Episode: 3rd Life

Hotch stared down at the lifeless body below him, the officer's words blurring together into a hum. He could hardly concentrate on what he was saying, struck by the girl who lay below him, mutilated and dead.

He had never been affected too badly by any case. It almost physically hurt him to see this girl lying on the ground like that, body parts jutting out at odd angles, her body a mess of blood. He looked away, wishing that he was going with JJ and Derek to warn the parents. But he wasn't. Instead, he was here. Here to take a deeper look into another perverse mind.

"Face and hands have been obliterated."

Emily and Reid moved in closer, while he stood there, paralyzed. Rossi stood beside him, analyzing the girl's body.

Again, the words that he should have been paying attention to blurred and he found himself tossing out the odd phrase as he tried to keep up while simultaneously trying to hold it together.

"But why destroy her hands and face?"

"It indicates she knew the attacker."

"By destroying her ID they're hoping to delay you making a connection between the victim and the UNSUB."

"Gives them time to get away," Hotch knew, as soon as he'd said that, as soon as Emily had turned and looked him right in the eye (or at least, tried to. He avoided her gaze, choosing to rest his eyes just slightly beyond the girl's body) that she knew he was struggling. Hotch didn't react, didn't stray to the panic he wanted to display. Instead, he made a mental note to pair himself with Emily later.

It was only when he was driving to the station, Emily at his side and Derek having a discussion with Reid in the backseat, that it struck him as strange that he had turned to Emily before Rossi.

OoOoOoOoOoO

"Prentiss, you and I'll go to where the girls were last seen."

He turned, walking towards the door, Emily moving alongside him at an even pace. As they drove to the scene, it was quiet, the radio soft, playing some sappy song about love. It sickened Hotch and all he wanted to do was turn it off. His irritation must have shown, because Emily leaned forward quietly, flipping the dial off so they rode in silence for a few minutes longer.

As they pulled into the parking lot and stepped out, Emily proceeded to lead the conversation, nervous about how Hotch was acting.

"Two girls missing, one dead and life goes on as if nothing's happened."

"Holiday weekend, what do you expect?"

"The sense that something's changed," She almost winced at her own words, they were so dark.

"Do we know what movie they saw?" His voice was calm, soft. It was freaking Emily out.

"Whatever it was, they left halfway through to have a cigarette."

They both glanced over in the direction of the two girls, also smoking, outside the theatre.

"What do you think they're talking about?"

"Boys."

"Think their parents know they smoke?"

"Mine didn't. And if they saw me dressed like that-!"

A smile ghosted over Hotch's face and Emily didn't miss it. Nor did she miss the soft undertone in his words. The worried glances in their direction. Daddy Hotch had come out to play.

"Two teenage parents, free of parents, breaking the rules are dressed like that for a reason."

"Here comes the reason."

A pregnant pause. An adjustment in where the two agents were standing, to get a better view.

"They obviously don't know them."

"But they want to."

"You think they'll go with them?"

"Since news of Katie's death? No," He paused to watch them walk away, relief flooding through him for a second. "See?"

"So, brightly lit, no alleys, wide open holiday weekend."

"If I were to abduct two girls without being seen..."

"...Unless they knew whoever took them."

The thought froze Hotch and all he could do was nod. Sadness was evident in the lines that ran across his face, and he looked away from Emily, who was studying him curiously now.

"You ok?" He glanced down at her, choosing not to answer the question. Instead, he walked away, entering the car and turning it on. Emily hurried after him, sliding into the passenger seat , shaking the cold out of her.

"Hotch, are you ok?" She pronounced each word slowly, scanning his face for any sign that he wasn't.

"When I first heard Hayley was pregnant I wanted a girl. Don't get me wrong, I love my son. I love him so much, and not one day have I regretted that I have him. But still, the feeling was always there, at the back of my mind." Hotch breathed slowly, turning and looking at Emily. "But this job... Everything that's happened... I feel sick to think about these girls and the fact that they could have been mine. I'm sure if I ever asked Reid for statistics, he'd tell me that more crimes are against women than men. So when I see a girl like Katie and when I see what they've done to her..."

Hotch stopped, realising that in the last minute he'd told Emily one of the most personal things about him and didn't even find it weird.

"You wonder about your choices." Emily finished for him. "You wonder how life would be different with a girl. You feel a need to protect them. You beat yourself up whenever one dies. You can't get to sleep at night thinking about the missing child cases."

"Am I crazy to think like that? To want something I've never had? To worry about something I'll never have?" His head dropped down to his hands which were sitting in his lap.

"No, Hotch, you're human. And you never know, maybe one day you will have a girl." His head flew up, eyes locking with Emily's. For a moment, neither spoke, until Emily smiled wryly, adding,

"And you can tell her not to smoke or talk to boys or leave the house until she's 18."

Hotch gave her a small smile, turning the ignition and feeling the car start beneath him. Emily, fully aware that Hotch was feeling less irritable now, flipped on the radio, listening to the upbeat song that played.

I'm shipwrecked, flattened under the sea

And I'm up above just watching

Someday, somewhere, you'll see stars

They'll blind you, save you from afar

From afar

Give a little less, give a little less

It's never gonna get any better than this

Note: I accidentally wrote this before Birthright because as I was watching, I somehow missed the ending of Birthright so I didn't get to write my fun angsty Hotly moment when Hotch gets the papers. So that's why he talks about Hayley with Emily. Also because as I was watching this he seemed really sad the entire episode and I had this little headcanon where there's an AU and Hotch has a girl instead of a boy. Because seriously, protective daddy Hotch? IT WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL.

Song: Give a Little Less – Jasmine Ash