A/N – I'm glad people are enjoying this fic, thanks for sticking with me. I have a lot of this written so I'm hoping to update a little more frequently this week but no promises, work sometimes kicks my butt.

Trustinfaith; There's more angst to come, and sad!santana, but don't worry Rachel's always close by to help : )

LaurenKnight13; I can't wait to delve more into Mrs Lopez and her issues, I hope I do it justice because she's both a neglectful mother and a grieving mother and it's a lot of pressure to balance the two sides out.

SummerAngel; I'm going to throw a lot at Santana (as I normally do) the dynamic between her and the rest of the glee club has always intrigued/annoyed me and I had to write something about it. Santana is such a potentially tragic character that there are so many possibilities for her and I had to do this one it's been eating away at me for ages.

HopelessHeart; that was actually my favourite line to write in the whole story so far, I wanted Santana to just break it down to the heart-breaking simple fact.

G6-flying; Thank you so much :D Mrs Lopez is one of the most complex character's I've written/invented so I'm hoping when she pops back up I can write it as well as I can imagine it.

Santana let out a loud sigh as she collapsed onto the oversized sofa in the Berry's front room. She was glad the house had been empty when they had arrived and even happier when Rachel had suggested they order in a mountain of food for dinner. She knew the diva wasn't about to let everything that had happened that afternoon drop so Santana comforted herself with the fact she was at least getting some pizza to take the edge off.

"Okay." Rachel beamed as she came back into the room and placed a big bottle of coke on the table before sinking down on the sofa next to her friend, "Pizza will be here in thirty minutes or less, we have; drinks, a comfy couch and endless hours of mindless television at the touch of a button. What more could a girl ask for?"

Santana let out a small chuckle, she knew Rachel was being even more overly optimistic than usual to make her feel better and while normally it would have annoyed her the Latina was surprised to find herself grateful to have a friend like Rachel.

"Although I have to say, your pizza toppings choices leave a lot to be desired. Anchovies? Gross." The smaller girl said, making sure to shudder for extra emphasis.

"This from the girl who has pineapple."

"What's wrong with pineapple?" Rachel gasped her eyes wide as she stared at her friend.

With a shrug Santana replied, "Sweet and savoury do not go together. Pineapple is for dessert not dinner."

"You are so wrong it's unbelievable."

"Pfft, I'm always right and you know it." Santana joked; some of her usual swagger coming back as she gave Rachel a challenging look.

Rachel narrowed her eyes as she returned the look, her hand sneaking behind her back she managed to clasp hold of one of the many cushions lining the couch, "Is that so?"

"It's a fact." Santana nodded, not missing the indiscreet movements of her friend. She mirrored Rachel's actions and in one smooth motion grabbed hold of one of the cushions behind her.

"A fact? Huh because I thought…"

Rachel didn't finish her sentence as she quickly launched the cushion she was holding at Santana, erupting with laughter as she landed the first blow. Santana growled, she hadn't been prepared for how quick Rachel was but she recovered enough to dodge the singer's second attempt and launch her own counter offensive. As the pillow softly clocked the smaller girl around the head both girls burst into giggles.

"This means war!" Rachel shouted as she popped up from the couch to grab a cushion and shuffle behind one the chairs for cover.

"Oh, it's on." Santana grinned.

Ten minutes, and a lot of cushions later, the two girls flopped back onto the couch exhausted. Santana was still laughing at the memory of Rachel running into the downstairs closet to hide and Rachel was still giggling at the memory of Santana shrieking like a little girl when she clumsily tripped over a rug. They were both still trying to get their breath back when the doorbell rang.

"Pizza!" Rachel cheered as she scooped herself up gracefully and skipped over to the front door.

Santana hoisted herself upright as she listened to Rachel and the delivery guy, her stomach was growling and as the smell of the pizza filled the house she waited for her friend to return.

When Rachel came back she placed the two boxes on the table and dropped herself back on the couch with a confused frown, "I think the delivery guy was laughing at me."

Santana, whose eyes had been glued to the food, was about to deny it when her eyes fell on the diva. With a chuckle of her own she leant over to smooth down the other girls hair, which was sticking out at crazy angles from static.

"Oh." Rachel blushed, waiting for Santana to finish before helping herself to a slice of pizza.

Santana didn't know why she chose to sort the diva's hair out herself rather than just tell her friend but she had committed to it and it was kind of nice to have some interaction with someone, even if it was only to fix her hair.

The two girls ate in silence for a while but Santana knew that Rachel was debating something, she could see the tiny thoughts lines developing across the smaller girls forehead and as the minutes ticked by she could feel herself getting impatient, "Oh my god, will you just ask whatever it is you want to ask?"

"What?"

"I can hear you thinking." Santana said with a roll of her eyes, "And it's kind of creepy when you're quiet for so long, so do us both a favour and speak already before you like, implode."

Rachel shook her head, "We should eat first."

"Please, whatever you're going to say is probably going to be a lot easier to deal with if I have pizza to distract me." Santana argued, her eyes dropping to the cardboard box in front of her as she took another slice to hide how awkward she felt, "And I'm down to my last few slices, so hurry up."

Rachel nodded, and swallowing the rest of her mouthful she took a deep breath before plunging right in, she had always prided herself on being straight forward and she knew the Latina would only get more agitated if she tried to talk her way around it, "Your parents they don't…I mean, they haven't ever…been violent?"

Santana felt her throat tighten at the hesitant words, the worry behind the singer's question made the Latina snap her eyes up from her food as she shook her head, "No. No, they would actually have to acknowledge my presence to do that, so no. I mean they shout a lot and like, throw things but they don't beat me or anything…"

"They throw things?"

"My Dad mostly…my Mom just kind of, sits there…but when he's home something always gets smashed." Santana said quietly, "It's a good thing he's at the hospital most of the time."

"What were they like…before?" Rachel asked, twisting her body so she was sitting cross legged on the couch, her back resting against the arm as she looked at her friend.

Santana frowned as she finished the last of her pizza, trying to bide her time before she answered. She hated thinking about life before Yara's death, it only made it harder to think about how bad things had gotten. Dusting down her hands Santana sighed as she leant back against the couch, her own legs tucked underneath her as she turned her head to look at Rachel, "My Mom was…I remember that she used to bake these amazing cookies every Sunday after church. Yara and I would help and my Dad would pretend to watch whatever game was on so he could avoid the kitchen, he was a cooking disaster, but then when the cookies were ready we'd all sit around the kitchen table and eat the entire batch while my Dad told stupid stories. He's always worked a lot, I mean he's a doctor so…but he came home every night and even if we were asleep he'd come in and check on us. I never told him but I used to wake up just to see him, I pretended to be asleep though because I was worried if he knew I was deliberately waking up he'd feel guilty and stop coming to see me."

Rachel felt her heart ache as the normally fierce girl crumbled, her shoulder sagging as tears pooled in her eyes, "I know it sounds stupid…I barely even remember what it used to be like before Yara died but still…I miss it. I miss my parents, I miss arguing with my Mom over what sandwiches to have for school and my Dad switching them if I lost."

Rachel bit her lips as she tried to remain in control of her own emotions, and reaching a hand forward she took one of Santana's and linked their fingers together, "I'm sorry San."

Santana let out a shaky laugh, her head tilted back as she willed the tears to stop, "Yeah, me too."

"What happened to the guy who hit you?" the singer asked, changing the subject away from Santana's parents.

"He got ten years…." Santana whispered angrily, "He ripped my family apart and all he got was ten fucking years. He should never have been behind the wheel, he was three times over the limit and he broke a red light and…I just don't understand why he did it. Why wasn't he the one who got hurt? He made that choice, he put everyone else at risk and he walked away from it."

Rachel wished she had an answer for the other girl, she wished she could offer her friend some kind of help but the fact was everything that had happened was a tragic accident that had unfairly taken the life of someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The singer failed to hold back her tears as Santana fell into her arms, her head buried against the smaller girls shoulder as sobs wracked her body. Rachel wondered if Santana had ever talked to anyone about what had happened or if she had simply bottled it up and tried to deal with it by herself, it wasn't a stretch of the imagination to realise that her parents had probably been too caught up in their own grief to help their daughter. Running a hand through Santana's hair Rachel did the only thing she could do and whispered soothing words as the Latina allowed herself to cry.

Neither girl was sure how much time passed but eventually Santana collected herself enough to relax her grip on Rachel's t-shirt. Unwilling to leave the safety of the other girl's arms she lifted a hand to wipe away the last of her tears and mumbled, "Sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." Rachel whispered, she could feel Santana shifting awkwardly and she knew the other girl was embarrassed about her breakdown, with a final calming squeeze she added, "So, how about I make us some hot chocolate and we can go watch a movie in my room?"

Santana nodded against the singer's chest and reluctantly pulled back to give her friend a watery smile, "Sounds good."

"Good." Rachel smiled as she clapped her hands together and popped up from the couch, a strange look passing over her features before she mumbled, "But first…bathroom!"

The Latina couldn't help but let out a tiny chuckle as Rachel made a beeline for the stairs and dashed up them quicker than Santana had ever seen her move. Slumping back on the couch Santana made a half-assed attempt to wipe away what she was sure were the remains of her make-up from her face, even the best waterproof mascara wouldn't have survived her outburst. As she was finishing her efforts a noise at the front door drew her attention.

"Shit. No, no, no…." Santana muttered to herself as she stood up from the couch. She didn't really have a plan though and instead found herself right in the middle of the Berry lounge as Hiram and Leroy entered.

"I swear to God, that man has the best stories." Hiram laughed as he stepped inside followed closely by his husband, "Do you think-" The older man's sentence fell short as he set eyes on Santana.

"What are you doing here?" Leroy asked as he and Hiram stopped in the hallway.

Santana sighed as her eyes dropped to the floor, she should have known the evening would end like this. She had hoped that she could sneak up to Rachel's room before her Dads got home, and she figured that was Rachel's plan too, but as usual luck was not on her side. Although Leroy's tone wasn't horrible, it wasn't exactly welcoming either.

"Rachel is upstairs." Santana stated as she checked her car keys were still in her pocket, "She invited me here okay?"

Hiram frowned, "Okay-"

"Sorry, I'll go wait outside or something." Santana interrupted, her feet already carrying her to the door as she added bitterly, "I wouldn't want to poison your home."

Hiram and Leroy exchanged a look but before either of them could speak, Rachel's voice came blaring across the hallway, "What's going on?"

"Your Dads are back." The Latina replied dully, her hands shoved firmly in her jacket pockets as she tried to appear nonchalant, "I'll see you around."

"What? No!" the diva replied forceful as she stamped her way down the last of the stairs and came to a stop next to her Dads as Santana opened the front door, "You can't throw her out-"

"Rach, it's fine. They aren't the first parents to hate me. I think we're all well aware of what a waste of space I am. I'm not worth the argument, believe me." Santana interrupted, her words shocking the Berry men.

Taking advantage of the stunned silence Santana quickly slipped out of the house, her shoulders sagging as she headed to her car and tried to work out if she had enough gas to at least get the heat going for some of the night. She was so distracted thinking about whether she had remembered to put in some new pillows that it took her a while to notice the three people following her. While Rachel had managed to appear at her side, Hiram and Leroy where lingering behind her and Santana couldn't help getting agitated, "Jesus, I'm fucking going alright? You don't have to see me off the property line god, you're as bad as the Fabrays."

"What?" Rachel asked, a frown on her face as she took hold of one of the Latina's hands to make her stop.

"Oh yeah, Mr Fabray told me he didn't want me lowering his property value. Racist bastard. Mrs Puckerman told me she didn't want to deal with any unwanted teen pregnancy, ironic, Mrs Pierce told me I was a bad influence and when I went to Mercedes house to work on our duets project last year we had to go in the back yard because apparently my reputation precedes me and all her siblings were terrified and her Mom banned me from the house." Turning to shoot a look at the Berry men Santana shook her head, "So, don't worry you're not alone."

Hiram took a step forward, "Santana, I'm sorry for what I said earlier-"

"No, you're not." Santana stated bluntly, her hands already gripping her car keys, "You feel guilty that I heard you but don't lie and say you're sorry because you meant it and I don't blame you. You should hate me, I deserve it – I am poison."

Rachel felt her heart sink at the words, and the expression on her Dads face's told her they were not expecting that type of outburst, "I wish you wouldn't talk about yourself like that."

"Whatever." The Latina muttered as she unlocked her car and wrenched open the door.

In a desperate move Rachel grabbed hold of the door before it slammed shut and using her body to stand between the car and the door she stared at her friend willing her to look at her, "San…please…"

"Can you move?" the taller girl whispered, her hand clasping the steering wheel as she glared at the dashboard to avoiding making eye contact. "Rachel. Move."

Rachel stood her ground, she could feel her parents watching the exchange but they made no attempt to intervene. She knew they were probably shocked, they had more than likely expected the girl they had heard rumours and stories about, the fierce cocky cheerleader not the broken shell that had been left behind.

"I swear to god, if you don't move right now I will make you." Santana barked her normal anger replaced with desperation and tears. "Let me go!"

"No, I-"

Rachel didn't get a chance to finish her sentence as one of Santana's hands reached out and shoved her away, it wasn't particularly hard but it did catch the diva off-guard enough for her to stumble back slightly. Santana took full advantage and quickly slammed the door shut as she revved the engine.

"Santana! No! Stop!" Rachel tried, raking a hand through her hair as looked to her parents for help. The men seemed too stunned to do much more than move forward to stand at her side.

Shifting the car into reverse Santana paused as she finally looked at her friend, the pleading look crushing what was left of her spirit. She didn't want to go but she knew deep down it was the best thing to do for everyone, it had been selfish of her to think Rachel could help and she cursed herself for dragging the other girl down as much as she had. Santana shook her head as she mouthed, "Sorry." Slamming her foot down on the accelerator she shot backwards and out of the drive knowing that despite how much this was hurting her it was helping Rachel twice as much.

As the car sped out of sight Rachel could only watch, her thoughts in turmoil as the taillights disappeared from sight.

"Rachel, sweetie…." Leroy tried, his hand reaching out to clasp his daughters shoulder.

"I have to find her." Rachel stated calmly, one hand already wiping away the tears as she formulated a plan. "I need my phone and my keys."

"Rachel…"

"No, this the only safe place she had and I let her leave. I'm going to find her and I'm not coming back unless she's with me."