It had been twenty minutes since Rachel jumped in her Prius and set out to hunt Santana down and as she slowed her car to a halt outside the coffee shop she had found the Latina at previously, she was starting to think it was a lost cause. Every place she had checked, included the Lopez residence, had been a complete bust. Of course she hadn't expected Santana to go home but she held out a tiny shred of hope that the Latina would at least be safe in a house rather than sleeping in her car.
Worry was starting to edge into panic and so Rachel did the one thing she had been holding off on. Digging her cell phone out of her pocket she paused over the contacts list, she had already dialled Santana countless times with no response but she figured there was one person who might know where Santana was.
Listening to the phone ring, Rachel took a deep breath as a perky voice answered, "Rachel?"
"Hey Brittany." Rachel replied, trying to keep herself calm. She didn't want to worry the blonde but she knew that if anyone had any idea where Santana might go then it was the dancer. Rachel had already driven past Brittany's house, as well as Quinn's and Puck's, but there was no sight of her friend.
"Rachel?" Brittany repeated, "Are you there?"
"I'm here." Rachel answered.
"Is Santana with you?"
Rachel frowned, she should have been angry that Brittany had stolen her line of questioning but the small, nervous voice on the other end of the line was so unlike the dancer that Rachel could only sigh, "Not right now no. She's been with me since…since the other night-"
"Is she okay? I tried to call her but I think-I think she's ignoring me." Brittany said, her voice strained as she cried, "I don't blame her. I should have said something. She always stands up for me but I-I…"
Rachel heard the other girl descend into sobs, she wanted to comfort her but the truth was Santana wasn't the only one angry with Brittany. Rachel had watched countless times as Santana had defended the blonde at every opportunity but for whatever reason Brittany had said nothing while the glee club insulted her best friend.
"Listen Brittany, I know you're upset but I need you to help me." Rachel said sternly as she regained her composure, "I need to find Santana. Where would she go if she was upset?"
"Does she have her car?" the blonde whispered.
It only took a few minutes for Rachel to note down the list of places the blonde suggested, some of which Rachel had already tried with no luck. As she hung up the phone the singer stared down at the list realising that one place stuck out more than any other, with a shake of her head she wondered why she hadn't thought of it before.
Rachel shifted her car into gear and with a little more speed than she normally allowed she quickly made her way towards where she knew Santana would be. It seemed so obvious now that when she pulled into the car park and spotted the other girls car parked in the far corner she could only shake her head at her slow-wittedness. Rachel parked her car alongside the battered old mustang and knowing the sound of her car would have alerted Santana to someone arriving she hopped out of the Prius and shouted, "Santana?"
Edging her way to the passenger side she peered in the window and felt her heartbreak at the sight. Santana was sat in the driver's side, her seat pushed back as far as it would go as she clutched a bottle of vodka in one hand and a blanket around her shivering body. The Latina rolled her head to look blankly at her friend then turned to stare back out the windscreen as she pretended to ignore her.
"Santana." Rachel repeated as softly as possible, "Open the door, please."
Santana shook her head and instead took another sip of vodka, her face screwing up tightly as the liquid burnt its way down her throat.
"If you don't I'll…." Rachel thought for a second, she knew her options were pretty limited, "I'll smash the window."
"No, you won't." Santana said, finally breaking her silence.
With a growl Rachel turned on her heel and began scanning the ground, scooping up a nearby rock she gestured it towards Santana, "I'm serious San, let me in."
The Latina squinted her eyes as she debated how far the singer would go, with a shrug she turned back to stare out the windscreen but Rachel could see her watching out of her peripheral vision.
"Fine, you asked for it." The diva replied, pulling back the stone she prayed that this didn't somehow end in a criminal record.
Just as she was swinging the rock down she heard Santana's panicked voice, "Fuck, Rachel. Stop."
The singer froze, her hand inches away from the glass she let out a sigh of relief as she watched Santana lean over and flick up the lock. Rachel wasted no time in sliding into the passenger seat and as the door clicked shut she raised an eyebrow in Santana's direction, "I told you I was serious."
"What do you want?" Santana slurred, a shiver rippling through her body.
Rachel looked pensive for a moment before settling on her main request, "I want you to stop pushing me away."
"It's better this way."
"Don't give me that martyr bullshit." Rachel exploded, her outburst making the other girl jump and turn to stare at her in disbelief, "Don't sit there and pretend you're doing this for my sake because you being out here alone is not making my life easier, in fact its making it pretty damn miserable."
Santana clenched her jaw as she spat, "That's kind of my point, you wouldn't be miserable at all right now if it wasn't for me."
"You are so stubborn." The diva huffed in frustration, her body twisting so she could face her friend, "If I didn't want to be here then I wouldn't be. I'm not saying this whole situation isn't…difficult but just because it is, that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on you." Rachel's voice softened as she reached out a hand to brush the hair from Santana's face, "I know you're scared San but I'm here, I'm not leaving."
Santana tried to swallow back her tears as she muttered sadly, "That's what everyone says and…they all left."
"Well I won't and you should know me well enough to know that I'm a pretty determined person." the diva replied forcefully, her hand dropping to peel the bottle of vodka from the Latina's hands, " You can't push me away, even when you actually physically do."
Santana winced, her eyes dropping shamefully as she remembered shoving the small girl, "I'm…sorry about…I shouldn't have…."
"It's okay." Rachel interrupted. Quickly shoving the vodka under her seat the singer reached out to take one of Santana's hands, she could feel the other girl shivering and so Rachel shuffled a little closer hoping her proximity would help warm her friend. They sat huddled together for a few moments and when Rachel felt Santana finally relax against her she whispered, "So, the cemetery huh?"
Santana sighed, "I know it's kind of freaky or…morbid but I've always found it peaceful plus it's one of the only places most people avoid so I don't have to worry about anyone seeing me. And I just…I-"
Rachel tiled her head as she looked at Santana's shivering frame, in one smooth motion she wrapped an arm around the darker girl and pulled her awkwardly against her chest. It wasn't the most comfortable of positions but Rachel gladly leant over the handbrake to at least try and stop the cold that was seeping into Santana's body.
"It's nice you know…" Santana started and for a second Rachel found herself wondering if she meant the embrace, "I mean, I feel closer to Yara here."
"She's buried here?"
Santana nodded, "My parents used to visit her every weekend but I think…it got too hard for them so they stopped. I think they felt like they were just reminding themselves that she was gone. I never felt like that though."
"Do you come here a lot?" Rachel asked, her worry subsiding as Santana began to warm up next to her.
"Yeah, I…" Santana trailed off her eyes drifting down as she shifting awkwardly.
"What?"
Santana was quiet for a moment before she whispered, "After everything that's happened sometimes I…I feel guilty because I find myself hating her. I hate that she was so perfect and that my parents loved her more and it's horrible because it's…she fucking died and sometimes I can't help but be angry at her for something that could never be her fault."
"You can't help the way you feel Santana." Rachel reassured her friend, "It's only natural that you would feel some resentment."
"Is it?" Santana asked, moving back to look at Rachel, "It doesn't feel like it. I can't even miss my own sister without being a bitch."
Rachel shook her head as she reached out with her free hand to run a comforting hand along the Latina's arm, "This isn't about you being a bitch Santana. This is you dealing with way too much on your own, you're been strong by yourself for too long. It's okay to need someone sometimes."
"I just want to be able to miss my sister without feeling all of this bad stuff towards her." Santana said, her voice catching as she held back her tears, "She doesn't deserve that. She was the best sister ever and it's not her I'm angry at…it's my parents."
"Oh sweetie." Rachel mumbled as she felt Santana fell into her arms.
The two girls clung together as Rachel whispered soothing words to the grieving Latina, the moment was only broken when a fierce shiver ran through Santana as her blanket came loose and the chill of the night sunk into her body. Rachel was glad she had managed to grab one of her warmer jackets before bolting out of her house, "Come on. We can't stay out here all night."
"Sorry." Santana sniffed as she quickly tore herself away and sunk back into her seat, "It's late, you should probably be getting home."
Rachel felt her eyes widen as she stared at her friend in disbelief, "Okay, did you not hear the first part of this conversation? The part where I told you I came looking for you so I could be here for you?"
Santana frowned but remained silent.
"I'm not leaving without you." The diva concluded, rolling her eyes at the stubborn girl next to her, "We are going back to my house. I am going to make you the best cup of hot chocolate you have ever had and then we are getting some sleep in a house, in a bed and with blankets and pillows not the front seat of your freezing cold car."
Again Santana remained silent but this time she gave a small shrug and a shake of her head. The idea of going back to the Berry's was not a particularly appealing one, she knew if she turned up now she would only be cementing her image as a drunken mess and after causing such a scene earlier she wasn't exactly keen on the idea up living up to Rachel's Dad's image of how awful she was.
"My Dads agreed to stay out of the way, for tonight at least." Rachel added as she saw the reluctance, "Don't worry, I haven't told them anything but…they know something is wrong."
"So, I'm like a charity case to them now or something?" Santana scoffed as she crossed her arms.
"No, I only meant that whilst they agreed to give us some space tonight they will probably want to speak to you in the morning. To apologise." Rachel answered her voice dropping as she added sincerely, "They are sorry about what happened Santana."
"Whatever." The taller girl muttered, she wasn't about to admit how much the older man's words had hurt.
Realising that her friend wasn't going to go with her without a fight Rachel figured it was time to play a little dirty. With a nonchalant yawn she reached into the back seat and began hunting around.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm looking for another blanket." Rachel replied casually, "Do you have one?"
Santana frowned, "No, I've only got this one but I'm fine seriously."
"Well that is debatable." The diva replied as she turned back in her seat, "And I doubt that we could both fit under it and it is quite cold tonight so-"
"What?" Santana shouted waving her hands around as she gestured empathically, "No, no, no…you are not staying here tonight."
Rachel shrugged, "If you stay, I stay."
"You can't be serious?"
"I already said I'm not leaving here without you." Rachel argued as she shifting in her seat to get more comfortable, "Either that's now or in the morning, your choice."
Santana glared at the stubborn girl, she figured Rachel was bluffing and hoping she would fold under the idea of the small girl suffering along with her and with a loud groan Santana realised she was right. There was no way she would let Rachel spend the night sleeping in her car, with a growl the cheerleader glared, "Fine, you win. I'll come with you."
Rachel smiled and clapped her hands together, "I'll drive."
Santana sighed as she opened her door and climbed out of her car, she was a little wobbly on her feet and as she made it to Rachel's car she barely managed to flick her keys to check her car was locked without stumbling over.
"You okay?" Rachel asked as she watched Santana flop down into the passenger seat next to her.
The Latina nodded stiffly, her eyes glazing over as the alcohol fully hit her system.
"There's some water in the glove compartment." The singer said with a sympathetic look as she flicked the ignition and put the heater on full blast.
Santana smiled gratefully as she grabbed the bottle and quickly chugged down its contents. She didn't stop until the bottle was finished and clutching the empty bottle she was glad to feel her stomach settle.
As the houses flew by in a blur Santana felt her eyelids getting heavier and heavier and by the time Rachel had pulled into her driveway the Latina was struggling to stay awake. She knew there was a chance the Berry men would be up and waiting for their daughters return and Santana wanted nothing more than to go in looking calm and collected. Instead she had to accept that she was returning as a drunken mess.
Stumbling out of the car Santana waited for Rachel to appear by her side and together they made their way to the front door.
"My Dads will be in their bedroom." Rachel promised, her voice hushed as she unlocked the front door and ushered her friend inside, "My room's up the stairs, first door on the left. I'll be up in a minute."
Santana didn't question the other girl and instead slowly edged her way upstairs as quietly as possible; she really did not want to deal with waking the Berry men up at whatever time of the night it was now.
For her part Rachel quickly made her way into the kitchen and grabbed a big bottle of water from the fridge and a packet of biscuits from the cupboard. She had a feeling Santana would be needing a little more than a shoulder to cry on in the morning so as she made her own way upstairs the singer made another quick stop in the bathroom to pick up a couple of aspirin.
When she made it to her room Rachel slipped through the door and eased it shut behind her, she knew her Dads were probably still awake and listening for her return so she let it click shut. Turning around she smiled as her eyes fell on Santana's figure as she lay full clothed on the left side of the double bed. Rachel placed the water and biscuits on the bedside table along with aspirin as she whispered, "You'd probably be a little more comfortable if you at least took your shoes off."
Santana groaned as she cracked one eye open, "I'm pretty comfortable actually."
With a shake of her head Rachel reached out and quickly dispensed of her own shoes and then Santana's. She had expected some kind of argument but when she received none the singer smiled, shuffling around the room the diva grabbed two pairs of pyjamas, "I have some spare clothes if you want to change?"
The unintelligible reply she received made Rachel giggle as she rolled her eyes and quickly changed out of her own clothes and into her pyjamas. She waited a few minutes for Santana to move but when she didn't the diva settled for tossing the spare pyjamas on the bed and ducking into her en-suite to brush her teeth, she figured the Latina could use the privacy.
When Rachel re-entered her room she found Santana still fully dressed and no more awake, "You aren't seriously going to sleep like that are you? At least take your jeans off."
Santana shrugged, her voice slurring as she mumbled, "Too tired."
Rachel weighed up her options for a moment, she figured Santana wasn't about to move by herself so that pretty much only left one solution, "You are not sleeping like this, you'll be too hot and too uncomfortable." pulling her hair back into a loose ponytail the singer made her way over to where Santana was laying and hesitantly reached out to rest a hand on the girls leg. When the Latina merely grunted Rachel took it as her cue to continue and so she moved her hands to the other girls belt buckle and quickly undid it. She hadn't exactly planned on undressing a drunken friend but as she awkwardly tugged down the Latina's jeans she tried to focus on speed and getting Santana under the covers and asleep as soon as possible. She knew her friend was exhausted so as she threw the jeans to one side Rachel opted not to take on the difficult task of re-dressing her. She was glad Santana had taken the time to at least remove her jacket before flopping down on the bed and so was now clad only in a tank and underwear.
The next part of Rachel's plan was not as easy however, "Sweetie, you need to move a little so you're under the duvet."
"S'fine…" Santana replied, another yawn obscuring her words.
"But it'll be even better if…" Rachel trailed off, a smile tugging at her lips as the cheerleader made some effort to roll off the covers.
It was all Rachel needed to lean over and pull the duvet out from underneath her friend and flipping the covers back she gently manoeuvred tan legs until they were comfortably in position. She was just about to flip the duvet over Santana when something caught her eye, leaning over she forgot about any sense of personal space as she found herself staring at the Latina's hip. Reaching out a hand she carefully traced her fingertips across the thin, faded scars that ran horizontally across the side of her body, a myriad of scars that started just above her hip and ran down the top of her thigh.
With a sudden movement Santana reached out to grab Rachel's hand by the wrist, and as the singer looked up she saw the other girl was much more awake now, her dark eyes flashing dangerously, "Don't. Do. That."
Rachel frowned but pulled her hand away as she allowed Santana to cover herself with the duvet.
Moving around the bed Rachel slid into her own side and clicked off the bedside light, in the darkness of the room she felt an awkward tension begin to rise. She knew that Santana was still awake but she couldn't think of anything to say to reassure her friend, rolling over onto her side the singer found herself staring at the other girls back.
Shuffling closer Rachel reached her hand out hesitantly, hovering above the Latina's shoulder before gathering her courage and gripping the other girls arm. She felt Santana tense at the unexpected gesture but she quickly relaxed and as Rachel felt her friend begin to shake she edged closer still, wrapping her arm around Santana she scooped her small frame to fit around the Latina's. Rachel had been afraid the other girl was going to push to her away but as she felt Santana clutching at the arm wrapped around her, and linking their fingers together, she knew she had done the right thing.
