Episode: Revelations

The cool night air swirled around Hotch's body and he hugged himself tightly to keep warm. For the last half hour he had been staring up at the sky, trying to pinpoint different constellations. But more than that, he had been murmuring apology after apology under his breath to Spencer.

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you

I'm sorry I let you down

I'm sorry that you had to experience that

I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner

His mind was so focused on the younger profiler that he almost didn't hear the sound of footsteps coming up behind him.

Emily bit her lip. Hotch's voice as he murmured was downright hot. Of course, she would never tell him that, but that didn't mean she couldn't sit back and listen to it for a few seconds.

"Hey, Hotch? We're going to board in like, 20 minutes. You ok?"

Hotch closed his eyes at the sound of Prentiss' voice. With a violent shiver, he chastised himself for continuing to call her Prentiss.

Emily. Her name is Emily.

But he couldn't make himself say it. He knew, he just knew that if he started calling her Emily, things would spiral downwards. He was the Unit Chief. He had to remain unbiased. He scoffed at that, remembering his thoughts when she had first started working at the BAU.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Hotch," Emily began, coming up beside him and glancing at him with a pitying expression etched all over her face. "You're shaking."

"I'm j- j- just a bit cold, I- I'll meet up with you guys i- in twenty mi- minutes." He scolded himself as he began to stutter out words. It was just a bit of weather! If he couldn't handle that, how could he handle Spencer almost dying? Or the fact that every day on the job, each of them had the possibility of facing the very same fate?

"Hotch, listen to me," Emily's voice grounded him quickly and he swivelled his pale face towards her. "You're turning blue before my eyes and I can't have an icicle for a Unit Chief, so we're going to go to the car and then ride to the airport and fly home, alright?"

He dipped his head, following behind her like a lost puppy. His mind was foggy with confusion and sadness and all he wanted to do was get home, get to bed and then wake up, go to work and say to Spencer everything he hadn't been able to say before.

They walked to the car in silence, Emily immediately ushering Hotch into the passenger seat and throwing a sweater on top of him to warm him up. She apologized softly for the lack of heat as they began to drive. She kicked herself for not heating up the car beforehand. It was halfway through the ride when Hotch spoke.

"I wish I could compartmentalize like you can." He admitted, his voice tentative, soft.

Emily glanced over, then shook her head slowly. "No you don't. I block things out, hide them away. I don't forget things," Emily sighed softly and continued, spilling her secrets before she even realised that she was.

"Sometimes, I'll be dreaming and those secrets that I've locked away... I'll remember them. All of them. They'll just come in wave after wave after wave of nightmares and it's all because I tried to lock it away. So no, Hotch, you shouldn't want to have to experience that."

Emily exhaled slowly, unsure of what to say after such a deep and secret thing. Emily pondered that moment for a few seconds, wondering why she opened up to Hotch, of all people. She noticed how he hadn't said anything. With a pained sigh, she glanced over at him only to see that he was completely and utterly fast asleep. Emily smiled to herself. Despite the fact that she felt slightly disappointed that Hotch hadn't heard her admittance, Emily enjoyed the sight of a sleeping Hotch. He was surprisingly adorable when sleeping.

It was probably the lack of a scowl.

But what Emily didn't know was that Hotch wasn't actually asleep. He had closed his eyes to picture the moment when Spencer had whispered, 'I knew you'd understand'. It physically hurt him at that moment that he wasn't closer to the team. Maybe if he'd been closer he could have whispered an apology or told Spencer how he thought of him as a son. Then Emily had started talking about her nightmares and Hotch had been forced to ball his fists under her sweater (which smelled pleasantly like Emily) to prevent himself from literally throwing himself at her and pulling her into a fierce hug right there in the middle of the road. As he adjusted himself under the sweater, figuring he may as well try and sleep when he could, he began to run little messages to his two teammates through his head until he fell asleep.

I'm going to make it up to you, Spencer.

I'm going to help you get rid of your nightmares, Emily.

PHEW! So this is definitely my best yet. I kind of want to apologize for the first two, they were just kind of there to lay groundwork for their relationship. I'll start doing a mix of actual scenes and in-between scenes like this one. Thanks for the reviews, please keep it up and I really, really hope you keep reading!

Song: I'm With You – The Stills