Episode: Honour Among Thieves
"Oh God, please tell me we have a secret stash of hard liquor somewhere." Emily practically collapsed onto the couch in Hotch's office, completely oblivious to the weird look she was receiving.
"We have caffeinated tea and an espresso machine." Hotch responded, dryly. "Why?"
"Lunch. With my mother. Christ, you actually have no liquor? None at all?" Her voice was pleading, but somewhat playful. He gave her a sad smile.
"Sorry, fresh out."
"Augh, figures." Emily rubbed her face quickly, glancing up at Hotch with a sigh.
"Why, what was so bad? You seemed to be doing alright while working the case."
"That's why I agreed to lunch. But then..." Emily shook her head slowly. "It all went to shit."
Hotch snorted at Emily's swearing. She wasn't really one for harsh language and this sudden break into her character was surprising.
"How so?"
"She started asking me about relationships. Moreover, current ones involving anyone she knows even remotely."
"So she started asking you how close you're getting to anyone she knows within ten years of you?" Hotch felt an uncomfortable stirring in his belly, expecting exactly what she said next.
"Yeah, she started asking me about the members of the BAU." Emily sighed, clearly annoyed. "I had to remind her that you were married, Gideon is like a father to me and Derek is like a brother. I don't know, I feel like she doesn't realise that we're like a family, not a dating show."
Hotch smiled at the idea of the BAU being on a dating show. It was just too absurd.
"Well, maybe she has your best interests at heart?" He suggested. He had never had the same problem as she was having, but it wasn't like he couldn't sympathise.
"Ha! You know, the only people she asked me about were the ones who had connections. Full disclosure, she only asked me about you, some guy I barely know who's apparently a duke and a few others who're apparently distantly related to the royal family." Emily rolled her eyes and scanned the room, giving up when she saw no hint of liquor. Not even cough syrup.
Hotch felt his stomach flip when he heard her say 'she only asked me about you'. Immediately after, he chastised himself for letting such a stupid little thing go to his head.
"Me? I don't really have connections." Hotch responded slowly, trying to sound as though he hadn't just had another 'Emily Prentiss' moment. He seemed to be having a lot lately.
"Yeah but you're a super important Unit Chief. And it helps you probably have a secret stash of billions of dollars hidden away in Switzerland or something. Her words, not mine."
Hotch raised his eyebrows about a foot at that. "Ah, no, now that you know my secret I'm going to have to kill you. Does she actually think I'm filthy rich, though?"
"I don't know. She's just convinced you're super professional, which you are, and apparently a good fit for me. I think she wants me to start up an illicit romance with you just so she can tell everyone her son-in-law is a fancy-ass Unit Chief."
"Wait, she wants us to get married?"
"Did I say son-in-law? I meant daughter's-secret-boyfriend-who-is-married-but-that-doesn't-matter-because-Ambassador-Prentiss gets-whatever-she-wants."
Hotch sipped his coffee to cover the broad grin he had. "What, you mean you don't feel the sexual tension between us, Prentiss?"
"Sorry Hotch," Emily replied, massaging her temples now. "I have morals."
"And I don't?"
"I need a drink."
"It's 2 in the afternoon. Hell, we're supposed to be doing paperwork, but everyone disappeared."
"You really expected them to sit around for 3 hours and do paperwork?" Emily gave Hotch a pitying look, which he just scowled at.
"Just because I'm the only one here with a work ethic..."
"C'mon, I'm pretty sure they're all set to get as drunk as I want to be. We might as well join them."
"It's 2 in the afternoon."
"Yes," Emily began, grabbing her coat and standing. "But somewhere in the world its 5, which means it's high time to get my drink on."
Hotch watched helplessly as Emily strutted out of his office, leaving him to glance down at his own stack of paperwork, mutter 'What the hell.', and grab his own coat to run after her.
"Nice of you to join me." Emily grinned as Hotch dashed into the elevator. He only grunted a reply, quickly switching topics.
"So why does your mom want someone who's rich? Aren't you guys already pretty well-off with your white mansion?"
"You've seen our house?" Emily glanced up, trying not to give away the fact that she knew he had seen her house. She knew he had been inside her house. She was the one who had dubbed him Hotch.
"Yeah, I did security clearances for your mother, remember? You were off to Yale." Emily smiled at that, remembering their conversation when she had first joined the BAU. They had left the elevator by now and Hotch motioned to his car, which Emily piled into.
"Oh, right. Yeah, I remember you wandering around a few times. You were our security guard."
Hotch bristled just like he had when Emily had first met him. "I was not a security guard" He spat, saying the words as if they were a swear. "I was doing security clearances."
"Eh, same thing. Take the next left and go straight for about three blocks."
"It's not even close to the same thing!" Hotch cried, indignantly.
"Sure, sure."
They rode in silence for the rest of the ride, eventually making it to the bar where the rest of the team had gathered, sans Gideon.
"How'd you rope Hotch into coming?" JJ asked halfway through the evening. The man in question was having some kind of discussion with Derek and Reid while Garcia, JJ and Emily all sat together in the corner of the booth.
"No idea. We were talking about my mother and my lunch date when she tried to play matchmaker and set me up with Hotch and it just ended with him joining me in my quest to get drunk."
Emily shifted and studied Hotch thoughtfully, completely missing the meaningful glances that Garcia and JJ were shooting each other.
Song: Hi, Hey There, Hello – The Mowgli's
