Disclaimer: I do not own Eastenders or any of the characters.
Story: My attempt at Syed's perspective when thinking about his feelings for Christian and trying to decide what to do. Slash.
Note: This story is not intended to offend Muslims. It is merely my recounting of one man's conflict between his faith and his sexuality. Whilst I cannot understand the issue fully being non religious, I aim to handle the issue with utmost respect and realism.
We walk back to my house holding hands. Already I dread my parents reactions and I am so glad Christian is here with me. Someone to be on my side. I open the door, and walk in, him just behind me. My mother is doing the ironing.
Immediately, she sees him with me, sees him holding my hand and I realise it does look pretty bad from a Muslim perspective. But she doesn't know how much I've suffered for this.
"No, no, Syed," she begins.
"Mother, listen to me, I love him. The therapy isn't working. It won't work."
"You haven't given it the chance! Don't do this, Syed, I beg you. Don't be led into this, this sin," she says, fixing her eye on Christian, who finally speaks up.
"Zainab, surely you want your son's happiness. He will never be happy if he is forced to deny his true feelings."
"He was perfectly happy until you came along! You led him astray!" she snaps.
"I don't want to be a bad Muslim," I begin, so quietly that both Christian and my mother look at me at once. "I have tried everything to avoid this, mother! I tried to love Amira, I tried to avoid Christian. I even tried therapy! For you! But I just can't keep lying to myself! I love him. I love him."
"And is that your final decision?"
"Yes."
"Then you had better pack your things. You will not bring your sin into this house any longer."
"Zainab – " Christian protests, but I nod.
"I understand."
I pack my things quickly, wondering how it came to this, but determined not to shed any more tears. I hear raised voices downstairs and realise Christian and Zainab are probably arguing. I hurry down to meet Christian, and immediately he takes my hand. "Let's get out of here. There's no reasoning with that woman."
I turn to her one last time. "Mother, I'm sorry – "
"Just go," she shakes her head and I turn, feeling stupefied that I actually have to leave my family, my house.
"I haven't got anywhere to go," I realise aloud, once we're walking up the path together. "I suppose I could rent a place but – "
"Don't be dumb, you're staying at mine," Christian says, dismissing my worries. "That is, unless you don't want to..."
"Really?" I realise in all the drama that I hadn't considered it. "Yes, I mean I'd love to."
He stops me, taking my arm. "You know, I haven't had a chance all morning to kiss you..." He leans in, capturing my lips softly.
An angry cry breaks us off. "Get that filth off my property!" It's Zainab. I sigh, and pick up the luggage I'd let fall to the floor. "Come on, we'd better go before she starts throwing things." Christian smiles a little at the thought, making me smile too.
"Now, how do you like your eggs?" Christian asks me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
