at two am.
I quickly climb to the foot of my bed and unlock the window, pushing it open with one hand and pulling back the curtains with the other.
I have to move back for the unruly mop of blonde hair that climbs through and I close the window behind him once he's inside. Jounouchi wastes no time throwing himself face first into my pillow and I think I hear a muffled "Sorry man.". It was a muffled something anyway. I'm too tired to care one way or the other. I am also pissed. This is the second time this week.
"Let's see it." I say, swatting the side of his leg to prompt a reaction.
Jounouchi waves his hand at me in a "go away" fashion and I frown. No. He knows; he comes here, I do something. That's our deal. I don't talk about it. But I at least get to make sure he's ok.
So if he won't help me, I help myself. It's easy to pin him to the bed like that. I sit over his hips and pull up his shirt. He's laying on his stomach so I assume his stomach and chest are ok.
Jounouchi sighs but doesn't do anything to stop me. I'm met with the usual scars until I get the dark blue shirt he's wearing up to his shoulder blades and find the bruise I'm looking for. I can't tell from it if something was thrown at him or if he was thrown into the something but it's a nasty bruise the length of my hand and I sigh, knowing it could be worse.
"Is this it?"
"Yea."
And it has been. So much worse. Lately it's been bruises and I find I'm glad. I sigh defeatedly. I wish he'd just move in here but I don't feel like bringing it up now. That's a subject for an afternoon when I don't mind arguing in circles with him, not for the middle of the night when all I can think is that I'm glad he's here now.
"Do you want an aspirin?" I ask, covering the bruise lightly with my hand, feeling the slight fever in it and knowing it is still so fresh.
Jounouchi reaches back over his shoulder to grab my hand and pulls until I fall over on top of him. He shakes his head.
"Just hold me tonight, ok?"
It's all he ever wants anymore. He just comes here to forget. It's all pretend to him. And I hate it. I push myself up. Never let it be said that I'm not glad he can show me his weaknesses, his vulnerability, I am honored by it but it's all selfishness. He asks this of me and then keeps me at arms length.
"I don't feel like playing this game with you anymore Katsuya." I use his given name to show him I am serious and he understands. He turns slightly to look over his shoulder at me with a look of incomprehension.
"I don't… You said you didn't mind…" he fumbles over his words, already preparing himself for my rejection, already moving to a sitting position across from me - a less vulnerable position.
I sigh deeply. "You know what I mean, Jou." I go back to our familiarity so he knows I'm not really mad at him, only exhausted. "It doesn't have to be this way. I don't want to be your escape anymore. Can't you just…" I don't know how to phrase it. "Can't you just…want…me? Instead of using me to pretend you're happy here when you actually could be?!" In a fit of desperation I grab his wrist. I need to know he understands this.
The action seems to snap him back to himself and Jounouchi frowns back at me, yanking his wrist away. "I don't understand what you want."
He's feigning anger to cover his discomfort. But I couldn't care less right now. I snatch his wrist back as quickly as he pulled it away and before I can think further on it (because I know if I give myself too much time I won't do it) I press my mouth firmly against his.
This has the unintentional effect of shoving him back against the headboard and combined with the fact that I'm holding his arm above his head, I am afraid he will panic; terrified that I've gone too far, that he won't trust me ever again; won't even look at me ever again. But he has to understand. He has to know what he already has.
He lays across my chest, takes comfort in my arms around him, cries for me when he won't allow anyone else to see. We've talked about doing things, always ending with the words being laughed away and written off and forgotten. I would never do this with another guy. I believe I'm straight. I also believe that this has nothing to do with that.
He struggles for a minute, claws at my chest with his free hand but before I can even pull away the desperate scratching becomes a desperate clinging as he fists his hand into my shirt and in another minute is kissing me back.
"This isn't release." I warn him when I'm allowed to breathe again. "That's not what I'm offering."
By the look on his face I'm guessing he's just realized that we kissed. I see his thought processes like watching the gears of a clock turn. He can't be upset because he kissed me back. He wants to ask if anyone has to know but realizes that's not important right now. I don't expect an answer from him immediately. I just need to make myself clear; that what I'm offering is the same thing we've always had, except that now it's got a proper name and a need for acknowledgement.
"I know." he says and looks away; at the blankets, at his feet, anywhere but here. He's afraid of things being awkward between us. I can understand that.
"Take some time and think about it." I say finally. I didn't want to say that. It gives him the chance to let all of this fade and pretend it never actually happened. But in the end, I always give in to him.
"Hiro,"
I give him my full attention in anticipation; of what, I'm not sure.
"I don't need to. I'm just tired tonight." He takes my hand and lays down, pulling me with him. "Think your mom will…make me breakfast…if I stick around?"
My eyes widen. He's never let my family know he spent the night before. It wasn't that he or I would have been in any sort of trouble for it, on the contrary, I think my mom would adopt him if she could. But he's never wanted anyone to worry about him. To let my family know he snuck into my room in the middle of the night would mean he'd have to deal with them directly - and let them deal with him directly. It would mean he'd become a part of my family, because he knows that's how my family is.
I smile as I reply, pulling him close to me and he covers my hands with his own; hesitant but accepting - welcoming. "I think if she knew you were here, she wouldn't let you leave without it."
I imagine he's smiling as he laces our fingers and pulls me closer still.
"You're too patient."
The words are something of a surprise as I've closed my eyes to sleep and they open again to stare at the back of his head in the dim light of the moon through my window.
"It's just that I…care about you, you know." Our words are the only noise in the room but I hadn't noticed it until just now.
"I care too." he says quickly, so that I know he's sincere. "I'm learning new things every day."
He's grown impossibly since meeting Yugi; as a duelist, and as a person. I have Yugi to thank for that, I know. Before we'd met Yugi, he would never consider having something that he couldn't live in his own neighborhood with. But now, he knows he can have anything - or anyone - he wants and still be strong.
I remember the first time he came to me in the middle of the night. We were still in middle school and he warned me that if I ever told anyone he'd beat me to a bloody pulp. The memory brings a smile now. Jounouchi's…mellowed over the years.
"Hmm… If you want breakfast you better go to sleep. We can talk tomorrow."
He gives my hand a none-too-gentle tug. "Don't baby me."
I can't help but chuckle. "I'm too tired to screw you tonight." I can almost feel the heat radiating off him from embarrassment - which of course, is why I said it.
"That's not what I meant!"
I slip one hand from his to move the hair from his neck and press my lips there between his neck and shoulder as an apology. "In all the time I've known you you've never once changed your mind or gone back on anything you've said. So now that you've said it I don't doubt it in the slightest."
Jounouchi gives me a noise of begrudging acknowledgement and my smile becomes a grin as we settle down for the night.
Jounouchi is the strongest person I know and from the day we first met, I knew that I would do everything in my power to add to that strength. It was never my intention to become the only person he could feel weak around, even though it was an honor. And now, I can offer him strength of a different kind.
Jounouchi shifts in my embrace and I can tell he's asleep already. It'll be interesting to see him explain to my mom why he snuck into my room in the middle of the night and why she shouldn't send the entire Domino police station to his apartment. She's not the push-over I am. He knows if he stays for breakfast nothing will ever be the same but that's alright. Change can be a good thing sometimes; it's never let us down before and with Jounouchi's luck, I have no doubt that things can only get better.
Post whatevers: Next up: Keith x Yami x Yugi, the last "B" pairing! As always, if you liked, please review. Ja!
